filed under: Travis Barker

We hate it when celebrities get hurt or sick or killed. We're not compassionate; we just feel uncomfortable leaving our cozy cocoon of sarcasm and hate. So it is with great squirminess and unease that we have to update you on Saturday's plane crash that killed four people and severely injured DJ AM and Travis Barker. According to US Weekly, the pair are doing well and expected to recover nicely:

Travis Barker and DJ AM suffered second and third degree burns from Friday’s jet crash that killed four people, Dr. Fred Mullins, Medical Director at Georgia’s Joseph Still Burn Center, announced at a press conference Sunday morning.

Barker has burns on his torso and lower body and Goldstein has burns on his arm and part of his head, Mullins said. (Mullins would not say the percentage of their bodies that were burned or whether they were conscious. He also did not go into detail about the type of treatment they are currently receiving.)

He said the two did not sustain any other injuries from the crash.

“I think these patients are going to make a full recovery,” Mullins said. “Anybody who can survive a plane crash is very lucky.”

During the conference, Mullins also read a statement from the families: “The families wish to thank fans from all over the world for their prayers and concern. Deepest sympathy is expressed to the loved ones of those who perished in the crash. As the two recuperate and mourn this loss, privacy for them, their families and friends is requested at this time.”

Life is truly unfair. Like it wasn't bad enough that Barker and AM once had to dip their dongs into Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie (respectively)! And now this.

• Lily Tomlin thinks David O. Russell is a "motherfucker". David O. Russell thinks Lily Tomlin is a "cunt" and a "bitch". They Hate Huckabees! Two awesomely NSFW clips here. If you only watch one video of a comedienne and an overrated director trading cruel barbs and throwing set dressing around this year, make it this one.

• YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!

• Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!

• Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.

• Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.

• Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.

• Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.

• We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!

• The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"

• Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.

• Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.

• The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?

• Anna Nicole Smith's maid claims that ANS ordered her to underfeed her daughter saying, "Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was sexy." Hopefully, the maid also put Dannielynn in crotchless thong diapers. How else are you supposed to show off that Play-Doh My First Brazilian Waxฎ?

• The maid also says that ANS tried to commit suicide "at least twice" after giving birth to Dannielynn. Where were you and your vitamins when Anna needed you, Tom Cruise, you lousy prick?

• Anna Nicole's methadone pusher calls himself an "entertainment doctor". Must . . . refrain . . . from making . . . second Patch Adams joke in a week . . .

• Anna Nicole's body is set to be released, but to her mother, or to Howard K. Stern (asshole)? At this point, they should just sell her body to Entertainment Tonight.

• Carrot Top sure has great gams!

• Keira Knightley will be naked in her next film. We called it a "film" because it sounds classy.

• Jordan still has tetherball-sized breasts, by the way. (NSFW)

• Celebrities are so plastic! Knifestyles of the rich and famous! A cut above the breast! And other charming puns!

• Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are back together. But at what cost? Paris Hilton was brutally battered, for what?

• Oft-nude model/celebutante/daughter of Patty/granddaughter of Randolph Lydia Hearst refused to let Britney Spears have a bag she designed, because "I'm only giving the bag to accomplished young women who are doing something positive to affect the world around them. " Oh yeah? Well YOUR mom robbed a bank, Lydia. BURN!

• Paula Abdul claims that she's never been drunk or done drugs. Tell that to MC Skat Kat, baby. Tell it to the Skat Kat.

A day in the life of Paris Hilton: gets called "piece of shit," is reminded to always remember her herpes medication, slips a boob. It's so much like a day in the life of CelebNewsWire, it's eerie. more »

Here is a picture of Paris Hilton and Travis Barker mingling tongues on Halloween.



And here is a picture of a fellow partygoer's reaction.

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Paris Hilton is one of today's hottest starlets. Millions of men have paid to see her smoking pole on tape. Shanna Moakler was a Playboy Playmate, so presumably hundreds of thousands of men have stroked the baloney pony while gazing upon her naked body. And last night they got into a bitchfight over this man:



C'mon, ladies, if your night is going to end with multiple police reports, at least let it be over George Clooney. Or how about Adrian Grenier? He's hot. Even Colin Farrell we might understand. But a pop-punk drummer with a fauxhawk and necktoos? Is that really the best you can do? more »

Certainly you recall a little story from the other day involving Paris Hilton strapping on her miner's hat and going spelunking down the tattooed throat of one Travis Barker. Now that you've finally removed the last traces of projectile vomit from your office ceiling, you're going to have to break out the antibacterial 409 one more time: It seems that Travis and Paris are repeat offenders, with particular emphasis placed on "offend". After the cut, all of the gut-curdling grossness in glorious full-color video! more »

This picture may not look like much to you now, but what if we were to tell you it was Paris Hilton making out with Travis Barker? Would you be interested then? What if we told you it was Paris getting her face chewed off by a shaven, tattooed bear? Would that be enough to rouse you from your porn-addicted, video-game-obsessed, jaded stupor? Is that what we have to do to please you these days? Make up stories about celebrities getting mauled by bears? Because we're not above that. more »

• Who wears short shorts? Jessica Simpson wears short shorts. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.

• Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.

• Kate Moss might as well face that she's addicted to Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?

• Another Doherty--Shannen--angrily hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!

• "Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with "this tiny little thong". Sorta.

• The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.

• Keith Urban, pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.

• Note to Nicole Richie: when size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.

• One, two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.