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filed under: Nicolette Sheridan

December 28, 2007

CNW Holiday Junk Drawer: 'Tis the Season to Be Drunky

Please allow these links to tide you over until January 2, when we will be hangover-free and ready to devote ourselves to bringing you nipple slips and Tinseltown fetuses once again.

• Mischa Barton got arrested for DUI and drug possession. Way to be Scrooges, cops. (TMZ)

• Fergie is engaged! To a man, even! Flossy, flossy. (A Socialite's Life)

• Jessica Alba is also engaged. Awwww, now her baby won't be a bastard. Cute! (Derek Hail)

• Robin Wright and Sean Penn are not engaged, however. In fact, they are getting a divorce. Perhaps she finally got a glimpse of him in the cold hard light of day. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Et tu, Brendan Fraser and wife? Oh, Encino Man, why can't you and your onion field hair plugs make love last? (Celebitchy)

• The sirer of Jamie Lynn Spears's unborn doohicky might not be Casey Aldridge. It might, instead, be Kevin Federline. Juuuuuust kidding, it's some old dude. (Yeeeah!)

• Gaze upon these photos of Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini and be revived. And then note sadly that Michael Bolton is the master of that body, and shrivel, groaning in pain. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Sharon Stone trots out those nips for a trip around the block. (Celeb Warship)

• Lindsay Lohan might as well face it, she's addicted to dong. (Egotastic!)

• Leelee Sobieski. TeeTee Boobichesti. (The Blemish)

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November 12, 2007

When a Man Impregnates a Woman, Can't Keep His Mind on Nothin' Else

There's something in the water over at the Desperate Housewives lot. Something fertile in the water. Something fertile that makes 40+ biddies magically pregnant. Although it's not been 100% confirmed, a source on the set claims that Nicolette Sheridan, the former concubine of both Leif Garrett AND Harry Hamlin is knocked up with a Michael Bolton baby:

"She's absolutely glowing and her pregnancy is the buzz of the set. She kept asking Felicity and Marcia about how the pregnancy would change her appearance and if it would make her hair thinner."

Well, it's good to know that even through the magic of new life, Nicolette is still lookin' out for number one. "Hey, Nicolette, congratulations on your new baby! Is it a boy or a girl?" "I dunno. STOP LOOKING AT MY SCALP! YOU CAN SEE MY SCALP, CAN'T YOU? CAN'T YOU!?!?!?!?!?" more »

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January 31, 2007

Leif Garrett Fondled This

It's not hard to figure out why Nicolette Sheridan is showing some see through nippage; after all, her name does sound an awful lot like Nipplette Share-idan. Now go back, reread that sentence, and find the third childish pun and you win a cookie! more »

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December 20, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Nearly "Stripped" of Her Crown

• Heather Graham's swan song of succulent sexiness. Take a look, then tip out your King Cobra on the curb.

• Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

• Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

• Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

• Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

• Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

• The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

• We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

• Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

• Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

• K-Hole es no preggo.

• Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.

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March 15, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Like a Virgin

• A slight look at Kelly Hu's Hu-ters.

• Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest dating? She says she "really enjoys his company". Well, duh. He knows about all the sample sales ahead of time, and he's so fun to enjoy a decadant whipped yogurt (only 140 creamy, dreamy calories!) with, while getting a deep tissue massage!

• OMG! Victoria's Secret is that Adriana Lima is a total virgin!!!

• Whoa, here she comes. Watch out, boy, Lindsay Lohan will chew you up.

• Sorry, ladies! Handsome beef-a-roni hunk Jack Black is officially off the market.

• Sorry again, ladies! Studly demigod Michael Bolton is also officially off the market. Enjoy that, Nicolette Sheridan.

• Jessica Alba is officially sexy, we know, but now Scarlett Johansson has been deemed certifiably pretty. Good to know.

• "Little black book" is just one of the many practical purposes served by Pam Anderson's grotesquely colossal plastic breasts.

• We mourn the demise of the leg man. If you're one of them, you will probably want to look into Paulina Rubio. Damn, that tomato's got some nice pegs.

• Paris Hilton prepares to get back to 1985 after harnessing a bolt of lightning hitting the clock tower.

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January 23, 2006

What Happens When You're Dumped for Michael Bolton

Nicolette Sheridan's spurned, nonfamous ex-fiance wants to tell the world about what a bad lover his former main squeeze is. Obligatory "now who's Desperate!" joke here. We're really phonin' it in today. more »

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November 07, 2005

Nicolette Sheridan: Internet Porn OK, Cellulite Bad

Have you been perusing the internet for naked pictures of Nicolette Sheridan and come across someone who looked like her nakedly shaving the testicles of a man in a Ronald McDonald costume? Well, Nic wants you to know that she's way hotter than that chick. more »

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July 05, 2005

Shark Week Continues

Apparently Jessica Alba and Nicolette Sheridan share the same publicist. Either that or sharks fucking hate celebrities. Either way, a shark’s getting punched, which is cool with us. more »

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February 02, 2005

Housewives Desperate for Attention?

A few of the Desperate Housewives think they may be just a wee bit overexposed--and they're not talking about their lack of clothing. Eva Longoria and Nicolette Sheridan have been using their plethora of interviews to gripe about being given too much attention. Unless they were naked while they were complaining, we don't really care. more »

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January 25, 2005

Psst . . . You Wanna Buy Some Naked Pictures of Nicolette Sheridan?

And in other naked lady news, one of Nicolette Sheridan's former friend (pfft! some friend!) is trying to peddle nudie shots of the Desperate Housewives star using rather interesting logic . . . more »

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January 13, 2005

Nicolette Sheridan's Naked Shenanigans, Hot Dog!

Now, we've been turning the following story around in our heads over and over, scratching our noggins and pursing our lips and furrowing our brows, trying to make heads or tails of what, exactly, it all means. It's a puzzler, all right, but it sure does make for the headline of the year: "Sheridan Ailing After Carrying Out Naked House Chores". Read on. more »

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December 15, 2004

Plastic Surgery Denials A-Go-Go

Nicolette Sheridan visits a surgeon . . . to prove she's allll natural, Sharon Stone sues, Nicole Kidman's new, improved, 98% more bankable knees. Read on. more »

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November 17, 2004

Have We Learned Nothing from Janet?

Yet another network, this time ABC, was forced to apologize for combining nudity and football. Irate fans and National Football League both complained bitterly over an intro spot for Monday Night Football, which featured Desperate Housewives star Nicolette Sheridan in the buff. Other networks take note: funbags and football are a noxious mixture, indeed. more »

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Mr. Skin's Nudity Review: Nicolette Sheridan
CNdb: Nicolette Sheridan Review