filed under: Maggie Gyllenhaal

We searched high and low today for a peter pleasing Sexy Lady Story, but the pickins they were slim. Sure, we could loosen our definition of celebrity a bit and post some pictures of some girl you've never heard of in a bikini, but that's just not our style. Instead, feast upon Maggie Gyllenhaal luring three pretty ladies into a big ol' bed with her. Of course, the camera gets a big slice of the bedroom door while Maggie's enjoying a couple of slices of furburger, but it's still sexy, right? Maggie and three girls? Pizza and wine? Cheesy softcore music? Sexy, no? Yeah, be would have liked to see some of Maggie's funbaggies too, as it's been quite a while, but she'll come around. One of these days we'll show up at our local arthouse theater to take in a moving tale of a spunky young coffee-shop worker who rises up against her sexiest employer and overthrows the patriarchy with sheer moxie. And nudity. You can't overthrow the patriarchy without nudity.

• Pam Anderson as you've never seen her before: half naked and covered in frothy white liquid. No, wait, you've seen her like that plenty of times. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Gwen Stefani is all "I call a foul! Hand-checking!" and then blows her whistle. (Yeeeah!)

• Maggie Gyllenhaal is part Stevie Nicks, part Vampira, part Norma Desmond in the new ads for Agent Provocateur. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Nicole Kidman cops to miscarriage and secret engagement. She should also cop to having red pubes. Admit it! Tell us the truth! (Allie Is Wired)

• Jude Law was arrested for assaulting a photographer. Oh, come on. Jude Law? He probably just gave the man a feeble, limp-wristed slap and then adjusted his foppish ascot. (The Blemish)

• Matt Dillon keeps unibrow; shaves down nose. (Cityrag)

• What's that up Paris Hilton's skirt? Is it a prize? Do we win a prize? Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Drunken Stepfather)

• And Maria Sharapova is like, "Upskirt? I'll show YOU upskirt. Fools." (Taxi Driver)

• Spiderman takes a bride. (Celebitchy)

• Jerry Lewis talks about a bundle of sticks. That's what he's talking about, right? (GlossLip)

• Hate your ears? Then check out these new Britney Spears "songs"! (Derek Hail)

• Drew Barrymore makes out with the Macintosh Man. Man, that's like Cameron Diaz necking with a Geico caveman. Or Penelope Cruz hitting the sheets with the "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell" guy. (Yes, we realize that Justin Long has done other crap besides these commercials, so cool out, man) (ONTD)

So you're a woman doing your yearly duty of having cold, hard metal shoved up your lady business. You're in a cold room, covered by a scratchy piece of thin blue paper, with your legs up in an uncomfortable position and a doctor's head perched near a sensitive area. In other words, this is not the time for a usually coveted celebrity sighting. But try telling that to Peter Sarsgaard. more »

• Maggie Gyllenhaal's been impregnated by, and is now engaged to, Peter Sarsgaard. Congrats, Gaardhaal.

• We told you about Sienna Miller supposedly being snapped doing some career-threateningly embarrassing cavorting at a VF party. Here are the pics. BFD.

• Kristanna Loken: if you're Loken for an upskirt shot, you've found one.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt says that Fez is a dirty liar and that she absolutely did not take a ride on his baloney pony.

• Keri Russell, NAKED in a magazine. However, it's Vanity Fair, so there's no real Felicity felititty.

• Women want Kelly Brook's body. They want her body baaad.

• Paris Hilton shows off her sultry pipes. And for once, we're not talking about her poon chasm.

• That little girl from Pete and Pete is now a plumber.

• Mariah Carey's foxy ex-boyfriend upgrades to Cindy Crawford. She's planning on leaving her husband and moving into her new love's refrigerator box in Shantytown, USA.

Lovely, talented, sister-of-Jake Maggie G has displayed her bits in such roles as a naked masochistic cutter in Secretary and a chick who gets strip searched in Strip Search. And now, in Sherrybaby, she takes on a role so challengingly naked that it leaves her previous forays into the realm of the challenging and the naked in the dust: that of a Jersey girl! more »

Aw, crap: Maggie Gyllenhaal, she of the perky pair and fluffy McMuffin, is threatening to never get naked on film again. more »