filed under: Tara Connor

• Halle Berry might be preggo. For no other reason than to stick it to Julia Roberts.

• Justin Timberlake is just not that into Cameron Diaz. Sound the death gong.

• Adrianne Curry dons her new plastic breasts on the red carpet.

• Owen Wilson will break up a lady's marriage, then refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?

• Oh, Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.

• And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled hookup away from Federlohan!

• Console yourselves with more pictures of more Lohan in yet another bikini.

• You might keep calling Rosie fat and lezboish, Donald Trump, but you know what? Your wife is naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?

• Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA Tara Connor to pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now, Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."

• Pam Anderson really classed it up for her Howard Stern appearance.

• Leo DiCraprio has jumped on the bandwagon and adopted an African child. Well, like, she won't be coming back to America to live in his palatial homes or eat food prepared by his personal chef or be educated in the finest schools. She'll stay in her homeland and every once in a while Leo will send her a check or call her on the phone. So basically she's not getting a dad, she's getting a deadbeat dad. Nice.

• Heather Graham's swan song of succulent sexiness. Take a look, then tip out your King Cobra on the curb.

• Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

• Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

• Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

• Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

• Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

• The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

• We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

• Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

• Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

• K-Hole es no preggo.

• Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.