CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
To the left, we have a photograph of actress Nikki Cox as she appeared a mere few years ago. And here she is at a CBS event with husband Jay Mohr very recently:
And we can't quite put our finger directly on it, but there is something different happening here. We think maybe she's parting her hair on the opposite side or something.
Could the faces of Dina Lohan and Paula Abdul have been molded from the same prototype? Better question: Is either lady willing to divulge the name of their oh-so-proficient doctor? Because they sure are looking gorge.
Megan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD)
Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)
What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)
Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)
In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)
Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)
Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)
Just the other day we heard children's book author/vagina rejuvenation enthusiast Jordan proclaim that big boobs are, like, so 2007. Which is kind of like Britney Spears deciding that weaves are the dorkiest things since pocket protectors, but whatever. It seems that Kate Beckinsale agrees that implants are not this season's must-have accessory, so it's all deny, deny, deny that she ever stuffed some junk in her torso. The San Fransisco Chronicle reports:
British actress Kate Beckinsale has been "driven to despair" by rumors she has undergone breast enlargement surgery.
The "Pearl Harbor" star was reported to have opted for a figure-enhancement operation in 2005, after she was photographed sporting a noticeably larger chest.
But the 34-year-old insists her breasts grew naturally when she gained weight for her role in 2005 movie "The Aviator."
And Beckinsale has now vowed not to answer any questions about the rumored surgery, because she is sick of talking about it.
She says, "The boob job thing has driven me to despair. I'm not discussing my breasts with anyone but my husband and my daughter from now on.
"I think once you start saying, 'No, I haven't' too many times, it sounds as if you're protesting too much."
"I'm not discussing my breasts with anyone but my husband and my daughter from now on"? Just how often do you bring up your boobs when chatting with your nine-year-old offspring? When you jabber on about the buoyancy of your bazooms and their all-natural lift, does Lily yell, "Stop talking about your freakin' funbags, Mom! It's gross. And I'm trying to listen to this Hannah Montana song!" Or do your talks usually start by cracking open this book? more »
Nearly three years ago, we brought you this terrifying blind item, a tale of a television star who gave her new husband the gift of a tighter tooter for their wedding. We've never told you who the lady was, but it sure wasn't Roseanne Barr/Arnold. However, unlike our mysterious blind item subject, Roseanne is more than willing to discuss her own vaginal rejuvenation surgery, especially on national television, while an utterly mortified Craig Ferguson looks on:
Roseanne's excuse is that she's single, and thus needs something to "put herself out there". Divorcιes the world over previously thought this meant a kicky hairdo or a makeover at Merle Norman. Thanks, Roseanne, for letting us know that to be successful at dating, it's a full pussy tune-up that's necessary.
Ahahaha! Now THIS is an April Fool's joke! We have certainly been punk'd by Entertainment Tonight correspondent Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru who showed up at a red carpet event dressed in drag as Lara Flynn Boyle. We almost believed you, Cojo, but those kidney transplant steroid cheeks gave it away! Oh, you are a treasure, you funny man. A treasure.
Priscilla Presley is a beauty with a face that rivals Nefertiti's and/or the goddess Aphrodite or possibly even Loni Anderson. But as it turns out, she had a little help acheiving that sexy, immobile, eat-your-heart-out-boys-I-just-had-a-stroke look. And we're not talking about Botox. We're not talking about Restylane or collagen, neither. We're not even talking about tinkle and leeches. We're talking about high grade automobile lubricants. Reports TMZ:
TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure. What's worse -- it was at the hands of a gigolo who was sent to prison for perpetrating an injectable scam on Hollywood's elite.
Priscilla, whose face looks ... strange on "Dancing with the Stars," went to Dr. Daniel Serrano around 2003. Serrano was a good-looking doc from Argentina who hooked into Hollywood's social A-list and started giving them what he claimed were miracle injections that worked better than Botox.
In fact, Serrano was injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women. Several women, including Shawn King, Larry's wife, and Diane Richie, Lionel's wife at the time, held injection parties in their homes, with Serrano needling them with the non-FDA approved drug that he had smuggled in to the U.S. Shawn King has said the injections created a lump in her lip that made it difficult to speak and drink liquids. Serrano charged between $300 and $500 a pop.
Serrano, who was nicknamed Dr. Jiffy Lube, was indicted by the Feds for smuggling drugs, and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs. He was convicted, and last week he was released and is currently being investigated by federal immigration officials and could be deported.
Aw, hey. That's a totally honest mistake! When a Latin lover doctor whose hotness is bolstered by the fact that his surname is the same as a pepper appears to you with a mysterious syringe full of viscous goo that smells suspiciously of a Vo-tech repair class, and offers to inject it into your face for a nominal fee, how could you resist? It could've happened to anyone. Chin up, Priscilla! Not keeping your chin up is a problem, seeing how it's filled with industrial grade automotive silicones and all. more »
Well, the jig is up. That master of disguise, Tori Spelling, has finally let the cat out of the bag. According to our plastic surgery prep nurse, FemaleFirst, Tori told The Sun:
"I had a boob job. There it is. I finally said it. I wanted to come clean that I had my boobs done in my 20s because people falsely write that I've had all these things done. I've had the two procedures that probably every other woman in Hollywood has had done."
The curious, funnel-shaped chasm between her softballs-in-socks breasts? Not God-given? Our entire belief system is crumbling like a house of cards. more »
Kelly Rowland, also known as The Other Destiny's Child Girl, is tired of living in Beyonce's shadow. The shadow created by Beyonce's lovely, plump bustline. So she went out and bought herself a nice pair of cans! Kelly admits:
"I was sick of not fitting into my tops. There was this one House Of Dereon top - I just wanted to fill that out. I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn't want to have double-Ds and be little bitty size two - that would look nuts! It is a decision I made for myself. I like it, and that's all that counts."
Just yesterday, Nicole Richie was crabbing that her baby-generated chahooblies completely decimated the way clothes look on her, and here comes Kelly Rowland claiming that she needs a pair in order to have her outfits look presentable. If only Nicole could reach into her chest cavity, scoop out the offending mass of breast tissue, and cram it into Kelly via her belly button. That's called "cooperation". When we work together, we all win!
Here's Jordan/Katie Price/Frankentits/whatever at a book signing. Not only is she debuting her new tome, but she's debuting the new breast implants she got for her husband as a Christmas gift. And what sexy lady story would be complete without a solid nip slip or two? If you dare, click "next" where you will be transported into a world of surgical science, where medical oddities become mammographic reality. Where she who buys the largest blobs of engineered gelatinous glop in her chest cavity wins, aesthetics be damned. Where day is night, where white is black. more »
Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (IMDb)
Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (Celebitchy)
Oh, shut your tamalehole, J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (The Blemish)
The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (Cityrag)
Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (HolyTaco)
Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (The Superficial)
We're thinking about taking a binge and purge approach to Britney Spears gossip from now on. We'll hold out for as long as we can, denying ourselves any information on the sad, sad life of our favorite fallen pop star, then maybe once a week we'll lower our defenses and allow the wave of Brit news to wash over us, leaving a cheesy, greasy stain. In today's binge we learn that Brit had plastic palookas installed when she was a wee teener and Sam Lutfi is heartily battling Howard K. Stern for the title of World's Supreme Asshole. It's gonna be a tight race. more »
Mariah Carey actually would rather be onstage with J. Lo than a pig after all. Good to know. (Celebitchy)
Britney's car was impounded. There was no way for her to avoid bein' grounded. Her parents had to come up from vacation and get me, I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me. So tell you all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue, parents just don't understand. Dee doo doo doo. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Britney's not the only one who enjoys mama's lollipops in front of Sean and JJ. Only Daddy's lollipops come in a pretty glass container and smell funny. (Yeeeah!)
Fergie is coming clean about her dirtied drawers. (Cityrag)
Tom Cruise's older children call Katie Holmes "Mom". They call Tom "Intergalactic Overlord Patriarchal Cyborg Unit #6599202B". (Celebitchy)
Tara Reid sports a bikini. And what appears to be Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat from 2002. (The Blemish)
Monica Bellucci has thingies. They're, like, round things. Kind of pinkish? They're a little bit below her collarbone. You know, whosiwhatsits. (Hollywood Tuna)
Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)
Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)
It's hard out here for a pimp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (CelebWarship)
Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)
James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)
Posh Spice has taken a page from the book of Pam Anderson and (possibly) temporarily removed her scone-like breast implants for the Spice Girls tour. What, is she just using them as shoe trees until the shows are over? Says Monsters and Critics:
Victoria Beckham reportedly had her breast implants removed to stop her boobs falling out on the Spice Girls tour.
Victoria, also known as Posh, was worried her ample bosom may pop out of her tight Roberto Cavalli outfits while performing the band's dance routines and decided to have her implants taken out to avoid any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions.
A source is quoted as saying: "There is speculation she had her implants taken out for the tour so she can fit into the costumes without the risk of them falling out during some of the more energetic routines."
Victoria, 33, previously denied having a boob job until court papers were released in 2005 proving she had undergone surgery.
We've always maintained that Posh, with her immobile face and stiff limbs that probably make a satisfying, mechanical "click" when moved, is actually some sort of borg or, at the very least, a Go-Bot. So it would make sense that she would have the ability to snap body parts in and out at will, though we're not sure what her implants would transform into. Perhaps a dump truck. No, a Lamborghini Countach.
Teri Hatcher is being sued over lip gloss. The American justice system: serious business. (CelebTV)
Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (Egotastic!)
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs, drugs. Ack! Beautiful music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (Yeeeah!)
Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (Celebitchy)
Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (Drunken Stepfather)
Porn star Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (The Blemish)
Flash go the cameras, and out winks the Halle Berry cotton cheek-splitter. (Taxi Driver)
Brendan Fraser got his head replanted for the winter. (Cityrag)
Something something about the Hogans . . . something divorce, lawsuit something something-or-other? Oh, whatever. You'd never see the Iron Sheik in this embarrassing position. (Derek Hail)
Vintage Cindy Crawford--before the Pepsi commercial, before the Gere, back when Aaron Neville face goober was but a freckle on the horizon. (Drunken Stepfather)
Amy Winehouse has cancelled all her tour dates. Her doctor cites "the rigors involved in touring" and "emotional strain" as the reasons. Which sound like legitimate medical excuses, right up there with "the vapors" and "consumption" and "the grippe". (The Hollywood Gossip)
"Greetings and salutations. My eyebrows are on top of my skull." (Dlisted)
Eva Green is a gorgeous gothick angel sent from crazy Joan Collins style heaven and placed upon this earth to teach us all about beauty and love and eyeliner. (Lainey Gossip)
Face it--you're never going to touch Jessica Alba. So instead, set your sights on her slightly more attainable stunt double! (Daily Stab)
Britney Spears reportedly had a bunch of fat sucked out of her ass. Because girl just doesn't have the time to get on the treadmill every day. She'd have to cut her daily shopping time down to nine hours, and that is just not enough, y'all. The Daily Mail reports:
Britney Spears has had liposuction on her bottom and hips, it was claimed today.
The 25-year-old was reportedly house hunting in Las Vegas at the weekend, but sources say she had some nip and tuck while there.
It's not the first time Britney has turned to cosmetic procedures in a desperate bid to improve her appearance - she had her pout plumped just last month.
It was also reported she had liposuction in Vegas last April, which the star denies.
We're guessing Britney's decision to get vacuumed out went something like this: Turns on TV. Gets caught up in human-interest story on really, really fluffy puppy on the news. Sees update on Donda West's death with description of liposuction procedure. Turns to paid assistant/son/puppy/Teddy Ruxpin doll she keeps on a living room chair and says, "I need to do that y'all. My butt is looking totally fat." She then turns the channel to AMC, where she catches the end of Thelma & Louise, and says, "That looks like fun. Let's go find a cliff and drive off it."
For once, no one is pointing out Jewel's tombstone teeth. We wondered what was going on with her jugs here, so we whipped out our protractor, abacus, and jeweler's loupe, and after an exhausting 20 seconds of in-depth examination, we've determined that the bulk of the weirdness is thanks to some creepy "shading" going on with two vertical stripes of bronzer. Still, that doesn't lessen the appearance of the breasts themselves, which formerly were glorious, overabundant, voluminous globules that defied all laws of gravity, space, and time. Now, they're like buckeyes in a grocery bag, or possibly those individually-sealed prunes. At any rate, this just gives us a great excuse to dip into our office copy (and you think we're kidding but we assure you, we're quite serious) of Jewel's book of verse, A Night Without Armor, to share one of our favorite poems.
Sun Bathing
I read a book
and the man thinks
I can not see
the wrinkled posture
of his son
as he is nudged.
He thinks
I can not see
four eyes
upon my flesh
as the father tries
to bond with
his teenage boy
by ogling my breasts.
Et tu, Dr. Quinn? Although the charming and elegant Jane Seymour has always denied ever having had plastic surgery, she now admits to People magazine that after giving birth to twins eleven years ago, she got fake yammos. Albeit really small yammos. Really, really, really, really small. In fact, as she told People:
"My plastic surgeon had to special order them."
That small, eh? Did he order them from a Barbie doll catalog? Did he insert them with tweezers? But seriously, Jane Seymour has fake ones? Man, what a letdown. Now we know why Owen Wilson tried to off himself after fondling what he thought was pure and honest Dr. Quinn teat meat. Sorry. Too soon? more »
Either Daniel Craig has a secret passion for AwfulPlasticSurgery.com or he's spent way too much time in L.A., because he's got a pretty good assessment of the surgery obsessed. Our own rhinoplasty specialist, FemaleFirst, reports:
Daniel Craig has vowed to never have plastic surgery - because he doesn't want to look "like a lesbian".
The James Bond star is determined to grow old gracefully, and thinks stars who do choose to go under the knife risk looking like "freaks" when they are older.
He said: "You've got to get on with it. If things start to come out, or things start to drop.
"It's tricky, it really is, because no-one likes to get old and sag.
"People can improve themselves when they are younger, but when you're 60 or 70, you start looking like a freak. You end up looking like a lesbian big sister and that's not right!"
Dag, we were totally wrong about Craig's interneting habits. His favorite site is obviously Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. And we think it was the following two photos that forever scared Mr. Bond away from the plastification (and lesbification) of his face.
We're used to seeing Britney Spears with lots of random chemical-filled food residue clinging to the area around her mouth, but Britney with random chemical residue injected INSIDE her mouth? Now that's news! She allegedly got her cakehole augmented while visiting a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon on Thursday. ASL quotes a source as saying:
"Brit hoped her new lips would improve her look without being really obvious to anyone. But onlookers literally stood opened mouthed when they saw her. She looked freaky."
And that's different from every other sighting of Britney Spears how, exactly? After seeing her in ripped garments, stained garments, backwards garments, pillowcases, brown weaves, Barbie weaves, pink wigs, bald head, bald beav, etc., a fat lip most likely isn't so remarkable. The only weird part here is