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filed under: Sharon Stone

October 01, 2008

Hey, Sharon Stone, Whatcha Doin'? "Oh, Just Botoxin' the Baby"

sharon_stone_botox_frozen_plastic.jpg Move over Dr. Scholl's; Sharon Stone has a surefire way to get rid of foot odor: Just stick a bunch of sharp needles in that sensitive flesh and pump it full of toxic botulism spores. Brilliant. It seems that puss-barin' Sharon may have gotten caught up in that whole custody-loss thing last week because she wanted to Botox her son's feet cause they straight stank. Reports TMZ:
The court has released what it calls the "Tentative Statement of Decision." It is a highly sensitive document, which outlines a bitter, ongoing battle between Stone and ex-husband, Phil Bronstein.

Among many things, the judge says, "Mother appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan." In one case, the judge describes Stone believing Roan had a spinal condition, but "there was no evidence to support this allegation."

And then the court says, "Another example of an overreaction is that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."
Initially we were with Sharon on this one. Stinky feet are just so hard to overcome. We've tried everything, covering the soles with Band-Aids, spreading a thin layer of cream cheese in the bottom of our shoes, rubbing Vaseline on the feet of our Jessica Simpson voodoo doll. But nothing seemed to work! We were just about to resort to Sharon's Botox recommendation when the genius Phil Bronstein stepped in. Socks! Deodorant! What brilliant solutions! Thank you, Phil, you truly are a great man.

Also, is it really surprising that Shazza would suggest such an extreme solution to a common problem? After all, this is the woman who proposed that when threatened with date rape a woman should, not kick the perpetrator in the nads or stab him repeatedly with your keys, but stuff his dick in her maw. Truly a fount of wisdom, that one. more »
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September 24, 2008

Sharon Stone's Roan Must Roam . . . Away from Her

sharonstoneyell.jpgActress/joyless harridan Sharon Stone has three adopted sons--Roan, Laird, and Quinn. Only Roan has a father, Sharon's ex-husband Phil Bronstein, known for his newspaper editing and large and fanciful mustache. In what ET Online calls a "shocker", Sharon lost custody of Roan yesterday:
"Entertainment Tonight" has obtained a court minute order confirming Sharon Stone has lost physical custody of her 8-year-old son Roan, despite her court pleas to change the arrangement.

According to court documents detailing a September 12, 2008 custody hearing, Phil Bronstein "shall have permanent sole physical custody of child. Court finds that Respondent (Sharon Stone) failed to meet her burden of proof and denies Respondent's (Sharon Stone's) request for modification of custody." The judge also notes this order is permanent unless there is a change of circumstances. However, all of Sharon's visitation, holiday and vacation rights remain unchanged.
Why did Sharon lose custody? Because she's an asshole. more »
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August 27, 2008

Sharon Stone Is An Asshole, Part 31,936

sharonstoneyell.jpgDavid Thewlis is best known as Remus Lupin in the Harry Potter movies. But in his off time, he is known as a straight shooter who has little time for Sharon Stone's uppity poppycock. The British actor starred alongside Ms. Stone in the 2006 dog biscuit Basic Instinct 2, and now says:
"It was a pile of shit, wasn't it? I wanted to get a job in the can before my daughter was born. It was actually very pleasant for me. I didn't have much to do with Sharon Stone. And thank God because I heard she was a fucking nightmare."
Wait a damn minute. Hold up. Hold the phone. He's not talking about Sharon Stone, is he? Sharon Stone. The same Sharon Stone who ditched some AIDS orphans. The Sharon Stone who told teenagers to thwart date rape with a hearty BJ. Sharon Stone who was sued by an entire nation. It is? Just checking because we were shocked that someone with such a golden reputation would be known as anything other than a latter-day St. Francis of Assisi. more »
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July 31, 2008

Sharon Stone Sued by China

sharon_stone_wears_headband.jpg A bunch of earthquake victims in China are suing Sharon Stone for $1 billion for saying they deserved what they got because their government's mean or some crap. Which means that Basic Instinct 2 obviously never made it to DVD in China, if they think Sharon Stone has $1 billion. Maybe they could sue her for like fifty fur coats and a couple pairs of rhinestone bejeweled pants. She's definitely got those. The New York Post reports:
The bad "karma" keeps rolling for Sharon Stone, as more than 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims and a New York lawyer are demanding a $1 billion pay-out - or maybe just an apology.

The "Basic Instinct" star was recently served with legal papers announcing attorney Ming Hai's intention to sue her for harming Chinese people when she suggested the catastrophic quake last May was "karma" for the regime's occupation of Tibet.

"For the families who have lost their loved ones or lost limbs or suffered severe injuries, your . . . statement and act has caused extreme emotional distress," Ming wrote, citing the controversial comments Stone made at the Cannes Film Festival.

In a public apology last month, Stone, 50, said she "misspoke" and "could not be more regretful for that mistake."
So people in China earn like 12 cents a day making Hannah Montana throw pillows and crap, right? Do they even understand how much money $1 billion is? Or is them suing Sharon for $1 billion like the time our mom called us a fat whore and we shot back with, "That's defamation! I'll sue! I think $80 cluckaduckillion should cover it." more »
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May 28, 2008

Don't Mess with Sharon Stone's Buddies, or an Entire Region Will Perish

sharon_stone_rambo.jpgSharon Stone recently took a few moments away from her busy schedule of donning finery that gently hugs her camel toe and magically sprouting puffy testicles to offend an entire country. True, she offended the entire world with Basic Instinct 2, but this was even dumber. During a red carpet interview at Cannes, Sharon implied that the recent natural disaster in China was not the result of the shifting of the Earth's plates, but because of bad karma. Take it away, Shazza:
"I’m, you know, not happy about the way the Chinese are treating the Tibetans, because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And so, I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do about that because I don’t like … that. And then I’ve been, this, you know, concerned about, oh, how should we deal with the Olympics, because they’re not being nice to the Dali Lama who is a good friend of mine. And then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice that the bad things happen to you?"
And now, Sharon's movies have been banned due to her inflammatory comments:
Ng See-Yuen, founder of the UME Cineplex chain and the chairman of the Federation of Hong Kong Filmmakers, called Stone's comments "inappropriate," adding that actors should not bring personal politics to comments about a natural disaster that has left five million Chinese homeless, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
Awesome. Also, Hurricane Katrina was a direct result of Anne Rice writing shitty goth fiction and the 2004 Indian Ocean quake/tsunami happened because of a subpar batch of pad prik served to Sharon at the Thai Garden eatery around the same era. more »
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May 22, 2008

Sharon's Got Stones

Sharon_Stone_upskirt_10.jpgIt's 1992 all over again today, as Sharon Stone spreads her golden gams and does a Basic Instinct redux. The only problem is that she's wearing flesh-colored panties. Or maybe that's not a problem at all. Maybe it's a blessing. Because it appears that Sharon has spontaneously grown a miniature ballbag. What's she cooking up underneath that taut scrotum of hers? Lady sperm? An alternate reality? The script for Diabolique 2? A cache of Sharon Stone Barbies pilfered from children stricken with AIDS?

Come into my moose knuckle:


Sharon_Stone_upskirt_20.jpg Sharon_Stone_upskirt_30.jpg Sharon_Stone_upskirt_40.jpg
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December 28, 2007

CNW Holiday Junk Drawer: 'Tis the Season to Be Drunky

mischa-barton-dui.jpgPlease allow these links to tide you over until January 2, when we will be hangover-free and ready to devote ourselves to bringing you nipple slips and Tinseltown fetuses once again.

Mischa Barton got arrested for DUI and drug possession. Way to be Scrooges, cops. (TMZ)

Fergie is engaged! To a man, even! Flossy, flossy. (A Socialite's Life)

Jessica Alba is also engaged. Awwww, now her baby won't be a bastard. Cute! (Derek Hail)

Robin Wright and Sean Penn are not engaged, however. In fact, they are getting a divorce. Perhaps she finally got a glimpse of him in the cold hard light of day. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Et tu, Brendan Fraser and wife? Oh, Encino Man, why can't you and your onion field hair plugs make love last? (Celebitchy)

• The sirer of Jamie Lynn Spears's unborn doohicky might not be Casey Aldridge. It might, instead, be Kevin Federline. Juuuuuust kidding, it's some old dude. (Yeeeah!)

• Gaze upon these photos of Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini and be revived. And then note sadly that Michael Bolton is the master of that body, and shrivel, groaning in pain. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sharon Stone trots out those nips for a trip around the block. (Celeb Warship)

Lindsay Lohan might as well face it, she's addicted to dong. (Egotastic!)

Leelee Sobieski. TeeTee Boobichesti. (The Blemish)

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December 03, 2007

Britney Spears Turns 26, Doesn't Mistake JJ for Cake and Eat Him

Britney Spears crosseyed on birthday.jpg We are never satisfied. If Britney Spears does something crazy, we want her to shape up and just be normal. When she does something normal, we want her to throw on a Charles Manson costume and start taking bites out of passersby on the street. (And, yes, we know that Charlie didn't eat people, but that would just add to the crazy.) So naturally we're a bit disappointed that Miss Britney Jean turned 26 years old without, say, accidentally marrying a transgendered trucker she met at Safeway. Instead she just hung out with Sharon Stone. MSNBC reports:
Britney Spears rang in her 26th year on Sunday and although she didn’t have her kids with her, she was surrounded by friends, fun and plenty of swag.

At 9:56 p.m., Spears and her pals Alli Sims and Sam Lufit arrived at the Scandanavian Style Mansion where Sharon Stone was hosting a party. OK! magazine reports that around 11 p.m., a small chocolate birthday cake was presented to Spears and a small crowd broke in to “Happy Birthday.”

Editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens says that the pop princess seemed to be in a much better state that the last time the two were together; during a disastrous photo shoot that resulted in an unfortunate incident with Spear’s dog and a Zac Posen dress. “Britney looked slim and pretty,” Ivens says. “I just kept thinking how much better it was this time around than the last time we spent time with her. We really hope this birthday and her new age will be a turning point.”

And in case you were wondering, the gifting suites at the Mansion made sure the birthday was a memorable one for Spears. She reportedly received the following:

$30,000 in fur coats
A $10,000 diamond and gold ring
$4,000 in Barito brand sunglasses
Various t-shirts and hair products
This party had so much potential, but now that we know that Britney and Sharon can occupy the same space without pulling out each other's weaves/bleached spikes, our dreams of a crotch-flash off are forever dashed. But in case you were wondering, this is how it would go down:

Sharon: Leering in Britney's direction. "I'm just going to sit right here in this chair and demurely cross and uncross my legs. Does everyone have a good view? I can do it again if you didn't get a glimpse. Just go ahead and kneel down and look straight into the beaver."

Britney: "Aw shit, that's nothing, Shazza. That's how I greet my kids, older one and other one. Get a load of this." Hoists herself onto a conveniently placed grand piano, spreading her legs in an extra-wide obtuse angle while shimmying up to her post and keeping them spread like a drug smuggler in a holding cell once she's settled. "Nobody can flash cooter like I can flash cooter, old lady. Top this one."

At which point Sharon flees the room and throws herself down on her mink bedsheets for a good defeated cry.

And for extra fun, click on that Britney pic up there to make it bigger and stare at it until it's time to go home. It'll be better than working on your TPS reports. more »
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November 13, 2007

Sharin' S-TOE-ne

sharon_stone_camel_toe_1.jpgHere we have Sharon Stone at the Make-A-Wish Foundation Ball. And right now, all of the little children suffering from cancer and cystic fibrosis in the program are frantically changing their #1 wishes from "going to Disneyland" and "meeting Zac Efron" to "getting the scary old witch lady to stop showing off her vagina". Seriously, the only way she could draw more attention to that labial cleave would be to Bedazzle it.

sharon_stone_camel_toe_2.jpg sharon_stone_camel_toe_3.jpg sharon_stone_camel_toe_4.jpg
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October 05, 2007

Sharon Stone Just Happens To Be Fine

sharon stone did not have plastic surgery.jpg Sharon Stone wants to make it perfectly clear that her face is made of nothing but skin and bone and a few fat molecules. She hasn't had all that plastic surgery people claim; she's just one fine bitch. MSNBC reports:
Even sexy Sharon Stone fears getting older. “Sometimes I literally have to sit down and look at myself and say, ‘You are a lot older, and you look completely different,’” she revealed in the October issue of Harper’s Bazaar. “You can’t just keep doing the same hairdo or the same makeup and the same jewelry and the same look. You have to face the face that you have.”

For us mere mortals, Sharon did share her secret to staying so hot. “If you want to have plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery, live it up,” she told the magazine. “But if you don’t want to have it, don’t have it. All of these people who keep saying they gave it to me — well, I must never get out of the operating room! How about I happen to be fine and you have not sliced me? It seems to be unfathomable to people that I just happen to be 49 and look good. I am totally capable of accepting myself.”

How does she do it? Sharon told Harper’s Bazaar that not only does she stick to a simple beauty routine, but she does the same with her diet and workout routines. “I don’t want to be fat, so I stop before I am … and I work out only as much as I have to to not be a fat ass. I chase three children to stay in shape.”
So Sharon is just shy of being a fat ass and just happens to be fine? Is that like when Keira Knightley says, "I'm just naturally skinny. I eat like a cow. I don't give a fuck what I look like. Tits" while removing one of her own ribs to fit into her vintage Chanel dress? more »
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September 18, 2007

Plastic Instinct

sharon_stone_new_face_1.jpgLook at the expression on Sharon Stone over there. "I dare you, fucker," those eyes are saying. "I dare you to mention the fact that in the past month, I've obviously had half of my mug replaced by various space-age polymers. Go ahead, tough guy. Say it. Say it and I will open my legs and flash my fabled beav of Basic Instinct fame and it will swallow you whole, and then convert your mangled body into a new set of cheekbones and a chinplant."



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June 11, 2007

Sharon Stone's Knocker Shocker

sharon stone grrr.jpg We know you probably spent your weekend hiding out in the pool house kitchenette, hoping that your mom's hot friend, the one who spends three hours a day at the gym and the rest of her time trying to steal her daughter's boyfriend, would saunter in all dripping wet after her dip in the pool and strip down to let her body air dry while she examined every inch of the pool house's redecoration. But we're assuming that your hopes for the weekend probably weren't realized, so we'll give you the next best thing in the old-lady-titties category: Sharon Stone topless sunbathing. more »
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March 07, 2007

Mr. Skin Presents March Nakedness 2007

phoebe cates fast times.jpg Do you ever think to yourself, "Gee, I love basketball and the thrill of picking an NCAA winner, but there just aren't enough titties during March Madness"? We're sure you have. Now thanks to Mr. Skin you can take the homoerotic joy you usually get out of watching strapping young men in silky shorts fondle balls and apply it to your love of all things mammary with March Nakedness! more »
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December 20, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Nearly "Stripped" of Her Crown

Heather Graham's swan song of succulent sexiness. Take a look, then tip out your King Cobra on the curb.

Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

• Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

• Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

• The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

• We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

• Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

• Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

K-Hole es no preggo.

• Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.
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December 19, 2006

Christian Slater Places Untamed Heart Under Shazza Stone's Christmas Tree

stonewitch.jpg Everyone spread your pantiless crotch wide and give greetings and salutations for new love match Sharon Stone and Christian Slater! She's a joyless harridan who shafts AIDS babies and he's a widow's peaked wino who steals about the streets of New York City under the cover of night, playing grabass with unsuspecting matrons! It's a match made in . . . Hollywood. more »
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November 03, 2006

Sharon Stone Barbie, Now With Kung Fu Grip

Sharon Stone recently skipped out on an AIDS benefit after she claimed that a Barbie doll that had been made in her image specifically for the event looked "nothing" like her. Which means the plastic doll's breasts turned out more lifelike than hers. more »
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October 20, 2006

Sharon Stone's Shocking Snoobs

Remember about six months ago when you couldn't open a tabloid or peruse a gossip blog without hearing Sharon Stone ramble on about how sexy she was, and how shocking it was that she was sexy cause she's old? Looks like grandma is sick of only getting attention from her cats, so she decided to whip out some nipples. We are shocked! Shocked at her audacious nudity! Shouldn't she be wrapped in a shawl watching 20/20 and screaming about those damn kids on her lawn? more »
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March 30, 2006

Basic Instict: Basically, It Stinks

Basic Instinct 2 premiered Monday night to resounding boos, snickers, jeers, heckles, derision, uncontrollable wheezing, intense scorn, spontaneous hives, reverse peristalsis, the vapors, convulsions, explosive diarrhea, coma, and death. more »
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March 29, 2006

Sharon Stone: Teen Sex Swami

Great news for teenage girls! Sharon Stone has come up with a simple solution for that pesky problem called "date rape". If your suitor is getting a bit too persistent in the back of mom's Camry and you find yourself unable to avoid unwanted intercourse, what should you do? No, no, don't jab your fingers in the guy's eyesockets and run like hell to safety. Instead, offer him a beej. It's a nice, quick fix for all involved parties. Thanks, Shazza! more »
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March 23, 2006

Ba-Sick Instinct

Happy "Scary Pictures of People Who Were in Basic Instinct" Day, everybody!

aughstone.jpg ickmikedoug.jpg

Celebrate by taking an icepick and cramming it clean through your eyeballs! Phew, that's better. more »
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March 15, 2006

Basic Instinct Sequel Not Quite Porny Enough For Sharon Stone

Listen, we're human, just like you. We wake up in the morning full of bitter regret, put our pants on one leg at a time, have to go to work and pay taxes and excrete our bodily waste into the toilet, just like everybody else. And yes, sometimes we make mistakes. There, we said it, goddammit. Are you satisfied? We once told you that Sharon Stone would be using a body double in the much-anticipated Basic Instinct sequel and we were wrong, okay? Wrong! Christ! So shut up. Oh, shit, you're crying. Shh, no. There, there. No need to cry. Your CelebNewsWire didn't mean to get so cross with you, sweetheart. It's okay. Shhhh. more »
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March 09, 2006

Boobic Instinct 2

Do you wanna see an old lady's tits today? And do you want to see her in a threesome? Of course you do. But now that we've gotten you excited for some hardcore nudity from Jessica Tandy or Angela Lansbury, we'll tell you that it's Sharon Stone. We know you've seen it before. But that doesn't mean that you're not going to click on that little thingy that says "more" and watch a deleted scene from Basic Instinct 2. more »
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February 13, 2006

Sharon Stone: A Pussy's Best Friend

Let's check in with our own Mr. Miyagi, FemaleFirst, and see what they're up to today. It looks like they're talking about Sharon Stone. What exactly do they have to say about our favorite fortysomething who thinks she's eighteen? (We saw her hanging out at the roller rink last weekend saying gnarly and fo' shizzle. It was really embarrassing.) "The sexy actress has revealed her pet pussy is a great substitute for a guy." Looks like we've got a new Eva Longoria on our hands. more »
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February 06, 2006

Thanks for Sharin', Sharon

It's Monday morning, and that means naked pictures. Actually, it doesn't normally mean naked pictures, it means hangovers and self-loathing. But sometimes one likes to "mix it up", as the kids say, so Naked Picture Monday it is. Sharon Stone is three hundred and seventy-two years old but in these Basic Instinct 2 preveiws she still looks hotter than a vindaloo in the furthest reaches of hell, so we're pretty peeved at the fact that we can't make fun of her. She's still a moron, however, which gives us some semblance of comfort. more »
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January 25, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Tarred and Feathered

• Actor Chris Penn found dead in Santa Monica. Goodnight, Willard, may you dance around tractors in heaven. Let's hear it for the boy.

• Oh baby, Keith! Keith's got what Kidman neee-eeeeds! But she say he's just a friend! She she say he's just a friend!

Promo pics of an old but still trampy Sharon Stone from the upcoming Basic Instinct 2. No, she's not showing her 'tang.

• Unlike George Bush, Pam Anderson's ass cares about black people.

Paris Hilton knows that the most flattering accessory for any modern girl's nip slip is a pair of kicky handcuffs. Sassy!

Headline of the century.

Avril Lavigne grows up, loses tie and armwarmers, looks purdy.

• If the Pavarotti deign to snap pictures of Russell Crowe's preggo wife, they will be "tarred and feathered." Which is a step up from "phoned and phoned."
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October 06, 2005

CNW Junk Drawer: "No, Srsly, Sharn. Jus Drink Da Dis'ronno."

• We're scared, and expecting Renée Zellweger to show up at our offices with a sack of nickels and a sawed-off shotgun any day now.

• In the real world, when a guy plies a girl with booze and coerces her to strip, it's called date rape. In Hollywood, when it happens to Sly Stallone and Sharon Stone, it's called movie magic!

BarryMORE, braLESS.

• Paparazzi didn't cause Lindsay Lohan's Benz bust-up, illegal U-turns did. GodDAMN, girl's got some good spin doctors.

• Hey, don't look at us! We've been abiding by the strict "at least 500 yards away at all times" clause in that restraining order Freddie Prinze Jr. took out on us. Right, Freddie? Right? Heh heh. Heh . . . heh. Heh?

• Man. For a pointy-faced prepubescent weinerless elf, Orlando Bloom sure gets around town with the pretty ladies.

• Thank GOD a dangerous criminal mastermind like Kate Moss will soon be