CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
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filed under: Salma Hayek
November 04, 2008
Kate Hudson and Angie Harmon's Butts Urge You To Give
Why is Kate Hudson wearing a Naomi-from-Mama's-Family hat and a fishnet body stocking over her insanely scrumptious rumptious? For charity! In photographer Timothy White's latest endeavor, Hollywood Pinups, a bunch of dames like Kate, an errant Olsen, Tea Leoni, Susan Sarandon, Gina Gershon, Salma Hayek, and more more more wore little more than strategically-placed maribou feathers as they posed pinup style. Gosh, but that'll give a lift to our overseas soldiers. A lift on par with a lime phosphate, even if proceeds benefit world poverty and not war bonds. After the cut, prepare to toot your boogie woogie bugle to Angie Harmon's anus! more »
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October 06, 2008
Salma Hayek Boober Alles
Salma Hayek recently appeared on a German talk show called Wetten Dass. And what an apropos name, because when you see Salma's hypnotic chest-chalupas stuffed precariously into a dirndl you'll be wettin' dass. And since the slippage doesn't exactly involve nippage, just areola, we're putting it on the front page. Why? Because we're mavericks. Blog outsiders.The Kaiser approves:
October 03, 2008
Salma Hayek Half Lesbian? That's Half Awesome
There are a lot of Hollywood types who seem to be half lesbian. Lindsay Lohan, Megan Fox, Britney Spears. But Salma Hayek? We're guessing she's an all or nothing kind of gal. If she were wrist deep in poon, we don't think any phallus could tear her away. But not everyone agrees. The busty one was on England's This Morning, well, this morning, and had a little tongue twister. Says Dlisted: On live television, Salma said she was half Lebanese. One of the show's hosts, Eamonn Holmes, had trouble hearing what she said and asked, "You're a lesbian?" Salma laughed it off and slowly said she was LEBANESE. Eamonn ended things by saying, "Oh sorry, I thought you were half lesbian. Forgive me."So exactly which half of Salma did Eamonn think was lesbian? Because by our estimation, donut diddling would probably make her more like three-quarters lesbo, while a bit of titty rubbing would be closer to maybe fifteen percent Sapphist. more »
July 21, 2008
Breakups of the Rich and Buxom
Beautiful actress finds billionaire European guy to shoot his goof juice up her muff, baby ensues, relationship is ended, billionaire European does not give up billionaire European lifestyle, beautiful actress gets $$$$ for child. Reproduction in Hollywood is a beautiful miracle from heaven, a reverent blessing from above. According to USA Today and their colorful pie charts, Salma Hayek and wealthy Frenchman/Kevin Spacey clone Francois-Henri Pinault have called off their engagement following the birth of daughter Valentina. Hayek's rep said:
"We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be no further comment."You know what that means, guys? That's right. Francois-Henri Pinault is single! Mee-YOW-wow-wow!
January 22, 2008
Salma Hayek Is So Totally Pumped!
If there is one thing we know in this crazy mixed-up world of ours, it's that Salma Hayek has absolutely enormous breasts. And apparently, she is using them as a weight-loss method. A friend of the actress says that after giving birth to daughter Valentina, Salma has been having trouble losing her preg weight and has resorted to constantly pumping her yammos to burn more calories:
"Salma has been pumping and freezing endless amounts of breast milk. When she's not feeding Valentina, she's hooked up to an industrial-size breast pump."Salma, Salma, Salma. Why use a cold, mechanical pump when you could use your ole buddy CelebNewsWire and our own, natural pumps? They're called hands. OK, that was wayyyy too creepy. Sorry. (J/K! Salms, call us.) more »
November 15, 2007
Salma Hayek's Honkers Are a Gift from God
Salma Hayek has accomplished what myriad civilizations have been attempting since the beginning of time: She's definitively proven the existence of God. And she did it with her boobs. Reports Contact Music: Mexican actress SALMA HAYEK was so upset by childhood jibes about her flat-chest, she would pray to God for larger breasts. The Ugly Betty star reveals she was bullied for having small breasts as a youngster - and decided to turn to her Catholic religion for help. She says, "My mom and I stopped at a church during a road trip we were making from our home in Mexico. When we went inside, I prayed for the miracle I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said: 'Please God, give me some breasts'. And he gave me them! Within a few months, I developed a growing spurt, as teenagers do, and I was very pleased with the way I grew outwards."We think this shows that not only is God an overachiever, he's a breast man. more »
September 24, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: What's Red, White, and Screwed All Over?
Nicole Richie in a bikini. Now with more boobs and fetus; less jutting latissimus dorsi. (Egotastic!) Drummer gets pounded: Meg White sex tape? We say not her, but here's a challenge: if someone can find and send us a picture of Meg wearing the "D" necklace featured in the hump flick, we will believe. (Derek Hail)
George Clooney suffering from road rash. "Road rash" to become the new "exhaustion". (A Socialite's Life)
Salma Hayek laid her hot bod down, spread her sexy thighs wide, and . . . pooped out a squalling baby. Mazel tov! (Yeeeah!)
So now Marcia didn't finger Jan? What a rip! (Dlisted)
Here are things Lindsay Lohan has destroyed: countless bottles of Grey Goose, cars, her own career, and now, some dude's marriage. (IMDb)
March 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Why Don't You Fuck Your Whole Movie?"
Lily Tomlin thinks David O. Russell is a "motherfucker". David O. Russell thinks Lily Tomlin is a "cunt" and a "bitch". They Hate Huckabees! Two awesomely NSFW clips here. If you only watch one video of a comedienne and an overrated director trading cruel barbs and throwing set dressing around this year, make it this one. YO, Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some cleave!
Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and crazy!
Shanna and Travis. Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.
Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those Frankenteats yet again.
Leonardo DiCaprio held peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from Growing Pains.
Paris and Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.
We once made fun of Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!
The secret diaries of Anna Nicole are up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"
Heigl kinda sounds like heinie.
Salma Hayek sports the Ugly Betty/Love Story hybrid maternity look.
The Dunst just Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?
March 09, 2007
Salma Hayek to Get Even More Buxom . . . in the Guts
In spite of all your praying, hoping, wishing on various sundry stars and eyelashes and cake candles, visits to voodoo priestesses and human sacrifices, Salma Hayek and BFF Penelope Cruz are, sadly, not life partners who film themselves kneading each other's chahooblies. In fact, it seems that wily Salma has been seeing someone behind our backs. Someone who gave her a ring and a zygote. Her rep announced today:
Businessman, Francois-Henri Pinault, and his fiancee, Salma Hayek, are happy to announce they are expecting the arrival of their first child.In case you're wondering who Francois-Henri Pinault is, he's the CEO of a company called PPR, which owns Gucci and Yves St. Laurent. He's also the dashing Adonis pictured with Salma at left. Man, if only we had known that her type was "rich French version of Kevin Spacey" we would have cashed out all those savings bonds, put on a striped shirt and a beret, and walked right up to Salma with a K-Pax DVD held over our face. more »
February 27, 2007
Polish Your Oscar to Mr. Skin's 2007 Anatomy Awards
We're finally ready to admit it. We're well into Tuesday and no one seems to have located any errant Oscar night nipples, so there you go. For the first time in quite a while, a truly G-rated ceremony. Perhaps the stars were particularly wary of offending best actress nominee/li'l shaver Abigail Breslin and had their assistants use the ultra-durable boob tape, or maybe we can blame it on post-Britney poon fallout. But, like a Long John Silvers sign emerging from the fog during a lonely cross-country drive, Mr. Skin's Anatomy Awards are here! Thrill to Salma Hayek's mind-bendingly joggling jugs on Ugly Betty! Watch in wonder as you see Rosie O'Donnell's ass encased, haggis-like, in pantyhose! Be knocked sideways by the fact that Gretchen Mol dyed her hair--ALL her hair--for The Notorious Bettie Page! Let's be honest, kids, you're not really interested in the delicacy of Helen Mirren's portrayal of Queen Elizabeth nor the quiet dignity Rinko Kikuchi brought to Babel. You didn't even see those movies. You were too busy flopping your dong to honeys in the Coldwater Creek catalog. So check out the only awards that matter, and stop poring over pictures from Sunday night, trying in vain to spy a half a centimeter of Winslet areola. It's not going to happen. Give up the ghost. more »
December 28, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "Animal"
Diana Ross would like to give singing lessons to Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera. We can only imagine how that would go. "No, honey, more nasal! I said MORE nasal! That's too classically perfect and on-pitch, girl; could you maybe get a slightly whinier tone there?" James Brown died last week, and his wife, Rae Hynie, was immediately locked out of their home, as she's apparently not his "legal" wife. Funny story, but you know what's funnier? The name "Hynie". What's funnier than that? "Hynie-Brown".
Kim Kardashian might have a sex tape. With Brandy's brother. Who calls himself "Ray-J Jawn". Talentless rich girl engaged in coitus on video with no-name dude attached to penis? Sounds like a recipe for superstardom!
You will look at these pictures of Jessica Biel forming the camel toe in a bikini, and you will want to have sexual intercourse with her, but she would pick you up and smash you against her forehead and toss you, crumpled flat, in a pile.
Paris Hilton calls Britney "Animal". Not because of her penchant for partying, but because of her red fur, proficiency at drumming, and tendency to shout "WO-MAN!"
Pamela Anderson dresses up as Santa for the holidays. If Santa were a woman with staggeringly overstuffed fake breasts and flashed, panty-clad crotch. Which, we hear, is how he's usually depicted in traditional Norwegian folklore.
Adam Brody muses on Bilson, Barton; gets munchies.
Kylie Minogue. She sure does like to fuck.
Mr. Skin raps to the Sun-Times about Salma Hayek's cans and Ali Larter's thong.
Goddammit, Tara, you told us that you fixed that crap!
Eva Longoria says that fame is like a hurricane. And that she'd like to maybe experience it someday, God willing. Hee hee hee hee hee.
Christina Aguilera bought a shit ton of baby junk for Puffy Diddo's newly-minted twin girls. Hopefully included amongst the gifts were a couple of new names.
December 11, 2006
Top Ten Movies To Put You in the Mood(y)
We here at CelebNewsWire pride ourselves on being pervier than the average bear (we've logged dozens and dozens of hours examining the folds of Britney Spears's rubyfruit to prove it), but we learned everything we know from our mentor of muffage, Mr. Skin. Today we're proud to bring you his picks for the 10 best nude scenes of 2006. more »
June 09, 2006
ScarJo's Got the Best of the Breast
So what were the serious journalists over at In Touch doing while People was negotiating their $4.1 million buy of the Brangelina family fun pics? They were rating celebrity racks. Because who cares about Piloh Shitt when there are boobs to ogle? more »
March 22, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Erecting a Twelve Foot Pole
Jennifer Aniston is moving to Chicago. We can't wait to run into her in the health and beauty aisle at Jewel!
Piper Perabo lowers herself to date former pill-popper/Friends friend Matthew Perry. Move over TomKat and Brangelina, here's . . . Pipthew Perrybo?
Our #1 deity, Mariah Carey, teams up with Snoop, shoots a video, mounts a mesa of Vuitton luggage, wears very little clothing.
Salma Hayek chortles when confronted with Colin Farrell's weenis. Understandable.
Portman pokies, redux!
If your daughter were Tori Spelling, wouldn't you sue her too? Just for fun?
K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.
Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?
Piper Perabo lowers herself to date former pill-popper/Friends friend Matthew Perry. Move over TomKat and Brangelina, here's . . . Pipthew Perrybo?
Our #1 deity, Mariah Carey, teams up with Snoop, shoots a video, mounts a mesa of Vuitton luggage, wears very little clothing.
Salma Hayek chortles when confronted with Colin Farrell's weenis. Understandable.
Portman pokies, redux!
If your daughter were Tori Spelling, wouldn't you sue her too? Just for fun?
K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.
Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?
February 14, 2006
Happy Valentine's Day from Salma Hayek's Genitalia
Hey, so there's this new movie coming out, see, and it stars Colin Farrell and Salma Hayek, see, and they both get totally naked, see? Do you like that we included a naked boy with our usual naked girl story? We here at Celebnewswiredotcom are equal opportunity nudie exploiters. And that is why we're your valentine. Here, have a heart-shaped Russell Stover sampler. more »
February 02, 2005
Salma's Suicidal Boobs
Good old reliable FemaleFirst comes through with yet another eye-catching headline: "Salma Hayek's Naked Breasts Make Her Want To Kill Herself". That's funny, because every time we see Salma's naked breasts, we want to do something else to ourselves. more »
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