CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: models
April 29, 2008
Iman Knows More About Fashion, Spiders from Mars Than Heidi Klum
We always thought that a model fight would consist of third-grade-level name calling and limply flicking their wrists in each other's general direction. Because they're dumb and weak from malnourishment, right? But we forgot that models usually have inflated levels of spunk and self-importance, meaning that underhanded digs and hair pulling are usually more likely. And if we're really lucky, we'll get one model dissing another's knowledge of fashion. That's like telling Paris Hilton she doesn't know how to suck a dick. According to Starpulse: David Bowie's supermodel wife Iman has hit out at TV colleague Heidi Klum, claiming she is far more qualified to host reality show Project Runway.Iman is so right. Heidi Klum doesn't even know the difference between charmeuse and crκpe de Chine. God, what an idiot. She probably won't even be able to strike back with "My interracial marriage to a creepy-yet-lovable musician is better than yours!" more »
Klum fronts the U.S. version of the show while Iman introduces the Canadian contest. The 52-year-old Somali-born model insists her resume is far more impressive and makes her a far more appropriate representative of the fashion industry.
She says, "Definitely Heidi and I come from two different places. I'm not belittling Heidi Klum, but I have been in fashion much more than she has. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been one of the best runway girls.
"I know clothes, and I know about working hand in hand with designers, I mean, I've worked with Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, John Galliano. Yves St Laurent - he created a whole collection for me. Tom Ford, Valentino. Versace. Jean Paul Gaultier. Thierry Mugler... I could go on and on."
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March 24, 2008
Claudia Schiffer Sells Stuff with Her Body
We have no idea why superhot supermodel Claudia Schiffer is provocatively posing for GQ with surprisingly still employed 3rd Rock from the Sun doofus Joseph Gordon-Levitt or why such pictures would make us want to purchase $320 Hermθs boxer shorts, but we're not one to ignore lingerie pics just because they don't have a discernible purpose. And we know it's not quite as exciting as the Official Celebrity Sex Tape Week that just passed, but you're just going to have to make due with a hot lady in her underwear. We'll try to dig up security-tape footage of Jamie Spears personally inspecting Britney's nether regions for the existence of panties tomorrow, but for now, enjoy these pics (and find more at GQ's official site).
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March 20, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Pregalicious
Her bump. Her bump her bump her bump. Her lovely baby bump. Check it out. (Yeeeah!) Pete Wentz says he one attempted suicide with a bottle of Ativan and some Jeff Buckley. Hell, Pete, if it's uncontrollable vomiting you're after, try listening to your own music. BURN! (Celebitchy)
Scary celebrity faces. Poor Busey never gets a damn break. (Cityrag)
Adriana Lima beans! The virgin model gets nude for GQ. (Popoholic)
Kate Moss and her boyfriend sing and dance on Jim Morrison's grave. Then afterwards they made a slam book and drank a wine cooler and totally stole one of Kate's mom's Virginia Slims and pierced each other's ears with safety pins!!! You guys are sooo busted!!!! (FemaleFirst)
Eliot Spitzer's paid lady companion, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, once Went Wild. (Drunken Stepfather)
Is there a Jennifer Aniston tell-all in the works? We are on the cusp of finally, finally learning how she gets that glass-like hair sheen! (PopCrunch)
Gaze upon the spawn of J. Lo! Admire them! Bow! Bow, minions! (Allie Is Wired)
March 11, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Weird and Scary
Ashley Olsen thinks paparazzi are "weird and scary". Also, paparazzi thinks Ashley Olsen is "weird and scary". (Female First) Kate Beckinsale does Anna Karina for Mean magazine. Eat your tits out, Lohan-as-Marilyn! (Popbytes)
Kate Moss models. She doesn't model clothes, though, since it seems she's not wearing any. (Egotastic!)
Mischa Barton's recent DUI charges haven't affected the buoyant spirits of her side boob much. (Taxi Driver)
Star Jones is set to divorce husband Al Reynolds, because she "felt Al had spent their marriage riding her success while she did all the heavy lifting". Either that, or Al spent their marriage riding hot, oiled-up dudes who look like they do a lot of heavy lifting. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Some yahoo called 911 on Heather Locklear and told them she was going to kill herself. Denise Richards, you prankster. (CelebWarship)
Heath Ledger never updated his will to include Michelle Williams or baby Matilda. (Celebridiot)
Button, button, who's got the button? Patricia Heaton sure doesn't. WTF? (Drunken Stepfather)
Jenna Jameson dresses up as Bettie Page for PETA. "I'd rather get donkey-punched after ATM than wear fur!" makes for a pleasant catchphrase. (The Blemish)
Janet Jackson has been hospitalized with the flu. Much more plausible than "Exhaustion", to be sure. (I'm Not Obsessed)
Rebecca Romijn's lettuce heads. They're ripe, they're healthy, they're shilling for mall-slut store Bebe! (Popoholic)
February 27, 2008
Naomi Campbell Gets Gutted
Supermodel/incredible Hulk Naomi Campbell underwent emergency surgery in Brazil on Monday night. One would assume that flying to Rio to have mysterious surgery would mean one thing--sex change--but Naomi's rep issued this statement:
"Naomi Campbell was admitted to hospital [Monday night] to have a small cyst removed. Following the successful procedure, she is now resting and is looking forward to getting back to work. She would like to thank he doctors who have kindly looked after her."And after the surgery was over, she grabbed the cyst and beat two nurses to death with it.
February 12, 2008
The Sports, They Are So Illustrated (With Bikinis)
Picture it! February in America! Most of us are busy freezing our scrotii off, while raising a hot toddy to sweethearts, Abraham Lincoln, and black people. And it's also probably the only month out of the year that we ecstatically celebrate the fact that famous models are clothed, with the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Last year's issue kind of missed the mark with the lack of a model on the cover and the inclusion of profiles of Kenny Chesney and Jimmy Buffett (though Kenny's tits did look positively scrumptious in that kicky maillot, believe you me), but this year, SI is back to form with Marisa Miller gracing the cover. Though she's sporting less of a bikini top and more of a . . . nothing. She and Heidi Klum, man, what kind of magic do they employ to render their nipples completely invisible under 3 strands of blonde hair? Let's dunk their tits in a vat of holy water--if they float, they're witches! If they don't, you still have a boner.
Like what you see? Check out the rest of the pics here and here. Please note that these pictures are pretty much safe for work. Especially if your job is Licenced Bikini Inspector, like ours is. Or, at least, that's what this clever mesh and foam hat says. How droll!
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January 23, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: No, No, No. Ella, Ella, Ella.
Heath Ledger's autopsy proved to be "inconclusive". (The Hollywood Gossip) However, cops are saying that drug packets were found in his room, along with a $20 bill rolled up in a "suspicious" fashion. Maybe it was origami-folded into the shape of Snidely Whiplash! (TMZ)
Possibly the last picture of Heath taken (very Depp!), on the set of his movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Which sounds like a poor man's Dr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium. (Derek Hail)
Sylvester Stallone says that he's nothing but a "tiny fairy". Don't do 'roids, kids. (FemaleFirst)
The fat kid from Stand By Me is not only married to Rebecca Romijn, he does a high-larious Tom Cruise iimpression. (Yeeeah!)
Keeley Hazell is pretty. She has big breasts. Let us gaze upon her image and swell with joy and erectile tissue. (Popoholic)
Whoops! Guess she said "no, no, no" after all. Fantastic, we wouldn't have wanted her to harm the integrity of her hit single. (A Socialite's Life)
Rihanna, half naked, covered in water. Insert obligatory "Umbrella" joke. (Cityrag)
Attention, France! Your do not have supermodel-singer Carla Bruni as a first lady. Haha, France! In your face! You lose! Although you do produce very delicious breads and cheeses and berets. We'll give you that much, France. (Celeb Warship)
Here is a list of Oscar nominations. Not only are we witty and rich and can bench 550 pounds, we're helpful, too! (Allie Is Wired)
January 09, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Ambrosio of the Gods
Model Alessanda Ambrosio is out Victoria's Secret undies. Yayyy! And into a bikini. Boooo. No, wait. Yay. (Egotastic!) "I'm Fat Shady, yes I'm the Fat Shady, all you other Fat Shadys are just imatatin'." (Cityrag)
We can't improve on this original headline: 1 Hayden, 2 Cups. (Hollywood Tuna)
Penelope Cruz and very attractive sister wear clothes, look pretty, have picture taken. (Daily Stab)
Due to the writers' strike, the Golden Globes will be much less golden; globular. (Yeeeah!)
Blake Lively's schnozz: from Sevigny to sliced. (Radar Online)
Mariah Carey actually would rather be onstage with J. Lo than a pig after all. Good to know. (Celebitchy)
Britney's car was impounded. There was no way for her to avoid bein' grounded. Her parents had to come up from vacation and get me, I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me. So tell you all the kids all across the land, there's no need to argue, parents just don't understand. Dee doo doo doo. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Bono completes the final phase of his slow transformation into Robin Williams. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Not even MC Skat Kat can save Paula Abdul from crazy's grasp now. (The Blemish)
Britney dresses her offspring as golf caddies. Or, possibly, Andre 3000. (Allie Is Wired)
December 13, 2007
Longoria Just Not That Into Hubby's Dongoria
A wise woman named Rose Nyland once said of her roommate Blanche's oversexed ramblings, "I've found that the more people talk about sex, the less they have it." Who, in Hollywood, talks about sex the most? Eva Longoria, of course. And who is now rumored to be a secret prude? Apparently, Mr. Longoria, Tony Parker, was so dissatisfied with Eva's puritanical bedroom antics that he was forced to search elsewhere; i.e. inside French model Alexandra Paressant, for that elusive facial. Paressant told X17 Online:
"I met Tony at Hyatt Park and we spent wonderful moments together. We had room service. He said that Eva, sexually speaking, does not want to do certain things. She does not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain positions and thinks that sperm gives you acne."Eva and Tony, of course, deny any wick-wetting on Parker's part, telling People:
Tony: "I love my wife. She's the best thing in my life, and I have never been happier." Longoria, who took Parker's name this year after their July nuptials, added, "Tony has been nothing short of the perfect husband."Perhaps this Alexandra Paressant can take some lessons in writing the perfect erotic Hollywood hookup tell-all from Dessarae Bradford. I Let Tony Parker Ejaculate Onto My Waiting Face just screams "Pulitzer".
November 29, 2007
An Elle of a Hookup
Musical visionary. Philanthropist. Photographer. Raspy voice-haver. Canadian. Provider of shattered teacup upon which Lindsay Lohan sliced her speckled flesh. Is there anything Bryan Adams can't do? Apparently, the answer is no, because he has somehow landed himself one of the most storied beauties of our times as a concubine. According to the Daily Mail:
Supermodel Elle Macpherson and international rock star Bryan Adams are secretly dating.Men! Take note! All those expensive tooth-bleachings and Hummermobiles and Cyberphones aren't going to get you anywhere with the supermodel demographic. Take a clue from Mr. Adams and the ebony to his ivory, Seal. All it takes to win the hand of a blonde, statuesque, international swimsuit model is a song that tops the adult contemporary charts and a face full of scars. A melody about dew on roses and gnarled keloids, and the Victoria's Secret girls come buzzing like flies on BM. more »
The couple enjoyed a passionate kiss at a private party in Bryan's London home on Tuesday night after the launch of his new photo exhibition.
A source said: "They were all over each other, flirting outrageously and they couldn't keep their hands or eyes off each other."
Elle, nicknamed "The Body", and sexy Bryan make a fab couple but were trying to keep the relationship top secret - because it's very early days and they've been pals for ages before romance blossomed.
November 14, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Gimme Moore (in a Bikini)
Demikini. Bidemi? Moorekini. (Drunken Stepfather) Amy Winehouse plans to heal from her husband's arrest by backpacking through India. Yeah, there is absolutely nothing funny about that sentence. Nothing mockable there, no siree. (Socialite's Life)
Tom Cruise sure can cut a rug, boy! Look at 'im jitterbug! He's doin' the Lindy Hop! Go, Tom! (Cityrag)
Ladies and gentleman, the greatest film ever made: Major Movie Star, with Jessica Simpson. It's like Glitter meets Private Benjamin meets a gigantic BM. (Derek Hail)
A lady beat up John Stamos on an airplane. Which was well-deserved; he had a hand in "Kokomo". (IMDb/WENN)
Paris rubbing her person on a pole. Such is her wont. (Egotastic!)
Lindsay Lohan is back to hanging out with her former element. The bad element. The lesbian element. No, wait, that's the good element. (Yeeeah!)
Hey, look, it's a bunch of Victoria's Secret chippies dressed up like the Pink Ladies. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Brad and Angelina buy a man-made island in the shape of Ethiopia. Man-made? How gauche, that's like the cubic zirconia of islands. That said, we'll take one in the shape of a middle finger flipping off France. Yeah, buddy! USA! USA! USA! (CelebWarship)
November 12, 2007
No Copperfield in Sight, Yet Claudia Schiffer's Bra Has Disappeared
Supermodel-turned-housewife Claudia Schiffer has been on our minds quite a bit lately, what with her ex-fiance, David Copperfield, being investigated for luring unsuspecting women to a tropical locale whereupon he honked them about the hooters and other unsavory doings. Did Claudia know about this? Had Copperfield ever employed this magic on her? Did she ever find herself exiled on Grope Island? Was their entire relationship a sham, Copperfield having employed his mind control hoodoo skills, forcing fair Claudia to sign away her innocence to the creepy magic man? These are the questions that weigh upon us at night. That, and wondering if she'll ever show us her nipples again. After the cut, one of those questions is answered. Guess which? more »
October 23, 2007
Petra Nemcova Wears World's Sexiest Granny Panties
As much as we love the British press and their willingness to run any story, no matter how dubious, we also have a wee problem with them, as illustrated by Petra Nemcova over there. The Brits love the word raunchy so damn much that they seem to use it at any opportunity. To Americans, raunchy means dirty, nasty, involving Paris Hilton. To the Brits it seems to simply mean sexy, as the Daily Mail describes that photo over there as being from "raunchy shoots" for lingerie brand La Senza. Now maybe we're jaded, but Petra looks awfully covered up to us. She's living in a post Britney's bared beav world, not one in which Jayne Mansfield is the height of daring sexuality. There's not even a visible areola or a stray pubic hair. God, what a prude.
September 20, 2007
Petra Nemcova's Dress: No Shoe Mirrors Necessary
Here's model Petra Nemcova at some event or another, gently spreading her legs a touch to unleash a gentle tsunami of upskirt panty action. Ho ho ho! Did you see what we did there, with the "tsunami"? See, because she was a victim of the 2004 tsunami. Get it? That's what's known as "provocative comedy". Like talking about AIDS and stuff. The kids love it! Sarah Silverman, eat your heart out!
August 15, 2007
An Open Letter from Shiloh Jolie-Pitt to Suri Cruise, Part 3
Dear Suri Cruise,How's it flying, homeslice? It's me, your ultimate frenemy, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt!
Well, it's been a while since I've reached out to you, Suri Cruise. We're from two different worlds, you and me. You, with your e-meters, maniacally grinning midget sirer, and embarrassingly excessive designer wardrobe, and me with my saintly forebears, world travels, and infant philanthropy. But today I was perusing Life & Style and I damn near choked on my organic, locally-grown strained vegetables when I read that you, Suri NoMiddleName Cruise, were offered a "lucrative" modeling contract for Baby Gap. Oh, Suri. Poor, misguided, sad little Suri. For someone a full one month and eight days older than me, you're so unwise. Modeling is work for the untalented, the masses, the sad little tiny people hoping and praying that one day, a lesser Weinstein will see their face in a Kraft ad and catapult them into the Hollywood fast track via some sweet extra work. Me, I bypassed all that bullshit and went straight to the big fuckin' time--I've already had my first role in an F. Scott Fitzgerald adaptation and I have my own profile at IMDb. I should have my SAG card before I see my second birthday and I'll be working with Lars Von Trier before my third. Hopefully by then you'll have hit the big time and be donning Toughskins for the Sears insert in the Sunday paper. Boo-yah, bitch.
See you in hell,
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
July 03, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Ambien And Candie's
Scarlett Johansson dons septum piercing, (fake?) tattoo; dresses like Hot Lips Houlihan. (CityRag) Hunkosaurus Rex John Stamos blames his recent slurry interview on Ambien. Right now, David Hasselhoff and Paula Abdul are cursing themselves for not thinking of that one first. (Glitterati Gossip)
Crack-addicted, clammy, rotten-toothed, smack-shooting, overgrown fetus cheats on beautiful multimillionaire supermodel icon. What? (Yeeeah!)
Thanks to Fergie, product-plugging in songs is about to get even more prevalent. We can't wait for Jay-Z to namecheck Palmettos and for the new Avril Lavigne album, "Heartache and Kraft Singles, Which Are Made with 100% Real Milk". (Allie Is Wired)
Michelle Rodriguez does public chin-ups, though she probably also does pubic chin-ups. With girls. (Derek Hail)
The reason we haven't seen totally naked, total-body, high-def pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo full-on boning in a hot tub? M-O-N-E-Y. That, and the fact that no one really cares about 'em much. (Celebitchy)
More Megan Fox. Now, 22% more see-through. (Popoholic)
Eva Longoria has a serious problem involving an ass crack, hungry for spandex. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
June 14, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Momiston
Jennifer Aniston is going to adopt a baby! So prepare to listen to your middle-aged lady coworkers coo and gasp with delight and talk about what a wonderful mother that nice Aniston woman will make. And then her publicist will deny the reports and it will all be over. Ahhh. (IMDb) Petra Nemcova, she is a lady without a shirt but with curious symbols painted across her mammary glands. (Drunken Stepfather)
Britney holds J.J.; allows ass cheeks to devour bikini bottoms, as if they were a delicious chocolate cake. (The Blemish)
Furthermore, Britney mocks Lohan on her website. Hey, so what are the heating bills like in that glass house of yours, B? (Celebitchy)
Kim Kardashian will dance with the Pussycat Dolls. And her assplants will burst forth through her regulation lace chaps. As if they were a delicious chocolate cake. (D Listed)
The Olsens turned 21 yesterday. Remember when dudes were counting down the days until they were legal because they wanted to sexually fantasize about them without feeling guilty? And then they turned legal AND turned into doddering Miss Havishams that smell like motel ashtrays? Hahaha, that was funny! (ICYDK)
June 06, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Porking a Model is the Best Revenge
Angelina and Brad are thinking about adding a Czech orphan to their multi-hued brood. NO. F U. MORE SHILOH. (Derek Hail) Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (Drunken Stepfather)
Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah, rite. (Female First)
Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (Hollyscoop)
Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (Celebitchy)
Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (Hollywood Tuna)
Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (Taxi Driver)
Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in Hostel 2. (Don't Link This)
The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (Yeeeah!)
Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (Glosslip)
The Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (Lainey Gossip)
May 23, 2007
Heidi Klum's Breasts: Hear Them Now and Believe Them Later
Naming body parts is a practice generally reserved for post-fraternity types and Sex and the City obsessives, guffawing and high-fiving over "Corporal Frank n' Beans", or tittering behind a manicured hand about "the girls". So it comes as a bit of a surprise that Heidi Klum is a practitioner. She recently shared the following tale about her boobs:
"They've been an ongoing joke for, like, 12 years. It started because I was from Germany, and people always make fun of ze Germans, yah? So when I began modeling, I used to say, 'These are German breasts, one is called Hans and one is called Franz.' ""Pump you up" jokes aside, Heidi might want to consider updating her boob names. Unless she's sticking with a theme and calls her butt "Stuart Smalley" and her genitals "The Church Lady". more »
March 23, 2007
Moss Serves up Mam on the Beach
Sometimes seeing the exact same thing over and over again can get boring. The fortieth time you drive around and the circle and see Big Ben, it's not so exciting. But when it's Kate Moss's nipple we're talking about it's more like seeing an old friend who doesn't come around often enough. He's always welcome, you'll always have a spot of tea for him, and you never tire of saying, "Cheerio, Kate Moss's nipple. How's the old chap?" more »
February 15, 2007
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Gets Bootylicious
With February comes snow, suicidal ideation, and heart-shaped Sarris candy samplers purchased at 75% off for consumption in front of the Discovery Health channel. Oh, and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Like a seal at the zoo awaiting a pail full of succulent, ripe fishes, we anticipate the young, ripe, airbrushed fillies wearing spandex next to their downy chumblies in the sand. And this year, what do we get? We got dumb old crusty old Beyoncé, for the love of all that is good and holy. Listen, everyone loves the SI swimsuit issue because it's one of the only times we don't have to open wide to get a fat spoonful of [overexposed celebrity here] crammed down our collective gullet. But no, America's premiere sports magazine has fallen under the spell of DREAMGIRLS MANIA! Can't wait to see Jennifer Hudson rendered in watercolors on the cover of Cooks Illustrated and Jamie Foxx gracing Bride.If you'd like to see what lies under Beyoncé, you can see billions of Brazilian models from the issue's shoot here. But you might want to save it for later, when you're safely at home, so you don't run the risk of cracking a rod when the page loads. Just how sexy is the issue? Two words: Kenny Chesney. Two more words: Jimmy Buffett. more »
February 07, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Freakishly Huge Testicles
Kylie Minogue's been given the cancer all-clear. And, apparently, the all-clear to get unceremoniously dumped by that one guy who was in S.W.A.T. Whoops, Eminem and Kim are NOT engaged again after all. They're married! Just funnin'.
Anna Paquin gets see through. But don't touch her! Or she'll suck out your life force! Ahahaha! Hahahaha! Because . . . because she's Rogue. Get it? Um.
Heather Graham. Bridget Moynahan. Movie lesbians. Suck on that, Tom Brady.
Adrianne Curry is very, very surprised that America's Next Top Model wasn't the key to setting the modeling world alight.
Christina Aguilera cooks in the nude for her husband. Most likely, bananas foster. Because he's a monkey, see.
Seeing as how Drew Barrymore has a fetish for annoying, facially unfortunate men (Tom Green, that dude from Hole, etc.), it's no surprise to learn that she may be rubbing her business onto the smug, Shandling-esque mug of Zach Braff.
Mischa Barton has allegedly dumped