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We read a somewhat perturbing story this morning from the usually ultra accurate and reliable FemaleFirst, but we can't quite figure out what's wrong with it. Maybe our loyal and knowledgeable readers can decipher it's perplexing mystery.

Jessica Biel was terrified about Ben Stiller touching her breasts in their new movie.

The 25-year-old actress, who stars alongside Stiller in 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry', worked out for weeks to ensure she looked her best for the scene where the comic actor feels her boobs.

Jessica told Style magazine: "I was definitely freaked out about filming that scene where Ben has to inspect my boobs to see if they are natural. I knew it was coming, I thought, 'I've only got a month, three weeks, then two weeks.'

"I had to train pretty hard and stay on a structured diet. I don't like the word 'diet' though, I just kept my eating in check to get to a place with my body where I felt, 'OK, its cool, I can be in a movie in my underwear.' "

Jessica, who plays a lawyer hired by two New York firemen who are pretending to be gay in the film, admits she loved working with Ben.

She added: "I like Ben a lot. He is like a big brother to me. It was such fun doing the movie together."

We just can't put our finger on it. Something's off. But what could it be? Oh, that's it. The story doesn't even mention Ben's fabulous past successes, like Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, and Billy Madison. You gotta give respect where respect is due, FF. more »

Two people you have never seen in a movie, television program, commercial, magazine spread, bus-bench ad, or You Tube video are feuding. You have also never heard them sing a song. Nor have you read their books or hard-hitting journalistic pieces on Darfur or the dangers of lead paint. This, my friends, is what we like to call a slow news day. So if you wish to hear an endless debate consisting of "Paris Hilton is my friend. Therefore I'm important," and "Hilary Duff is my sister. And sister trumps friend. I am more important," then proceed to IDLYITW and witness the MySpace bickering between Kim Kardashian and Haylie Duff. It's better than watching a double-header of Material Girls and Kim Kardashian Superstar . . . Featuring Hip Hop Star Ray J, if only because Kim calls Haylie a horse. Neigh.

We've never really paid much attention to Shanna Moakler. That would kind of be like following the career of the girl who won the Hawaiian Tropic contest you saw when you were on spring break junior year. And while we do occasionally see Miss Hawaiian Tropic during our important business meetings with important men with briefcases at Hooters, we're not really watching to see what her next move is, employment wise. Shanna, however, is making it hard to resist her at the moment by trying to piss off Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. And we do follow the "career" of Paris and firmly believe that her next DVD hit will be Paris and Shanna Showdown: Cage Fight to the Death, hitting stores January '08. We're really not sure who we'll be pulling for. more »

First of all, we'd like to say that we think that the hacking of Lindsay Lohan's supposed private MySpace is complete bullshit. But reading messages (even if they are fake) between Lindsay and Paris Hilton where they hurl eighth-grade insults at each other is a better source of drama than Molière. Or whoever smart people name drop when they want to sound smart. more »

We're finally ready to admit it. We're well into Tuesday and no one seems to have located any errant Oscar night nipples, so there you go. For the first time in quite a while, a truly G-rated ceremony. Perhaps the stars were particularly wary of offending best actress nominee/li'l shaver Abigail Breslin and had their assistants use the ultra-durable boob tape, or maybe we can blame it on post-Britney poon fallout. But, like a Long John Silvers sign emerging from the fog during a lonely cross-country drive, Mr. Skin's Anatomy Awards are here! Thrill to Salma Hayek's mind-bendingly joggling jugs on Ugly Betty! Watch in wonder as you see Rosie O'Donnell's ass encased, haggis-like, in pantyhose! Be knocked sideways by the fact that Gretchen Mol dyed her hair--ALL her hair--for The Notorious Bettie Page! Let's be honest, kids, you're not really interested in the delicacy of Helen Mirren's portrayal of Queen Elizabeth nor the quiet dignity Rinko Kikuchi brought to Babel. You didn't even see those movies. You were too busy flopping your dong to honeys in the Coldwater Creek catalog. So check out the only awards that matter, and stop poring over pictures from Sunday night, trying in vain to spy a half a centimeter of Winslet areola. It's not going to happen. Give up the ghost. more »

In the sixties, people took a lot of speed and then stayed up all night stringing beads and gluing tiny sequins on things and sorting buttons over and over, or so we have read. In 2006, they do a passel of blow and then sit down to pen a paranoia-fueled letter suggesting that it's up to the bare-beaved celebutards of the world to bring peace to the land while painting Al Gore as a latter-day Elliot Mintz in superhero tights. more »

For the fifth time in six years, Britney Spears (rhyme!) is the #1 most searched name on Yahoo!. Yahoo! spokeswoman Cathi Early says:

"Why she keeps ranking top... is beyond me."

We have no idea why she would possibly be #1, either. No idea at all.

And speaking of searching and ranking, at present, the top ten search phrases that lead readers to CelebNewsWire are:

1. britney spears upskirt
2. brittany spears crotch shots
3. lindsay lohan nude
4. brittany spears pantyless
5. brittany spears crotch
6. lindsay lohan panties
7. paris hilton upskirt
8. paris hilton no panties
9. lindsay lohan upskirt
10. britney spears pantyless

Which leads to the following conclusions:

1. Boobs are O-U-T, girfriend!
2. Speaking of spelling stuff: B-R-I-T-N-E-Y
3. Somewhere way, way down on that list, the phrase "Aaron Carter shirtless" is crying and contemplating going commando under a kilt. more »