filed under: Tom Brady

• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)

• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

• The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

• Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

• Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

• Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

Models and athletes are paid for what they do with their bodies and not so much for their Marilyn Vos Savant brand of brains, so it comes as no surprise that they like to film said rippling, lithe bodies entangled in sexual ecstasy without thinking about the consequences of such a film being released to the public. The latest victims of sex tape folly: homewrecking supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her dimple-chinned quarterback lover, Tom Brady. According to Page Six, the pair were busted joining groins in the wine cellar of a New York restaurant:

Philippe on East 60th Street has allegedly videotaped celebrity customers as they frolicked in what they thought was a private room. The restaurant's private wine cellar is outfitted with hidden security cameras. And employees at the Chinese eatery have screened the videos after the stars leave, says an insider. "They've watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people," said our source. "Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what's going on." A rep for Philippe confirmed there are cameras in the private rooms, especially where expensive wine is stored, "for security purposes," but claimed that "all tapes are deleted. It is completely and utterly false that anyone has access to view the videos at Philippe, which are maintained off-site at our corporate headquarters," said flack Ronn Torossian. "The privacy of our clientele is our foremost concern. . . . Any statement saying to the contrary is utterly and completely false." Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.

With all the riches and diamond tiaras and bars of gold that celebrities have, it's nice to know that when it comes down to it, they still prefer to hook up in dank, musty, cold, dark holes, just like the rest of us mortals. And by "mortals" we mean "voles and groundhogs". Nothing like the scent of rotting cork and the sensuous touch of cobwebs on your bare ass to really get that genital batter flowing. more »

• Hilary Duff knows that love is a battlefield and hell is for children; dons Benatar pants to prove it. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

• Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

• Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

• Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

• Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

• Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

• Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

• Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)

And speaking of infinks simmering in the wombs of international sex bombs, here's one from the "probably bullcrap but we'll report it anyway" files. According to Boston.com:

A Brazilian website reported yesterday that Tom Brady’s girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant. Bundchen would be no more than two months [along], but may already have told select friends and family.

MAY be pregnant. MAY have told friends and family. Way to avoid controversy, Boston. Let's just assume this is simply a rumor, but honestly, does it need to be a rumor? What's the point? Tom Brady is already a revered professional athlete who gets paid more than surgeons who restore sight to blind orphans, his Abercrombiesque mug melts women to the ground, and he's already put a baby inside physically enchanting Bridget Moynahan. Do we really, really need to believe that his sperm is made of rubies and the finest fatty tuna with the ability to penetrate the wombs of the world's choicest females? We think it's most likely just wishful thinking on the part of US Weekly and People who, in dire need of a cute catchphrase now that "baby bump" has fallen out of favor, are deliriously picturing the clever "THE BRADY BUNDCHEN!" headlines. more »

Actress and former model Bridget Moynahan released the following statement to US Weekly via her rep:

"Bridget Moynahan is over three months pregnant. Former boyfriend Tom Brady is the father. They recently split after a three year relationship. Privacy and consideration is appreciated at this time. No further comments will be made."

When asked to comment, Tom Brady said, "I am a very handsome man whose professional athlete sperm impregnated one world-renowned beauty and so I dropped her and now I am cramming it into Gisele Bunchen." And then everyone around him gave him five dollars and shined his shoes with their tongues. more »