CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: paparazzi
October 03, 2008
Sienna Miller Is a Modern-Day C.J. Parker
In case you hadn't heard, Sienna Miller dumped some Hanna Barbera-looking motherfucker and immediately began dating married father of four Balthazar Getty, even jetting across the sea for a topless holiday of sexual sexiness. A veritable shitstorm of negative press ensued, culminating with the webmistress of Sienna's fan site abdicating her position in disgust. What's a fallen starlet to do to raise her profile? Speak valiantly of rescuing the enemy from certain watery doom! IMDb scoops it:
Actress Sienna Miller once rescued a paparazzo from drowning - just minutes after he harassed her for a photograph. The star - who recently successfully sued a British newspaper over invasion of privacy claims regarding a set of photos it published of her - says a group of snappers went to ridiculous lengths to get a picture when she was filming The Edge of Love.What she didn't mention is that she pulled him out, performed CPR, and the victim's pappy, snappy friends took a bunch of pictures of her, her mouth sealed sexily over the fallen pap's, her hands frenziedly unbuttoning his shirt to give him a few hearty pumps across his broad, manly chest. Foiled again. more »
She says, "The paparazzi were actually dropping out of trees when we were filming in Wales. They were popping up from bushes and there was even a boat with them in while we were filming on the beach and they started to sink. We had to call the coastguard out to rescue them. We shouldn't have, but we did. It was insane."
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September 15, 2008
Lilo Gets Punchy
We knew it wouldn't be long before Lindsay Lohan, jonesing for the sweet embrace of a man, took matters into her own hands and forcibly felt a male's flesh. But we also thought the scenario would include Lilo running into Chace Crawford in a club, where she would begin to stroke his expertly exfoliated and moisturized skin before he uttered a string of "ew"s and backed away. But instead the male Lindsay couldn't help but reach out and touch was a paparazzo. Whom she punched, Sienna Miller style. TMZ even has video of her, where after the altercation she says into her cell phone, "Oh my God, I just hit a paparazzi." One thing is clear from this incident though: Linds must really actually be broke. Cause the girl can't even afford a de-piller for her ratty old sweater. All she needs is a forty-year-old Barcalounger and she'd look just like our grandpa. Poor thing.
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August 12, 2008
Sienna Miller Gets Pap Smeared
Despite rumors that oily heir (not Brandon Davis either) Balthazar Getty has been pleading to get back together with his wife, he continues to see Sienna Miller. See her with her shirt on, for a change, but see her nonetheless. Sienna made a rare solo appearance yesterday at an L.A. area gas station, and was mobbed by paps to the point that she burst into tears. Quite a change from her Jude Law days, when she used to claw their eyes out and call them a see-you-next-Tuesday. The Blemish reports:
She broke down shouting “leaving me alone” as the cameras flashed around her. And when one paparazzo asked about her relationship with Getty, the actress fumed shouting: “I’m just trying to fill up my fucking car! Please, I’m asking you. I can’t live like this, please give me a little bit of respect.”"Please! I'm porking a married man whose four little babies are asking 'where's Daddy?' because he's out tickling my titties. Please! I demand respect!" more »
July 28, 2008
Shannen Doherty: You Betta Reco'nize
The years have not been kind to Shannen Doherty. Not only has her post-90210 and Charmed career consisted of things like a TV movie called Hell on Heels: The Battle of Mary Kay, but she was married to Rick Salomon! Poor little wonk-eyed thing. And now, she can't even get arrested in this town. Or rather, she can't get paparazzi arrested. TMZ (again) reports:
We know Shannen went to the Sheriff's Department in Lost Hills (Malibu) to complain about paparazzi following her. The cops who talked to her were baffled ... because they had no idea who she was.We wonder if that's standard protocol for cops in the greater Los Angeles area when they receive complaints about paparazzi: If, after a short quizzing of the police station staff, you're deemed too unfamous to stalk, no charges are filed. Or if your home is burglarized and the cops are like, "Sorry, lady, we're not going to make any arrests. Your belongings are simply too ugly and cheap to steal." more »
The deputy at the front desk confessed he had no idea who she was. Shannen retorted that she was on TV. The deputy, in a scene reminiscent of "Take the Money and Run," began asking others around him if they knew who she was, but none did.
We're told Shannen then left in a huff.
May 06, 2008
Mischa Barton Sunbathes Topless; Laughs in Face of Aussie Ozone Hole
We'd love to share uncensored Mischa Barton topless pictures with you. Honest we would. Unfortunately, we cribbed these ones from Egotastic and they appear to have stars over her junk. Which probably comes as a relief to the old Mischa--who's vacationing in Australia--for she is none too pleased about the pics having been taken in the first place. She told the Sydney Morning Herald:
"We went out from Hamilton to a tiny island to relax in the sun and all of a sudden [paparazzo] Jamie Fawcett jumped out of a bush with a massive camera lens and took photos of me. He'd followed us in a boat! He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behaviour. He apologised but he was very insincere."We're used to English media outlets Britishizing (Britishising?) American stars' quotes (and yes, we're aware that Mischa was born in England, but she was raised in America and is for all intents and purposes American), but this is the first example we've seen of Australia doing something similar. Although we would prefer it if they get a bit more Oz with it. "G'day! Me and my betties went to Hamilton to toss about the ole boomie and play some dij, and all of a sudden [paparazzo] Jamie Fawcett jumped out from behind a marsupial and took photos of me. What a larrikin! He's a ridiculous ocker. Throw another shrimp on the barbie that's not a knife this is a knife Yahoo Serious just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich OY! "
Here's some more pictures of Mischa so you all can talk about how her cellulite grosses you out and how you totally "wouldn't hit that butterface without triple-bagging it brraaahhh" or whatever it is you gorgeous and charming folks say in situations such as these.
April 09, 2008
Git Off Ma Propty! I Said Git, You!
Remember when Britney Spears let SPF drive her car, and she said it was alright because she was country? Well, younger siblings always try harder, so Jamie Lynn seems to be on a mission to prove that she's so much more country than her city-slickin' Hollywood sissy. Of course there's the knocked-up-at-sixteen thing, but that's not necessarily country; we see sixteen-year-olds on the train every morning feeding Cheetos to their three kids. But riding around in an ATV packing heat to chase off intruders is pretty damn country. TMZ reports: Jamie Lynn Spears is packin' baby, but her man is packin' too, and he's pointing his piece at a photog!And there's video! Video that proves that you never really have a feel for a public figure (we refuse to use the word "celebrity" when we're talking about the dude who sperminated Brit's little sis) until you hear them speak. It's just like the first time we heard Paris Hilton speak, only with fewer giggles and more "Git!"s. We almost expect to hear a banjo in the background.
Casey Aldridge was pissed at a pap who allegedly shot this video on private property -- Jamie says it was private, the pap says it wasn't. Anywho, watch closely as Casey takes the gun from his lap and kinda points it in the direction of the pap, telling him to get the hell on a public road. Yessir!
March 18, 2008
CNW: "I Said Impeti-Go, Go"
• Hey, Amy. Maybe you should extend that liner to cover your entire face. (Flisted)• Eva Mendes gets a job shilling Calvin Klein drawers! Just like Marky Mark, only with more substance abuse and less wiggerliness. Same size boobs, though. (Yeeeah!)
• Clip of Brit's appearance on How I Met Your Mother. Talking about shopping with Doogie Howser? Ooooh, that's fabulous, girlfriend! (The Superficial)
• Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fighting again. Fighting over Maddens. That's kind of like arguing about which Nelson brother is cooler (the answer is Gunner, obviously). (Celebitchy)
• Eva Longoria's wedding tattoo disappeared. Maybe she used WRECKING BALM! (Daily Stab)
• Eliot Spitzer enjoyed Charlie Sheen's sloppy seconds. Surprisingly, we're not talking about Denise Richards. (Bitten and Bound)
• Jennifer Aniston is a dutiful flosser; probably has no plaque buildup in her ass crack. (The Blemish)
• Punky Brewster has another daughter and names her JAGGER. We can't wait to have babies named Staley and Weiland and Stapp. (CelebWarship)
• Pamela Anderson's famished vagina snacks on spangled panties. (Drunken Stepfather)
• Nicole Kidman's bodyguard goes ape crazy on a paparazzo. (Holy Taco)
March 11, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Weird and Scary
• Ashley Olsen thinks paparazzi are "weird and scary". Also, paparazzi thinks Ashley Olsen is "weird and scary". (Female First)• Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)
• Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)
• Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)
• Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)
• Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)
• Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)
• Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)
• Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)
• Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)
January 21, 2008
Britney Spears Conducts a Pap Swap
It seems that Britney Spears is employing the tag-team approach to her genital companions these days. When one gets tired she sends him back to the side of the ring and tags in fresh meat. Only the tag team in question isn't comprised of only two cammo-clad Bushwhackers, but the entire fleet of paparazzi trailing her night and day. Our gossip Bobby the Brain Heenan, FemaleFirst, brings us an update in the adventures of Brit's pap attack: Britney Spears has dumped her photographer lover and filed a restraining order against him.This is probably just Britney's way of rehearsing for her next music video. We hear she's thinking of employing every pap in L.A. as a backup singer/dancer in an effort to rid the streets of all qualified photographers. It's genius.
The troubled star ended her relationship with Adnan Ghalib - who she is believed to have started dating last December - after discovering he was cashing in on his romance with her by tipping off his agency FinalPixx with photo opportunities.
Britney got her revenge on Adnan by inviting two photographers from a rival agency into her Los Angeles home at 2am on Sunday (20.01.08), saying: "Come with me, let's have fun."
As the group arrived at the property the singer's manager Sam Lufti brandished a paper he claimed was a restraining order banning Adnan, 35, from making money from photographs of the star.
Britney spent four hours with the two paparazzi drinking champagne and dancing to music including singer Amy Winehouse's album 'Back to Black' and one of her own LPs.
One photographer named Roberto said: "We had fun. Britney was funny, very relaxed, dancing a little bit and she carried her little dog all the time. Sam was telling us to not worry about Adnan because they have filed a restraining order against him."
Adnan - who was pictured buying pregnancy tests with Britney last week - insists is unaware of any restraining order because he has been at a family funeral.
He said in a statement issued on the FinalPixx website: "All I can say is that I have not been in contact with Britney since early Friday morning (18.01.08). The reason being that I had to attend a family funeral in Santa Barbara. My phone has been off during this time out of respect for my family. I am only now becoming aware of what is being said. I hope to be back home in Los Angeles soon and to be in contact with Miss Spears."
The Los Angeles police department say they are "not aware" of any emergency protective order issued against Adnan.
January 14, 2008
Brit Brit . . . Literally
One of the greatest things about living in the internet age besides being able to purchase anonymously purchase anal lube without embarrassment is instant gratification. Last week, we reported that Britney had taken up speaking in a fake British accent, Madonna-style. Today, video proves it. Watch in wonder as Britney, herded through a crowd of truly irritating paparazzi by soul-patched pap lover Adnan Ghalib, shouts, "Oim fooking over it! Oim fooking over it! Get out of moy guddahmn FOICE!"
Not pictured: Britney donning short pants and a porkpie cap to play stickball in the streets with her mates before asking the headmaster for more gruel and then sweeping some chimneys.
January 09, 2008
Brit Brit Becomes a Bitish British
We're guessing that Britney Spears makes one interesting hospital guest. Sure, there's the drama, the paparazzi, the screaming and crying, the demands for Frappuccino in her IV, but there are also upsides. First, those hospital gowns contain 23% more fabric than a typical Spears ensemble, and second, she uses a kicky British accent to lighten the mood. Us Weekly says: Entertainment Tonight is reporting that Britney Spears spoke with a British accent during her short stay at L.A.’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center last Friday.What exactly would a Britney Spears British accent sound like? Does she just replace all her y'alls with guv'nors? Or is her normal constant muttering of "Buckies, Cheetos, Chalupa, Red Bull" replaced with "pip pip, cheerio, take away, loo, lift" and any other Britishism she may have picked up on Are You Being Served?
It isn’t the first time she changed her voice. On December 17, she spoke in the same accent while chatting with photographers outside the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills.
What does it mean?
“She’s having identity issues,” NYC-based psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig tells Usmagazine.com of the pop star, who recently lost custody of her children.
“What it definitely says is she doesn’t really like being where she’s at — there’s probably a part of her that wants to escape who she is really is,” Ludwig says, adding that Spears is “in an adolescent mode of thinking ... [she’s] trying on different personas to see what feels good and works for her."
And in other Britney news, that (possibly married) paparazzo she's been hanging out with isn't just in it to get really awesome fashion tips and late-night manicures. He apparently took some nudie pics of Brit he's trying to sell to the weeklies. That was about as hard to predict as the ending to 1 Night in Paris.
December 10, 2007
Britney Spears Needs a Light; Takes One
Not only has Britney been setting a great example for her children in the way of balanced nutrition and a strong work ethic, she's now teaching them about morals. Teaching by stealing crap from gas stations. TMZ caught the classy charmer hamburgling a lighter on Saturday:
Though she certainly has the ability to buy whatever she wants, for some reason, Britney Spears decided to steal a disposable lighter from a gas station last night -- and brag about it to the cameras!And then the paparazzi was all, "Oh no she di'in!" And Britney was all like, "Oh yes I did! I went there! Two snaps up!" And then the paps were like, "Talk to the hand!" And Britney goes, "Don't go there!" And the paps go, "Damn, Gina!" And Britney was all, "Do I make you horny, baby?" And the paps were like, "Show me the money!" And then Britney goes like, "Ayyyyy! Sit on it, Potsy!" And then the paps went, "I'm Rick James, bitch!" And then Britney went, "You're no Jack Kennedy!' And the paps were all, "Who let the dogs out?" And Brit was like, "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" And then everybody just nodded because they really couldn't believe that Britney ate the whole thing. The end.
The popwreck spent most of her day driving the paparazzi around in circles. When she decided to stop at a Van Nuys gas station for some gum, she doubled back for a lighter -- and just snatched it off a display. Gimme dis lighter!
We'd like to say Britney "forgot" to pay for it, but then she turned to the cameras and yelled, "I stole something. Oh, I'm bad. Ohhhhh!"
November 15, 2007
Britney Spears Has a Foot Fetish
For one glorious/vomitious week last year, not a day went by without Britney Spears exiting a car, her legs askew, her dainty chocha winking into the paparazzi's strobes. This year is quite different--her favorite new activity is running over people's feet with her car. Guess what, guys? It happened again! According to TMZ:
TMZ caught Brit at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills, where the drivin' popwreck was surrounded by photogs as she made her way into the parking lot. The paps refused to move, despite several warnings and documented footage of how Britney rolls.Moments later, Brit shockingly rolled her new wheels over a guy's foot.Improperly strapping her children in, flashing her beav upon exiting, hitting and running, driving over dudes' toes. It seems that most of Britney's woes stem from her operation of motor vehicles. Solution: replace her Benz with a Flintstonesmobile. The only damage her bare feet padding over dudes' shoes will cause is some gentle tickling, and bashing that thing up against someone's Honda won't do much aside from dislodge her mammoth-tooth bumper. She already looks like she'd be right at home with a bone in her hair. more »
October 26, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Biel 'Brella Bashes Like Britney
• Now that it's raining more than ever/know that Biel still hates the paparazzi/You can get beat by her umba-rella/You get beat by her umba-rella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay. (Egotastic!)• Britney Spears pretends she has narcolepsy, which is not an oozing venereal disease, like one might automatically assume. (Yeeeah!)
• Katie "Jordan" Price gives a hot blow job!!! She'll really straighten you out! (Drunken Stepfather)
• Work that butt chin, Jessica Simpson. (IDLYITW)
• Now we know what Heidi Klum sees in Seal. (Pssst! It's his enormous penis!!!!) (Derek Hail)
• Happy Halloween! Please stick your candle into Christina Ricci's pumpkins. She was Wednesday Addams, after all, so this is plenty relevant. (Cityrag)
• Find out what happens when Dinas stop being orange and start gittin' REAL. (Fatback and Collards)
• And speaking of questionable Lohans (are there any other kind?), Michael is dressed like it's twink night at the Wet Piston, wtf. (Celeb Warship)
• Rwanda postponed its visit from Paris Hilton, presumably because it needed to reinforce its herpes levees. (Celebitchy)
• Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says "we're casually dating, I'm kind of into you" than forcing your boyfriend to don your body parts around his neck like a gilded noose. (The Blemish)
October 19, 2007
Britney Spears: Foot Squisher
We have tried to sever our ties with Ms. Britney Jean Spears. She just takes and takes and takes until we are dry. Only Peter Cetera knows our pain; Britney truly is a hard habit to break. So she will continue to do stuff, and we will continue to talk about it. more »
October 08, 2007
Britney Makes Neighborhood Unsafe with Yet Another Upskirt Shot
Sometimes we feel like the prose version of a warren of paparazzi, because all we write is "Britney Britney? Britney Britney! Britney Britney Britney. Britney! Britney! Britney Britney." But unlike paparazzi, we dare not sport questionable goatees nor bleach-front legged jeans. And speaking of the paparazzi and Britney, she and her sister Jamie Lynn were caught reuniting over Starbucks while a lady yelled "You are making this neighborhood unsafe!" at them. Jamie Lynn then responded, "Then move the fuck out of the neighborhood" to jolly "huzzah"s from the paps.We're not sure who's got bigger nards: the young Disney star willing to say the F-word in post-Hudgens-nudes Hollywood, or the lady likening the sisters Spears to crack dealers and Latin Kings. So let's stop thinking about it and look at Britney's upskirt cooter again, after the cut. more »
September 05, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Floatation Devices
• Pam Anderson as you've never seen her before: half naked and covered in frothy white liquid. No, wait, you've seen her like that plenty of times. (Hollywood Tuna)• Gwen Stefani is all "I call a foul! Hand-checking!" and then blows her whistle. (Yeeeah!)
• Maggie Gyllenhaal is part Stevie Nicks, part Vampira, part Norma Desmond in the new ads for Agent Provocateur. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
• Nicole Kidman cops to miscarriage and secret engagement. She should also cop to having red pubes. Admit it! Tell us the truth! (Allie Is Wired)
• Jude Law was arrested for assaulting a photographer. Oh, come on. Jude Law? He probably just gave the man a feeble, limp-wristed slap and then adjusted his foppish ascot. (The Blemish)
• Matt Dillon keeps unibrow; shaves down nose. (Cityrag)
• What's that up Paris Hilton's skirt? Is it a prize? Do we win a prize? Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Drunken Stepfather)
• And Maria Sharapova is like, "Upskirt? I'll show YOU upskirt. Fools." (Taxi Driver)
• Spiderman takes a bride. (Celebitchy)
• Jerry Lewis talks about a bundle of sticks. That's what he's talking about, right? (GlossLip)
• Hate your ears? Then check out these new Britney Spears "songs"! (Derek Hail)
• Drew Barrymore makes out with the Macintosh Man. Man, that's like Cameron Diaz necking with a Geico caveman. Or Penelope Cruz hitting the sheets with the "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell" guy. (Yes, we realize that Justin Long has done other crap besides these commercials, so cool out, man) (ONTD)
July 23, 2007
"Yeah, Run--Run, Bitch!"
We try to be semi-discerning about what we post here, and shy away from stories that are too obviously fabricated and/or came from Starpulse. But seeing how Britney Spears has proven to be about as fertile as any member of the rodent or rabbit family, there might be a smidgen of possible truth to this story that Britney Spears is fraught with fetus yet again. A mysterious source says:
"She's been secretly filling her pals in on the good news since last week. Britney is in shock herself, this definitely wasn't planned. She's thrilled just the same."You know who else is thrilled? DCFS, because man, those people just don't have quite enough work to do. Oh, and speaking of squalling Federbabies and fat bellies, sit back, pop open that box of Jujyfruits and enjoy this harrowing short film (by our friends at Splash) in which Britney berates a paparazzo, saying,
“Hey, baby, when are you going to go on a diet? Have you ever tried Weight Watchers, you fat fuck!? Why don’t you run?! You need to fucking jog, you pussy. Yeah, run — run, bitch!“The deafening sound of Brit's children screaming in the background really adds to this chilling tableau. You half expect Brit to emerge slowly from the car, a wad of Kodiak wedged in her cheek, to order the photog to "squeal like a pig". more »
July 05, 2007
Umbrella-ella-ella
Leslie Sloane-Zelnick and Elliot Mintz take note! "Exhaustion" as a catchall excuse for embarrassing or questionable behavior is so 2005. We thought John Stamos's brilliant "I took an Ambien" was going to take its place, but no. As it turns out, Britney Spears, of all people, has come up with the new perfect cover story: role research. Remember her post-cueball umbrella attack? She explained it in a beautifully hand-written letter to her attackees, X17:
Ahahahaha. "Remember that time I was all dressed up like a refugee from a '90s lesbian hardcore band disguised as a field hockey player, and I dented in your SUV's doors with an umbrella? I was just funnin'! It was funny! There was this movie, and some husband, and a thing, and stuff? But no? Something. OK, yayyy! Love, Britney." Brilliant. But there's one problem (aside from the continuity, spelling, and grammar issues): Britney's note, unlike Paris's TMZ letter, sadly, lacks a nice pencil drawing to truly illustrate her feelings. We think the point would have been driven home more clearly had she included a 2-D rendering of a bald headed stick figure with a black scribble over her head, denoting "I'm mad" in classic Charles Schulz style.
Britney's pen runneth over with prose lately--under the cut, see what she wrote to her estranged mom.
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Britney's pen runneth over with prose lately--under the cut, see what she wrote to her estranged mom.
May 23, 2007
Inflatable Posh
You all know that Victoria Beckham is a trophy wife, a British person, and very very tan, but did you know that she's also a comedienne? The Daily Mail reports:
Victoria Beckham has finally got her revenge on the hoards of paparazzi that constantly follow her every move. Photographers were caught completely off guard when an unlikely body double was helped out of the star’s SUV. Trying to conceal their amusement, members of Team Beckham unloaded a different version of the former Spice Girl - a blow-up doll complete with blonde hair and huge shades.And with the story, they included this picture, above left, featuring Posh's bodyguards with a creature possessing strawlike blonde hair, plasticine skin in a color not found in nature, a forced, frozen smile, and breasts like two immobile yoga balls. Which is cute, but we only wish they could've managed to get a pic of the guys with this "sex doll" they were talking about. more »
Turns out it was a clever decoy: Posh was actually across town shopping at Santa Monica’s Pleasure Chest "speciality shop". According to their website, the Pleasure Chest "mixes naughty with very nice, helping all walks of life get comfortable with their sensual side". Looks like David’s in for a treat. Posh, 33, was also spotted trying on a pair of rather racy PVC gloves.
May 01, 2007
Lindsay Lohan Likes the Paparazzi, Except When She Doesn't
Lindsay Lohan really likes when those nice photographer guys take her picture and make her feel pretty and loved. Except when she's trying to do something else, like work or scam on a guy or eat a hamburger. Then it sucks. Oh, and when she's trying to drive and they're, like, standing on the curb where she might want to drive, that's totally annoying. But please don't stop, guys, please love her forever and ever above everyone else. more »
April 27, 2007
Britney Spears Makes a New Friend
Why does this paparazzo look disgusted?A) Britney just let out a long Chalupa fart
B) Her wig still has the $12.99 price tag from Wigs & Plus attached
C) He's just discovered still-never-seen Jayden James--clutching onto Mommy's dress with all of his strength and being dragged along the pavement, his face bloody and studded with gravel more »
April 25, 2007
Hugh Grant Attacks Photographer, Throws Beans
"Don't take my blooming picture, bloke, or I shall have no option but to hurl this take away of beans at you. And if that doesn't teach you a lesson I will proceed with fish and chips and bangers and mash until you end up arse over tit." more »
April 17, 2007
Britney Spears Thinks America Is, Like, So Nice
Now that Britney Spears has lost such devoted pals as Paris Hilton and random slutty girl at club, she's had to seek out a new BFF in the strangest of places--the paparazzi. She and X17 are tight now; they are so going to get mani/pedis together and then hang out at Brit's house with take-out sushi and watch Grey's Anatomy. They'll probably get in a fight over who's hotter, Dr. McDreamy or Dr. McSteamy, but then after they have a lingerie fashion show with Sean P and JJ for an audience (if she can remember where they are) they'll put aside their differences and concede that both Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy are pretty damn hot.Oh, and according to Page Six Brit has re-hired her old publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnick. There is no mess that LSZ can't clean up. She's like the Mr. Clean of celebrity image control. more »
April 05, 2007
Hayden Shows Panettieres; Is Not Lindsay
Hayden Panettiere--who, we just learned, is NOT one of those The Hills or Laguna Beach rich harpies but an actual actress, who knew--was spotted leaving a bar called L'Scorpion in Los Angeles on Tuesday night. The "L" in "L'Scorpion" is both pretentious and extraneous, but the real point of interest here is what went