filed under: shopping

Do not deny Cameron Diaz her Jesus Goat, lest ye be labeled dick fiend. Lo, it is the law of the land. Take heed. Take heed. Today's tale of creative celebrity tantrumming comes courtesy of Digital Spy:

Cameron Diaz rowed with staff at an Abercrombie & Fitch store, say reports. The Charlie's Angels actress got angry when she was told that she couldn't purchase a specific T-shirt, which was the last of its kind in the shop.

According to the Daily Star, Diaz, 35, shrieked and stamped her feet in protest. When leaving, the actress allegedly called the staff "dick fiends".

The T-shirt apparently had the words "Jesus Goat" printed on the front.

"Dick fiends" is a good one! Were Cammy D ever to find herself out of the acting game, she could easily start her own company making up inventive new cussing for those who have depleted their swear cache. Her best clients could be Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards, and Alec Baldwin would employ her to come over and whisper "Smegma nugget . . . rat clit . . . um . . . cooter tooter" whenever he called his daughter. Cam'll be the Cyrano de Bergerac of pottymouths! more »

The first time Britney Spears went on a crusade to free the caged beaver, we devoted nearly every waking moment to analyzing the situation, pouring over the photos, trying to figure out if she meant to flash her furless gash to the entire world or if she just had the intellect of a shih tzu (data was still out on that question at the time, but has more or less come down on the side of the latter in subsequent months). And what happened the second time she repeatedly exposed her cooter in public? We ignored her for eight whole days afterward. We think we're making progress. But, alas, our fair Brit once again demands our attention. Gatecrasher reveals:

Britney Spears keeps coming up with weird requests for her favorite L.A. boutiques.

She flummoxed staff at the Betsey Johnson on Melrose Ave. this month by turning up with a Dolce & Gabbana dress she wanted the store to copy - in all white - to be ready by that evening.

According to a witness, "the staff explained that they didn't have a dressmaker on call who could do it in time." Never mind that the frock she wanted copied wasn't even their label.

"The only thing she wanted to buy in the store was the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window," laughs the source. "The manager eventually agreed to offer it to her for $100."

We don't know what's got everyone in such a tizzy. We don't think Brit's request was all that bizarre. Sure, she wanted a salesperson in a store that sells clothing that is already constructed to make her a knock off of a dress from another designer, but at least she was in a clothing store. She didn't ask for a Jack in the Box night manager to do her tailoring. Nor did she enter the Betsey Johnson store and request that the saleslady bake her a loaf of ciabatta or perform an appendectomy.

Britney Spears had a busy day yesterday. She got some furniture delivered, lost visitation rights with her kids for another month, went to church, ate some empanadas, shaved Adnan Ghalib's chin pubes into a nice vertical John Waters. But we're more interested in what Britney did last Friday; namely, she went car shopping in her wedding dress. The one she wore to hitch her ass to K-Fed back we we thought he was the crazy/ irresponsible/fucked up one. Maybe this signals that Brit has finally run out of money and is being forced to cycle back through her Fed wedded wardrobe. Oh, the times we'll have. We just hope that she sports the corn rows this time around.

Jennifer Lopez is sick and tired of these little gringas thinking that they're better than her just because they can sing and dance and sell records and whatnot. She just accomplished the biggest feat that a woman nearing forty can accomplish: She got knocked up! And by a skeleton/corpse/zombie hybrid no less! That's really something. So none of those little tarts can touch her. And to prove that she's better than all of them, she's having twins. That's two babies at once, people! It's hard. And don't you think about trying it, Christina Aguilera, because if you do JLo will concentrate really, really hard and grow a third baby in her lady gut. Sure it might come out a little runty, with only half the gestation time of the other babies, but she'll love it just the same. It'll look just like its daddy! Oh, and it will be swathed in cashmere. Rush & Molloy report:

Jennifer Lopez is leaving no doubt she's expecting boy and girl twins — and that they will grow up in the sort of luxury befitting royals. In fact, the 38-year-old mama-to-be bought pink and blue onesies: one monogrammed "princess," the other, "prince."

Both son and daughter will get equal comfort by the looks of the gifts she's requested on her top-secret gift registry at Petit Tresor, the exclusive L.A. baby boutique.

It's not known whether pals and business types who want to curry her favor will spring for both babies or one, because what mama wants is pricey.

There's the $349 cashmere outfit, one in pink stripes, one in blue, from Baby CZ.

There are two Moses baskets for $225 each, though there are Smushy teddy bears with pink or blue ribbons for $65.

If you really want to get on the diva's good side, pick out the Balmoral enameled black carriage for a mere $3,495.

There's one $289 suede play mat. Guess they'll have to share.

The cheapest item is the Adiri Natural Nurser at $22. Lopez wants 10 of those.

There's also a $560 jogging stroller for two. It's not known whether we should expect to see J.Lo or her nannies trotting around with the infants.

She's also requested not one but two double Peg Perego strollers for $429 — one in toffee, and one in mint. Don't speculate that she might even be expecting quadruplets; she's tricoastal.

Lopez, who Fortune called the richest woman under 40 in America, isn't leaving all the spending up to her pals, who have until February to save up for the gift(s).

She's having the tastemakers at Petit Tresor design three nurseries for the teeny totlets at the couple's estates in Bel Air, Fisher Island, and Oyster Bay, says a friend. Lopez is spending $40,000 to outfit each nest, the pal adds, including gilded cribs. "She wants them filled with the most chic furniture from Europe and embroidered linens from France." In pink and blue, natch.

Petit Tresor co-owner Samantha Winch would say only: "We don't talk about any of our clients."

Did we miss something somewhere? The richest woman under 40 in America? Where exactly is Jenny Lo getting all of her money? Her movies go directly to video, she's only toured ONCE in her entire career, her albums don't seem to sell at all anymore. Is it because we're not keyed in to the Latino community, so we just don't see how adored she is? When she visits a Puerto Rican neighborhood do the inhabitants carry her around in an elevated throne and throw bundles of $20 bills at her feet? Does SoundScan not count sales at Julio's House of Salsa? more »

Remember when we learned that "disgusting" and "poor" Lindsay Lohan was only worth seven million dollars? That amount seems worthy of Scrooge McDuck's magical, diving-board-equipped money bin these days. Coke is expensive and Garry Marshall doesn't pay well. MSNBC reports:

Lindsay Lohan isn’t doing much to quell rumors that she’s strapped for cash. Lohan reportedly shopped around staged Thanksgiving dinner photos that included her mother Dina, sister Ali, her brothers and boyfriend Riley Giles to many of the celeb weeklies. Her asking price began in the six-figure range before dropping to $20,000.

“She thinks she’s a huge star. She thinks everyone is dying to read about her, but she’s lost her fan base. Her decisions are being driven by cash, not repairing her image,” said a source who was approached about buying the pics.

Although her photos didn't earn her any money (and her rep denies the entire incident), word is that her Black Friday shopping trip did. Lohan was photographed shopping at an Armani Exchange and Intermix store in Manhattan on Nov. 23, and a source close to the rehabbed starlet says the trip wasn't just pre-arranged to give the paparazzi a heads up, she was paid for the visit, too. “Seems like everything Lindsay does is to make money,” said the disillusioned source.

We've been waiting for this day for a long time. We knew that if we just waited it out, Lindsay's career would dry up, she'd run out of money, and we'd finally get to see her luscious Lo-cans in all their filmed glory. Two down, one to go. Why don't you go for the trifecta, Lindsay, and grant us all very happy ho-ho-holidays?

In awesome news: Britney's lackey texted Ryan Seacrest and swears that the papule-farming pop mess is absolutely not pregnant. In even awesomer news: she went pantsless in a Hustler store! US Weekly scoops the poop:

Shortly before 1 a.m. on November 18, Britney Spears entered the X-rated Hustler Store in West Hollywood.

Spears loaded up on naughty skivvies and headed to the fitting rooms. But store employees "told her they don't allow people to try on underwear," a source at the scene says. "She was really upset . . . She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes."

At that point, Spears threw a fit, and took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boy shorts in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.

An eyewitness tells Us, "The employees kept saying 'Don't change out here!' She's just like, 'Well, I couldn't take them in the fitting room!' It was like dealing with a child."

Spears' tantrum only continued. "The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card," the source tells Us. As payback, "on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!"

We're actually more surprised by the fact that Hustler stores are such discerning establishments of hygiene, grace, and demureness that one is not allowed to test drive their drawers. As for Britney's behavior, BFD. For the past year and a half, her reaction to any situation (exiting a car, dancing at a club, standing before a judge) has been to whip off her drawers and sling her beav lips around like a couple of color guard flags. more »

The last time you visited an Abercrombie & Fitch store (yes, apparently today our readers are vacuous eighteen-year-olds from 1996) you tried on twenty sweatshirts, studied your profile in the three-way mirror for half an hour, and weighed the cost to use ratio on your favorite garment before reluctantly plunking down your credit card. The last time Victoria Beckham visited A&F, she barked, "I'll take the whole bloody lot of it. And don't look at me, wankers!" more »