filed under: Pete Doherty
October 08, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Minnillo Licks the Vanillo

Vanessa Minnillo fellates a PInkberry spoon. (
F-listed)
Can't lose that last stubborn five pounds? Get gastric band surgery!
Courtney Love did. (
Yeeeah!)
Pics from
Britney Spears's new video for "Womanizer". Lots o' wigs, and not a batty pink one amongst them. (
Pop on the Pop)
Madonna bans Sarah Palin from attending her shows. Because Sarah Palin is a really huge fan of Breathless Mahoney and the video for "Justify My Love". (
Daily Stab)
Miley Cyrus makes out with Minnie Mouse. Because that's just how she rolls, man. (
Drunken Stepfather)
David Duchovny and his heat-seeking wang released back onto an unsuspecting pubic. Public. (
IDLYITW)
Lauren Bacall calls Tom Cruise "vulgar", "sick", "ridiculous", and "a maniac". You forgot "short", Betty. (
Exposay)
Nick Nolte's house burned down, and NO, it wasn't because he dropped a doob onto the bed, jerk. (
PopCrunch)
Pete Doherty wants to perform in a rat-filled coffin. When asked for comment, rats said, "Ew, disgusting." (
NME)
A party at the Playboy Mansion inspires
Anna Faris to greater heights of promiscuity. (
Mr. Skin)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But not forgetting the nipple patches. Damn you,
Kristen Bell. (
Don't Link This)
July 18, 2008
England Finally Admits Pete Doherty Is Not Upstanding Citizen, Issues Warrant for His Arrest

England is a magical place where one can walk around with a junk needle in their arm, carrying a cat smoking a crack pipe, and the bobbies just say, "Pip, pip old bean. You're looking a bit chaffed. How about a spot of tea, then?" Plus it's full of unicorns and hippogriffs. Harry Potter taught us that. But the one thing you do not want to do in Britain is run afoul of their justice system. If Blake Feilder-Civil can remain in the clink for this long for perverting justice, how long can they lock away upright chap
Pete Doherty for not showing to court? According to
The San Francisco Chronicle:
A warrant has been issued for troubled rocker Pete Doherty's arrest after he missed a court hearing for the second time.
The Babyshambles frontman was expected to enter a plea on today for allegedly attacking a female press photographer last summer.
He was charged with criminal damage to Catherine Mead's camera lens following the incident in Somerset, England.
After a second missed hearing, magistrates in Yeovil, Somerset, issued a warrant for the arrest of Doherty without bail.
Pete Doherty brought to justice? That just doesn't seem right. Unless of course England has passed a new law allowing co-ed jail cells and
Amy Winehouse will soon be brought in on charges of possession of monumental amounts of drugs and the pair can find scabby, junky love behind bars. And if the British judicial system is in any kind of financial bind, they can install cameras and make millions off of the syndication rights of
Crack & Smack: Love Behind Bars.
April 16, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Oh, Behave

Gisele Bundchen may be costarring in the new Austin Powers movie. Terrific. What's next, Adriana Lima in
Mighty Ducks V? (
Daily Stab)
Eva Longoria and her husband want to invite
Posh and Becks over for a foursome. A foursome consisting of slow and sensual games of Cootie! and Mousetrap. (
Female Foist)
Debbie Gibson got a restraining order against her stalker, who sounds like a real Electric Douche. Haw haw haw! (
Celebitchy)
"Deer dairy. today i went down and used the terlet at the Cogo's on wilshur bulevard. i plum fergoted my pantys inside! then i pixed up a
parperp pupozee parparotzy man and kissed on him. rainbows r pritty!!!!!111"
Britney Spears has video diaries and they may be released, woo hoo! (
Hollywire)
John Mayer's body is a wonderland. A wonderland of cliche tattoos like koi fish and waves and blooming flowers. (
Cityrag)
Elisha Cuthbert puts down cigarette long enough to grab her own tit in
Maxim. (
F-listed)
Evan Rachel Wood's transformation into boyfriend Marilyn Manson is complete. Excellent. Release the bats! (
CelebWarship)
Bret Michaels says that "My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer." And all this time we thought it was Britney's castoff weaveage sewn onto a bandanna. (
ONTD)
Pictures of
Pete Doherty in jail. Hair product fashioned out of leftover butter pats. (
Dlisted)
December 20, 2007
Cokeheads on Film Part II
Back in July we told you about the shocking, racy, totally sexy and raunchy video footage
Porky Petey Dough-erty possesses of
Kate Moss. It included such embarrassing moments as Kate singing. Wow. If something like that got out it would totally ruin her career as a really skinny person who can be made pretty with loads of makeup. Now Pete wants to turn the footage into a TV show and Kate is pissed.
Page Six reports:
SUPERMODEL Kate Moss has her lawyers busy trying to gag her drug-addict ex-boyfriend, Pete Doherty. The Babyshambles frontman is negotiating with Britain's ITV2 network to tell all about their romance and share his home videos of her in a documentary titled "Kate & Pete: A Love Story." Doherty, who split with Moss last summer, could make $1 million, a source said, adding, "Producers hope he'll let them use a lot of film he and Kate shot on camcorders." But an insider told PageSix.com, "Kate is furious with Pete. She has contacted her lawyers and plans to get an injunction to stop the production." Moss will be horrified if the tapes surface. "Some of it is really raunchy stuff Kate believed would never be seen by anyone else," we're told. "She'll feel betrayed."
We're hoping Kate's lawsuit isn't successful and the TV show will air. Mostly because we assume it will be just like
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, but with fewer "y'all"s and pot and more "cheerio, guv'nor"s and coke.
December 05, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: The People vs. Teri's Piehole

Teri Hatcher is being sued over lip gloss. The American justice system: serious business. (
CelebTV)
Heather Mills (McCartney) shows off her strawberry fields, forever. Do you wanna hold her glands? You might have a
hard day's night, though she appears to be giving everyone a ticket to ride, so let's all come together, etc. etc. and so forth. (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
Cindy Crawford has cellulite. Whatever, like you wouldn't still masturbate with her discarded Kleenex. (
Egotastic!)
Amy Winehouse and
Pete Doherty are making beautiful drugs together. No, wait, we mean beautiful drugs. Shit, not drugs,
drugs. Ack! Beautiful
music, is what we mean. Wait, no. No, we did mean drugs. (
Yeeeah!)
Paris Hilton gets new lips; looks even more like Alice the Goon. (
Derek Hail)
Megan Fox does the old Uncle Joey "cut! it! out!" (
Cityrag)
John Maya is a str8 playa. (
Daily Stab)
Scarjo did not chop up her nose, and if you say so, she will sue your ass. (
Celebitchy)
Hayden Panettiere dons the 1989 soccer shorts; shows us her pegs. Make some sort of "score" or "goal" joke here, please. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Porn star
Mary Carey is auctioning off her recently removed breast implants. A "portion" of the proceeds will go to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation. The rest of the proceeds will go towards abusive puppy mills, toddler sweatshops, and terrorism. (
The Blemish)
November 15, 2007
Cokeheads on Film Part 28357928

Much like his lost lady love of yore,
Kate Moss,
Porky Petey Dougherty has been
caught on tape Dysoning some coke up his schnoz. Let our gossip crack dealer,
FemaleFirst, tell the tale:
Pete Doherty has been filmed snorting what appears to be cocaine just days after vowing to return to rehab.
The troubled Babyshambles rocker, who apologised to fans last week following his heroin relapse, appears to chop up five lines of the class A drug before snorting them through a rolled-up piece of paper and staring blankly at the camera.
One of Pete's friend told Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper: "He just can't stop using. He has been warned about how much he is taking but he won't stop. He says he wants to get clean but his actions tell a different story."
Last Wednesday (07.11.07), Pete promised to check back into rehab after being filmed injecting heroin at his Wiltshire home. Just days before he was filmed using heroin, Pete claimed he dreamed of using drugs again and was "mourning for an armful". It has been reported the 28-year-old musician is seeking help for his addictions, but only as a day patient.
You know what's amazing to us? Not the fact that Pete Doherty cannot seem to stop doing drugs, it's the fact that he can't seem to stop doing drugs with a camera pointed into his face. We have enough footage of this guy shooting funky junk that he could have his own channel. Which, considering the WGA strike, ain't a half bad idea. No problem, FOX, just send the check to CelebNewsWire HQ.
November 07, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Matt n' Mandy, Sittin' in a Tree

Is our sweet angel
Mandy Moore getting
Binged? Oh Christ, NO! (
Yeeeah!)
Our favorite opiate connoisseur,
Porky Petey Dough-erty, has returned to form. Now with video! (
Drunken Stepfather)
And Pete's ex,
Kate Moss, sports some really sharp needles of her own. (
Taxi Driver)
Jerry O'Connell has
hot wife; poor self-esteem. (
The Blemish)
Famous nipples met flash, and a beautiful friendship was borned unto us. (
Cityrag)
Leelee Sobieski is packin' mad mammage. (
Daily Stab)
Jessica Simpson navigates metal grate in stilettos. Hilarity ensues. (
Egotastic!)
Eva Mendes shills for Campari. Up next, CelebNewsWire promotes Alize and Blue Nun! (
Derek Hail)
Rihanna and
Josh Hartnett are doin' it: their babies will be large of forehead and beady of eye. (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
Which is causing poor
Shia the Beef to marinate himself in a nice vodka rub. (
PopCrunch)
Rebecca De Mornay? No, Rebecca Dui Mornay. (
TMZ)
October 16, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Digging for Nuggets

Inspiring photo montage of
Tara Reid in various stages of intoxication: the Sweaty Man-O-War, the Crotch Weeper, the Sunny Days Trailer Park Special, the Buttafuoco. (
Cityrag)
Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (
Taxi Driver)
New
Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (
The Hollywood Gossip)
Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have
J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (
GlossLip)
Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (
The Blemish)
Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Wow,
Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (
Daily Stab)
Yikes, someone get
Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (
CelebWarship)
Slice your wrists, get the girl.
Kate Hudson is willing to give
Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (
Yeeeah!)
September 07, 2007
Cat Crack Fe-ver, Neer Neer Neeeeeer

Christ on a cracker, can we please put
Pete Doherty in prison already? Please? Earlier, we reported that Pete Doherty's cat was found to have
cocaine in its tiny, fluffy system. Now, the picture at left has surfaced, allegedly depicting Doherty getting the cat high with a crack pipe he designed specially for his feline friend. According to an article in
The Sun:
Junkie Pete Doherty is snapped appearing to give his kitten crack from a mini-pipe he made specially for it.
Sickened pals who leaked the picture claimed the warped rocker regularly gets the pet smashed.
One added: In Petes mind it is the only one who understands him now.
The Babyshambles frontmans cat Dinger named after a slang term for a syringe had five kittens in April.
The friend said: One in particular has borne the brunt of his drug abuse. Pete thinks its hilarious to get it wasted. He even made a special mini-crack pipe out of a bottle so it can get the maximum hit. But the kitten is starting to get really bad withdrawal symptoms. It has lost some of its balance and takes huge risks jumping over things that are too high. It thinks it can fly. Its really distressing to see.
Michael Vick is suspended from the NFL for fighting dogs; can we suspend Pete from the human race for cracking up cats? After all, it was only a few months ago that we saw Pete
feeding a joint to a penguin. He's not going to stop until the entire animal kingdom is all zorked out on dope, like the crazed sheep on
The Simpsons' "Tomacco" episode. You'll try to take your kids to a petting zoo and the goats will be rocking and scratching weeping sores on their arms while the rabbits dance around with glowsticks.
August 23, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Duff Muff?

Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a giant football yesterday. (
Celebitchy)
Anna Faris makes with the cheek-smugglers. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Jessica Biel is happy to share her chest chasm with you in FHM. (
Egotastic!)
Attractive drip
Adrian Grenier throws genital caution to the wind and hangs out with
Paris Hilton. (
The Blemish)
Christina Aguilera's baby will not go hungry. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Sweden makes the call:
Bill Murray is one beer over par! (
IDLYITW)
Mariah Carey obscures breasts with lace grandma curtain; cirrus clouds. (
Cityrag)
Lindy Loho thinks that rehab is serious business. You can tell by her no-nonsense hair bun and utilitarian mom-chic hoodie. (
Yeeeah!)
The main peril of being a housecat is accidentally drinking antifreeze. Unless you're
Pete Doherty's cat, then the biggest problem is a couple of bumps of coke sprinkled atop your Meow Mix. (
A Socialite's Life)
Hilary Duff: womanly folds or crotch seam? (
Taxi Driver)
Hayden Panettiere: now old enough for lactose bukkake! (
Celeb Warship)
Jennifer Love Hewitt cries when she watches herself act. That's so funny, because we also wail uncontrollably when we have to watch her act. (
Daily Stab)
Kurt Russell sports flaccid ding dongage and a solid B-cup. (
Allie Is Wired)
August 01, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Nasty Old Rag"

Nasty old rag
Kate Moss might have to pay off ex Pete Doherty to shut him up. Ah, the perils of cracky love. (
Celeb Warship)
Paris just a hair(less) away from her 'tang-flashing halcyon days. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Nomi Malone, in a bikini, poolside. Hopefully, after these pictures were taken, she doffed those espadrilles, hopped in the pool with that guy, and recreated the
Showgirls floppin'-like-beached-salmon scene. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Paris Hilton has not been cut out of the Hilton will, as we recently reported. Bah, life is so ugly and unfair. (
IDontLikeYouInThatWay)
Courtney Love gets bedazzled. (
Celebrity Puke)
Michael Lohan is such a great dad. He doesn't even know the name of
Lindsay's new movie. (
In Touch)
Kirsten Dunst is too drunk for America, but too noisy for England. (
A Socialite's Life)
Hayden Panettiere picks n' licks. (
Derek Hail)
July 23, 2007
Cokeheads on Film

Perennial CNW favorite
Kate Moss is shaking in her moccasins over the prospect of her doughy, clammy ex love
Pete Doherty releasing racy tapes of the couple's intimate moments. "Who gets custody of the sex tape?" is the most pressing question facing celebrities after a breakup. It's a difficult enough decision when the bust-up is amicable, but when one of the members of the couple runs on crack and heroin the way cows run on grass, it takes it to a whole different level of trainwreck.
Yeeeah! quotes the
Sun:
"There are still some bits and pieces floating about of Pete with Kate. "She has got rid of most of it. Six out of eight tapes have been destroyed. But she wanted to bury the lot before he could humiliate her by selling them or putting them on the internet. Pete could do what he wants with them." Referring to the video clips previously posted online, the source adds, "If they made that public, just think what could be on the tapes they held back."
Yeah, those previously posted clips are
here and
here and involve Kate and Pete singing a song in an attic, and then Kate and Pete singing the same song while dressed in uniforms. Soooooo, yeah. If they made that public, man, can you imagine what's on these unreleased ones? Maybe Kate and Pete singing the same song while wearing badger costumes. Or Kate and Pete singing a
different song. Racy! Anyway, do you really want to see these two going at it? He looks like a hairless, overgrown toddler. His dong probably resembles a crippled, sad mollusk trying to find a shell home. Man, that was evocative. We're deep!
more »
July 03, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Ambien And Candie's

Scarlett Johansson dons septum piercing, (fake?) tattoo; dresses like Hot Lips Houlihan. (
CityRag)
Hunkosaurus Rex
John Stamos blames his recent
slurry interview on Ambien. Right now,
David Hasselhoff and
Paula Abdul are cursing themselves for not thinking of that one first. (
Glitterati Gossip)
Crack-addicted, clammy, rotten-toothed, smack-shooting,
overgrown fetus cheats on beautiful multimillionaire
supermodel icon. What? (
Yeeeah!)
Thanks to
Fergie, product-plugging in songs is about to get even more prevalent. We can't wait for Jay-Z to namecheck Palmettos and for the new
Avril Lavigne album, "Heartache and Kraft Singles, Which Are Made with 100% Real Milk". (
Allie Is Wired)
Michelle Rodriguez does public chin-ups, though she probably also does pubic chin-ups. With girls. (
Derek Hail)
The reason we haven't seen totally naked, total-body, high-def pics of
Nick Lachey and
Vanessa Minnillo full-on boning in a hot tub? M-O-N-E-Y. That, and the fact that no one really cares about 'em much. (
Celebitchy)
More
Megan Fox. Now, 22% more see-through. (
Popoholic)
Eva Longoria has a serious problem involving an ass crack, hungry for spandex. (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
May 07, 2007
Paris Hilton Sentenced to 45 Days in Jail; Celebrates with Upskirt Shot

By now you know that
Paris Hilton was
sentenced to serve forty-five days in the clink for violating the terms of her DUI and driving on her suspended license. She's scheduled to begin her sentence on June 5th. Some folks would take the opportunity to spend time with loved ones, some would attempt an appeal, some would flee the country. Paris celebrated the only way she knows how, by allowing a gentle breeze to hold her dress aloft, brandishing her cotton-clad crotch as if it was a defiant middle finger waving at the justice system. Off the pigs!
After the cut, SEE more panties, HEAR about Paris's rep quitting, and LEARN who else had a run-in with the law this weekend. It's a multimedia adventure, like Dora the Explorer's Piρata Party.
more »
April 05, 2007
Kate Moss Loves Pork Rinds, Will Soon Pork Rings

On this, one of the slowest gossip weeks in nigh on a year, we're grateful to our gossip prom chaperone,
FemaleFirst, for a one-two shot of totally tubular headlines: "
Kate Moss Loves Pork" and "
Pete Doherty's Penis Piercing." The former refers to the famously slender Miss Moss snarfing up pub pork rinds, while the latter story tells a moralistic tale of Doherty's plans to become a 1994-style modern primitive with a rod through his johnson. However, we make no bone(r)s about our belief that FemaleFirst is trying to send us subliminal backwards-Judas-Priest-LP style messages. Maybe these two stories are interconnected. Maybe Kate's newfound insatiable love of pork is directly related her her love's need to carve up his hog. Maybe by "loves pork" they mean "loves poke," meaning "loves poking holes in Pete's prick." Kate is perfectly pleased to poke permeable perforations in Pete's polluted penis.
more »
March 22, 2007
CelebNewsWire's Day in Pictures

We're having one of those days where we try to focus on something, but then we get distracted. Just a few minutes ago we were trying to finish our morning rails, when mid-line we looked out the window and saw a furry little bunny hopping through the grass. Our head darted up, we cooed, "Oooh, bunny," and coke went blowing everywhere. It was a mess. So we think it's best to let some pictures entertain you this morning. To the left, notice the deep and enticing cleave on
Winona Ryder. Now hold that image in you head, because after the cut we'll be showing you some images of a more disturbing nature.
more »
March 02, 2007
Even Rock Stars Think Kate & Pete Humping Is Disgusting

Like we always say, CelebNewsWire has so much in common with
Kate Moss. First, we look fierce in skinny jeans. Also, we've been kicked out of fancy pants British music awards shows for humping our crackhead boyfriend in the alley more times than we can even remember.
more »
March 01, 2007
Puff the Magic Penguin Meets Little Petey Paper

Sure, we've been joking a lot lately about celebrities blazing up in public, but
Pete Doherty has gone too far. Too far! The
New York Daily News shocks and enthralls:
Kate Moss' boyfriend Pete Doherty may have fed a joint to a penguin. On a trip to the Cotswold Wildlife Park in England, the couple gawked at Humboldt penguins. Doherty then flicked his hand-rolled cigarette into the pen and one of the creatures ate it as photographers clicked away.
Perhaps old Pete took a few too many sucks on the glass d and, after a mega-high viewing of the hit animated comedy
Happy Feet, thought he heard the penguins say--with the voices of
Hugh Jackman,
Brittany Murphy, et al--that they need him to make their feet truly "happy". Then they winked and nudged each other and lifted their flippers to their beaks to make the international sign for weed.
more »
February 28, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: A Banjo, Some Clothing, a Gold Record

Just a reminder:
Jennifer Love Hewitt still has
enormous bewbs.
Those pictures of
AI's
Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are
fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.
When we see a headline about
Paris Hilton getting
impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.
Naomi Watts is 100%
with child. You know
Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.
Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her
bikini bottoms in one chomp.
Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-
hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.
Dannielynn Has
Two Daddies.
Britney's problem might be
post-partum depression. Solution:
make Jayden James pay.
"It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on
Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former
Hollywood madam!
Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing
Pete Doherty to
move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.
Lohan's got the
DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.
You'll have to wait just a
little bit longer to
illegally download use your working and legitimate credit card to purchase a copy of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.
Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no.
Lupus.
Lupus.
January 30, 2007
Pete Repeats Rehab (with Mossian Help)

Pete Doherty has checked into
rehab, according to the highly suspect site contactmusic.com. Welp, you know what they say, forty-fourth time's the charm, especially when your equally sobriety-challenged
lady love checks in with you. It's a nice gesture, to be sure, but Kate, this is not 1971, you are not
Anita Pallenberg, and
Pete is not Keith Richards, and the world is not enraptured by your decadent, crumbly English glamour. Perhaps we should send
Lindsay Lohan over to the clinic to drive them out early, saving everyone wasted time and effort.
more »
January 03, 2007
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty One Step Closer to Creating the World's Most Beautiful and Musical Crack Baby

The (n)ever-reliable
Sun reported yesterday that
Kate Moss wed walking crack pipe
Pete Doherty in a non-binding Buddhist ceremony in Phuket, Thailand. We suppose that if you are planning on having a sham wedding, a place that looks like "fuck it" is probably the place to do it, especially if Bigreggretz, Indonesia and Pόrjujment, Austria are all booked up.
more »
November 20, 2006
And He Still Gets to Pork a Model
Pete Doherty was pulled over yesterday for driving like an out-of-control crackhead and was then
arrested for possession of crack. We would love to report fully on this story, but it's Monday morning, we're tired, and, frankly, we're getting a little
sick of this shit.
October 26, 2006
Kate Moss Gets Engaged, Celebrates by Showing off Panties
Remember the other day when we said that
Kate Moss was going to produce the world's first
95% cocaine baby? Well, we were wrong. It'll be more like 85% cocaine, 10% champagne.
more »