filed under: Olga Kurylenko

Olga Kurylenko has been named as the new Bond girl, and although she has yet to lay one dainty, Ukrainian foot upon the set, she's already trumped her Casino Royale predecessors. How? By her dastardly scheme to inject her handsome privates into Quantum of Solace. Goddamn right she'll force a tit or two in there, come hell or high water! According to our gossip Miss Moneypenny, FemaleFirst, Kurylenko said:

"I've never had a problem going topless or being naked for a film. When you're on the beach you're almost naked anyway. It was the same with my naked scenes in Hitman, which I did last year. I sent my body double back because I wanted to do the scenes myself. If they want me to strip off for Bond, that's fine."

Our lily-livered, milquetoast American celebrities can learn a thing or two from these young Ukrainian upstarts. Mariah Carey won't shoot any video scenes that aren't head-on, and Britney Spears won't even participate in photo shoots now--magazines have to superimpose her face on someone else's body. And here comes Olga with her big fat fancy name and state of cheerful dishabille. Right-wingers keep blathering on about the Mexicans stealing our jobs, but it's the damn Russians. Good God, this is going to bring on a second wave of cold-war Russia-hating. The good news is: more Yakov Smirnov! more »