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filed under: Pamela Anderson

June 30, 2008

Whore: the Other White Meat

Jessica_Simpson_520627a.jpgEating meat makes you plenty of things. It makes you a carnivore, it makes you full of protein, it may make you more susceptible to heart disease and gout. But according to Pamela Anderson, it makes you a bitch. And furthermore, a whore. Pam was recently interviewed by an Australian radio station, and when asked what she thought about Jessica Simpson wearing a "real girls eat meat shirt," Pam snapped,
"I think she is a bitch and whore. Actually, I don't know if she was talking about food or men."
Oof! Mee-YOW! If "real girls eat meat" translates to "asshole jerk that has lots of indiscriminate casual sexual encounters," we don't want to know what Pamela thinks about Catherine Zeta-Jones's t-shirt:

catherine_zeta_jones_fuck.jpg
more »
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June 24, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Plaid Party Till You Puke

nicole_richie_flannel_barf.jpg• Mary-Kate Olsen, Nicole Richie and friends enjoy debaucherous party involving tons and tons of . . . plaid flannel? (The Blemish)

• Britney Spears sex tape caps? We dunno, dudes. No Bagel Bite residue on anything, so . . . (Yeeeah!)

• Mario Lopez kissed Fergie and lived to tell the tale. (Hollywire)

• Heather Locklear just checked herself before she wrecked herself. Naw, she checked herself into a clinic to deal with depression and other psychological issues. (Faded Youth)

• Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and bustin' loose! Lock up your crack pipes and your Final Net! (CelebWarship)

• Hugh Hefner banged a lot of dames. And his sister-in-law. And a dude. (Celebridiot)

• In case you were wondering, Jennifer Lopez is still a joyless harridan asshole. (D-listed)

• Pam Anderson bares her teeth, growls, and emits a fountain of champagne from her tit. (Cityrag)

• Anne Hathway's now-ex boyfriend just got popped for posing as the Vatican's financial officer. Ahahaha, whatta cutup! (Daily Stab)

• Katherine Heigl ditches the Huggabunch bikini in favor of the Rainbow Brite one. And pairs her UV rays with a few long hard drags off a cigarette. Cancerlicious! (Drunken Stepfather)

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June 13, 2008

Pam and Tommy Lee: Three Boobs Together Again

pam anderson tommy lee cake.jpg Most Hollywood couplings confound us. Yes, we understand why Jennifer Aniston is suddenly addicted to John Mayer's donkey dong. But Paris Hilton and Benji Madden? Fuck if we've got any answers for you on that one. Compatible herpes strains maybe? But one relationship that has always made sense to us is Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. They're somehow like that really sweet old couple you see feeding each other creamed corn in the park. Only with gigantic plastic breasts, rubbery sun-damaged skin, lots of tattoos, and leather pants. So it's good that Rolling Stone is reporting their inevitable reunion.
We visited Mφtley Crόe in their Hollywood rehearsal studio yesterday as they prepped for their summer CrueFest tour. Yes, they rocked, and we’ll have a full report in the next issue of Rolling Stone, but because you’re our pals, we thought you’d want to know one bit of news right away: “Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” said a beaming Tommy Lee(speaking, of course, of his ex-wife and sex-tape costar Pamela Anderson and their two sons, Brandon and Dylan). “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together.” Let’s hope those crazy lovebirds keep it together this time. As Lee told us, “We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”
We sincerely hope that this reunion works out, partially because we're afraid of who Pam would marry next (Jesse Camp maybe?), but mostly because we're really excited for a sequel to Pam and Tommy Lee: Stolen Honeymoon. It will be a fascinating study of maturing sexuality. Like grandma porn.

P.S., according to IMDb, Pam will be turning 41 on July 1st. Hmmmm. 41? Really? The combined age of each of her boobs, maybe, but if Pam is 41, Tom Cruise loves nothing more than a big juicy vagina.
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June 10, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: CBT

on-the-doll-balls-1.jpg• Brittany Snow not naked, but well-versed in cock and ball torture in On the Doll! (Fatback)

• In case you were wondering if Pam Anderson's nipples were still inching their way towards her armpits, the answer is a resounding yes! (Taxi Driver)

• Abigail Clancy: dumpy name, glamorous naked boobs in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Despite her assertions to the contrary, Jessica Alba is most definitely shopping around pics of her baby. (Cityrag)

• Awwww. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, happy and hugging. Not as exciting as groaning and fingerblasting, but we make do with what we're given. (Yeeeah!)

• Sienna Miller enjoys sleeping with . . . . . . . . . . . Heath Ledger's pajamas. (CelebWarship)

• Heather Locklear throws some gang signs. Yo yo yo, northeast siiiiiide, Bev Hills, dis ya girl Heathuh! Brentwoooooood! Respect! (The Blemish)

• Paul Newman has lung cancer. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. (Hollywire)

• Elizabeth Hurley continues to dress her son like he's Little Lord Fauntleroy. (Allie Is Wired)

• Does Christina Aguilera have her eye on another, nonsimian man? (Hollyscoop)

• Firecrotch-spouter Brandon Davis has gone from Fat Elvis to slightly less fat Elvis. (Faded Youth)

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May 29, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Hopelessly Devoted to Food

britney_high_ponytail.jpg • Britney might star in Grease on Broadway. Well, she's certainly got the "grease" part down. (Daily Stab)

• Mischa Barton is refusing to promote her t.a.t.u. movie. Wonder why. (IDLYITW)

• Thank God for Lindsay Lohan's relationship with Samantha Ronson, for it keeps Michael Lohan in the news! (Yeeeah!)

• Scarlett Johansson. Naked in a pool. (Egotastic!)

• As Hilary Duff's veneers have shrunk, so has her rack inflated. It's magic! (Cityrag)

• Mariah Carey dons her most Mimi-est of rags to kick off Japanese baseball season. Man, what a weird sentence. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Pamela Anderson returns to form with the best upskirt she can muster. (Taxi Driver)

• Angelina and Brad let their children do whatever while they dunk their sleek, genetically superior forms nakedly into their pool. (The Blemish)

• Naomi Campbell to trade glamour for the slammer. (Celebitchy)

• Bill Murray's wife says he's a drunk and a stoner and a cheater and a beater. B-b-buh . . . but . . . he's the voice of Garfield! (PopCrunch)

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April 28, 2008

Pam Anderson Wisely Denies Marriage to Paris Hilton Bedmate

pam_anderson_bj_dog_poop.jpgSure, we all want to forget our past boo-boos in the game of romance, but Pamela Anderson really, really, really wants to forget. In fact, she wants to believe that the marriage was never even there in the first place, like a figment of her imagination or the Argentinian dwarf or Natalie Portman's acting talent! When asked, on Larry King Live, about her 4 month union to Salomon, an embarrassed Pam mumbled,
"Oh jeez . . . It never happened . . . It was an . . . well, it was an annulment so… it never happened."
But Pam! It happened! See, here is the story we wrote about your wedding. Here's the one we wrote after you filed for divorce the first time. And here is the one from when your divorce was back on. And look! In the upper left corner! It is a picture of you inspecting your then-husband's penis while a yellow lab craps in the sand next to you. You can't argue with photographic proof. Especially when a literal/metaphorical dog turd is illustrating your union. more »
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April 11, 2008

Ms. Pammy Goes To Washington

pam anderson fondles her boobs.jpg Sometimes celebrities and politics mix just fine. Ben Affleck seems to have a genuine interest and know just a little bit more than Barack Obama's favorite color. Sonny Bono did a fine job as far as we can tell. But sometimes it's best for celebs to stick to things like slapping their name on a new brand of perfume or not-so-discreetly leaking nude photos of themselves to the press. Because if we were a foreign dignitary and we popped into the White House for a frank chat on foreign policy and we saw a red carpet outside with Pam Anderson, Perez Hilton, and some chick from Laguna Hills or whichever, we'd probably hightail back to our home country and promptly ready an A-bomb. Us Weekly reports:
The Hills' Lauren Conrad and Pamela Anderson are among the celebs on the list to attend the White House Press Correspondents Association Dinner on April 26, Usmagazine.com has confirmed.

Like Conrad, blogger (and enemy) Perez Hilton, another attendee, will be a guest of the Bloomberg financial network.

They could hobnob with Ben Affleck, Eric Dane, Tim Daly, Hayden Panettiere and Marcia Cross — all of whom are also on the list, a Correspondents rep tells Us.

Started in 1920, the WHCA's annual dinner has become a Washington, D.C. tradition and is usually attended by the President and Vice President.
We wonder if Pam and Lauren will get to really tough questions at the event, like, "When will this horrible war in Iran end?" and "On a scale of one to ten, how dreamy is Barack Obama?" more »
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April 09, 2008

Pam Anderson Offers Her Breasts To Octogenarian Hugh Hefner

pam anderson and hugh hefner.jpg We know Hugh Hefner has a reputation to maintain as a world-class perv, but we're guessing what he really wanted for his 82nd birthday was a warm housecoat, some yummy strained peas, and a Matlock box set. Instead what he got was Pam Anderson waving her MagicTanned bald beaver in his face. Hopefully his cataracts prevented him from seeing more than an aura of orange rubber. Page Six tells the tale of Hef's very special day:
HUGH Hefner got an early birthday surprise the other night when he and girlfriend Holly Madison entered his penthouse at the Palm in Vegas to be greeted by Pamela Anderson, who was stark naked except for a pair of high heels. "She was holding a cake, walked over to him, tussled his hair and wished him happy birthday. Hef couldn't believe it," one Playboy insider told us. "Pam wasn't paid to do it, she just wanted to show her love for Hef." The girly-mag czar turns a spry 82 today.
Is Hef the horniest man to ever walk the earth? Shouldn't his dick have fallen off from exhaustion about fifteen years ago? Or is he living on a constant cocktail of Adderall and Viagra? Perhaps he had a steel pole installed in his wang so he wouldn't have to go through the trouble of getting it up the old fashioned way. One of his rotating cast of girlfriends could just climb on while he's taking a nap. more »
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March 26, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Pamela and Camela (Toe)

pam_anderson_bj_dog_poop.jpg• Pam Anderson's marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. In the eyes of the law, that means it never happened. Let us never speak of this again. (Hollywire)

• MrSkin.com scores the first ever interview with Christian Landers, the dude behind the high-larious StuffWhitePeopleLike.com! (Mr. Skin)

• Madonna claims that her marriage is ripe with "erotica". Excellent way to work your song title in there, Madge. Was your wedding La Isla Bonita? (Female Foist)

• Kate Moss sans the clammy, crackulous influence of Pete Doherty = foxy. (Cityrag)

• Awwww. Carmen Electra has found herself another funny little eyeliner-wearing alternarocker to love. (Daily Stab)

• Sophie Monk's religious last name belies the deep cleave of her camel toe. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Renee Zellweger attended a screening of Leatherheads donning a leathered face. Sorry, Renee. You seem like a nice lady, you just make it so easy. (Allie Is Wired)

• Sorry, boys! Looks like that hot slice of preggo jailbait Jamie Lynn Spears is off the market! (The Blemish)

• I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, he's a Pepper, Axl Rose is a Pepper. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

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March 18, 2008

CNW: "I Said Impeti-Go, Go"

winehouse_scabs.jpg• Hey, Amy. Maybe you should extend that liner to cover your entire face. (Flisted)

• Eva Mendes gets a job shilling Calvin Klein drawers! Just like Marky Mark, only with more substance abuse and less wiggerliness. Same size boobs, though. (Yeeeah!)

• Clip of Brit's appearance on How I Met Your Mother. Talking about shopping with Doogie Howser? Ooooh, that's fabulous, girlfriend! (The Superficial)

• Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton fighting again. Fighting over Maddens. That's kind of like arguing about which Nelson brother is cooler (the answer is Gunner, obviously). (Celebitchy)

• Eva Longoria's wedding tattoo disappeared. Maybe she used WRECKING BALM! (Daily Stab)

• Eliot Spitzer enjoyed Charlie Sheen's sloppy seconds. Surprisingly, we're not talking about Denise Richards. (Bitten and Bound)

• Jennifer Aniston is a dutiful flosser; probably has no plaque buildup in her ass crack. (The Blemish)

• Punky Brewster has another daughter and names her JAGGER. We can't wait to have babies named Staley and Weiland and Stapp. (CelebWarship)

• Pamela Anderson's famished vagina snacks on spangled panties. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Nicole Kidman's bodyguard goes ape crazy on a paparazzo. (Holy Taco)

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February 22, 2008

The Digit of a Humped Mammal

pam_anderson_cameltoe.jpgLook. Pameltoe.
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January 10, 2008

Pam to Divorce; Get Custody of Self-Tanner, Video Camera, Fetus

pamscares.jpgRight now, Pamela Anderson is doing what she does best. Which is getting divorced. To her, divorce is like an old friend. A gentle spring breeze caressing her face in a field of lilies. A siren song calling from the rocky shores. Sez TMZ:
TMZ has learned the divorce between Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon is back on and Pam is pregnant!

You'll recall Anderson filed for divorce last month, but called it off just days later. But sources tell TMZ she is now moving forward with the divorce, even though we know she's pregnant with his baby.

Salomon has told friends he believes she is "acting crazy" because of the pregnancy and hopes she will settle back into the marriage. Interestingly, in her divorce petition, Anderson asked for spousal support but not child support.

The couple were married in Las Vegas on October 6.
She should be asking for chest support. Get it? Cuz she has huge fake tits, see. more »
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December 18, 2007

Et Tu, Pam and Rick?

Pamela-Anderson-Rick-Salomon.jpgPam Anderson's brand new shiny husband, Rick Salomon, might be ready to flick his scaly tail and swim back upstream with his cold-water brethren. Salomon, salmon . . . eh, never mind. On Friday, Pam filed for divorce from her third husband, night-visiony Hilton-humper Salomon amid pregnancy and reality show rumors, but now she's taken it all back and is giving hasty, chancre-studded mistake matrimony love another chance. Indian giver! Says our gossip couples counselor, Female First:
Pamela Anderson has vowed to work through her problems with third husband Rick Salomon - just three days after filing for divorce.

The former 'Baywatch' babe cited "irreconcilable differences" at a court in Los Angeles on Friday (14.12.07) as the reason for the split after just two months of marriage.

However, yesterday (17.12.07) Pammie revealed the couple were trying to patch up their differences. She said: "We're working things out."

Sources claim Pammie and Rick had a huge fight last week, resulting in the actress petitioning the divorce papers. But they soon made up and were seen shopping together at the weekend.
What could these two possibly be fighting about? There are no two people on this earth better suited for one another. Her exes are Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. His exes are Paris Hilton and Shannen Doherty. She's best known for boffing Tommy Lee on video. He's best known for slamming Paris Hilton on video. She has enormous fake boobs. He is a boob with a fake tan. She shills for PETA. In 1 Night in Paris, we saw his PETER. It's a winning match!
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December 12, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Dog Crap Is the Greatest Aphrodesiac

pam_rick_dog_crap.jpg• Pam Anderson and hubby to have reality show. Also, Pam Anderson and hubby to engage in possible oral sex next to pooping dog. (Dlisted)

• Hayden Panettiere is gearing up to give a BJ to Richard Gere or something. (HollywoodTuna)

• Madonna is sporting a nice pair of shiners. (Cityrag)

• Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)

• Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)

• It's hard out here for a pimp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (CelebWarship)

• Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)

• James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)

• Vanessa Hudgens not amused by Zac Efron's oxygen facials and mani-pedi time. (Allie Is Wired)

• Wow, what's Jordan doing with Jay Manuel? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

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October 18, 2007

Come To Vegas, Get Peed on by Pam Anderson

Pamela Anderson purse blocker.jpg You've just spent two days in a stuffy, fart-and-Big-Mac-scented car driving through the waste of Nevada desert and are preparing yourself for five days of alcohol-induced amnesia in which you will lose upwards of $10,000 at the Palms. How will you celebrate this wonderful stage in your life? By letting a giant Pam Anderson piss all over your vehicle. TMZ reports:
Before she took her current gig as Hans Klok's assistant, Pam Anderson was putting together a crazazy $10 million strip club deal that involved a between-the-legs car wash, among other assets.

Vegas Confidential reports that Pam was working with Scores owner Dennis DeGori, and that the club was to be called The Burning Bush, and that its signature feature was a supersized sign with her legs as an archway. Cars could drive between the gams, and get a car wash, with the shower coming from, um, between the legs.

As for Pam herself, she would make just four two-hour visits a year. She scrapped the idea because she "didn't want to hurt her reputation." Exactly.
We disagree that dribbling her poon juice on complete strangers could damage her reputation as a used up amateur-porn enthusiast with a nip-slip fetish. We think only reciting Keats while dressed in head-to-toe Ralph Lauren could damage that reputation. more »
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October 16, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Digging for Nuggets

tarasfall.jpg• Inspiring photo montage of Tara Reid in various stages of intoxication: the Sweaty Man-O-War, the Crotch Weeper, the Sunny Days Trailer Park Special, the Buttafuoco. (Cityrag)

• Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (Taxi Driver)

• New Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (GlossLip)

• Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (The Blemish)

• Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Wow, Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (Daily Stab)

• Yikes, someone get Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (CelebWarship)

• Slice your wrists, get the girl. Kate Hudson is willing to give Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (Yeeeah!)
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October 11, 2007

Hopefully, They Filmed the Conception Part II

pamela-anderson-extinction.jpgLet's take a few minutes away from
J. Lo
and cast a weary and wary eye on the gut of Pam Anderson--pregnancy rumors are heating up, and they've gotten much more specific. Says IMDb:
Pamela Anderson is two months pregnant with new husband Rick Salomon's baby, according to new U.S. reports. Anderson, who wed Paris Hilton's ex in Las Vegas on Saturday, has been keen to keep the news secret after suffering a reported miscarriage last year with ex-husband Kid Rock but friends insist she's with child. A source tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine that Anderson, 40, learned she was pregnant on September 29 - the same day she and Salomon applied for a wedding license. The mom-to-be is reportedly thrilled with the news and thinks she's has found the right guy to enjoy the rest of her life with after two failed marriages. An insider tells the publication, "She's listening to her heart. Rick adores her and will be the best husband she's ever had. Pam says that after all these years of looking, the right one was right there beside her the whole time."
Well, shit. Why did these two have Sade as their wedding music when the obvious choice was Survivor's "The Search Is Over"? Either that or Joe Dolce's "Shaddup Your Face". Nothing says lovin' quite like "Mama used to say don'ta stay out alate/With the badda boys, always shoota pool/Guiseppi goin-ta flunka da school." See, it even says "shoot". Like "shotgun wedding". Yes, we truly did miss our calling as a wedding planner. more »
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October 08, 2007

Sex Tape Dude Makes Honest Woman of Pam Anderson

pam_rick.jpgIn a really smart move that is bound to turn out brilliantly for all involved, Pamela Anderson has legally married poker player/Paris porker Rick Salomon. According to ceremony attendees, the bride wore a white denim dress and the groom donned a tuxedo and a "beanie hat". E! Online scoops:
Pam walked down the aisle in the villa’s backyard to Sade’s "By Your Side."

Catering from the hotel’s Stack restaurant included pigs in a blanket, macaroni and cheese, tuna and lobster tacos, along with about 10 bottles of Cristal champagne. Jelly donut holes were served for dessert.

There was a fake four-tier wedding cake—made from cardboard because planners weren’t able to find a real one in time. They were apparently only given a day to prepare.
Finally, finally we understand what all those senator guys have been jawing about with the "sanctity of marriage" and "sacred vows between a man and a woman" and "holy unity" and such and such. Sade, pigs in a blanket, cardboard cake, white denim. Only "Sweetest Taboo" and Hormel beans and weenies could have made this a more blessed affair. more »
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October 04, 2007

Pam Anderson Is a Liar, Not a Miscarrier

pam and kid get married.jpg In other bitter breakup news, Kid Rock is claiming that Pamela Anderson lied about having a miscarriage while they were married. Which we guess is better than claiming that she's a used up whore, but some things are instinctually understood between couples. People reports:
Kid Rock claims that ex-wife Pamela Anderson lied about having a miscarriage after they had marital spat last year.

Anderson got mad when Rock delayed a visit to her on the set of her movie in Canada so he could attend a Los Angeles Lakers game, the 36-year-old singer tells Rolling Stone magazine.

"I'm like, 'Baby, I got these tickets. I'll see you on the weekend there,' and that leads into her saying, 'You don't care about me, blah blah blah,' " Rock says. "She finally comes up with this: 'I just had a miscarriage' ... and hangs the phone up."

In November 2006, Anderson's then-publicist issued a statement confirming reports she had a miscarriage and asked that "everyone respect her privacy during this difficult time."

But, Rock says, when he got to Vancouver, "She's partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I'm thinking, 'That's a quick recovery from a miscarriage.' "

Rock filed for divorce from Anderson a month later, ending their four-month marriage.

Anderson's new rep didn't immediately respond for comment. But in the Rolling Stone article, the actress says: "I hope his album does well. I hope he's happy in life. We were married for four months. If he has nothing nice to say about me, then please tell him to stop talking about me."

Rock's new album, Rock N Roll Jesus, comes out next week.
And Pam, having learned a thing or two from Rosie O'Donnell and Courtney Love, has taken her voice to the blogosphere with this response:
He's bitter. It's sad to see. I don't want to battle with him. I wish him the best. I'd hate to point out habits I had a hard time with. They are personal to him and that's why we are not together. These are desperate attempts. I've moved on.
C'mon, Pam, tell us about some of Kid's bad habits. Did he leave his dirty wifebeaters on the bedroom floor every night? Did he chant "Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy" when he was climaxing? Did he spit chaw all over your expensive Persian rugs? We bet it was the chaw. more »
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October 02, 2007

Hopefully They Filmed the Conception; It Will Make a Wondrerful Sweet Sixteen Present

pam anderson grabs boobs.jpg We know you'll have to reach back really, really far in your brain, past the Britney custody drama and last night's episode of Heroes, to remember the details of yesterday's story concerning Pam Anderson legally binding herself to a fellow home-porn pioneer. That information is probably stored in the section of your brain reserved for immediately forgotten nuggets of knowledge, along with the middle name of your first Cabbage Patch Kid (hint: if it was a boy, it was probably Xavier). But now that we've reminded you of this impending doom, would it make you feel better that it's going to be a shotgun wedding? Yeah, probably not. OK! magazine reports:
While many have chalked up the news of Pam Anderson and "poker player" Rick Salomon's bizarre almost-wedding in Las Vegas (they filed for a marriage license, but as yet have not walked down the aisle) to her whimsical nature, OK! is hearing that there may be a bigger reason for the pair to get hitched — a baby!

"She definitely looks like she's got a bit of a bump," one source tells OK!. "And this wouldn't be the first time Pam has rushed off to get married because there's a baby coming." The source is, of course, referring to the rumors that the Baywatch babe's surprise 2006 marriage to Kid Rock happened after she'd been impregnated. While these claims have been denied by the actress, they were bolstered by the fact that she filed for divorce from Kid only 11 days after miscarrying their unborn child.
It's bad enough that Pam has to explain her own sex tape to her kids with Tommy Lee, but that probably involves a lot of "Mommy and Daddy loved each other very much" and whatever bullshit. But is the Anderson/Salomon progeny going to reach a certain age and be sat down in front of the TV for a private screening? "Now, this is Mommy with the lead singer of Poison. And this is Mommy with Dylan and Brandon's daddy. And this is Daddy with some blonde hobag. All of these are available on the internet for $29.95 if you want to tell your friends." Also, we've been waiting for a third Pam spawn for a long time now. And we have some name suggestions for her: for a boy, Steve or David; for a girl, Brenda or Kelly. But not Donna. That would just be mean. more »
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October 01, 2007

Night Vision Wedding Night

pampretty.pngPam Anderson continues her streak of getting hitched to the most dapper and classy gentlemen in the famous people biz--she is allegedly about to marry Rick Saloman, best known as a professional poker player and the professional poker of Paris Hilton in 1 Night in Paris. SMH.com.au sez:
Onetime Baywatch star Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, a former boyfriend of Paris Hilton, applied for and were granted a marriage licence in Las Vegas on Saturday, the syndicated TV show Access Hollywood has reported.

Representatives for Anderson and Salomon were not immediately available for comment.
A few weeks ago, Pam had dropped a few hints of the impending horror to Ellen Degeneres, saying
“I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love. It’s so romantic. It’s romance. I’m not really engaged. I don’t know what I am. We may never get that far. We’re in love. This is nice.”
Who says romance is dead? These two will probably get married in a Denny's and show clips from each of their sex tapes at the reception. Percy Bysshe Shelley and Robert Browning could have learned a lot about romance from Pam and Rick. "Grow old along with me/the best is yet to be"? Nay, nay, friends. "There once was a trollop named Pam/who had super gigantic mams/First she wed Tommy Lee/Then Kid Rock married she/And now Salomon's jamming her clam". It's almost as beautiful as the love shared between Amy Winehouse and that dude with the hats. more »
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September 27, 2007

Pammy and Denise: Breast Friends

pam and denise in headbands.jpg We usually don't put much credence in rumors about who has been offered an overstuffed trash bag full of hundred-dollar bills to put their coochie in front of a Playboy camera. The mag could make an offer to Camilla Parker-Bowles if they wanted to; it doesn't mean she's gonna ditch everything but the feathered hat and pose. But when the subjects in question are Pam Anderson and Denise Richards, the acceptance is pretty much a given. Though we haven't seen evidence of it on The Girls Next Door, we're pretty sure Pam and Denise have a standing Thursday afternoon naked tea and Twister luncheon appointment at the Mansion every week. Pam and Denise naked in Hef's house is probably about as out of place as a dog shitting on the carpet at the Osbournes' house. IMDB reports:
Pals Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are considering a $1 million offer to pose nude together in an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine. Both blondes have disrobed for the men's magazine in the past, and now Playboy boss Hugh Hefner wants the actresses to team up for a spread in the January 2008 issue of the publication. A source tells the Globe, "Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they're seriously considering it." Anderson has appeared nude in Playboy a record 12 times, while Richards stripped for the December 2004 issue. The pair became firm friends when they shot mob comedy Blonde & Blonder in Canada last year.
On second thought, maybe Denise wouldn't be game for a new Playboy spread. She would probably claim, "I am a mother, not a bimbo. Nudity is undignified and immature," while filling out a Barely Legal subscription card in the name Charlie Sheen and drawing a penis coming out of his mouth in all the old family photos. more »
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September 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: A Total Raging Disgusting Rich Lazy Party Slut

britney_bathroom.jpg• Britto's manager drops her mere hours after her lawyer does. She's getting dropped more often than Sean Preston. Ba-dum-bump. (Yeeeah!)

• Jessica Simpson brings back the Daisy Dukes. Or maybe the Dazzy Duks. Whatever. (Drunken Stepfather)

• This is what Kid Rock bitchslapped Tommy Lee over. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Mary-Louise Parker pulls a Madonna. And we don't mean dry-humping Vanilla Ice. (The Blemish)

• Dave Grohl says that Paris is a "total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut." In similar news, Dave Grohl claims that "bacon tastes real good" and "water is wet". (Celebitchy)

• Christina Aguilera's baby will never go hungry. (Derek Hail)

• Sting probably had sex with these hookers. But the question remains: did he have sex with them for ten hours straight? (IDLYITW)

• Keira Knightley is a big fat sloppy gross lardy gigantic moo cow. (Celeb Warship)

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September 10, 2007

2007 VMAs = Very Mundane Awards

beyonce gold dress glittery.jpg So the VMAs were last night. And in between stifled yawns and many, many glasses of Arbor Mist (it's like juice--but with booze!), we made a few observations. First, Beyoncι's boobs are really jiggly. Sarah Silverman is still not funny just because she's mean (AND she has now made us feel sympathy for Paris Hilton TWICE, and for that she must pay). We are old and completely out of touch and have no idea who this Chris Brown fellow is, but boy can dance (though he can't lip sync worth a damn). Kid Rock and Tommy Lee need to chill the fuck out; we're sure Pammy would still screw them both so there's no need to fight over who gets the privilege. Some people were walking around with little silver statues, but we're not sure why; maybe they were cool new accessories, like Kanye West's sunglasses. Dr. Dre looked like he shopped for his awards-show duds in the closet of either Hans or Franz. Rihanna's dress was really, really tight and her hair was inexplicably awesome. rihanna pink dress vmas.jpg
Paris Hilton's dress was really, really tight and her hair was explicably horrendous--but still a lovely tribute to Florence Henderson.
paris hilton leopard dress vmas.jpg
The part of