CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: upskirt shots
October 02, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Tell Me Hish Name, Doctor!
You better vote! Or else Jessica Alba will devour your spleen. (Yeeeah!) Christina Milian upskirt. No labes, plenty of moundage. (Bossip)
Britney Spears visits elementary school; gently lays boob on 4th grader's arm. (Cityrag)
Megan Fox describes herself as a "man with a vagina". (Daily Stab)
Diora Baird in Maxim. Thanks for photoshopping those nipples out, Maxim. We almost got turned on there for a second. (Derek Hail)
Heather Locklear's DUI arrest was maybe a frame job! Dun dun DUN! (Bitten and Bound)
Top 10 sexiest Keeley Hazell videos of all time. (Unibrow)
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick? ME, and Martha DUMPTRUCK? Because I can be. Get crucial, she was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers. Holy shit, we'll CRUCIFY her! Shannen "Heather Duke" Doherty spreads her gams and holds a bottle of cider over her poon for Details. (Drunken Stepfather)
Jessica Simpson gives good blow-up doll face. (Fatback)
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September 10, 2008
Jennifer Aniston Blocks It All
In the 
September 04, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Harry Potter and the Underaged Bone
Get a black snake bone. Look at Christina Ricci in a bikini. (The Blemish) Keira Knightley was attacked by a wandering expletive-spewer and lived to tell the tale. (Yeeeah!)
Being the concubine of Marilyn Manson, Evan Rachel Wood is used to standing next to undead ghouls, so she looks right at home beside Mickey Rourke. (CelebWarship)
Hilary Swank will gain 30 pounds for a movie role. Which is cool because we also plan on gaining 30 pounds, basically because Totino's Pizza Rolls are on sale at Safeway. Solidarity! (Daily Stab)
Ay oh! Oh ay! Whaddaya doin', Samanter? It's Alyssa Milano naked! (Mr. Skin)
Another male has willingly placed his wango inside of Star Jones. (Holy Taco)
Daniel Radcliffe admits when he was a teen, his magic wand found its way into a cougar's Hairy Pooter. (Derek Hail)
Holly Madison take a carefree swing, and tosses out some beav. (Drunken Stepfather)
Lacey Chabert gives us a party of two. (Fatback)
Katie Holmes has the knees of a three dollar hooker. Or that girl Tammy who was voted "friendliest" in tenth grade. (Cityrag)
September 03, 2008
Hayden Panettiere Redefines "Cock-Blocking"*
Siblings of Britney Spears and daughters of vice presidential candidates take note: Hayden Panettiere endorses barrier methods of birth control. * Alternative TMZ-esque title: What's She Hayden Under There?
August 29, 2008
Gossip Girl Gots Gams
If we asked you to picture "wise men" in your mind, you'd think of a couple of gruff-voiced, aging gentlemen with comically long beards twirling a long staff in hand traveling across the land, perhaps with a camel in tow? Hey, you just described ZZ Top on tour. Minus the camel. And plus the Eliminator. These wise men once opined about a woman who got legs and knew precisely what to do with them. As it turns out, not only are Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill wise, they are also prophets, since back in 1984, they had a vision of future star Blake Lively and the crotch-crushingly long, lean, and lovely pegs upon which she stands. With the lyric "She's got hair down to her fanny/She's kinda jet-set, try to undo her panties" they even had a vision of her flowing flaxen locks and the little upskirt underwear shot she shows here. All you need to do is get sharply dressed, put on a pair of cheap sunglasses, and serve her a TV dinner, and Blake will slip inside your sleepin' bag.
August 20, 2008
Kate Beckinsale Reenacts Upskirt for Fun
Kate Beckinsale best watch her mouth, lest everyone start viewing her as nothing more than a gaping, brunette vagina that occasionally acts in vampire films. Reports LiveNews (via Celebitchy):
Underworld actress Kate Beckinsale seems to have a fairly unhealthy obsession with her own vagina. After recently comparing her nether regions to the tomb of a pharaoh, without prompting, she has now spoken about her lack of knickers at a premiere and wondering if paparazzi got any prized snaps of her downstairs area.Such is the power of Kate Beckinsale's baby hole. It turns men into puddles, cameras into speculums, her husband into that sarcastic bearded guy from CSI. more »
It was one of those nights when I wore a supertight dress that you couldnt have worn anything under, since it would have showed. The paparazzi were literally lowering their cameras like speculums when I got out of the car.
On the way home, I said to my husband Darling, I think they might have gotten it. And so when we pulled in I made him re-enact the thing with his camera - a sort of crime-scene run through. It appears I survived unscathed.
July 01, 2008
Journey to the Center of Britney's Jungle
Ever look at a picture and want to break into song? Ever hum a few bars of "Da Butt" after perusing some pics of Kim Kardashian? Maybe catch those shots of Megan Fox's nipple stickers and feel like singing Kool and the Gang's "Celebration"? We can definitely relate. Yesterday evening we were fortunate enough to stop at DrunkenStepfather to take in a few pictures of our girl Britney Spears doing the upskirt thing. And lo, we stared into her wooded morass and spontanteously burst into a song from 5th grade recess:Down by the cherry tree
That's where she showed it to me
It was big and black
She had a hairy crack
And it looked like a jungle to me!
So I pulled out my hairy ba-na-na
And stuck it in her hairy crack
I heard her scream
So I filled her with cream
And then I got my ba-na-na back!
Cha cha cha!
June 05, 2008
Kate's Anatomy
Man, what an erotic day today is. It's so erotic! It's dripping with chocolate sauce and ice cubes and personal massagers and Sade records. And the rippling undercheeks of Grey's Anatomy actress Kate Walsh. Follow the bouncing cut and become one with the wind that blew up her skirt yesterday. more »
May 29, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Hopelessly Devoted to Food
Britney might star in Grease on Broadway. Well, she's certainly got the "grease" part down. (Daily Stab) Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)
Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)
Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)
As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)
Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)
Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)
Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)
Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)
Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)
May 22, 2008
Sharon's Got Stones
It's 1992 all over again today, as Sharon Stone spreads her golden gams and does a Basic Instinct redux. The only problem is that she's wearing flesh-colored panties. Or maybe that's not a problem at all. Maybe it's a blessing. Because it appears that Sharon has spontaneously grown a miniature ballbag. What's she cooking up underneath that taut scrotum of hers? Lady sperm? An alternate reality? The script for Diabolique 2? A cache of Sharon Stone Barbies pilfered from children stricken with AIDS?Come into my moose knuckle:
May 19, 2008
Lily Allen Covers up Her Bangers, Airs out Her Gash
At left we have a photograph of British pop star Lily Allen. So demure. So covered. So ladylike. But she's a smart girl; she knows what gets the attention of the press (and therefore what makes the kiddies buy records). So after the cut listen to Lily say, "F that Wino crackhead. I can do better than her." And by "do better than her," Lily means flash her furburger (with some actual fur on it!) in public. more »
May 07, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Megan Fox Gets Plump
Megan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD) Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)
What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)
Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)
Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)
Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)
Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)
Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)
April 21, 2008
Emma Watson Shows Her Chamber of Secrets
When normal, mortal girls turn eighteen, they get a nice party, a cake, maybe a car if they come from wealth, and the right to vote. When celebrities turn eighteen, they get their first upskirt beaver shot. After the cut, freshly legal Emma Watson, the Hermione Granger to Daniel Radcliffe's Harry Potter, shows some hairy pooter.more »
February 29, 2008
Paris Hilton Spreads It Like Mayo
The advantages to owning a humorous sport car that has vertically-open, winglike doors, a la Paris Hilton's: get to pretend you're Marty McFly without the Parkinsons. Disadvantages: exiting at nearly ground level offers passersby a trans-body view of your tonsils by way of your splayed legs and spread crotch. We'll call this one a toss-up.
February 28, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: The Dealie with Keeley
Keeley Hazell makes Breast Actress, Mr. Skin makes The Sun. (The Sun) Angelina's having a girl, and she's having her in France! Freedom birth! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Non, non! She is having deux bebes! Having zem in L'Etats-Unis! Oui oui oui! (FemaleFirst)
Lohan dons crotch-strangling short shorts in February, because she is dedicated to her craft. The craft of being a saucy harlot. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nicole Richie shows off her new baby. Quick, see the tiny cuteness before Rachel Zoe gives her gifts of Hoodia and hair extensions. (Celebitchy)
Wisely realizing that her infamous recent nudie shots were the most popular thing she's ever done, Lindsay contemplates a future as a naked Marilyn Monroe impersonator. (Daily Stab)
Kate Hudson coaxes butterscotch stallion Owen Wilson away from suicidal depression with a sugar cube, some carrots, and her vagina. (The Blemish)
Lily Allen upskirts with cheeky results. (Taxi Driver)
Now we know why Juliette Lewis has been wearing headbands all the time--they magically hold her nipples in. See what goes down when she goes without. (Drunken Stepfather)
Awwww. Peter Andre soooo sweeeepy! Poor little guy's all tuckered out. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
See where Megan Fox's tattooed ode to David Silver is located on her body. (Popoholic)
Rachel Bilson owns underwear, and wants you to know all about it. (The Rad Report)
February 20, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Boozin' and Coozin'
More oddly smooth Britney mons pubis. We're starting to think that maybe those are flesh-toned undies. Foiled! (Faded Youth) But she still can't see her chitlins. (The Hollywood Gossip)
The bottle came between Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst. The bottle, and her baby vampire fangs. (Yeeeah!)
Denise Richards says that exploiting her children in a reality show is fine, because they said yes when she asked them if they wanted to be on TV. They're two and three. If you asked them if they wanted to have live jellyfish sewn to their faces, they'd say "Yaaaay!" (I'm Not Obsessed)
J. Lo has checked in to the hospital! She will now proceed to birth a child from each of her buns. (PopCrunch)
Hilary's Duff, in a bikini. (Egotastic)
The Heidi Klum-Seal family, in a traveling version of Cats. (Derek Hail)
Megan Fox Jacks it. (Fatback)
Alba pulls a Lindsay and recreates old junk in photos. Only without the boobs, natch. (The Blemish)
OMG, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden actually left the house! They're such horrible parents! Alert DCFS! (Celeb Warship)
February 19, 2008
Coochie Coochie Coo: Britney Flashes Again
We haven't typed the name "Britney" in five whole days, which is some sort of new record. Her absence has not gone unnoticed, but we were too busy gently tracing the outline of Lindsay Lohan's naked, speckled snoobs with a trembling, outstretched finger to care much. Besides, an invisible Britney is a mentally sound Britney. But yesterday, perhaps smarting from all the attention paid to Loho, Britney demurely exited a car on her way to a sushi bar, and dished out a smooth slice of her own hole-y mackerel. Yes, we made the sushi/vulva joke yesterday, but that joke's got legs, baby! See what's between Britney's after the semi-NSFW cut. more »
February 07, 2008
Britney Is Born Free, as Free as the Wind Blows
Like Richard Pryor circa 1981, Britney Spears is Bustin' Loose!!! Yesterday afternoon, she was relieved of her mental hospital duties and released onto an unsuspecting public. TMZ reported:
TMZ has learned UCLA doctors determined Britney did not pose the legal danger to herself or to others, such that they could continue to hold her against her will. As a result, she was released today and we're told she's already back home.And OK! magazine has a timeline of her first hours out, which includes such riveting Britney avocations as hanging around with/being chased by paparazzi, driving erratically, speaking in a fake Cockney accent, and checking into hotels. Oh, and flashing some reddish underdrawers in an upskirt fashion, as is her usual wont. Listen, I'm going to break the editorial "we" for a moment here, if that's OK with you guys. So this morning I sat down at the computer and read about today's goings-on and then said to myself, "Well, I guess I'm going to have to tackle Britney, eh?" Then it struck me: TACKLE BRITNEY. That's a terrific idea. That's what she needs. I will go to Los Angeles. I will stand outside of the Beverly Hills Hotel. When Britney lopes out, I will take advantage of her scrounging around the bottom of a box of Fiddle Faddle and I will tase the shit of of Adnan Ghalib, tackle Britney to the ground, smoosh a bunch of ground-up lithium and Lamictal into her foodhole, wash her face, put some pants on her and hand her a tampon. And then spike her. I win!
January 25, 2008
Tara Reid Does Some Very Tara Reidish Things
Tara Reid has been a tabloid whack-a-mole for quite a few years now. Just because she had some slipshod titwork done and she likes a highball or two in the evenings! Come on! Lohan plows through twelve pounds of blow and wraps her SUV around a tree and she gets to pork three Italian studs in 24 hours. Winehouse smokes crack on film and she gets nominated for five Grammies. Where's the logic here? In the real world, blonde ladies who get completely faced on shooters and flash their ham chutes get lauded as precious angels from heaven. We will not rest until we get justice for Tara! We will picket in the streets wearing enormous sandwich boards that depict Tara with her boob hanging out, a cartoon halo drawn over her head. We will write to Congress, and we will petition for OK! to write one of their pleasant fluff pieces about her. But instead of "Inside Connie Sellecca's Quaint Country Kitchen" it will be "Inside Tara Reid's Toilet" and they will feature the artfully splattered vomit on the walls (with ultra-luxe 120 proof alcohol content). Luv u, Tara.
January 21, 2008
Lindsay Lohan Sneaketh a Cheeketh
Lindsay Lohan has always been a trend-follower. We see that she's noted Britney's bloody fashion coup and, although she most likely admired the spectacle of a Texas Chainsaw Cooter as kicky accessory, we don't blame her for not wanting to go there right away. Like in 1989, when we had to ease our way into the acid-washed Palmetto capris with the zippers in the back via stonewash, and so Lindsay eases herself into a menstrual upskirt by doing the old "skirt tucked into panties" trick. True, she could have made it a little more couture by adding a trail of toilet paper or perhaps a jaunty skidmark or two, but hey, baby steps. Being a sartorial trailblazer takes balls. And cheeks.
more »
January 18, 2008
There Will Be Blood
Well, we really screwed over everybody yesterday. We made a joke about celebrity period stains. It was meant to be lighthearted, but apparently, saying anything about the menses of famous people is like invoking Beetlejuice, because look at what Britney hath wrought: (under the cut. and what happens when you get cut? . . . )
more »
January 08, 2008
Paris is LAX About Panties
This past weekend, Paris Hilton hit LAX (the club, not the airport) and, ever industrious, she made up for the lack of stripper pole by grabbing onto this string of what appear to be ball bearings and gyrating like a ninny. And now that Britney is incapacitated by screwballery, Paris has stepped up to the plate to take another swing at her previous position of America's Most Cunny-Flashing. Click past the cut and take a mystical spirit journey back to three years ago. more »
December 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: David Silver's Best Gal
Megan Fox seems to have misplaced her shirt. We all win! (Egotastic!) Brad Pitt thinks that orphans come from his anus. (Allie Is Wired)
Britney's not the only one who enjoys mama's lollipops in front of Sean and JJ. Only Daddy's lollipops come in a pretty glass container and smell funny. (Yeeeah!)
Fergie is coming clean about her dirtied drawers. (Cityrag)
Ashley Tisdale's new nose gives you glad tidings. (Drunken Stepfather)
Britney proves she owns undies. (Taxi Driver)
Tony Parker is not just French, he's litigious. Doubly obnoxious! (Daily Stab)
Tom Cruise's older children call Katie Holmes "Mom". They call Tom "Intergalactic Overlord Patriarchal Cyborg Unit #6599202B". (Celebitchy)
Tara Reid sports a bikini. And what appears to be Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat from 2002. (The Blemish)
Monica Bellucci has thingies. They're, like, round things. Kind of pinkish? They're a little bit below her collarbone. You know, whosiwhatsits. (Hollywood Tuna)
November 27, 2007
Paris and Nicole: Together Again, Upskirtally
Oh, Tinseltown! That bastion of glamour, intrigue, and sauciness! Your starlets forever looking for a way to one-up themselves and each other. First with the nip slips, then with the sex tapes, then came the Underoo-free upskirt gyno shot. Although we were positive that there was nowhere to go from there, Christina Aguilera came along and raised the bar for all of us with her "nothin' but pantyhose and my pregnant poon". So one would assume that Nicole Richie, once a tabloid staple now relegated to Sitz baths and prenatal massages, might attempt the same. After the cut, see what went down. Downtown.more »
November 21, 2007
A View Only Christina Aguilera's OB/GYN Has Enjoyed
Christina Aguilera, as a rule, is pretty good about straddling the line between charmingly tawdry and full-on ass-out indecency. Spackled Real Doll makeup and cleavage you could lose your keys in is always a go, but she's always stopped just short of reproductive organs. Dig, if you will, the picture to the left. Classic Aguilera: even heavily pregnant, she's still willing to give us a trowel full of clown paint and a sexy short dress. And look--she's wearing panties. OR IS SHE? Press the button that says "more" and all will be revealed. Literally. more »
November 20, 2007
Hayden's Panettieres: Again, For the Very First Time
Aw! Baby's First Upskirt is a pivotal point in every young starlet's life, but that first flash of Hayden Panettiere's biz was a little half-assed (half-crotched?), so thankfully, the three-apples-high Heroes star went to the Victoria's Secret fashion show and gave us another picture to tenderly paste next to the first in her scrapbook.
It's a lot like her first steps. On the maiden voyage on a person's two legs, there is plenty of stumbling, falling, and tripping. It's a graceless sight, but the second try is a little smoother and more self-assured. The same goes for the birth of the panty shot--Hayden's original upskirt was a touch gawky, a little unskilled; unsure. This second one is much smoother. Note the addition of flesh-toned underdrawers. Very mature. Our little girl is growing up so fast! The next thing you know, she'll be face down in the Hyde bathroom next to Ali Lohan, her skirt hiked above her buns, stubbly chunt pointed at the paparazzi's waiting lens. We feel like a proud parent sending their child off to first grade, only instead of a Dora the Explorer lunch box, she's just swinging around her box.
more »
October 11, 2007
Britney Serves Us a Salmon Sandwich
Britney's face says it all. Let's heave a huge, noisy sigh, click through to the cut, and acknowledge her slopbox again.