filed under: Woody Allen

Woody Allen is not a very savvy businessman. Most directors would let rumors of sexed-up storylines and hot lesbian action run rampant, but not Woody. He says, "There ain't none of that crap in my movie, pervos; it's art." According to WENN:

Woody Allen has denied rumours of racy sex scenes between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in upcoming movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Johansson and Cruz appear in a steamy scene together as well as taking part in a threesome with Spanish actor Javier Bardem, according to reports.

The director admits that the film does feature a lesbian clinch - but "not in the sense that they're (the press) suggesting."

And the 72-year-old dismisses claims that it is "steamy", telling Britain's Empire magazine, "There's no truth comparable to anything you've read. There's the barest smidgeon of sex in it.

"There are sex scenes between all the characters in the movie: between the men and the women, and the women and the women. That is accurate, but I'd say there's probably not even 20 seconds of sex in the whole picture."

What kind of forking marketing strategy is that? The "I already have a shit ton of money, so I don't need any more, I make movies for the love of cinema" approach? Why not just let a bunch of horndogs pay $9.50 apiece to see the movie? It's not like they're going to be so pissed they never see another Woody Allen movie. Theatergoers who choose films based on girl-on-girl groping probably aren't big Manhattan fans anyway.

And since this was basically an anti-sexy-lady story, here's Penelope Cruz peeking some cheek in short shorts. Now that dame knows how to sell movie tickets.



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Woody Allen may be roughly 300 years old and living a life of pervatude with his former step-daughter, but he's still got it. And by "it" we mean the erectile capacity to still desire seeing two luscious, ample-bosomed sex goddesses do each other on screen. Hooray for Viagra! Page Six reports:

SCARLETT Johansson has a steamy lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's upcoming "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." A source tells us: "It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping." The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem, who plays Cruz's husband. The film also stars Patricia Clarkson, Rebecca Hall, Kevin Dunn and Chris Messina.

Sure, this all sounds hot, but we seriously doubt that we will be "shocked" by the end result. The most erotic a Woody Allen movie gets is a totally-too-hot-for-him lady gushing about how he was the best sex she ever had. And the chick's usually wearing a full body stocking, a Mennonite-inspired full-length denim skirt, and a Land's End parka. So maybe the audience was left gasping because one of the photos developing behind the ladies was of an illegal dog fight. And that threesome with Javier Bardem? We're betting it involves either Scrabble or Balderdash.

Scarlett Johansson (remember her? Pretty girl, big cans, we used to talk about her a lot before everybody went to jail and rehab?) is currently in Spain working on another Woody Allen movie. Her third in a row. Jesus, Woody, control yourself. Maybe try playing a little hard to get or something. A shy smile and a "maybe I'll see you around, or something" is surprisingly effective, as opposed to your current "Scarlett! Scarlett! I wrote seventy-three screenplays and they're all for you! It's ALL FOR YOU, Scarlett" M.O. Christ, even the Coen Brothers take a break from using Frances McDormand sometimes.

The last sentence was very unsexy and non-rhyming, so click past the cut for some butt. more »