CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: Tara Reid
August 28, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Tara Reid Launches "Derelicte"
God, Megan Fox is so gross. She's seriously such a dog. I mean, bow wow, right? (Fatback) Matthew McConaughey sprung from the loins of another legendary cocksman, it seems. All right all right all riiiiiight. (Yeeeah!)
Focus on Madonna's crotch and achieve inner peace. (Cityrag)
Naked Kate Moss minus puss moss. (Mr. Skin)
Tara Reid is designing her own clothing line. Comes pre-scented with tequila shots and with grass stained knees! (Daily Stab)
Christina Ricci's nipples are so terribly sharp, they could slash tires. Or cut butternut squash. Or cut through this can. (IDLYITW)
As a child, Mia Tyler ate what normal 8-year-olds eat. Chicken nuggets, pizza, Fruit Wrinkles, Little Debbies, and marijuana seeds. (Celebridiot)
Julia Roberts in a bikini. Where's that gigantic boob melanoma? (Drunken Stepfather)
One snort at a time: Mackenzie Phillips got arrested for drugs. Where's Schneider when you need him. (Hollywood Grind)
Axl Rose wants young Kelly Osbourne to be his serpentine. He wanna hear her scream. (CelebWarship)
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August 08, 2008
Tara Reid: Reality Show Reject
Poor Tara Reid. All she wants to do is learn to samba in the arms of a muscly Latin Lothario and hang out with former stars of 90210 and boybanders, but she's been deemed not wholesome enough to show off her two-stepping skills on TV and has been repeatedly rejected form Dancing with the Stars. According to Pop Tarts: While the line-up for this years "Dancing With the Stars" is yet to be officially released, Pop Tarts has been told that one person who wont be appearing on the hit show is Tara Reid.We think Tara is being judged a little unfairly here. Let's have a look at some DWTS contestants. Tatum O'Neal. Shanna Moakler. Jerry Springer. Heather Mills. Scary Spice. Shannon Elizabeth. Those names together sound like the IMDb cast list for a really awesome (and by awesome we mean unbearable) softcore spoof movie that includes at least eighteen totally naked porn stars. Plus, DWTS is pretty much a front for a celebrity adultery ring.
According to our inside source, the perennial party girl has applied for the show multiple times but was rejected each time on the basis that she isnt "family friendly" enough. Ouch.
Reids rep confirmed she will not be appearing and denied that she had ever applied.
May 14, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: "If I Was Cyclops and You Were Jean Grey"
Singer/asshole Ryan Adams goes to comic shop expressly for the purpose of fondling Mandy Moore. Nerds everywhere cut selves. (The Blemish) Tara Reid works a bikini, haters be damned. (Drunken Stepfather)
It's entirely possible that Tony Romo will never fumble with Jessica Simpson's footballs again. (Yeeeah!)
Celebrity Muppets. (Cityrag)
Kelly Brook is back together with your friend Billy Zane. (F-listed)
Lily Allen once sang that she wanted to see you smile. Today, the dream becomes reality as shots of her cliff-diving topless emerge. (Hollywood Tuna)
Some skintage flesh! Tricia Helfer nip slip circa 2007. Battlestar Galac-tit-ca. (Fatback)
The new cast of 90210 revealed! That one was for all of our under 12 and gay readers. (Bitten and Bound)
How I Met My Emo Lover, by Flashlee Simpson. (FemaleFirst)
Another kind of "bump" for Britney. (Daily Stab)
Shia La Beef on La Zit Cream. (Celebitchy)
When scabies met impetigo: a tender love story featuring Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty. (Seriously OMG WTF)
Amy Smart has a well-padded poon. (Taxi Driver)
January 25, 2008
Tara Reid Does Some Very Tara Reidish Things
Tara Reid has been a tabloid whack-a-mole for quite a few years now. Just because she had some slipshod titwork done and she likes a highball or two in the evenings! Come on! Lohan plows through twelve pounds of blow and wraps her SUV around a tree and she gets to pork three Italian studs in 24 hours. Winehouse smokes crack on film and she gets nominated for five Grammies. Where's the logic here? In the real world, blonde ladies who get completely faced on shooters and flash their ham chutes get lauded as precious angels from heaven. We will not rest until we get justice for Tara! We will picket in the streets wearing enormous sandwich boards that depict Tara with her boob hanging out, a cartoon halo drawn over her head. We will write to Congress, and we will petition for OK! to write one of their pleasant fluff pieces about her. But instead of "Inside Connie Sellecca's Quaint Country Kitchen" it will be "Inside Tara Reid's Toilet" and they will feature the artfully splattered vomit on the walls (with ultra-luxe 120 proof alcohol content). Luv u, Tara.
December 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: David Silver's Best Gal
Megan Fox seems to have misplaced her shirt. We all win! (Egotastic!) Brad Pitt thinks that orphans come from his anus. (Allie Is Wired)
Britney's not the only one who enjoys mama's lollipops in front of Sean and JJ. Only Daddy's lollipops come in a pretty glass container and smell funny. (Yeeeah!)
Fergie is coming clean about her dirtied drawers. (Cityrag)
Ashley Tisdale's new nose gives you glad tidings. (Drunken Stepfather)
Britney proves she owns undies. (Taxi Driver)
Tony Parker is not just French, he's litigious. Doubly obnoxious! (Daily Stab)
Tom Cruise's older children call Katie Holmes "Mom". They call Tom "Intergalactic Overlord Patriarchal Cyborg Unit #6599202B". (Celebitchy)
Tara Reid sports a bikini. And what appears to be Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat from 2002. (The Blemish)
Monica Bellucci has thingies. They're, like, round things. Kind of pinkish? They're a little bit below her collarbone. You know, whosiwhatsits. (Hollywood Tuna)
December 12, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Dog Crap Is the Greatest Aphrodesiac
Pam Anderson and hubby to have reality show. Also, Pam Anderson and hubby to engage in possible oral sex next to pooping dog. (Dlisted) Hayden Panettiere is gearing up to give a BJ to Richard Gere or something. (HollywoodTuna)
Madonna is sporting a nice pair of shiners. (Cityrag)
Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)
Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)
It's hard out here for a
Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)
James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)
Vanessa Hudgens not amused by Zac Efron's oxygen facials and mani-pedi time. (Allie Is Wired)
Wow, what's Jordan doing with Jay Manuel? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
November 29, 2007
Tara Reid Already Smells Like a Hooker, Now She'll Dress Like One Too
And now for something that will not shock you at all: Tara Reid is hosting a hookers ball in Australia. MSN Australia reports: Actress Tara Reid once one of Hollywood's most popular leading ladies is hosting a 'Hookers Ball' in Darwin this weekend.We knew Tara's career had pretty much gone to shit (not that the high points were all that high, excluding My Boss's Daughter, of course), but we're pretty sure that hosting a hookers ball will directly lead to Tara starring in the sequel to Topless Tapioca Wrestling under the stage name Fluffy Pussι. more »
The American Pie starlet's role in the 21st staging of Darwin's self-styled naughtiest night will include competing in the wet t-shirt contest, and a manager at the Discovery nightclub says Reid may be dressed up in lingerie or even as a prostitute.
"It's a night like your 'pimps and prostitutes' or sleaze balls, and it's just a night of less is best," hospitality manager Guy Dunne said.
"We thought Tara Reid would be a great choice its a very naughty night and an opportunity to put your inhibitions down."
A flyer for the event says partygoers should expect "bondage beds, fantasy, latex, porn stars, erotic dancers, and a R rated very raunchy event" and a photo of a scantily-clad Reid sits below the promo blurb.
Mr Dunne says it was a big coup for the club and Darwin to have Reid host the event, saying they usually get passed over by "big-name stars".
"It's something our promotions team worked very hard for and we just managed to secure her in the last week," Mr Dunne said.
"I believe Tara Reid and her people were very enthusiastic to come here."
November 26, 2007
Hold off on Buying Those Scratch 'n' Sniff Tara Reid Stickers
We always thought that Tara Reid couldn't get work because she was a really awful actress with partially deflated beach balls for boobs, but it turns out that she just stinks like your drunk uncle Al. The New York Daily News reports: Don't look for Tara Reid on another episode of "Scrubs." Appearing at the New York Comedy Festival, show creator Bill Lawrence said Reid was his least favorite guest star - "not because she wasn't a nice person," but because she allegedly stank of booze and smokes.Maybe this is all part of Tara's master plan to regain privacy. By cultivating an aroma of JB & coke and Camel lights and pairing it with plasticine skin that looks as if she stuffed herself with cotton batting she is assured that paparazzi, gawkers, and "fans" will keep their distance, allowing her to get shitfaced and do faceplants in front of every club in L.A. and New York without any public interest whatsoever. Brilliant, really.
October 16, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Digging for Nuggets
Inspiring photo montage of Tara Reid in various stages of intoxication: the Sweaty Man-O-War, the Crotch Weeper, the Sunny Days Trailer Park Special, the Buttafuoco. (Cityrag) Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (Taxi Driver)
New Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (The Hollywood Gossip)
Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (GlossLip)
Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (The Blemish)
Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (Drunken Stepfather)
Wow, Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (Daily Stab)
Yikes, someone get Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (CelebWarship)
Slice your wrists, get the girl. Kate Hudson is willing to give Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (Yeeeah!)
October 10, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Keifer in the Klink
Brittany Murphy's husband is Artie Lange??? (Bricks and Stones) Lindsay says that rehab was a "sobering experience". You don't say. (IDLYITW)
Tara Reid in FHM looking . . . good? Oh, look, a flying pig. (Hollywood Tuna)
Charlize Theron is Esquire's Sexiest woman. Which is a nicer honor than being Esquire's Stinkiest Belly Button. Yeah, we're still bitter, Esquire. Screw you jerks. (Egotastic!)
Halle's berries are ripe for the fuckin'. Pluckin'! Pluckin'. (Derek Hail)
Kiefer Sutherland is going to jail. God, he is always trying to ape Paris's steez, man. Always. (The Blemish)
Man of God proves that Clay Aiken is not gay! By twiddling wieners with him. Or writing a funny letter. Which one is truth and which one is a joke? Find out on the next scintillating installment of . . . Gayken! (Celebitchy)
Everybody on earth knows that J. Lo's packin' mad embryo. (CelebWarship)
July 20, 2007
The Mammary Equivalent of Paris Hilton's Eye
Move over, Sunken Tits, there's a new Doctor in town!Now, Tara Reid might not be the shiniest coin in the fountain, but she's had her boobs done twice, and we doubt that the second time she asked the doctor if he could make it so her left one was constantly swinging against the top of her foot, like a benippled pendulum. If you look closely, you'll see that Tara really doesn't have a trapezoid tit. One of them is wedged up a little higher, but the pointing effect is just an unfortunate accident of shiny fabric, puckering, shadows, and lighting.
Sorry to spoil your fun. Oh, the Easter Bunny's a fake, too.
more »
March 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Why Don't You Fuck Your Whole Movie?"
Lily Tomlin thinks David O. Russell is a "motherfucker". David O. Russell thinks Lily Tomlin is a "cunt" and a "bitch". They Hate Huckabees! Two awesomely NSFW clips here. If you only watch one video of a comedienne and an overrated director trading cruel barbs and throwing set dressing around this year, make it this one. YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!
Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!
Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.
Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.
Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.
Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.
We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!
The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"
Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.
Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.
The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?
February 01, 2007
Joe Francis Prefers Paris Knob Jobs to Tara Reid's Fetid Business
Joe Francis, possessor of a literal stiff upper lip and impetus for girls going wild, called into Howard Stern yesterday morning to discuss the lawsuit he and Paris are filing against ParisExposed.com. Although Joe's aim was simply to talk about the legal aspects, he ended up dishing on assorted famous ladies--the Lohan, Tara Reid, Kim Stewart--that he's used as a penis snood through the years. And then he showed Howard his moobs and rode the Sybian. more »
January 24, 2007
Tara Reid: A Real Class Act
Hey Tara Reid, how's that new "I swear I'm classy and nice and not a skanky drunk ho" makeover working out for you? Are you sticking to it? Only drinking Shirley Temples on your nights out and only sharing your time with upstanding investment bankers and accountants? Or are you possibly passing the hours simulating sex acts onstage with two rappers in front of hundreds of people? Oh, it's the latter, you say? And was it worth it, Tara Reid? Did it land you that big part as the hooker who gives Leonardo DiCaprio syphilis in the new Martin Scorsese blockbuster? No, not yet? Well, we hope it works out for you. But if not, we hear that a sequel to Sexcretaries is in the works, and you'd be perfect for the part of Connie Lingus. more »
December 28, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "Animal"
Diana Ross would like to give singing lessons to Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera. We can only imagine how that would go. "No, honey, more nasal! I said MORE nasal! That's too classically perfect and on-pitch, girl; could you maybe get a slightly whinier tone there?" James Brown died last week, and his wife, Rae Hynie, was immediately locked out of their home, as she's apparently not his "legal" wife. Funny story, but you know what's funnier? The name "Hynie". What's funnier than that? "Hynie-Brown".
Kim Kardashian might have a sex tape. With Brandy's brother. Who calls himself "Ray-J Jawn". Talentless rich girl engaged in coitus on video with no-name dude attached to penis? Sounds like a recipe for superstardom!
You will look at these pictures of Jessica Biel forming the camel toe in a bikini, and you will want to have sexual intercourse with her, but she would pick you up and smash you against her forehead and toss you, crumpled flat, in a pile.
Paris Hilton calls Britney "Animal". Not because of her penchant for partying, but because of her red fur, proficiency at drumming, and tendency to shout "WO-MAN!"
Pamela Anderson dresses up as Santa for the holidays. If Santa were a woman with staggeringly overstuffed fake breasts and flashed, panty-clad crotch. Which, we hear, is how he's usually depicted in traditional Norwegian folklore.
Adam Brody muses on Bilson, Barton; gets munchies.
Kylie Minogue. She sure does like to fuck.
Mr. Skin raps to the Sun-Times about Salma Hayek's cans and Ali Larter's thong.
Goddammit, Tara, you told us that you fixed that crap!
Eva Longoria says that fame is like a hurricane. And that she'd like to maybe experience it someday, God willing. Hee hee hee hee hee.
Christina Aguilera bought a shit ton of baby junk for Puffy Diddo's newly-minted twin girls. Hopefully included amongst the gifts were a couple of new names.
October 26, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "The Good Loving You Give Me Every Day"
Angelina and Brad are reportedly adopting an Indian baby as we speak. Because African babies are soooo early-to-mid October 2k6.
Please, for the love of all that is good and holy in this mortal world, will someone, anyone, shoot a tranq dart into Naomi Campbell's neck?
Rush Limbaugh accuses Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox of exaggerating his symptoms in a political ad, saying, "He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act." Seriously, dude! And remember when Christopher Reeve was tooling around in a wheelchair with a trach tube? Also totally all an act. Fucker was just lazy and tired of walking and breathing. Some Superman!
DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, has moved on from Nicole Richie to nice Jewish girl Michelle Trachtenberg. His bubby is so pleased.
For the reasonable price of $100,000, Paris Hilton will come to your New Year's Eve party 3 hours late, sit in a corner and text furiously on her Sidekick for 20 minutes, perhaps flash an assflap or two, then leave.
Sandra Bullock had sexual intercourse on Sunday night.
Federline the Younger is actually named Jayden James. SPF squared, we hardly knew ye.
Tara Reid said that her nipples "looked like goose-shaped eggs". Not goose eggs. Eggs, shaped like geese. Nipples like thin shells with webbed feet and beaks and wings holding albumen and yolk. Yup. That's what Tara Reid's nipples looked like.
Please, for the love of all that is good and holy in this mortal world, will someone, anyone, shoot a tranq dart into Naomi Campbell's neck?
Rush Limbaugh accuses Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox of exaggerating his symptoms in a political ad, saying, "He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act." Seriously, dude! And remember when Christopher Reeve was tooling around in a wheelchair with a trach tube? Also totally all an act. Fucker was just lazy and tired of walking and breathing. Some Superman!
DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, has moved on from Nicole Richie to nice Jewish girl Michelle Trachtenberg. His bubby is so pleased.
For the reasonable price of $100,000, Paris Hilton will come to your New Year's Eve party 3 hours late, sit in a corner and text furiously on her Sidekick for 20 minutes, perhaps flash an assflap or two, then leave.
Sandra Bullock had sexual intercourse on Sunday night.
Federline the Younger is actually named Jayden James. SPF squared, we hardly knew ye.
Tara Reid said that her nipples "looked like goose-shaped eggs". Not goose eggs. Eggs, shaped like geese. Nipples like thin shells with webbed feet and beaks and wings holding albumen and yolk. Yup. That's what Tara Reid's nipples looked like.
October 11, 2006
The Ballad of Tara Reid's Boobs: A Tragedy
Tara Reid had plastic surgery! And it was bad! This and other shockers (such as Teri Hatcher picks up her dry cleaning--but there's still a stain on her favorite blouse!) in the upcoming issue of Us Weekly. more »
September 26, 2006
Scooby Doo and the Case of the Missing Boobies
Hey, wait a minute! These aren't my breasts! I had huge fake knockers, which I paid very good American Pie money for, thank you very much, and someone has stolen them! Hey, you, over there, Mr. Police Officer Man, I'd like to report a crime. Yes, someone has stolen my breasts. They were here last night before I went out, got denied at Hyde, then Mood, then that biker bar in the Valley, then . . . ohmigod, what did I do then? I remember stopping by that 7-11 to pick up a couple bottles of that vodka that Damon Dash makes, then I was wandering around and realized I was near Dr. Bob's house, so I decided to pop in and . . . oh, nevermind, Mr. Police Officer Man. I know who has my boobies. more »
September 22, 2006
Tara Reid: Model
My boobs used to be this big:
but my agent told me I needed to lose ten pounds, so I thought getting a boob reduction would be the easiest way. I can't go on a diet; do you know how many calories are in a Screaming Orgasm? It just wouldn't work. more »
but my agent told me I needed to lose ten pounds, so I thought getting a boob reduction would be the easiest way. I can't go on a diet; do you know how many calories are in a Screaming Orgasm? It just wouldn't work. more »
August 29, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Kick Off Your Sunday Shoes
Matthew Broderick appears to have injured himself after falling off his wife.
J. Lo es no preggo. "She is 100% not pregnant," says a rep, however, she is still 93% annoying.
Tara Reid getting cockblocked from Hyde while Paris breezes right in = funny. The fact that the hottest club catering to young Hollywood is ironically blasting Kenny Loggins's "Footloose" = funnier.
Lindsay Lohan changes her damn bikini almost as often as she changes her men.
And speaking of Lindsay's wardrobe choices, she seems to have ditched the Kate Moss look and adopted a new fashion idol. The billowing, shapeless drawstring romper, the torpedo nips, the questionable footwear, the long, chalky black hair and the latte in hand . . . it's Britney all over again.
Brad Pitt's parents were offended when, at Maddox Jolie-Pitt's birthday party, the elder Pitts were "the only ones not drinking." Including the 4-year-olds?
Get Saved by the Buns when Mario Lopez (A.C. Slater) gets naked and homoerotic for Nip/Tuck.
That Eminem boy has playdate with the little Girl Next Door, acts out, gets sent to the corner for a time out.
Paris Hilton has been cast in a movie called The Hottie and the Nottie but keeps giving the thumbs down to potential leading men. An insider says, "A few [actors] have made it to a screen test with Paris but either the producers aren't happy or, more often, Paris has a problem with them. She is as picky with the men in her movies as she is in real life." AKA "not at all".
J. Lo es no preggo. "She is 100% not pregnant," says a rep, however, she is still 93% annoying.
Tara Reid getting cockblocked from Hyde while Paris breezes right in = funny. The fact that the hottest club catering to young Hollywood is ironically blasting Kenny Loggins's "Footloose" = funnier.
Lindsay Lohan changes her damn bikini almost as often as she changes her men.
And speaking of Lindsay's wardrobe choices, she seems to have ditched the Kate Moss look and adopted a new fashion idol. The billowing, shapeless drawstring romper, the torpedo nips, the questionable footwear, the long, chalky black hair and the latte in hand . . . it's Britney all over again.
Brad Pitt's parents were offended when, at Maddox Jolie-Pitt's birthday party, the elder Pitts were "the only ones not drinking." Including the 4-year-olds?
Get Saved by the Buns when Mario Lopez (A.C. Slater) gets naked and homoerotic for Nip/Tuck.
That Eminem boy has playdate with the little Girl Next Door, acts out, gets sent to the corner for a time out.
Paris Hilton has been cast in a movie called The Hottie and the Nottie but keeps giving the thumbs down to potential leading men. An insider says, "A few [actors] have made it to a screen test with Paris but either the producers aren't happy or, more often, Paris has a problem with them. She is as picky with the men in her movies as she is in real life." AKA "not at all".