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filed under: Richie Sambora

March 27, 2008

Wanted (Waaaaaannnnnteeeeed!) Drunk or Alive

Aha, now we know why Heather Locklear may have very recently been suicidal--her ex-husband likes to slam a few Zimas before cruising around the block with their daughter in the car! Yesterday, Richie Sambora was arrested for driving under the influence with his ten-year-old daughter Ava, Ava's young friend, and an unidentified woman in his vehicle. From TMZ:

Richie Sambora could be criminally charged with child endangerment.

Richie Sambora was busted for DUI with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car, along with another juvenile and another adult -- a woman. If Sambora was driving drunk, he could be charged with endangering the two kids.

Police sources tell us Sambora has not been charged with endangerment but the Laguna Beach P.D. is "actively investigating."

Someone should have told Richie that his liver is Slippery When Wet! That booze is like Bad Medicine! He gives Pubs a Bad Name! Better watch out or ooooooh, Ava's gonna be a little Runaway! Ugh, stop us now.

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June 08, 2007

He's Seen A Million Brewskis . . . And He's DRANK Them All

Rehab! Catch the fever! Yesterday People.com reported:

"Richie Sambora has entered an undisclosed treatment facility in Los Angeles," the rep said in a statement. "He asks that you respect he and his family's privacy at this time."

Well, crud. There goes our usual Friday morning, during which we get bagels and eat them on Richie's lawn with a pair of binoculars pointing into his bathroom, wearing our Slippery When Wet shirt and carving his likeness into our ribs with the guitar pick he threw at the Anaheim concert of the Stranger in This Town tour. What do you think he's in rehab for? Because we think he's addicted to our love. Call us, Sambo!

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May 16, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Wonderjocks

• If a Denise Richards and Richie Sambora break up in the woods and no one is there to care, do they make a sound? (TMZ)

• Avril Lavigne, topless. He was a sk8tr b0i, I said see my taters, boy. (Yeeeah!)

• Mary Kate Olsen slips rib. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Justin Timberlake flew Jessica Biel and her first-class ass to England for tea and beans on toast. No, for canoodling. Canoodling. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Ewan MacGregor wears junk-enhancing briefs. Are they 18 hour? Do they lift and separate? (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Teri Hatcher has leopard-spotted pubic hair! Or underwear, whatever. (Taxi Driver)

• Is Vanessa Minnillo humping Nick Lachey's butt in the pool? Because it really looks like Vanessa Minnillo is humping Nick Lachey's butt in the pool. (Derek Hail)

• Britney Spears hates her mom and did not call her or visit her on Mother's Day, when said mom was in the hospital with pneumonia. Then she tear-gassed an orphanage and crapped on a veteran's memorial. (Glosslip)

• David Faustino got busted for weed possession for the most convenient headline ever. (Celebitchy)

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February 02, 2007

Denise Richards Airs out Her Wild Thing

You see that picture right there of Denise Richards in a bikini? She's looking pretty sweet, right? Everything looks toned and in place, no flab to be seen anywhere. But, alas, appearances can be deceiving, as once Denise spreads her legs for a closer peek, her inner choas is revealed. more »

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June 12, 2006

If Only She'd Dressed Like This a Year Ago, Maybe She'd Still Be Married

If you're Denise Richards and you desperately--desperately--want the media to leave you alone and let you live your more-dramatic-than-a-day-in-Port-Charles life, what do you do? Pack up the kids and hide out at a luxury spa in Saskatchewan? Or get engaged to your also-still-legally-married boyfriend and then dress up like a transvestite hooker and prance around a Las Vegas stage with other similarly-clad "women"? We're gonna have to go with the latter. more »

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May 23, 2006

Revenge by Stereo

Contrary to popular reports stating otherwise, the romance between Wild Thing Denise Richards and aging craprocker Richie Sambora is still on--they are presently kissing and getting sunburned together in Italy. And Heather Locklear is reportedly so steamed that she pulled a mean-spirited Lloyd Dobbler on Denise. more »

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April 27, 2006

Denise Richards is Better Off Dead

First, Charlie Sheen threatened to kill her. Now, Heather Locklear claims "You no longer exist to me. It's like you've died." Wow, this whole "accuse your husband of kiddie porn and hookers, then take out a restraining order" plea for public sympathy Denise Richards is pulling doesn't exactly seem to be working out for her too well. When the public opts to side with Charlie Sheen-CHARLIE SHEEN, PEOPLE--over the pretty lady from Wild Things, you know you're pretty much an asshole. more »

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February 10, 2006

Putting the "Ass" in "Personal Assistant"

You might think that dorking someone like Jessica Simpson would be a dream come true, but in reality, while you were pumping away, she'd be feeding some Pupparoni to her floofy dog, applying self-tanner and Creme de la Mer, taking on her cell with her publicist, and screeching at you to hurry up because her Birkin bag order was in at Hermes and good Christ, would you please fucking watch the nails? It makes sense, then, that people like Nick Lachey and Richie Sambora would toss their wives overboard in favor of copulating with norms. Personal assistant-fucking: catch the fever! more »

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February 08, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: An Army of Hookers

• Jermaine Dupri says that his girlfriend Janet Jackson purposely got all lumpy and lardy for an indie film role that fell through. We're totally stealing that excuse.

• Don't fuck with Reese Witherspoon. Unless you're into dying.

• Kate Moss proves that supermodels actually have brains!

• She also proves she has a nipple. Again.

• Heather Locklear allegedly was prompted to file for divorce when she discovered some racy emails and provocative pictures some dame had sent to her husband. Damn you, MySpace!!!

• Denise Richards recently got an AIDS test, her fears reportedly sparked after discovering that now-estranged husband Charlie Sheen paid for an "army of hookers". Soon to be deployed to Iraq?

• In case you were wondering, Fergie is still fergly.

• This guy's Maddox Jolie tattoo actually makes us feel pretty good about the fact that we have Isabella Cruise's face inked on our ass.

• Mandy Moore kissed Sarah Chalke on Scrubs. We're not going to make a joke here, because fake lesbian kisses on the television are serious, serious business.

• Val Kilmer has gotten so terribly corpulent that he actually tried to eat Paris Hilton!

• Luckily, she escaped and was able to safely slip nip yet again.

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February 03, 2006

Richie and Heather Give Love a Bad Name

February 2nd, 2005. The day love died. Yesterday, Heather Locklear filed for divorce from Richie Sambora. No reasons were cited for the split, but we can assume that it was either a fight over the bronzing powder or a heathed battle over whose highlights were more "buttery". more »

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