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filed under: Winona Ryder

December 01, 2008

Keep Sparkly Things Away from Winona Ryder

Winona Ryder's life is kind of like the Great Muppet Caper. Lots of jewel-stealing, but unfortunately not a lot of Miss Piggies on motorcycles coming through windows. After her shoplifting arrest several years ago, Winona's been on the straight and narrow. Until the last couple of weeks, which have been marred by on tranqs on a plane and "accidentally" "misplacing" some borrowed diamonds. The NY Post socks it to us:

Sticky-fingered actress Winona Ryder mysteriously lost a diamond-encrusted bracelet and ring worth more than $125,000, according to a published report.

Ryder told Bulgari jewelers that she misplaced their gems, which had been out on loan, after wearing them at a Marie Claire bash in Madrid on Sunday, according to the French celebrity-news magazine Voici.

The "Girl, Interrupted" star - convicted in 2002 of shoplifting in Beverly Hills - claimed she lost the precious stones after handing them in an envelope to her hotel's front desk for safe keeping.

But Voici reported no hotel surveillance cameras captured Ryder giving the jewels to front-desk personnel. Bulgari has asked police in Madrid to investigate, according to Voici. A representative for the actress did not return phone and e-mail messages seeking comment last night.

Jared's countrywide are on high alert and have stocked their stores with scripts of Xanax as a preventative measure. more »

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November 20, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Rip Off Them Spanx

• Eva Longoria upskirts; shows off some sizzling shapewear from the Sears "Silver Fox" foundation garment collection. (Yeeeah!)

• A plane carrying Winona Ryder was forced to make an emergency landing, presumably because she was all zorked out on goofballs. (Yeeeah!)

• Homoeroticism on the Twilight set. Rawr! (Hollywire)

• Despite her unending, ultra-desirable heat, Megan Fox is still planning to marry David Silver. (Daily Stab)

• Anne Hathaway has a new boyfriend, and he's apparently as big a loser moocher as the one that's in jail. (Anything Hollywood)

• Aw. Someone for everyone. (Holy Taco)

• Supermodel Karolina Kurkova has no navel. Like Kyle XY. (Flisted)

• Girl meets girl. Girl gets girl. Girl flirts with boy at club. Girl on girl catfight ensues. It's another day in the tangled, demi-gay web of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. (The Blemish)

• The top ten naked babes with guns. (Mr Skin)

• Spitzer prostitute Ashley Dupre is just like you and me, except for the money for sex part. (Fatback)

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August 22, 2008

Winona Ryder Goes Green

These days, Winona Ryder is mainly known for two things. Stealing stuff, and granting any guy with a guitar an all-access laminate into her musky and moist backstage area. But the latter fact may soon be history, as it sounds like she's traded musicians for irritating chinless dudes from the '90s. According to our personal gossip holy man, Female First:

Winona Ryder is reportedly dating comedian Tom Green.

The 'A Scanner Darkly' actress, who is said to have split from Rilo Kiley rocker Blake Sennett just a few weeks ago, was seen cuddling Tom in Hollywood's Crown Bar last week.

Friends claim Winona is already smitten with the Canadian funnyman after the pair hit it off on their date. A source said: "Winona didn't waste any time. She and Tom were all over each other, laughing and carrying on."

We're sick of seeing actresses with emo weenies like Pete Wentz and the brothers Madden, so we welcome a new trend of actresses dating washed-up MTV stars from last decade. Miley Cyrus and Jesse Camp would make a nice match. So would Jennifer Aniston and Simon Rex. But we're more enraptured with the idea of Tom Green saying "Winnie would you like some sausage?" to Winona during foreplay.

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May 22, 2008

Winonu? Keana? Kwineonu?

Not sure how reliable the source is, but Star magazine is reporting that Winona Ryder has temporarily cast aside her predilection for indie troubadours who smell like scalp and instead gone for someone who makes sense:

Sparks are flying between Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves on the set of the drama The Private Lives of Pippa Lee.

Star has learned that the two iconic stars have been spending lots of time in each other’s trailers.

“They are also always hugging on the set,” says a source. “The chemistry is really electric.”

They’ve gotten so close that during a break in filming in Connecticut, Winona, 36, relaxed with Keanu, 43, at his Manhattan pad.

It's like all the romantic fantasies we had in our heads circa 1987 have finally come to fruition. Now if only Kirk Cameron and Meredith Salenger would discover their love for one another, our matchmaking dreams of yore would be complete. Quick, let's go tell the Popples! more »

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March 20, 2008

Winona Ryder Really, Really Wanted that Wet N' Wild MegaSlicks Gloss

Like a siren's song to an off-course sailor or like a giant syringe full of gelatinous lip chum to Lisa Rinna, Winona Ryder cannot resist the pull of shoplifting. Six full years after her arrest for stealing thousands of dollars worth of designer goods from Saks, Winona has allegedly struck again, this time at a . . . CVS? Says the Daily Mail,

A store employee is quoted as saying: “Winona had a bag of stuff, but she set off the theft alarm when she left the store. When a security guard stopped her, he found make-up she had not paid for.” And when she was asked about the make-up, Winona answered: “I don’t know how that happened.” The store employee added: “We took unpaid items back and she left the store.”

Winona’s publicist at first denied the incident took place. But when told a store employee had confirmed it, said she would check with her again.

Generally, a budding klepto will start with the drugstore gloss slipped up into the sleeve and then move on to the Lanvin scarves from Saks. Winona's moving backwards. Next, she'll get busted nabbing a Watchamacallit from the 7-11 and pennies from the church collection tray.

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November 05, 2007

Winona Ryder Shoplifts Your Groin with Nude Scene

Picture it! America. 1994. Kurt Cobain departs this mortal coil, a humble man named Forrest Gump wins our hearts, the Dallas Cowboys win the Superbowl, and a winsome, quirky young actress named Winona Ryder dominates at the box office. It's now thirteen full years later, and Ms. Ryder is returning to the screen in an attempt to recapture her status as the fantasy object of slackers, grungesters, and riot grrls the world over. And she's doing so by possibly showing a modicum of ta-ta in Sex and Death 101. Egotastic! has stills and a clip. We're not sure if this is the clever work of a dastardly double, or if nip is even visible, but looking at a Winona Ryder tit is basically like looking at a historical monument of rock music. Think of all the musically-talented hands that have groped in that very spot! Ryan Adams, Dave Pirner, Conor Oberst, Rhett Miller, oh, the list goes on and on. If the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum ever wants to create a wing dedicated to watery country-tinged boyrock, they can just erect it on Winona's can. Erect! more »

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July 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Benatard

• Hilary Duff knows that love is a battlefield and hell is for children; dons Benatar pants to prove it. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

• Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

• Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

• Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

• Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

• Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

• Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

• Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)

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March 22, 2007

CelebNewsWire's Day in Pictures

We're having one of those days where we try to focus on something, but then we get distracted. Just a few minutes ago we were trying to finish our morning rails, when mid-line we looked out the window and saw a furry little bunny hopping through the grass. Our head darted up, we cooed, "Oooh, bunny," and coke went blowing everywhere. It was a mess. So we think it's best to let some pictures entertain you this morning. To the left, notice the deep and enticing cleave on Winona Ryder. Now hold that image in you head, because after the cut we'll be showing you some images of a more disturbing nature. more »

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December 12, 2006

Winona Ryder Has Cartoon Breasts

Back in March we wrote a little fable about Winona Ryder in A Scanner Darkly. More specifically, it was about Winona Ryder's breasts in A Scanner Darkly, and how she is seen topless, but the boobs are as-imagined-by a team of animators. Under the cut, cartoon cans revealed, so you can be a pervo without being resigned to looking at anime. more »

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March 22, 2006

Winona Ryder Gets Can-imated

The lovely and talented Winona Ryder has taken some time out of her busy schedule of having sex with musicians and stealing stuff to make a movie. Remember when she used to make those? Good news for geeks--the film combines your two favorite things: cart00ns and b00bz! more »

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August 16, 2005

CNW Junk Drawer: Winona Gets Itchy Sticky Trigger Finger, Plus: Diddy Diddy Diddy!

• Arnold Schwarzenegger just can't seem to keep his hands off the dames, and now one of his extramarital playmates is claiming that she was paid off by the Enquirer. Listen, if you were married to Skeletor, wouldn't you be blindly grabbing any ripe flesh that happened to pass by?

• Kate Moss's mom has a loving nickname for her daughter's paramour Pete Doherty: Crackhead. Fitting since . . . well, since he just got arrested in Oslo for posession of heroin and crack.

• Winona! Where ya been, girlfriend? Oh, and where'd you get that cute belt? How much did it cos--oh.

• Paula Abdul to return to Idol and thanks her "fans around the world" for their support. Wait, she means these ones, right?

• Puffy Sean John Diddy P. Combs Daddy is now just "Diddy". He says the new name is "more rock n' roll" and we agree. Just saying "Diddy diddy diddy!" makes us feel like we're in Mott the Hoople!

• Marcia Cross is frigid.

• Britney sez: screw the homeless, screw poverty, and triple screw AIDS; I'm putting my cash towards more red string thingies for toddlers!

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May 26, 2005

Chesty Winona Will Wear You Out

Remember Winona Ryder? You know, brunette, often described as "quirky" and "winsome", screws a lot of musicians, likes to steal crap? Yeah, that's the one. Anyway, she's super hornbally. And she has big jugs. more »

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Mr. Skin's Nudity Review: Winona Ryder
CNdb: Winona Ryder Review