CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
In recent celebrity hookup news, Ryan Gosling is kicking it to Kirsten Dunst, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have taken it to the next level with a meet-the-parents visit, and Natalie Portman is inexplicably dating furry, painfully precious neo-hippie singer Devendra Banhart. The two have been spotted together more often than not recently, and the paps snapped these pictures of the pair strolling through the park yesterday. Seeing how Banhart was allegedly hooking up with Lindsay Lohan last year, the pairing isn't all that odd. The weird part is seeing this twee, "what is a television?" folkie weirdo drinking something as base and common as chain store coffee. We'd picture him as a strictly unicorn-milk-out-of-a-lotus-blossom kind of guy.
And for added vomitous cutesiness, a particularly vomitous selection from Banhart's ouevre:
Natalie Portmansays: "Seriously, I would really want to grab Scarlett's breasts. She's got beautiful ones." Stow that in your brain pan and let it fester. And you're welcome.
We would like to take this moment in naked lady history to humbly apologize to the lovely Natalie Portman. Last week we reported that she was grossed out by her own Hotel Chevalier nude scenes when, in fact, this is not the case. She's grossed out by her Goya's Ghosts nude scenes. It's different!
A U.S. magazine has been forced to apologize to actress Natalie Portman after suggesting she's far from happy with her performance in short film Hotel Chevalier. Sunday supplement Parade stated Portman was talking about the movie, in which she appears nude, when she commented about an "uncomfortable" scene she shot in a forthcoming essay she wrote for the publication. But the actress' publicist, Kelly Bush, has pounced on Parade, insisting her client was actually talking about a torture scene in new film Goya's Ghosts. A statement from the magazine's publicist reads, "We say that Portman regrets doing a nude scene in the movie Hotel Chevalier. This is wrong. When Portman writes about this in Parade, she does not mention a specific movie title. She tells us she was referring to a torture scene with a body double in Goya's Ghosts, which was taken out of context and leaked onto the Internet. Portman is very happy with Hotel Chevalier and proud of her work in the film."
Well, that's what you get when you deal with that libelous rag of lies, Parade. What a false tabloid! We hear that they totally fabricated their "10 Things You Don't Know About Connie Selecca" story. And that expose on "Inside Valerie Harper's Country Cottage"? Complete horseshit, man.
Natalie Portman, like Prince's mother, is never satisfied. She claimed that she'd never do nude scenes, and her public was outraged. She did one, her public was delighted and charmed, and now she's outraged. According to IMDb, Natalie is upset and embarrassed over her nude scene from Hotel Chevalier. Oh wahhh, wahhhh, wahhhhhh. Why are you crying, Natalie? Is it because you're a big old squalling baby in a dirty dirty diaper? Waaaaah! Where's your pacifier, Natalie? Huh? You gonna cry, baby? Go, on, cry! Crrrryyy! Waaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Says Nat:
"I'm really sorry I didn't listen to my intuition. From now on, I'm going to trust my gut more. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say no."
Because there is nothing more embarrassing or regrettable than looking stunningly beautiful in the prime of your youth under tasteful lighting, right? Why would she trust her gut when she could trust her ass? Guts are gray, slimy, gross, and literally full of shit. Asses are rounded, velvety, comely, and chewable. And thus make much better sources for career moves. Although guts and asses are both good for bowel moves. Wow, we went from sexy Natalie Portman nudity to crapping in 300 words. We win!
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Imagine waking up in the morning, padding downstairs to make your Sanka, and being met by the Easter Bunny--all six fluffy feet of him--bearing a basket full of Bentleys and conflict-free diamonds and Superman #2 and world peace and the vagina of your choice and whatever else it is you dorks love. As a wise man called Sierra Mist says, "Yeah. It's kinda like that." The speculation and anticipation is over, and nudes of Natalie "Niptease" Portman in Hotel Chevalier are here, they're real, and they are spectacular. No more coyness. No more games. No more Natalie playing the Lucy to your Charlie Brown, whipping away the football of her naked, nubile form at the last minute. This is no stunt butt. This is the real McCoy! We are through the looking glass, people! more »
Because we're in a giving mood, we're going to update you on that hope-elevating Natalie Portmannudity rumor from two weeks ago: It's totally true! The world as we know it may end any second now, but at least we'll get to see a naked Natalie Portman! OK, there is a catch: We only actually see her ass. But it's a start, right? Right? Mr. Skin's operative dishes:
In the Wes Anderson short Hotel Chevalier, eight minutes in we have Jason Schwartzman beginning to undress Portman. After taking off her boots, he sits on the bed while she stands in front of him. He pulls down her pants revealing her panties. He then pulls them off and, voila, there's Portman's ass. Full view. No cutaways. No Goya body double. It's a one shot and it's all her. At 10 minutes in there's another shot of Portman standing naked leaning on a dresser. We see just a little bit more ass but her clearly naked body covers strategically covers up the rest.
So there ya go - Natalie Portman nude in Wes Anderson's Hotel Chevalier, which reportedly is going to be available on either the film's website or Anderson's own website. The details were a little vague. I know it wasn't up on either after we saw it cause we were all looking for it.
And now for the bad news: The short won't be shown in theaters along with The Darjeeling Limited, as previously rumored. According to cinematical.com:
According to trade reports, the short will only be shown during festival screenings and will not accompany Darjeeling when it hits theaters on September 29th. I can't say I understand the logic of not including the short in the theatrical release, it's not like Wes Anderson fans would not be willing to sit in their seats for 17 more minutes -- if anything, the addition of the short could help generate a little extra buzz for the film. Although some are saying that Natalie Portman goes nude -- in the flesh -- for the first time, but the film is already rated R so I'm not sure that's a reason. But, if Searchlight decides to keep Hotel Chevalier off the theatrical cut, then at least there is something to look forward to for the DVD release.
So don't die between now and, say, January, because your life will have been in vain.
Like tax day, the Superbowl, and Christmas, rumors of a Natalie Portman nude scene come but once a year. So like a child tearing the red and green paper off a shiny new My Pet Monster, your eyes will rim with happy tears as you read the latest. According to a poster on natalieportman.com:
Before the Venice screening of Darjeeling [Limited], [director Wes] Anderson presented a seventeen-minute short film called Hotel Chevalier, which he originally conceived to play before the main feature, although theres now talk that it will only be available to see online come the films UK release in November. This wistful and maudlin short story offers some background to the main attraction as [Jason] Schwartzmann and Natalie Portman play a pair of estranged lovers who square up to each other in the sumptuous surroundings of a Parisian hotel room.
. . . in one shot, Schwartzmann gently pulls off Portmans clothes to reveal her naked body from behind, and a later shot has Portman, nude, standing still in a doorway, one foot up against the frame.
Go on, get your panties in a twist and wring your hands in ecstastic anticipation. We all know now that she uses doubles. Or that Natty's ta-ti's end up on the cutting room floor. Or, since this is Wes Anderson, something really super duper wacky will happen like a Wilson brother will dash across the screen wearing a high-larious pair of glasses and a kooky Nehru jacket, obscuring Natalie's nudity. And everyone will chuckle to themselves and say, "Oh, that was so quirky! Wasn't that so terribly quirky? That Wes Anderson! He's just so quirky!" more »
We've seen the message boards where guys debate whether or not you can see one-fourth of Natalie Portman's nipple in The Professional, so we know: You're desperate pervs. So news of Natalie maybe showing off her naked form in Goya's Ghosts probably made you take a two-week leave of absence from your very important job for masturbation purposes. We told you before that the naked-and-tied-up shots were probably not Natalie, and sadly she's now confirming it. According to the New York Daily News:
Dudes who were bummed that Natalie Portman didn't take it all off during her pole dance in "Closer" can look forward to "Goya's Ghost," in which she plays a victim of the Spanish Inquisition. "There's a long shot of a nude woman," she tells Movies.com's Jeanne Wolf. But, sadly, she adds, "It's not me. ... You do see some parts of me unclothed, but if they end up on Web sites making it look like I'm nude, I'm going to be really, really angry." And nothing is hotter than an angry Natalie.
With Natalie's vehement hatred of the naked female body well documented, we're surprised that she didn't make Goya director Milos Forman add a giant orange box (a la Storytelling) over the nude body with the words "This is not Natalie Portman's body. It is a body double. Ms. Portman hates nudity." Sure it would have ruined your suspension of disbelief, but since all we hear every time she speaks is her high-school-freshman drama-class-level recitation of "Anakin, you're breaking my heart!" anyway, it wouldn't seem to matter.
So what's Natalie Portman wearing here? It looks like a glorified bib. What a world! What a world we live in, where an A-list star can show up at an event wearing a $3400 silk charmeuse lobster bib accessorized with two jaunty Band Aids worn Courtney Love style on the arm, and still come out smelling like a rose. How do we know she smells OK? Deodorant smearage.
Perhaps these shots of Miss Natalie Portman playing tug-of-war with her bikini top at the beach are her way of making reparations for committing the misdemeanor of using stunt buns in Goya's Ghosts. If so, would it have killed her to make them a little more alluring? A coy glance and kicky little wink over the shoulder? A pinky finger hooked saucily on the bottom lip? Softly running her fingertips all over the beads of saltwater on her goosebumped body? Instead of hunching over like Broomhilda and yanking her bandeau top all willy-nilly, maybe pull it all the way down and attach barnacles to her nipples and do the running man? Full anal penetration by a bottlenose dolphin? Rubbing sand into her corneas? Carving the Deep Blue Something lyrics into her abdomen with a piece of beach glass? Oversized novelty sunglasses? Throw us a bone here, Natalie.
It's been a full eight months since Natalie Portman first taunted us with promises of movie nudity only to snatch it away like Charlie Brown's football at the dastardly hands of Lucy. At long last, clips from Goya's Ghosts--the movie in question--have been leaked, and you can now whip out your jeweler's loupe, magnifying glass, protractor, and monocle to see some rear for yourself, after the cut . . . more »
We have to preface this post with a little blogger love: We adore Egotastic! We want it to be our internet boyfriend and make sweet, sweet bloggy love to it, keyboard to keyboard. But today we're going to have to get all, "Do I look fat in these jeans? How dare you! I can't believe you said that. Well, if you don't love my fat ass then you must not love me!" Because we've got a difference of opinion here. That is most definitely not Natalie Portman's nipple. And we know from nipples. So tuck that boner back inside your Boba Fett costume and wait another couple years for your holy nipple grail, cause this ain't it. more »
It's that time again, kids. Not quite as glitzy as Sundance (and with far fewer gift bags being horded by your Tara Reids and your Pam Andersons) but not quite as respected or, well, foreign as Cannes, it's The Toronto Film Festival. And what it lacks in celebrity swag seekers and high-profile filmic attendees it makes up for with boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. So sit back and let us tell you a little story about the brave actresses who went north of our border to show off what's north of their borders. more »
In this entry, we use Natalie Portman and Kate Bosworth as bait and promise you that if you place your mouse over that little arrow next to the word "more", you will be rewarded with views of Natalie bearing stiff papillae mammae, and Kate flipping nip out over her top. But then you remember that you've been burned before. You've clicked on other websites' links before, links emblazoned with lip-licking ladies promising that if you just press that little right-hand button, you'll see Britney, hardcore, like you've never seen her before. And then, nothing but a pornado of XXX ads and a busted browser. Friend, we would not do that to you. We wouldn't let you down. We are the nip-givers. And like Charlie Brown going after that football held by Lucy, you hold your breath and click again. more »
Christie Brinkley's husband says sorry. "Sorry! Sorry for having sexy sex with a teenager. Seriously, sorry about that. My b."
David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook in a London production of Peter Pan? Those are some pretty gay big shoes to fill. Only one man can replace The Hoff, and that's The Fonz. Ayyyyy.
Agent Scully is preggo . . . by an alien! No, by a businessman. Whatever.
Carmen Electra, former wife of Dennis Rodman and newly split from Dave Navarro, was seen on a date with Jamie Foxx. Well, you know the old saying: once you go black, you go back once and then a few years later you look in the mirror and say "I'm married to a guy who still wears eyeliner and feather boas in 2006" and THEN you vow to never go back. Or something.
Did Fergie get dumped? Get dumped get dumped get dumped? Check it out.
You know how everybody (everbody = "the internet") is agape and adrool over Natalie Portman finally appearing completely naked in a movie? We regret having to inform you that it's all smoke and mirrors, and you will not be ogling her handsomest pieces. This kind of teasing is like being stroked with a jasmine-scented mink glove, then promptly stabbed in the boner with an icicle. more »
K-Fed is all, "Yo, remember when I did PopoZao? Yo, I was just funnin' y'all. No, surriously. When my REAL shit drops, y'all are gonna go nuts. No, really. PopoZao: just a big ha-ha. I meant to do that. Yo. Yo."
"Elizabeth Hurley See-Through Nipple" does not actually mean that her nipple is transluscent, you realize.
Hilary Swank tells People that her split from husband Chad "brother of Rob" Lowe was not, in fact, due to her being a huge mega multiple Oscar-winning superstar acting Hollywood juggernaut while he had a few guest spots on CSI: Miami and Medium. It was because he's a druggie. Dun dun DUNNNN!
Kingston Rossdale and Piloh Shitt had a little play date. Ah, yes. Angelina and Brad are already making quite sure that their facially fortunate offspring consorts with only the prettiest peers. Excellent, excellent.
All gossip stories about Natalie Portman go a little like this: Natalie is cast in a movie. Natalie shoots movie. Person on movie set reports that Natalie is naked in movie. Hearts and penii swell. Movie comes out. Natalie is not naked. Boners wilt. Tears are shed. Natalie Portman effigies are burned. Grown men turn into weeping goth cutters. Fecund earth dries up. Day turns to night. Famine, natural disasters, war. Then Natalie is cast in another movie, and the cycle begins anew. more »
After being seen together in New York over the weekend looking very couple like, the rumors are flying that Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal were, like, holding hands and smooching and soooo close to really making babies, I mean seriously, they are so going to prom together. more »
Rosie O'Donnell challenges Naomi Campbell to a cage match, saying, "I think she needs a big 200 pound lesbian to kick her ass." Normally, our money would be on Rosie, but we hear Naomi has custom-made bedazzled boxing gloves in the shape of hand-held communication devices, so . . .
Natalie Portman: she's Harvard-educated, speaks four languages, acts, dances, saves Jason Bateman's puppy from certain death. Basically, she's like Jesus. Jesus in a thong.
Well, hey there, Megan Mullally of TV's Will & Grace. You go, girl, with your big ole cleavage and your flashing of an actor dressed like a cop and all that. You go, Megan Mullally of TV's Will & Grace.
Oh, that Paris Hilton! What a scamp! Her thrush-encrusted acid tongue is at it again. She says that former BFF Nicole Richie "cannot stand being around me because I get all the attention and people really don't care about her", and that "she has nothing else so she really wants to do [The Simple Life] but I don't. It's really pathetic that she needs to use my name to sell something because she's obviously not enough," and that Nicole is simply jealous and fame-hungry. Special emphasis on "hungry".
Lindsay Lohan admits to dabbling in Kabbalah, saying, "All of us need something. You have to grab on to whatever gets you through." It's definitely pretty easy to grab a pretty red string when it's on your wrist. You know what else is easy to grab onto? Boobs. Big boobs.
Kate Beckinsale is said to be the forerunner in the race to be cast as Wonder Woman. Her Halloween costume really gave her a leg up on the competition. Does that mean that Lindsay Lohan will soon be cast as a firefighting junkie stripper?
Tom Cruise has a pacifier custom-made for Katie Holmes as an aid to shut her the hell up during delivery. And CelebNewsWire has an adult diaper made for Tom, because we hate his crazy ass.
Natalie Portman will not whore herself out to Hollywood just to make a couple of bucks. She only does films based on their artistic merit. So we're guessing she's blocked out the time she spent filming that movie where she gives birth in a Wal-Mart. Yeah, we can't really blame her. more »
K-Fed hates the Pavarotti, loves his kids and wife, raps about it in hot new tune on MySpace. This one's for the haters. Fuck the media.
Pink's special surprise for her husband is reportedly a "12ft pole to be erected in her dressing room". But the bigger surprise is that said pole is being erected in her pants! Because she's a man, see.
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is about to undergo surgery for an "undisclosed medical condition". Lip reduction? Eyeliner tattoos? Scarfectomy?
Director Mike Nichols has reportedly burned the nude scenes of Natalie Portman that he cut from his movie Closer. Like a thousand foghorns comes the anguished shout of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" from Star Wars nerds across the planet. more »