filed under: Tony Romo

After years and years of struggling and clawing her way to the top, Jessica Simpson has finally done it! She's the star of the number one movie in the country! And of course, the country we're talking about is Russia. Relays Celebitchy:

What ever happened to Jessica Simpson’s comedy, “Major Movie Star”?

The “Private Benjamin” – like film has never opened here in the United States. But on October 9th, “Major Movie Star” debuted to top box office in… Russia.

Next up for a movie described by one of its participants as “maybe one of the worst films ever made”: a November premiere in Bulgaria.

So far there’s no U.S. release date set. Nor is there one for any other country in which English is the primary language.

We imagine that in Russia movie theaters are pretty appealing; they're warm and cozy and filled with delicious things like popcorn and nachos and Milk Duds, whereas our vast knowledge of Russian literature has taught us that the typical Russian home is filled with cold borscht, watching a blazing snowstorm outside your window, and a 250-pound mustachioed wife yelling at you to put more coal in the furnace. So we can see how Jessica Simpson would win out in the that situation.

But it seems that Jess is letting this newfound success go to her head, as she recently stood up boyfriend Tony Romo on date night. Reports People:

Jessica Simpson stood up two dates on Tuesday night – boyfriend Tony Romo and ... Elmo?

The singer – who designs clothing, shoes and handbags for Macy's – was supposed to fly from Nashville to New York Tuesday to celebrate the department store's 150th anniversary.

But driving rain caused serious flight delays, forcing Simpson to miss her scheduled Macy's gig singing "Happy Birthday" with Elmo.

In fact the deparment store party – which included guests like Eva Mendes, Tommy Hilfiger and Martha Stewart – had nearly ended by the time Simpson finally arrived at 8:30 p.m.

"I'm so, so sorry!" she said as she rushed into Manhattan's Gotham Hall with her B.F.F. hairstylist Ken Paves. "[I wish] I could be God and control the weather."

But her injured NFL boyfriend, for one, was hoping she'd miss the event.

"Tony was just praying [that I wouldn't make it out]," Simpson admitted. "He had planned a really romantic date in case I didn't make it [to New York] tonight."

And while a date night was tempting, "I decided to come," she continued. "I'm like, 'Honey, I have to go.' "

So what make's the quarterback such a catch? "His heart!" she told PEOPLE.

Tony better get used to Jessica flaking on plans. Now that she's a huge star in Russia, she doesn't need some American football player by her side. Before long she'll be hitting all the hot clubs in Moscow with the coutry's most desired chess sensation, Vladimir Ivanovich Technokov. more »

We know that Jessica Simpson is not the smartest lady to ever wax her cooch. But sometimes we expect just a little eensy weensy bit out of her. Like we expect her to know that you never, ever blab to tabloids about how in love you are. At best, you'll look like a damn crazy fool like Tom Cruise; at worst, your ass is getting dumped. That's just the way it goes, baby. Reports People:

Happier personally and professionally than she's been in a long time, Jessica Simpson tells PEOPLE that boyfriend Tony Romo is her "perfect guy."

"I just told him today, 'You're the love of my life,' " she confesses in the latest cover story. "I don't really ever say that to anybody."

Simpson, 28 (as is Dallas Cowboys quarterback Romo), also co-wrote a song for her man, "You're My Sunday" and, in a true modern-day sign of devotion, changed her cell phone number and e-mail address to cut off any potential communication from her exes.

"I don't want anybody that's been in my life [before] in my life anymore," she says. "I don't even want them to have any way of contacting me."

Man, Jess is really going to regret cutting off all contact with her exes when she misses that call from John Mayer warning her that he could've given her herpes. more »

Jessica Simpson wants you to know that there is NO WAY that her boyfriend Tony Romo is calling his ex, Carrie Underwood. And how does she know that? Because she is super smart an invented a high tech leash that wraps around his nutsack and connects to her wrist. Kind of like that thing parents use to keep their kids within reach while they're stocking up on Diet Snapple at Publix, only with more scrotal pain. Reports MSNBC:

Jessica Simpson doesn’t know who’s calling Carrie Underwood’s phone, but she's sure it’s not Tony Romo. In an interview with a Nashville radio station, she responded to the country singer’s recent claim.

“Tony and I both laughed at that,” Jessica told the Woody and Jim show. “Yeah, we got a chuckle out of it.” The actress-singer then joked that she even “looked at his call log” just to make sure, before adding, “I’m kidding! I’m not that girl!”

In the September issue of Allure magazine, Carrie implied that her ex-boyfriend was just a phone call away, saying, “The phone will ring and it'll be (Tony), and I'll maybe not answer.”

But Jessica insists it’s “definitely” not true, and “if Tony wanted to call her or be with her, he would.”

While she was on the subject of dispelling Carrie-related rumors, Jessica cleared up the controversy about her “Real Girls Eat Meat” shirt.

“I wore it because I thought it was funny,” she said. “I don’t know what Carrie eats. I didn’t know she only eats vegetables.”

Jessica's not that girl? Seriously? We're pretty sure she's the dictionary definition of that girl. She could probably give Jennifer Aniston a few pointers on how to drive away a man with clinginess and jealousy. Unless she's letting her daddy be the bad guy who monitors Tony's Verizon bill and has Veronica Mars on his tail 24/7. Then it's totally not her fault. more »

• Joanna Krupa gets naked for Maxim. Maxim-um mammage. (The Blemish)

• Mr. Skin asks: who's the hottest dame in a superhero movie? (Mr. Skin)

• Beauty and the Undereye Bags: Catherine Keener is porking Benicio del Toro. (Hollyscoop)

• Shia the Beef will not have to have his pinky amputated. So. Uh. Great, we guess. (Celebitchy)

• 46-21-55. Kim Kardashian in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Kate Moss switched lives with her nanny for a day. Which marks the first time Kate has seen her child since its birth. Awww. (Female First)

• Jessica Alba humps a chair like her name was Nomi Malone. (Cityrag)

• Jessica Simpson strips for Tony Romo via webcam. Haw, like we're supposed to believe Jessica Simpson knows how to turn a computer on? (peanut gallery: "Well, she sure know how to turn ME on! Ahahahaha!") (Holy Taco)

• Sienna Miller's friends maintain that she did not wreck Balthazar Getty's marriage. She just stuck a knife in its already rotting corpse and twisted it around and then cut off its head is all. (CelebWarship)

• Morgan Freeman and his wife split. We blame Sienna Miller. (Daily Stab)

If you are anything like us (and we can see by your cool soul patch and silky dragon shirt that you are), you've been wringing your hands and grinding your teeth, trying to figure out what specifically went wrong between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Thank God, then, that we have the National Enquirer to clue us in. It seems that she'd been enjoying a little outer-romance romance will the likes of uberdouches Zach Braff and Jared Leto. Take it away, Enquirer (via Celebitchy):

[Jessica Simpson’s] fling with Zach Braff began after a recent party hosted by Diddy, when the mogul received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

“They spent that night together and several others,” the source said.

“Then she turned to Jared [Leto] for several more romantic trysts! And this was happening right under Tony Romo’s nose!”

At one point she was juggling all three guys, according to the source.

That's not as sexy as the idea of Jessica Simpson having sex with all three guys at once, but juggling them is pretty impressive. Especially if they were on fire. more »

• Singer/asshole Ryan Adams goes to comic shop expressly for the purpose of fondling Mandy Moore. Nerds everywhere cut selves. (The Blemish)

• Tara Reid works a bikini, haters be damned. (Drunken Stepfather)

• It's entirely possible that Tony Romo will never fumble with Jessica Simpson's footballs again. (Yeeeah!)

• Celebrity Muppets. (Cityrag)

• Kelly Brook is back together with your friend Billy Zane. (F-listed)

• Lily Allen once sang that she wanted to see you smile. Today, the dream becomes reality as shots of her cliff-diving topless emerge. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Some skintage flesh! Tricia Helfer nip slip circa 2007. Battlestar Galac-tit-ca. (Fatback)

• The new cast of 90210 revealed! That one was for all of our under 12 and gay readers. (Bitten and Bound)

• How I Met My Emo Lover, by Flashlee Simpson. (FemaleFirst)

• Another kind of "bump" for Britney. (Daily Stab)

• Shia La Beef on La Zit Cream. (Celebitchy)

• When scabies met impetigo: a tender love story featuring Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. (Seriously OMG WTF)

• Amy Smart has a well-padded poon. (Taxi Driver)

Oh, that Jessica Simpson! She is just a beacon of romantic spontaneity! She spent Saturday night at a birthday party for her boyfriend, NFL dude Tony Romo. And the pair, overcome with love, began to felch frosting in front of a throng of horrified onlookers. These look remarkably like a harrowing scene from an award-winning independent documentary we had the pleasure of screening this weekend. It's called Cum-Gargling Facial Sluts 5: Little Glop of Whorers, perhaps you've heard of it.



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Much like Gwen Stefani's current pregnancy, we had totally forgotten that Jessica Simpson has a boyfriend. Maybe it's because in the CNW world, sports don't really exist. Jess dating some quarterback is no more newsworthy to us than her dating her accountant. They are both super boring. What will instantly make Tony Romo less boring though is if he's smart enough to save the webcam dances Jessica routinely does for him. According to The Baltimore Sun:

Jessica Simpson apparently is working it to keep the magic in her relationship with Tony Romo.

Star magazine reports that the singer and reality show veteran gives her Web cam a workout for the benefit of the Dallas Cowboys quarterback.

When they're apart, she will be - to quote Tina Turner - his private dancer, and she "isn't shy about her body - or her dance moves," Star said.

"Jess has no problem showing Tony her favorite Pussycat Dolls routine. ... She will dance in front of her camera until she makes her man happy. ... She thinks it keeps the romance alive while they are far away from each other."

We wonder what Jessica Simpson's idea of sexy is. It's probably on par with Britney Spears declaring that her knees look like boobs, only with more red lace and faux-innocent kitten noises. more »