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filed under: Scarlett Johansson

June 06, 2008

Woody Allen Sez: "If You Like Sex, Don't See My Movie"

penelope cruz short shorts 1.jpg Woody Allen is not a very savvy businessman. Most directors would let rumors of sexed-up storylines and hot lesbian action run rampant, but not Woody. He says, "There ain't none of that crap in my movie, pervos; it's art." According to WENN:
Woody Allen has denied rumours of racy sex scenes between Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in upcoming movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

Johansson and Cruz appear in a steamy scene together as well as taking part in a threesome with Spanish actor Javier Bardem, according to reports.

The director admits that the film does feature a lesbian clinch - but "not in the sense that they're (the press) suggesting."

And the 72-year-old dismisses claims that it is "steamy", telling Britain's Empire magazine, "There's no truth comparable to anything you've read. There's the barest smidgeon of sex in it.

"There are sex scenes between all the characters in the movie: between the men and the women, and the women and the women. That is accurate, but I'd say there's probably not even 20 seconds of sex in the whole picture."
What kind of forking marketing strategy is that? The "I already have a shit ton of money, so I don't need any more, I make movies for the love of cinema" approach? Why not just let a bunch of horndogs pay $9.50 apiece to see the movie? It's not like they're going to be so pissed they never see another Woody Allen movie. Theatergoers who choose films based on girl-on-girl groping probably aren't big Manhattan fans anyway.

And since this was basically an anti-sexy-lady story, here's Penelope Cruz peeking some cheek in short shorts. Now that dame knows how to sell movie tickets.

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Pics via the dashing Drunken Stepfather.
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May 29, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Hopelessly Devoted to Food

britney_high_ponytail.jpg • Britney might star in Grease on Broadway. Well, she's certainly got the "grease" part down. (Daily Stab)

• Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)

• Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)

• Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)

• As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)

• Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)

• Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)

• Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)

• Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)

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May 14, 2008

Sticky Cristina Lesbo-moan-a

scarlett_penelope_kissing.jpgIf Hollywood movies have taught us anything, it's that darkrooms are seriously sexy places and if more than one person is occupying one, the red lighting and chemical smells will impel them to make out. That, and the fact that tough guys always crack their necks slowly before beating or killing you. But back to the first part! Here is a trailer for the upcoming Woody Allen movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which, as far as we can gather from this preview, is about a bunch of people casting furtive looks at one another and then kissing a lot while a lady sings, "Barthelooonaaa! Bartheloonnnnaaa!" And then Penelope Cruz shoots a gun.

The highlight of that trailer should be obvious. It's the stunning cinematography that truly captures the beauty of this world-class city. What, did you think we meant Penelope Cruz kissing Scarlett Johansson? Because ew, dude, that's how cooties are born.
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May 06, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Nabs a Canadian

scarlett johansson ryan reynolds airport.jpg Bazoomy hepatitis-negative blonde Scarlett Johansson is officially engaged to oft shirtless bad-movie specialist Ryan Reynolds. So how long do we have to wait until people start saying they heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of Scarj's hairstylist that she's carrying a tiny little package of chiseled abs in her womb? With Beyonce, we think it was about a week, but with Ashlee Simpson it was probably a matter of hours. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. After all, it's not possible that love is behind this whole thing. That's not how it works in Hollywood. Love doesn't cause marriages, failed EPTs do. According to WENN:
Scarlett Johansson has announced her engagement to actor boyfriend Ryan Reynolds. The couple has been dating since February 2007, shortly after Definitely, Maybe star Reynolds broke off his engagement to singer Alanis Morissette. The actress's representative Marcel Pariseau confirmed the news to People.com, revealing, "They're both thrilled." He added that no wedding date has been set. Johansson, 23, and 31-year-old Reynolds will step out for the first time as husband-and-wife-to-be at New York's Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute Gala on Monday night. Johansson famously keeps her private life under wraps, but previously dated actor Josh Hartnett from 2004 to 2006. The media frenzy surrounding the impending nuptials comes at a great time for Johansson, who is promoting her new debut album of Tom Waits covers, entitled Anywhere I Lay My Head.
Woody Allen sure is going to be pissed. more »
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April 29, 2008

Scarlett Johansson's "Falling Down" Video Will Have You Falling Asleep

scarlett johansson nanny diaries bored.jpg What can we say about Scarlett Johansson's first music video? There are no bright colors to shock your not-fully-awake brain. Um, what else? She obviously made this song for a love of the music, because no one in their right mind would think it's going to be the next "Best of Both Worlds." The only time you could use the word "hit" in conjunction with the song is when you're talking about how your head hit the desk after you fell asleep from boredom. But, hey, for that one person out there whose biggest wish in life is to witness ScarJo's pre-photo-shoot makeup ritual, get out your best ceremonial dagger because your life is complete and it's finally hari kari time. Otherwise, there's not much to recommend, unless you have the stamina to make it all the way to the end, where you will be rewarded with Salman Rushdie nuzzling Scarlett's neck. Why? Because Norman Mailer is dead.



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April 28, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Does Not Have a Diseased Vagina

scarlett johansson at the airport.jpg There are a few things that we all know about girls and promiscuity. Like for instance, a girl who has a tramp stamp will do all kinds of freaky things in bed, but she'll never admit to them. But Scarlett Johansson wants you to know that blonde hair + big boobs ≠ riddled with STDs. There are plenty of blondes with small boobs who are teeming with VD. The Scarj sayeth:
I have platinum blonde hair, and I'm extremely curvy: I pour myself into a dress and show up and strut my stuff at premieres.

Of course I expect people will have certain ideas but it's weird if people associate the fact that I sell handbags or wear a bikini with who I am when I wake up in the morning.

People think I'm going to be some brazen harlot, but I'm not out there with every Tom, Dick, and Harry or catching hepatitis."
Obviously Scarlett was misquoted. What she meant to say was that she's "not out there with every Tom, Rick, and Hairy," meaning Tommy Lee, Rick Salomon, and Kid Rock, and just because one big-tittied blonde out there has happened to pork all three of them and also happens to have hepatitis doesn't mean that they all do. Crabs, maybe, but not hepatitis.
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March 26, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Makes Up for Ugly Tattoo with Naked Boob

scarjo_boobs.jpgOnce the soft, warm, globular paragon of feminine buxomosity, Scarlett Johansson has, as of late, been placed on the back burner due to the gossip world's present obsession with celebritites being pregnant with twins. But let us not forget Scarjo, who, long before Max and Emme, bore twins of her own. Twins made out of fatty tissue and nipples. Twins famously joggled by Isaac Mizrahi. Here are said twins (pssst! We're talkin' 'bout titties!!!) making a daring escape from the rayon prison that is her dress, from the movie A Good Woman (clip kinda NSFW):


Scarlett Johansson Downblouse - video powered by Metacafe
Props to A Socialite's Life for the sweet Mr. Skin reference!
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March 14, 2008

Sacrlett Johansson Auctioned off to Highest Bidder

scarlett johansson has nice breasts.jpg Most men who haven't hit Viagra age would scour together all of their pennies and mutual funds for a chance to breathe in the sweet nectar that wafts from the pristine skin of Scarlett Johansson. But not many men could actually afford to drop the equivalent of a brand new Lexus on the privilege. According to In Case You Didn't Know:
The price is right for one lucky eBay bidder – who just dropped $40,100 for a dream date with Scarlett Johansson.

The actress auctioned off a chance to be her guest at the July premiere of her new film, He’s Just Not That Into You, to benefit Oxfam America. Bidding started at less than $1, but skyrocketed over its 10-day run.

The winner, who is from the U.K., and a guest will be ferried to the glittering event in a chauffeur-driven limousine to join the star on the red carpet. After the screening, Johansson will hand her date a personal handwritten note.

But any further romance looks unlikely. The 23-year-old is currently stepping out with fellow thespian Ryan Reynolds.
$40,100 just to stand next to ScarJo? What would he have paid if the opportunity to tweak a tit were thrown in? more »
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February 26, 2008

Another Present from CelebNewsWire to You

natalie portman looks at scarlett johansson's boobs.jpg
Natalie Portman says: "Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts. She's got beautiful ones." Stow that in your brain pan and let it fester. And you're welcome.
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February 20, 2008

Scarlett Johansson Must Really Love Sunsets

scarlett johansson bad tattoo.jpg This morning we were faced with a mystery. And we're happy to say that, just like Angela Lansbury, we cracked that shit wide open. Now we're sitting down at our typewriter piecing together the fragments of our genius. Presented at left is a photo we found this morning at Oh No They Didn't of Scarlett Johansson looking ravishing at the London premiere of The Other Boleyn Girl. Except she's sporting one major flaw: a very, very, very bad (but still better than anything inked on the skin of Megan Fox) tattoo. Let's go to the close-up:



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Man, that's one shitty tattoo. But we comforted ourselves with the knowledge that it has to be fake. It's just too vibrant and seems to hover too much atop Scarj's creamy flesh. But something was bothering us about it. It seemed so familiar. After some digging, we got to the bottom of this conundrum thanks to our friends at Cityrag and this picture from last July:
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Either Scarjo has really, really good skills with fake-tattoo placement and stocked up on her favorite design at Spencer's, or that thing is actually permanent. We shudder at the thought that such a perfect human specimen has ruined her flesh in such a cheesy, juvenile manner. What's next? Will Shiloh Jolie-Pitt reach her third birthday and demand a SpongeBob tat on her left cheek for all of perpetuity?
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February 18, 2008

A Present from CelebNewsWire to You

scarlett johansson natalie portman almost kiss.jpg Just in case Lindsay Lohan's really big bare breastage didn't give you a boner, here's a picture of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson kinda, sorta, almost, ohmigod-they're-so-close kissing. Enjoy!
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February 07, 2008

Scarj and Penny in Vicky Cristina Barcelesbo

scarlett johansson kissed by queens.jpg Woody Allen may be roughly 300 years old and living a life of pervatude with his former step-daughter, but he's still got it. And by "it" we mean the erectile capacity to still desire seeing two luscious, ample-bosomed sex goddesses do each other on screen. Hooray for Viagra! Page Six reports:
SCARLETT Johansson has a steamy lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's upcoming "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." A source tells us: "It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping." The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem, who plays Cruz's husband. The film also stars Patricia Clarkson, Rebecca Hall, Kevin Dunn and Chris Messina.
Sure, this all sounds hot, but we seriously doubt that we will be "shocked" by the end result. The most erotic a Woody Allen movie gets is a totally-too-hot-for-him lady gushing about how he was the best sex she ever had. And the chick's usually wearing a full body stocking, a Mennonite-inspired full-length denim skirt, and a Land's End parka. So maybe the audience was left gasping because one of the photos developing behind the ladies was of an illegal dog fight. And that threesome with Javier Bardem? We're betting it involves either Scrabble or Balderdash.
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December 05, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: The People vs. Teri's Piehole

terieww.jpg• Teri Hatcher is being sued over lip gloss. The American justice system: serious business. (CelebTV)

• Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (Egotastic!)

• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs, drugs. Ack! Beautiful music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (Yeeeah!)

• Paris Hilton gets new lips; looks even more like Alice the Goon. (Derek Hail)

• Megan Fox does the old Uncle Joey "cut! it! out!" (Cityrag)

• John Maya is a str8 playa. (Daily Stab)

• Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (Celebitchy)

• Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Porn star Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (The Blemish)

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October 26, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Biel 'Brella Bashes Like Britney

jessica-biel-umbrella.jpg• Now that it's raining more than ever/know that Biel still hates the paparazzi/You can get beat by her umba-rella/You get beat by her umba-rella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay. (Egotastic!)

• Britney Spears pretends she has narcolepsy, which is not an oozing venereal disease, like one might automatically assume. (Yeeeah!)

• Katie "Jordan" Price gives a hot blow job!!! She'll really straighten you out! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Work that butt chin, Jessica Simpson. (IDLYITW)

• Now we know what Heidi Klum sees in Seal. (Pssst! It's his enormous penis!!!!) (Derek Hail)

• Happy Halloween! Please stick your candle into Christina Ricci's pumpkins. She was Wednesday Addams, after all, so this is plenty relevant. (Cityrag)

• Find out what happens when Dinas stop being orange and start gittin' REAL. (Fatback and Collards)

• And speaking of questionable Lohans (are there any other kind?), Michael is dressed like it's twink night at the Wet Piston, wtf. (Celeb Warship)

• Rwanda postponed its visit from Paris Hilton, presumably because it needed to reinforce its herpes levees. (Celebitchy)

• Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says "we're casually dating, I'm kind of into you" than forcing your boyfriend to don your body parts around his neck like a gilded noose. (The Blemish)

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October 16, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Digging for Nuggets

tarasfall.jpg• Inspiring photo montage of Tara Reid in various stages of intoxication: the Sweaty Man-O-War, the Crotch Weeper, the Sunny Days Trailer Park Special, the Buttafuoco. (Cityrag)

• Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (Taxi Driver)

• New Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (GlossLip)

• Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (The Blemish)

• Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Wow, Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (Daily Stab)

• Yikes, someone get Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (CelebWarship)

• Slice your wrists, get the girl. Kate Hudson is willing to give Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (Yeeeah!)
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October 09, 2007

Hollywood's Hottest Honkers

scarlett johansson has massive cleavage.jpg What better way to celebrate National Breast Cancer Awareness Month than by talking about how awesome and bouncy and soft boobs are? We really can't think of a better way. And since you douchebags love lists almost as much as you love titties, Film Threat put together a little historical countdown, complete with a cleavage-fest via YouTube clips. So here they are, in somewhat chronological order, the best bazooms in moviedom:

Mae West
Jane Russell
Marilyn Monroe
Dorothy Dandridge
Jayne Mansfield
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Brigitte Bardot
Ursula Andress
Honor Blackman
Raquel Welch
Chesty Morgan
Tura Satana
Uschi Digard
Pam Grier
Jennifer Connelly
Monica Bellucci
Rosario Dawson
Scarlett Johansson
Eva Green
Jennifer Tilly
Asia Argento
Thandie Newton
Helen Mirren
Jessica Rabbit

Seriously? Jessica fucking Rabbit? Is that the best you could do, Film Threat? Did you think to yourselves, "Man, we've exhausted all the luscious lung pillows in Hollywood. There is not one set of sweater kittens left worth ogling. Guess we better talk about some cartoon casabas"? Did Lindsay Lohan's meaty Mean Girls-era mounds not make the list due to the creepy teenage factor? Did you disregard Elizabeth Hurley because she seems like a bit of a shrew? Did Jessica Simpson get cut because you've never actually been able to watch her on film for longer than three minutes? Was there really not one single set of Hollywood hooters that you found more appealing than Jessica Rabbit's paper-and-ink pom poms? more »
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August 03, 2007

Lohan's a Li'l Bandit

Lindsay_Lohan_grin.jpgLindsay Lohan may be safely tucked away in medical facilities unknown, drying out and depowdering, but her legend lives on. Her legend of getting sticky fingers with couture, that is. A few months back, we brought you the story of her going Winona Rydery on her friend. Apparently, this was not an isolated incident, as Lindy made off with some items during a semi-recent Elle photoshoot. Page Six reports:
Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot. Lindsay kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist's assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items - which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper's Bazaar for other shoots. They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but ... Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls."
And in semi-related news, Scarlett Johansson--an actress that, to our knowledge, has never been accused of hamburgling clothing--is appearing in the new Louis Vuitton ad campaign. Seeing her rub those delectable jahooblies all over those ugly bags is making us want to steal them. Steal them and sniff them. And maybe rub our crotches on them a little. And then put blonde wigs on them and take them out to dinner and pretend to feed them mousse. And then gently take a finger and stroke it down the side of the bag while whispering, "I love you." And then when people look at us funny, we'll yell at them for making a big deal out of our celebrity girlfriend Scarlett Johansson being in the restaurant. People can be so rude.

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July 31, 2007

ScarJo No Porno

scarlett johansson washed out.jpg Many many moons and about 8000 Hostess fruit pies ago we told you about the possibility of Scarlett Johansson strapping on some fake funbags and lubing up her pubis to play the part of Jenna Jameson. Well, sorry boys, you're gonna have to tuck those boners back into manginas, cause it ain't happening. People explains:
Despite circulating reports and Jenna Jameson's hopes that the actress is just the right mix of sexy and mysterious, Scarlett Johansson will not portray the porn star in the film adaptation of her autobiography.

"Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project," says a rep for the actress. "She also has no interest in playing this role."

Speaking with PEOPLE at the Comic Con convention in San Diego this weekend, Jameson, 33, said she was smitten with the 22-year-old Johansson after seeing her Golden Globe-nominated turn in the 2003 film Lost in Translation.

"I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy," Jameson said. "I was like, 'This girl could play me.' "

Though she has met Johansson only briefly, Jameson said the encounter left quite an impression. "I love her," Jameson said. "She's amazing. She's smart, she's funny. ... She's stunning."

Casting is crucial, said Jameson, emphasizing that the film needs more than just a pretty face. "I don't want someone who's going to go in there and be like bouncing around," she said. "I want someone who can bring some depth."

It remains to be seen just how risquι the film will be. Asked if it will be explicit, Jameson replied, "It has to be. Not because we want to draw male fans. Because I want to tell the true story."
Dreams dead, hope shattered, life ended, etc. We know you held the Scarj-as-Jenna fantasy in your heart right below the one in which a fully bosomed and minimally coked Lindsay stars in the porn parody Her V: Fully Loaded, so we're sure you're going to cry yourself to sleep tonight. As usual.
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July 13, 2007

Scarlett Johansson's Crack Gives Woody a Woody

scarjo_butt_1.jpgScarlett Johansson (remember her? Pretty girl, big cans, we used to talk about her a lot before everybody went to jail and rehab?) is currently in Spain working on another Woody Allen movie. Her third in a row. Jesus, Woody, control yourself. Maybe try playing a little hard to get or something. A shy smile and a "maybe I'll see you around, or something" is surprisingly effective, as opposed to your current "Scarlett! Scarlett! I wrote seventy-three screenplays and they're all for you! It's ALL FOR YOU, Scarlett" M.O. Christ, even the Coen Brothers take a break from using Frances McDormand sometimes.

The last sentence was very unsexy and non-rhyming, so click past the cut for some butt. more »
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July 03, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Ambien And Candie's

scarlett_johansson_bullring.jpg• Scarlett Johansson dons septum piercing, (fake?) tattoo; dresses like Hot Lips Houlihan. (CityRag)

• Hunkosaurus Rex John Stamos blames his recent slurry interview on Ambien. Right now, David Hasselhoff and Paula Abdul are cursing themselves for not thinking of that one first. (Glitterati Gossip)

• Crack-addicted, clammy, rotten-toothed, smack-shooting, overgrown fetus cheats on beautiful multimillionaire supermodel icon. What? (Yeeeah!)

• Thanks to Fergie, product-plugging in songs is about to get even more prevalent. We can't wait for Jay-Z to namecheck Palmettos and for the new Avril Lavigne album, "Heartache and Kraft Singles, Which Are Made with 100% Real Milk". (Allie Is Wired)

• Michelle Rodriguez does public chin-ups, though she probably also does pubic chin-ups. With girls. (Derek Hail)

• The reason we haven't seen totally naked, total-body, high-def pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo full-on boning in a hot tub? M-O-N-E-Y. That, and the fact that no one really cares about 'em much. (Celebitchy)

• More Megan Fox. Now, 22% more see-through. (Popoholic)

• Eva Longoria has a serious problem involving an ass crack, hungry for spandex. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

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May 15, 2007

Maxim Overturns Accepted Order of Sexiness

lindsay lohan pouty face.jpg It seems that every month or so some magazine or website or other collective of undersexed males declares who, at that very moment, every man on earth should want to do dirty things to more than any other living female. For a while there it looked as if Angelina Jolie would top every such list for eternity, but apparently scooping up the world's orphans one by one and making them crazy sexy cool isn't that hot. Recent months have seen Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel duking it out, with the boobs winning out in the winter months and the butt emerging like a spring tulip to entrance all comers. But today we have a long-lost dark horse pulling out in front. Can you stand the suspense? Really, really, can you? Aw, crap. We put her picture right there next to these words and ruined the surprise. We suck. more »
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May 04, 2007

Pamela Anderson, Every Man, Woman, and Mammal on Earth Want to See Scarlett Johansson's Boobies

scarlett big ol boobies.jpg Pam Anderson wants to see Scarlett Johansson's big, bouncy bazooms. That's quite a bold statement, Pam. Are you sure you want to go out on a limb like that? Next thing you know you'll be making controversial statements like, "Puppies are cute," or "Cupcakes are yummy," or "I have rather large breasts." People start wars over those kind of hot-button issues. more »
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May 01, 2007

Honey's Dead . . . In the Vocal Chords

scarjosquint.jpgScarlett Johansson appeared onstage at Coachella with the reunited Jesus and Mary Chain and lent her sultry pipes to "Just Like Honey".
And by "lent her sultry pipes" we mean "sung one word and sounded an awful lot like Lois from Family Guy".
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