filed under: Lara Flynn Boyle

Ahahaha! Now THIS is an April Fool's joke! We have certainly been punk'd by Entertainment Tonight correspondent Steven "Cojo" Cojocaru who showed up at a red carpet event dressed in drag as Lara Flynn Boyle. We almost believed you, Cojo, but those kidney transplant steroid cheeks gave it away! Oh, you are a treasure, you funny man. A treasure.








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"Dammit, dammit, dammit! I haven't eaten anything but carrots and celery for ten freaking years and I'm still fatter than this parking meter? What do I have to do to beat you, Mr. Municipal Moneymaking Machine? Remove another set of ribs? Donate a lung, a kidney, and my liver to, like, people in Africa who would love to be fat? 'Cause I'll do it." more »

• Heather Graham's swan song of succulent sexiness. Take a look, then tip out your King Cobra on the curb.

• Lara Flynn Boyle decorated her razory clavicles with flowers, tied some white ribbons around her prominent ulnae, rubbed some pink gloss on her colossal plastic lips, and got herself married. Mazel tov!

• Nicolette Sheridan donned sheer hose with no visible pants (aka "pulling an Olsen"). Pauly Shore took a long, hard look. And pop went the Weasel. Groan, sorry.

• Sienna Miller offers a hot new diet plan to impressionable teenage girls: just drink vodka! Oh, don't look at us like that. It's a much more heathful alternative than the Lohan "strawberry booger sugar diet" or the Nicole Richie "oxygen and carbon dioxide" diet.

• Or maybe Lohan's on the "energy drink and pretzel diet", how the fuck should we know?

• Your office holiday party hookup was indiscreet and regrettable, but at least no photographic evidence exists. Christian Slater and Sharon Stone's holiday jaunt isn't faring quite so well.

• The beautiful, talented, and intelligent Victoria Silvstedt really really hates shirts.

• We're glad Mollygood agrees with us: Adam Brody's Ian McCulloch hair is kinda hot.

• Miss USA Tara Connor was nearly stripped of her crown after pageant owner Donald Trump got wind of the fact that she was drinking underage, failed a drug test for cocaine, and was making out with Miss Teen USA in public. When asked why he allowed her to retain her title, Trump said, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

• Lohan castoff Harry Morton is now feasting on the pink taco attached to Kimberly Stewart.

• K-Hole es no preggo.

• Martha Stewart briefly dated Anthony Hopkins, but could not bring herself to cook him fava beans with a nice Chianti.

• The fatcats behind Jessica Alba's recent movies have messed with perfection. They must pay. Oh, wait, they made her boobs BIGGER? Oh. Carry on.

• Is Gwyneth Paltrow with child again? If true, congrats! And welcome, little Pomegranate Martin!

• Lara Flynn Boyle's lips just keep getting more blown up. That's bad. But the rest of her anatomy is blowing up too, and that's good. Food is nice. And see-through dresses? Also nice.

• Ghandi is the new Kabbalah! Not only did Tara Reid's tit shoot the wizened old fossil, his teachings are comforting Jennifer Aniston in her time of need. Sorry, Vince Vaughn: apparently, Jen finds nonviolence and the wearing of loosely-draped diapers far sexier than the likes of you, champ.

• Jennifer Garner is having a baby girl. We guess that means Ben Affleck is having a baby girl, too. We have no opinion in regards to this information, so do with it what you like.

• Courtney Love: dosed with acid at age four! Therapy at six! Porno at nine! Swearing off letting homeless men suck her cans outside of Wendy's! Stars: they're just like US! Only not. At all.

• Damage control spins into overdrive! After being dropped as the face of Chanel, H&M, et al, Kate Moss has checked her bony ass into rehab. With the stink of scandal wafting off her, Moss will be lucky if she can land a deal as the face of Generra or Fashion Bug now.

Oho, wacky Lara Flynn Boyle, always going against the grain, that one. Instead of jumping on the naked-on-the-beach bandwagon, she peels off on a commercial flight. more »