CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.

filed under: Olsen twins

August 15, 2008

Mary-Kate Olsen: The Next MC Hammer

Yesterday we presented you with a puzzle: Which Olsen twin was doling out shiny new quarters and giving cashiers a denture-filled smile and a hearty, "There you go, deary"? It was probably Mary-Kate, as she seems to be running out of cash. Hey, you don't make out with Ben Kingsley for the Benjamins, you do it for the honor. And the clit boner. Reports MSNBC:

Not even exceptionally well-off former child stars are immune from economic tough times.

News is trickling out that Mary-Kate Olsen, (who, according to Forbes, splits an estimated $40 million annual income with her sister Ashley) is “burning through her money,” says Us Weekly.

The magazine says that M-K has been advised to cut down on “travel, jewelry, clothes and especially security.”

That said, the magazine also includes the counter-opinion of an insider who claims things are fine. “She has been focusing so much on her career and business, there hasn’t been time to spend a lot of money,” the source says.

Damn, girl, you've got to learn a few things about fashion. Those huge flannel shirts that cost you three grand a pop at Dolce & Gabana or wherever, they look just like the '90s castoffs down at the Salvation Army. Send your assistant down there with twenty bucks and she can set you up for the whole year.

comments (0) |

send to a friend

August 14, 2008

Olsen Twin Shares the Wealth

The gossip gods do not often smile upon your friends here at CelebNewsWire. We're not as popular as The Superficial, not as funny as Abby at Yeeeah!, not as sensitive and tender a lover as the Drunken Stepfather. So when we get an exclusive tip, we rejoice! This one comes to us courtesy of an NYC-based friend in the java biz:

"One of the Olsen twins (not sure which) came into the lower East side coffee shop I work at. She ordered a hot chocolate, paid for it, then handed me a ten and asked for ten ones. I obliged, thinking she was going to tip. And she did tip. After she put the ten ones in her bag, she offered me a single quarter. Thanks a lot, Olsen!"

Not only do the Olsens dress like octogenarians, they tip like octogenarians. Was it a shiny quarter, dear? That really makes all the difference.

comments (0) |

send to a friend

June 14, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Momiston

• Jennifer Aniston is going to adopt a baby! So prepare to listen to your middle-aged lady coworkers coo and gasp with delight and talk about what a wonderful mother that nice Aniston woman will make. And then her publicist will deny the reports and it will all be over. Ahhh. (IMDb)

• Petra Nemcova, she is a lady without a shirt but with curious symbols painted across her mammary glands. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Britney holds J.J.; allows ass cheeks to devour bikini bottoms, as if they were a delicious chocolate cake. (The Blemish)

• Furthermore, Britney mocks Lohan on her website. Hey, so what are the heating bills like in that glass house of yours, B? (Celebitchy)

• Kim Kardashian will dance with the Pussycat Dolls. And her assplants will burst forth through her regulation lace chaps. As if they were a delicious chocolate cake. (D Listed)

• The Olsens turned 21 yesterday. Remember when dudes were counting down the days until they were legal because they wanted to sexually fantasize about them without feeling guilty? And then they turned legal AND turned into doddering Miss Havishams that smell like motel ashtrays? Hahaha, that was funny! (ICYDK)

comments (0) |

send to a friend

March 28, 2007

Olsen Twins to Get Doublemint Nose Jobs?

The Olsen twins have allegedly contacted plastic surgeon Raj Kanodia, the maestro behind Ashlee Simpson's downsized bugle, to make appointments to get their own noses shaved down. A source squealed to In Touch Weekly:

"Ashley has always thought her nose was a little too big, so she wanted to get it done. When she talked to her sister about it, she loved the idea. They both love changing their looks. They thought this would make them look more polished."

"Hey, Mary-Kate?" "Yes, Ashley?" "I think we need a new look. Let's get major elective surgery." "Great idea, sister dear! I was thinking maybe a new Balenciaga bag would change it up a bit, but having a medical professional permanently alter our faces is a much better option!" And hey, you know what else would make you two look more polished? Not dressing like bindle-toting, canned-bean-eating, nickel-carving, rail-riding hobos. Man, listen to us. We're turning into Andy Rooney.

send to a friend

July 12, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Clueless; Clothesless

• Jessica Simpson, in a bikini, on vacation. She's taking great care to conceal her crotch behind various objects, which can only mean one thing: BABY BUMP! Just kidding, she probably forgot to shave.

• Ever wonder what goes on behind the closed doors at a high-powered meeting in which executives get together with the Olsen twins to discuss their next line of clothing/cosmetics/cereal/handbags? Tareytons, is what. Cartons and cartons and cartons of Tareytons.

• Take a stick of raw linguine, dye it paper-bag brown, glue a Crystal Barbie wig to the top of it and two half coconut shells halfway down, and what do you get? Victoria Beckham.

• Jennifer Ellison wears panties that show her clam. Her pussyclam.

• Big fluffy hair was cool in the '80s; Tommy Lee sported the look well into the '90s. And now that it's 2006, Tommy Lee has finally moved on to last decade, showing off some highly sweet tribal tattoos paired with Manic Panic hair. Luckily, huge dongs never go out of style.

• The Curious Birth of Suri No Middle Name Cruise: the legend continues.

• Jackie Chan, all hopped up on Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers, causes a rumpus at a concert. We'd expect that kind of behavior from a McConaughey or a Sutherland, but that nice Chan boy?

• Alyssa Milano wants to create a line of women's sports fan gear. Which, if her shirt is any indication, will involve lots of pastel smocking and rainbow beads. Go team!

• Stacey Dash, naked in Playboy. Not a Monet.

send to a friend

February 22, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Stay Golden, Betty

• A surprise appearance by Mick Jagger causes a near-riot at his illegitimate son's grade school. Right, like Brazilian 6-year-olds know who the fuck Mick Jagger is.

• Most women look all glowy and happy and shiny and fresh when they're all knocked up. Gwyneth Paltrow? Ehhhhh, not so much.

• Thar she blows! A hump like a snowhill! It's Britney, breaching and proving that yes, the Murphy's Mart Five and Dime off Cub Run Highway in central Kentucky does, in fact, have a swimwear line!

• An Olsen twin with her right teat hanging out? HOW RUDE!

• PETA urges our vice president to shoot Eva Longoria in the face. Yes, you read that correctly.

• We're kind of grossing ourselves out over the fact that we think Avril Lavigne is suddenly utterly alluring.

• Betty White. Naked. Eh, she's no Rue McClanahan.

• Carmen Electra and Victoria Silvstedt fake make out, legions of dudes in fake tans and Gotti boy hairdos cream.

• Not satisfied with adopting needy children from across the Earth, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt branch out and adopt a beautiful new baby from the planet Owens-Corning and debut their new child in all her rosy, fluffy glory in Paris. Congrats to the new parents!

send to a friend

February 15, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Special Evening Gown Edition

• Mariah Carey ensures that she will never receive a free Chanel dress ever again.

• Why, hello, M&Ms stuck in Jennifer Lopez's dress. Nice to see you.

• Speaking of small round candies and boobs . . .

• Beyonce once jiggled her jelly so damn hard that her entire dress fell off. Guess she didn't see that ragtag group of young men with oversized novelty magnets who sewed her garment with metal thread.

• Lindsay Lohan dresses up as Diane Keaton, Liza Minnelli, and Liz Taylor. Gay male plotzing TK.

• Tom Sizemore has been sent back to rehab. Also, the sun rose today.

• Ya can't shine shit: MK and Ashley Olsen are all gussied up and shilling for Badgley Mischka. Funny how chimpanzees in $5,000 frocks are still chimpanzees.

• Britney took her baby Sean to the emergency room because he was constipated. Now, we're no Dr. Spock or nuthin', but maybe, just maybe, if she stopped giving him tubes of nacho bacon E-Z Cheez in lieu of bottles, this wouldn't happen.

• And maybe Brit should lay off the aerosol delicacies herself.

• Poor Nikki Cox learns that when you agree to marry a professional guest star, you lose your livelihood. And your breasts.

• PETA activists threw flour on Paris Hilton as she entered a London fashion week party. They then battered and deep-fried her and enjoyed her with some honey BBQ dippin' sauce. Just kidding, that's not vegan.

send to a friend

August 03, 2005

Mary-Kate Olsen Breaks Out the Whale Tail

WARNING: OLSEN THONG AFTER THE JUMP. more »

send to a friend

March 04, 2005

Mary-Kate: Relapsin' and Rehabbin'

No, no, Mary-Kate. "The freshman fifteen" means you GAIN fifteen pounds, not LOSE it, sweetheart. more »

send to a friend

January 17, 2005

The Olsen Twins Break Up.

We know you're all still heartbroken over the Brad and Jen split, but unfortunately we have more super-couple breakup news to report: The Olsen Twins are separating. more »

send to a friend