Anna Nicole Smith thinks she would make the perfect gal pal for Britney Spears. We think Brit's doing just fine stuffing her ass into two-sizes-too-small cut-off Palmetto jean shorts and making her life into a not-to-be-missed train wreck. She doesn't need a tutor. Oh sorry, Anna Nicole wears Guess. Wrong '80s throwback there.  

And while we're on the topic of boulder-like man-made titties, Pam Anderson is getting married. We're sure the four of them will be very happy together.  

It seemed that Britney Spears had all but abandoned her Letter of Truth as her main form of communication, as it had been nearly a year since her assistant/Mom put on the Britney wig and muumuu and let words flow onto the screen. But Friday was a magical day that saw Britney return to her ghostwritten fan communication. What knowledge did this oracle of w.t. provide? What insights into life did she share? Not a helluva lot, actually. It seems that Britney can't even employ people to put actual thoughts into her head to replace the constant stream of "Durrr . . . "  

We all know that Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston are double-dipped in crazy, so what's it like growing up with the doody bubbles as your parental figures? Apparently it causes you to accept MySpace as your personal friend and confidante.  

We have terrible news for all of you: Celebnewswire is through! At least, according to Kevin Federline we are.