CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.

filed under: plastic surgery rumors

May 15, 2008

Nikki Cox Is Different Somehow

nikki_cox_1.jpgTo the left, we have a photograph of actress Nikki Cox as she appeared a mere few years ago. And here she is at a CBS event with husband Jay Mohr very recently:









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And we can't quite put our finger directly on it, but there is something different happening here. We think maybe she's parting her hair on the opposite side or something.
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May 07, 2008

Dina Lohan Becomes Even More Beautiful

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Could the faces of Dina Lohan and Paula Abdul have been molded from the same prototype? Better question: Is either lady willing to divulge the name of their oh-so-proficient doctor? Because they sure are looking gorge.
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CNW Junk Drawer: Megan Fox Gets Plump

megan_fox_lips_plumped.jpg• Megan Fox takes "next Angelina Jolie" title literally, gets lipplants. (ONTD)

• Elisha Cuthbert stalks the sandy landscape in a bikini; cuddles muscular male; gets handsy with own buttocks. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding photos will be in People. And they talk about being "soul mates". Even though they've known each other for six weeks. (Celebitchy)

• What mysterious pull do these Maddens have? Lindsay Lohan was busted trying to pick up Joel (that's Nicole Richie's Madden, not Paris Hilton's Madden) at a club the other night. There's not enough Maddens to go around. (Yeeeah!)

• Angelina Jolie is reportedly going to have twin girls. They'll have their mother's looks and their father's . . . looks. They can't go wrong! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Amy Winehouse is slowly devolving from soulful songstress to drunken party girl to crackhead to missing link to ape. Photographic evidence exists. (Holy Taco)

• Uma Thurman's name begins with a "u". So does the word "upskirt". Aaaand that's the closest we cam come to a joke here. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• In other Lohan news, she's still stealing clothing from her friends. Because when girls' daddies don't love them, the fill up their hearts with pilfered fur. (The Blemish)

• Blake Lively may play a high schooler on Gossip Girl, but that rack is alllll freshman year at a state U, baby. (Fatback)

• Jessica Simpson must, she must, she must increase her bust. (Cityrag)

• Post-birth, Halle has some Berry nice cleavage. We knew our childhood obsession with Strawberry Shortcake speak would come in handy some day! (Flisted)

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April 18, 2008

No Pecs Impaled for Beckinsale

kate beckinsale bad hair.jpg Just the other day we heard children's book author/vagina rejuvenation enthusiast Jordan proclaim that big boobs are, like, so 2007. Which is kind of like Britney Spears deciding that weaves are the dorkiest things since pocket protectors, but whatever. It seems that Kate Beckinsale agrees that implants are not this season's must-have accessory, so it's all deny, deny, deny that she ever stuffed some junk in her torso. The San Fransisco Chronicle reports:
British actress Kate Beckinsale has been "driven to despair" by rumors she has undergone breast enlargement surgery.

The "Pearl Harbor" star was reported to have opted for a figure-enhancement operation in 2005, after she was photographed sporting a noticeably larger chest.

But the 34-year-old insists her breasts grew naturally when she gained weight for her role in 2005 movie "The Aviator."

And Beckinsale has now vowed not to answer any questions about the rumored surgery, because she is sick of talking about it.

She says, "The boob job thing has driven me to despair. I'm not discussing my breasts with anyone but my husband and my daughter from now on.

"I think once you start saying, 'No, I haven't' too many times, it sounds as if you're protesting too much."
"I'm not discussing my breasts with anyone but my husband and my daughter from now on"? Just how often do you bring up your boobs when chatting with your nine-year-old offspring? When you jabber on about the buoyancy of your bazooms and their all-natural lift, does Lily yell, "Stop talking about your freakin' funbags, Mom! It's gross. And I'm trying to listen to this Hannah Montana song!" Or do your talks usually start by cracking open this book? more »
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April 11, 2008

Roseanne Buys Fresh New Vagina with Kung-Fu Grip

roseanne_sings_national_anthem.jpgNearly three years ago, we brought you this terrifying blind item, a tale of a television star who gave her new husband the gift of a tighter tooter for their wedding. We've never told you who the lady was, but it sure wasn't Roseanne Barr/Arnold. However, unlike our mysterious blind item subject, Roseanne is more than willing to discuss her own vaginal rejuvenation surgery, especially on national television, while an utterly mortified Craig Ferguson looks on:

Roseanne's excuse is that she's single, and thus needs something to "put herself out there". Divorcιes the world over previously thought this meant a kicky hairdo or a makeover at Merle Norman. Thanks, Roseanne, for letting us know that to be successful at dating, it's a full pussy tune-up that's necessary.
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April 01, 2008

Priscilla Presley's Doctor Strikes Again?

lara_flynn_boyle_face.jpgAhahaha! Now THIS is an April Fool's joke! We have certainly been punk'd by Entertainment Tonight correspondent Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru who showed up at a red carpet event dressed in drag as Lara Flynn Boyle. We almost believed you, Cojo, but those kidney transplant steroid cheeks gave it away! Oh, you are a treasure, you funny man. A treasure.






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(Boyle pix via Yeeeah)
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March 25, 2008

Move Over Creme de la Mer--It's Turtle Wax Time

priscilla_presley.jpgPriscilla Presley is a beauty with a face that rivals Nefertiti's and/or the goddess Aphrodite or possibly even Loni Anderson. But as it turns out, she had a little help acheiving that sexy, immobile, eat-your-heart-out-boys-I-just-had-a-stroke look. And we're not talking about Botox. We're not talking about Restylane or collagen, neither. We're not even talking about tinkle and leeches. We're talking about high grade automobile lubricants. Reports TMZ:
TMZ has learned Priscilla Presley is the victim of a botched cosmetic procedure. What's worse -- it was at the hands of a gigolo who was sent to prison for perpetrating an injectable scam on Hollywood's elite.

Priscilla, whose face looks ... strange on "Dancing with the Stars," went to Dr. Daniel Serrano around 2003. Serrano was a good-looking doc from Argentina who hooked into Hollywood's social A-list and started giving them what he claimed were miracle injections that worked better than Botox.

In fact, Serrano was injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women. Several women, including Shawn King, Larry's wife, and Diane Richie, Lionel's wife at the time, held injection parties in their homes, with Serrano needling them with the non-FDA approved drug that he had smuggled in to the U.S. Shawn King has said the injections created a lump in her lip that made it difficult to speak and drink liquids. Serrano charged between $300 and $500 a pop.

Serrano, who was nicknamed Dr. Jiffy Lube, was indicted by the Feds for smuggling drugs, and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs. He was convicted, and last week he was released and is currently being investigated by federal immigration officials and could be deported.
Aw, hey. That's a totally honest mistake! When a Latin lover doctor whose hotness is bolstered by the fact that his surname is the same as a pepper appears to you with a mysterious syringe full of viscous goo that smells suspiciously of a Vo-tech repair class, and offers to inject it into your face for a nominal fee, how could you resist? It could've happened to anyone. Chin up, Priscilla! Not keeping your chin up is a problem, seeing how it's filled with industrial grade automotive silicones and all. more »
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March 18, 2008

Well, That's a Shock

Tori_Spelling_implants.jpgWell, the jig is up. That master of disguise, Tori Spelling, has finally let the cat out of the bag. According to our plastic surgery prep nurse, FemaleFirst, Tori told The Sun:
"I had a boob job. There it is. I finally said it. I wanted to come clean that I had my boobs done in my 20s because people falsely write that I've had all these things done. I've had the two procedures that probably every other woman in Hollywood has had done."
The curious, funnel-shaped chasm between her softballs-in-socks breasts? Not God-given? Our entire belief system is crumbling like a house of cards. more »
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March 07, 2008

Can You Pay My Bills? Can You Pay My Tit Implant Bills?

kelly_rowland_naked.jpgKelly Rowland, also known as The Other Destiny's Child Girl, is tired of living in Beyonce's shadow. The shadow created by Beyonce's lovely, plump bustline. So she went out and bought herself a nice pair of cans! Kelly admits:
"I was sick of not fitting into my tops. There was this one House Of Dereon top - I just wanted to fill that out. I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn't want to have double-Ds and be little bitty size two - that would look nuts! It is a decision I made for myself. I like it, and that's all that counts."
Just yesterday, Nicole Richie was crabbing that her baby-generated chahooblies completely decimated the way clothes look on her, and here comes Kelly Rowland claiming that she needs a pair in order to have her outfits look presentable. If only Nicole could reach into her chest cavity, scoop out the offending mass of breast tissue, and cram it into Kelly via her belly button. That's called "cooperation". When we work together, we all win!
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March 05, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Sweet Leaf

jenna_jameson_surgery.jpg• Jenna Jameson, looking Bratz-ier than ever. (F-listed)

• No, my first name ain't baby. It's Janet. Miss Rackson if you're see-through. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Lindsay Lohan goes back to red, lays off the burnt umber fake bake, approaches former Mean Girls-era loveliness. (Allie Is Wired)

• Keanu Reeves and Parker Posey. Two great stoners that stone great together. (Lainey Gossip)

• Perhaps they should head over to the radio station to tear into a box of Scooby Snacks with Ashlee Simpson. (Yeeeah!)

• Mental wounds not healing. Life's a bitter shame. Julia Roberts is going off the rails on a crazy train.(Cityrag)

• Hayden Panettiere's mom is "very proud" that her teenage daughter is moving in with 31-year-old Milo Ventimiglia. Awwww. (FemaleFirst)

• Cruz Beckham, spawn of David and Posh Spice, is a SUPERSTAR. (Bitten and Bound)

• Kevin Federline's gut threatens to Popozao out of his golf shirt. (Hollywood Backwash)

• To Paris Hilton, "foreign-looking man with long gray beard" = the path to spiritual enlightenment. (Hollywood Grind)
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February 15, 2008

Jordan Must Be Hilarious, Because Her Nipples Are In Stitches

Jordan_Stitched_Nipple_Slip_1.jpgHere's Jordan/Katie Price/Frankentits/whatever at a book signing. Not only is she debuting her new tome, but she's debuting the new breast implants she got for her husband as a Christmas gift. And what sexy lady story would be complete without a solid nip slip or two? If you dare, click "next" where you will be transported into a world of surgical science, where medical oddities become mammographic reality. Where she who buys the largest blobs of engineered gelatinous glop in her chest cavity wins, aesthetics be damned. Where day is night, where white is black. more »
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February 14, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Stealin' Babies and Batteries

britney adnan.jpg• Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, married? Married? Yeah, married. Married? Yeah, married! Sheesh! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (IMDb)

• Emma "Hermione" Watson gets slimed by Kirsten Dunst's leftovers. (The Sun)

• Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (Celebitchy)

• Oh, shut your tamalehole, J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (The Blemish)

• The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (Cityrag)

• Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (HolyTaco)

• Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (The Superficial)

• Aguilera debuts her infink. (Daily Stab)

• Kristen Bell gets rung! (Don't Link This)

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February 06, 2008

"She'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave."

britney spears shocked gasp agape.jpg We're thinking about taking a binge and purge approach to Britney Spears gossip from now on. We'll hold out for as long as we can, denying ourselves any information on the sad, sad life of our favorite fallen pop star, then maybe once a week we'll lower our defenses and allow the wave of Brit news to wash over us, leaving a cheesy, greasy stain. In today's binge we learn that Brit had plastic palookas installed when she was a wee teener and Sam Lutfi is heartily battling Howard K. Stern for the title of World's Supreme Asshole. It's gonna be a tight race. more »
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Questions

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#1: How good are Simon Monjack's drugs?


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#2: Did Brittany get a hunk of maguro sashimi stuck to her face on a recent trip to Koi, or is that intentional?
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January 09, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Ambrosio of the Gods

alessandra-ambrosio-bikini-1-06.jpg • Model Alessanda Ambrosio is out Victoria's Secret undies. Yayyy! And into a bikini. Boooo. No, wait. Yay. (Egotastic!)

• "I'm Fat Shady, yes I'm the Fat Shady, all you other Fat Shadys are just imatatin'." (Cityrag)

• We can't improve on this original headline: 1 Hayden, 2 Cups. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Penelope Cruz and very attractive sister wear clothes, look pretty, have picture taken. (Daily Stab)

• Due to the writers' strike, the Golden Globes will be much less golden; globular. (Yeeeah!)

• Blake Lively's schnozz: from Sevigny to sliced. (Radar Online)

• Mariah Carey actually would rather be onstage with J. Lo than a pig after all. Good to know. (Celebitchy)

• Britney's car was impounded. There was no way for her to avoid bein' grounded. Her parents had to come up from vacation and get me, I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me. So tell you all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue, parents just don't understand. Dee doo doo doo. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Bono completes the final phase of his slow transformation into Robin Williams. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Not even MC Skat Kat can save Paula Abdul from crazy's grasp now. (The Blemish)

• Britney dresses her offspring as golf caddies. Or, possibly, Andre 3000. (Allie Is Wired)

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December 20, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: David Silver's Best Gal

megan_fox_tongue.jpg• Megan Fox seems to have misplaced her shirt. We all win! (Egotastic!)

• Brad Pitt thinks that orphans come from his anus. (Allie Is Wired)

• Britney's not the only one who enjoys mama's lollipops in front of Sean and JJ. Only Daddy's lollipops come in a pretty glass container and smell funny. (Yeeeah!)

• Fergie is coming clean about her dirtied drawers. (Cityrag)

• Ashley Tisdale's new nose gives you glad tidings. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Britney proves she owns undies. (Taxi Driver)

• Tony Parker is not just French, he's litigious. Doubly obnoxious! (Daily Stab)

• Tom Cruise's older children call Katie Holmes "Mom". They call Tom "Intergalactic Overlord Patriarchal Cyborg Unit #6599202B". (Celebitchy)

• Tara Reid sports a bikini. And what appears to be Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat from 2002. (The Blemish)

• Monica Bellucci has thingies. They're, like, round things. Kind of pinkish? They're a little bit below her collarbone. You know, whosiwhatsits. (Hollywood Tuna)

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December 12, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Dog Crap Is the Greatest Aphrodesiac

pam_rick_dog_crap.jpg• Pam Anderson and hubby to have reality show. Also, Pam Anderson and hubby to engage in possible oral sex next to pooping dog. (Dlisted)

• Hayden Panettiere is gearing up to give a BJ to Richard Gere or something. (HollywoodTuna)

• Madonna is sporting a nice pair of shiners. (Cityrag)

• Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)

• Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)

• It's hard out here for a pimp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (CelebWarship)

• Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)

• James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)

• Vanessa Hudgens not amused by Zac Efron's oxygen facials and mani-pedi time. (Allie Is Wired)

• Wow, what's Jordan doing with Jay Manuel? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

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December 11, 2007

Posh Pops 'Plants

poshtitties.jpg Posh Spice has taken a page from the book of Pam Anderson and (possibly) temporarily removed her scone-like breast implants for the Spice Girls tour. What, is she just using them as shoe trees until the shows are over? Says Monsters and Critics:
Victoria Beckham reportedly had her breast implants removed to stop her boobs falling out on the Spice Girls tour.

Victoria, also known as Posh, was worried her ample bosom may pop out of her tight Roberto Cavalli outfits while performing the band's dance routines and decided to have her implants taken out to avoid any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions.

A source is quoted as saying: "There is speculation she had her implants taken out for the tour so she can fit into the costumes without the risk of them falling out during some of the more energetic routines."

Victoria, 33, previously denied having a boob job until court papers were released in 2005 proving she had undergone surgery.
We've always maintained that Posh, with her immobile face and stiff limbs that probably make a satisfying, mechanical "click" when moved, is actually some sort of borg or, at the very least, a Go-Bot. So it would make sense that she would have the ability to snap body parts in and out at will, though we're not sure what her implants would transform into. Perhaps a dump truck. No, a Lamborghini Countach.
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December 05, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: The People vs. Teri's Piehole

terieww.jpg• Teri Hatcher is being sued over lip gloss. The American justice system: serious business. (CelebTV)

• Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (Egotastic!)

• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs, drugs. Ack! Beautiful music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (Yeeeah!)

• Paris Hilton gets new lips; looks even more like Alice the Goon. (Derek Hail)

• Megan Fox does the old Uncle Joey "cut! it! out!" (Cityrag)

• John Maya is a str8 playa. (Daily Stab)

• Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (Celebitchy)

• Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Porn star Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (The Blemish)

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December 03, 2007

Joan Takes a Powder

joanvanark1.jpgJoan Van Ark! Lookin' goooooood! Watch out, she's about to appear in your sewer grate, holding a bouquet of balloons.

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November 28, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: The Rigors of Touring

jennifer_love_hewitt_huge_bikini_5_big.jpg• Jennifer Love Hewitt is the new Kardashian. Bla-DOW! (The Blemish)

• Flash go the cameras, and out winks the Halle Berry cotton cheek-splitter. (Taxi Driver)

• Brendan Fraser got his head replanted for the winter. (Cityrag)

• Something something about the Hogans . . . something divorce, lawsuit something something-or-other? Oh, whatever. You'd never see the Iron Sheik in this embarrassing position. (Derek Hail)

• Vintage Cindy Crawford--before the Pepsi commercial, before the Gere, back when Aaron Neville face goober was but a freckle on the horizon. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Amy Winehouse has cancelled all her tour dates. Her doctor cites "the rigors involved in touring" and "emotional strain" as the reasons. Which sound like legitimate medical excuses, right up there with "the vapors" and "consumption" and "the grippe". (The Hollywood Gossip)

• "Greetings and salutations. My eyebrows are on top of my skull." (Dlisted)

• Eva Green is a gorgeous gothick angel sent from crazy Joan Collins style heaven and placed upon this earth to teach us all about beauty and love and eyeliner. (Lainey Gossip)

• Face it--you're never going to touch Jessica Alba. So instead, set your sights on her slightly more attainable stunt double! (Daily Stab)
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November 14, 2007

Britney Spears Sucks (out All of Her Fat)

britney spears white coat stoned.jpg Britney Spears reportedly had a bunch of fat sucked out of her ass. Because girl just doesn't have the time to get on the treadmill every day. She'd have to cut her daily shopping time down to nine hours, and that is just not enough, y'all. The Daily Mail reports:
Britney Spears has had liposuction on her bottom and hips, it was claimed today.

The 25-year-old was reportedly house hunting in Las Vegas at the weekend, but sources say she had some nip and tuck while there.

It's not the first time Britney has turned to cosmetic procedures in a desperate bid to improve her appearance - she had her pout plumped just last month.

It was also reported she had liposuction in Vegas last April, which the star denies.
We're guessing Britney's decision to get vacuumed out went something like this: Turns on TV. Gets caught up in human-interest story on really, really fluffy puppy on the news. Sees update on Donda West's death with description of liposuction procedure. Turns to paid assistant/son/puppy/Teddy Ruxpin doll she keeps on a living room chair and says, "I need to do that y'all. My butt is looking totally fat." She then turns the channel to AMC, where she catches the end of Thelma & Louise, and says, "That looks like fun. Let's go find a cliff and drive off it."
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November 08, 2007

Who Will Save Your Soul Boobs?

jewel-breasts-weird.jpgFor once, no one is pointing out Jewel's tombstone teeth. We wondered what was going on with her jugs here, so we whipped out our protractor, abacus, and jeweler's loupe, and after an exhausting 20 seconds of in-depth examination, we've determined that the bulk of the weirdness is thanks to some creepy "shading" going on with two vertical stripes of bronzer. Still, that doesn't lessen the appearance of the breasts themselves, which formerly were glorious, overabundant, voluminous globules that defied all laws of gravity, space, and time. Now, they're like buckeyes in a grocery bag, or possibly those individually-sealed prunes. At any rate, this just gives us a great excuse to dip into our office copy (and you think we're kidding but we assure you, we're quite serious) of Jewel's book of verse, A Night Without Armor, to share one of our favorite poems.

Sun Bathing

I read a book
and the man thinks
I can not see
the wrinkled posture
of his son
as he is nudged.
He thinks
I can not see
four eyes
upon my flesh
as the father tries
to bond with
his teenage boy
by ogling my breasts.

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more »
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November 05, 2007

Seymour Implants

jane seymour.jpgEt tu, Dr. Quinn? Although the charming and elegant Jane Seymour has always denied ever having had plastic surgery, she now admits to People magazine that after giving birth to twins eleven years ago, she got fake yammos. Albeit really small yammos. Really, really, really, really small. In fact, as she told People:
"My plastic surgeon had to special order them."
That small, eh? Did he order them from a Barbie doll catalog? Did he insert them with tweezers? But seriously, Jane Seymour has fake ones? Man, what a letdown. Now we know why Owen Wilson tried to off himself after fondling what he thought was pure and honest Dr. Quinn teat meat. Sorry. Too soon? more »
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November 02, 2007

Daniel Craig Will Not Be Your Lesbian Big Sister

daniel craig with beard.jpg Either Daniel Craig has a secret passion for AwfulPlasticSurgery.com or he's spent way too much time in L.A., because he's got a pretty good assessment of the surgery obsessed. Our own rhinoplasty specialist, FemaleFirst, reports:
Daniel Craig has vowed to never have plastic surgery - because he doesn't want to look "like a lesbian".

The James Bond star is determined to grow old gracefully, and thinks stars who do choose to go under the knife risk looking like "freaks" when they are older.

He said: "You've got to get on with it. If things start to come out, or things start to drop.

"It's tricky, it really is, because no-one likes to get old and sag.

"People can improve themselves when they are younger, but when you're 60 or 70, you start looking like a freak. You end up looking like a lesbian big sister and that's not right!"
Dag, we were totally wrong about Craig's interneting habits. His favorite site is obviously Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians. And we think it was the following two photos that forever scared Mr. Bond away from the plastification (and lesbification) of his face.

steven tyler and ric ocasek.gif the manilow.jpg
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October 22, 2007

Finally, a Different Pair of Sore, Puffy Britney Lips

britney_spears_lips.jpgWe're used to seeing Britney Spears with lots of random chemical-filled food residue clinging to the area around her mouth, but Britney with random chemical residue injected INSIDE her mouth? Now that's news! She allegedly got her cakehole augmented while visiting a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon on Thursday. ASL quotes a source as saying:
"Brit hoped her new lips would improve her look without being really obvious to anyone. But onlookers literally stood opened mouthed when they saw her. She looked freaky."
And that's different from every other sighting of Britney Spears how, exactly? After seeing her in ripped garments, stained garments, backwards garments, pillowcases, brown weaves, Barbie weaves, pink wigs, bald head, bald beav, etc., a fat lip most likely isn't so remarkable. The only weird part here is