filed under: Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts really knows how to please a man--even one who's only three apples high: Show him her boobs! Our celebrity air hostess, FemaleFirst, reports:

Naomi Watts had to breastfeed her seven-month-old son Alexander to keep him quiet on a 14-hour flight.

The 'Eastern Promises' star - who is engaged to actor Liev Schreiber - revealed her unsettled son started crying as soon as they boarded the plane to go to Los Angeles from Sydney, Australia, so she was forced to whip out her boob to soothe him.

She said on US TV show 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!': "That was the first time I felt guilty about getting on a plane. Fortunately, I can fly first class these days. The baby's with me, but he started screaming the minute we got on and didn't stop for a good 40 minutes.

"People literally stood out of their seats and gave me glaring eyes. I think they just feel a little p****d off that they spent so much money on a flight and they have to listen to that.

"He's too young for drugs! So I just put him on the boob!"

Sure, Naomi was successful in calming down her kid, but what about everyone else on that plane? Did she think they would forget about the screaming tot once they had some free mini-bar bottles of Robert Mondavi Chardonnay and a couple of Milano cookies? Of course not. If Naomi was truly concerned about the comfort of her fellow first-class passengers she would have shoved her boobs in their faces too. It works wonders on the sour demeanor of anyone, no matter their age. more »

Congratulations to Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber, who are the proud parents of a brand new baby boy. Born yesterday, Alexander Pete Schreiber is doing well, was born two weeks early, and weighed two hundred twelve pounds and three ounces. more »

Expectant parents Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber might not be living in sin, spitting in the face of Christ by allowing a bastard to grow in the Wattian womb. They appeared at the Tony Awards last night. They were approached by Entertainment Tonight, and Liev crowed,

“We are married. You got it first. Break the story!”

However, neither were wearing wedding rings, and Liev's exuberance could also be construed as sarcasm. This is eerily reminiscent of Heath Ledger's and Michelle Williams's coy, "might be, might not, F U press" marriage thing. We're gussing secret possible marriage is just one more thing Australia is good at, like vegemite, ozone holes, and dominating American films in the mid-1980s. more »

• Just a reminder: Jennifer Love Hewitt still has enormous bewbs.

• Those pictures of AI's Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.

• When we see a headline about Paris Hilton getting impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.

• Naomi Watts is 100% with child. You know Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.

• Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her bikini bottoms in one chomp.

• Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.

• Dannielynn Has Two Daddies.

• Britney's problem might be post-partum depression. Solution: make Jayden James pay.

• "It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former Hollywood madam!

• Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing Pete Doherty to move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.

• Lohan's got the DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.

• You'll have to wait just a little bit longer to illegally download use your working and legitimate credit card to purchase a copy of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.

• Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no. Lupus. Lupus.

• Stallone steroid scandal. Stallone steroid scandal. Stallone steroid scandal. Say it five times fast.

• Tyra Banks recreates her iconic swimsuit issue cover shot. Too bad her face looks like she's dropping a log in her bikini bottoms.

• Gretchen Carlson finally lends credibility to FOX News with a liberal view of her panty-clad crotchial area. Did you catch that? Liberal! Haw haw?

• Brody Jenner is pissed that Details insinuated he was using Nicole Richie, but says it's all good because he has "broad shoulders". Wait, what?

• Watch in rapturous wonder as Jewel nearly drops a forkful of food down her cavernous chest chasm.

• Anna Nicole's death is a lot like her life: with a bunch of creepy men all fighting over her body.

• Speaking of Anna Nicole, her small, purple-haired, Broom Hilda lookalike tuff gal former assistant Kimmie speaks out, accusing Howard K. Stern of being an asshole!

• Or not.

• Michelle Rodriguez "never killed a pot head".

• Naomi Watts is likely preggo via Liev Schreiber, who ejaculated semen into her vagina.

• Dirty Dancing's Patrick Swayze says he's experimenting with “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.” That makes sense, since rap rhythms are a feeling; a heartbeat. Guh-gung. Guh-gung.

• Katie Holmes sez: "I won't wed 'til afterbirth!" God, that's sick! Oh, wait. That's "after birth".

• Still married to one nonfamous guy, Tori Spelling gets engaged to another. That means two men have willingly signed up to make Tori Spelling's vagina the only vagina in their lives forever and ever and ever. Our world, it is a sick and sad one.

• Unbearable douchelord Bono flirts with his own daughters, but at least saves the massive shagging for his wife only.

• Wipe that image out of your mind with some naked pictures of former supermodel/erstwhile Axl schtup-puppet Stephanie Seymour.

• Is Naomi Watts about to marry Liev Schreiber? Is she incubating his young? Is she going to don a bikini and bang Bond? Whowhatwherewhenwhyhowwhatwhatwhhhatttt???!?!?!?!?!

• Whatsa matta, Paris? Crabs gotcha down?

• Cindy Crawford's little son is totally in my face! Poor Maddox Jolie--replaced by a newer, hipper, younger, more attitude-y at age four.

• Keira Knightley's thong. Yup. It sure is.

• Eminem will make ex-wife Kim new wife Kim on January 14th. The invitation reads: "This day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, love." Guess "Sit down bitch/If you move again I'll beat the shit out of you" doesn't exactly scream "holy matrimony".

The season of giving and sharing is upon us. Even big-name Hollywood actresses, notorious for spending all their money on cashmere toilet paper and mink tampons are getting into the spirit, unwrapping their bazooms to bestow their nipples upon needy children. It's a copious cornucopia of nipples. It's a horn o' plenty of nipples. It's horny plenty of nipples. Nipples. Nipples, nipples, nipples. more »

We sent our intrepid reporter to Sundance to uncover all who got uncovered in upcoming indie flicks. And lemme tell ya, boy, in addition to the usual suspects, there's a surprise or two. more »