We better watch our backs and our Moveable Type--Nicole Richie is getting into the gossip game. More specifically, she is getting into the blind item game, as evidenced by this little number she penned and left on her MySpace blog:

What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist? HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup...

While it doesn't assault the eyes and mind with the verbal gymnastics of a Ted Casablancas, this ain't a bad first effort, especially "raisin face" and "lettucecup". But if we were Nicole, we would have taken--nay, relished--the opportunity to write "74-year-old" instead of "35", or whatever Ms. Zoe's true age might actually be.  

During a recent performance (following that Jay-Z offering we just told you about) Paris Hilton puked while on stage. And, no, that's not a euphemism for her vocal abilities.  

Jessica Simpson is reportedly addicted to flirting online, via a fake MySpace profile. Also, Jessica has met the man of her dreams on the networking site. He's knowledgable, prolific, All-American, and friendly. Although the pair have yet to meet "IRL", Jessica is confident that she's found The One in her new e-boyfriend . . . Tom!  

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have broken up. And so have Nicole Richie and that one guy. He's like the son of some famous guy who, like, did the luge or synchronized swimming at the Olympics or something. He dated that girl from that show that's like The O.C. only "real"? C'mon, he's tall, has dark hair, wears shirts? You know the one.  

• Who wears short shorts? Jessica Simpson wears short shorts. Heyyyyy. Nice mons pubis.

• Given the choice, Nick Lachey would rather be stuck on a desert island with Satan than with his supremely vile former father-in-law, Papa Joe Simpson. That makes 6 billion of us, Nick.

• Kate Moss might as well face that she's addicted to Pete Doherty. She wishes she knew how to quit him. Brokecrack Mountain?

• Another Doherty--Shannen--angrily hung up on a Newsweek reporter after being asked about her fiery, Naomi-Campbell-like, fired-from-Spelling-shows days. God, you run over a boyfriend 15 years ago and you never hear the end of it!

• "Christina Milian" kind of rhymes with "this tiny little thong". Sorta.

• The divorce gets ugly: Travis Barker questions his estranged wife Shanna Moakler's parenting skills, booze intake, nail salon visits, and open-door vagina policy . . . on his MySpace blog! We can't wait until she hits back with a string of vitriolic friend comments and some extra-hot profile pics taken in the bathroom mirror.

• Keith Urban, pre-tooth job looks an awful lot like Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame.

• Note to Nicole Richie: when size 000 bikini bottoms start to look like droopy adult sumo diapers, it might be time to try a cruller or something.

• One, two, princes kneel before you/thats what I said, now/princes, princes who adore you/just go ahead, now/William has a cosmo in his hand/that sounds great, now/Harry said he wants to honk your mam, now/aint in his head, now.