filed under: Kristen Bell

• Marisa Miller works the runway wearing the latest in swimwear and silicone/polymer based body oil. (F-listed)

• Ali Lohan auditions for the director of Bun Sisters 12. (Yeeeah!)

• Rihanna is easy, breezy, beautiful, unCovered Girl. In a see-through shirt. That shows nipple ring. (The Blemish)

• Madonna is one step away from having Waylon Flowers's hand up her ass. (Cityrag)

• A touching, moving photo montage of Kristen Bell in her pantaloons. (Holy Taco)

• You can't beat Jessica Simpson! No, seriously. Don't beat her; that's mean. (Daily Stab)

• Superbad's Emma Stone is supercute. (Fatback)

• Amanda Bynes is Nickelodeyummy in butt-stranglingly tight workout gear. (Drunken Stepfather)

• John Mayer will be the godfather of the SimpsWentz spawn. He will teach it to land hot chicks and make the most heinous guitar faces ever. (Allie Is Wired)

Anybody else donning a bra, visible panties, stranglingly tight micro mini skirt, and corsetesque type gear in a men's magazine = raunchy city. Ho town. Masturbationburg. Kristen Bell wearing all this stuff in FHM UK = darling. Precious. Sweet as pie. When Carmen Electra or whoever appears on the cover of Maxim in similar stuff, grocery stores put butcher paper over it. But when it's Kristen Bell, they put the magazine display next to the baby food. We hear that Kristen's in talks with a children's book publisher to have these photos replace the illustrations in Goodnight Moon.



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• Jessica Simpson gives herself a breast exam. "Are they still big? Yep. Yep. Still big." (Egotastic)

• Hey, ladies. Hold on to your panties and your cocktails, because Kiefer Sutherland is single! (Derek Hail)

• Tina Turner says that Beyoncι will never be rock n' roll. Oh yeah? Well guess what, Tina? You'll never be polka! Eat that! (Female First)

• Shania Twain has learned an important lesson: don't marry a straw-haired producer of bombastic rock music and live in seclusion in Europe lest straw-haired producer runs off with the manager of your Swiss chateau. Oh, that's a story as old as the hills. When will they ever learn? (Hollywire)

• Every part of Kristen Bell is adorable. Up to and including her wee booty. (The Blemish)

• The Hills's Whitney Port becomes Titney Port when she slipples nipple. (Drunken Stepfather)

• And speaking of Hills douches, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get fingered. (Allie Is Wired)

• Ten Toys that Made You Gay. (Cityrag)

• Joss Stone explores another girl's dental work. With her tongue. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively cavorts on beach with Penn Badgley. And one of them is wearing a bikini, but we won't spoil it and tell you which! (F-Listed)

Much like Christina Aguilera's nude pool time with her hubby, and Mary-Kate Olsen running around her home in nothing but a few strategically-placed rubies, Kristen Bell enjoys going without clothing while in her domicile, and she would very much like you to know about it, along with her hatred of the term "cute". According to our gossip life coach, FemaleFirst, Kristen says,

"Cute is great but you get it a lot and you want to scratch your face off. It's like, I'm not fucking cute, you fuck. I am a woman and I am voluptuous."

Oh snap, way to drive the point home with two F-words in one sentence. Vicious! Adorably vicious. Awww. Kristen adds,

"I rarely wear clothes when I'm at home. And I love making breakfast while I'm naked. But I've got to make sure the gardener is not coming over that day!"

Oh boy, can we ever relate to that! Only replace "gardener" with "Cousin Corky with the meth" and "making breakfast naked" with "playing with our Get-Along Gang figurines naked". Oh, Montgomery Moose, you irrepressible wag! more »

We're glad that Forgetting Sarah Marshall is finally coming out. Not because we've been camped outside of our local cineplex waiting to witness its beauteous images filling up a huge screen and our butt is really sore from the concrete. No, we're happy because we're really sick of hearing about already. What is it about Judd Apatow that whenever he's involved in a movie you have to hear about every day for like a year before it's even released? Oh, and then it will be at least half an hour too long. But whatevs. He likes hot girls, so we're cool. It was nearly a year ago that we started hearing buzz about this movie, and roughly 99% of that buzz centered on Kristen Bell's bikini. Which is far better than centering on Jason Segel's Hawaiian shirts or Bill Hader's Ken-doll hair. We were hoping that the movie would make up for slapping us in the face with a bus ad every time we walked outside by letting Kristen drop the bikini, but alas, such is not the case. So instead be appeased (but not a-peed, because that would ruin your chair) with this (very short) clip of Kristen loudly expressing her appreciation to the longhair who's banging her.

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• Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, married? Married? Yeah, married. Married? Yeah, married! Sheesh! (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Miley Cyrus publicly apologizes for not wearing her seat belt. No seat belt is a slippery slope that leads headlong into Crotchflashtown and San Rehabton. (IMDb)

• Emma "Hermione" Watson gets slimed by Kirsten Dunst's leftovers. (The Sun)

• Bai Ling arrested for hamburglaring some gossip rags and a pack of batteries from an airport gift shop. Maybe she wanted to power up her G-spotter to use while gazing at herself in the fashion "What Were They Thinking?" section. (Celebitchy)

• Oh, shut your tamalehole, J. Lo. Nobody wants to steal your dumb old crusty old babies. (The Blemish)

• The Madamism of Hollywood. Waylon Flowers would be delighted. (Cityrag)

• Say what you will about Kim Kardashian, that sitter of hers is A number one. (HolyTaco)

• Amy Winehouse upgrades to Blake v. 2.0: all the creepiness none of the jail. Now with Magic-Gro Hair! (The Superficial)

• Aguilera debuts her infink. (Daily Stab)

• Kristen Bell gets rung! (Don't Link This)

Kristen Bell, aka Veronica Mars, is the new hero on Heroes. We don't watch Heroes because it's for nerd virgins, not popular in-crowders like us, but we hear it somehow involves people with supernatural powers. Judging by these pictures, Veronica Mars's secret power is bikini-wearing. Wherever there is evil and injustice in the world, she just hops into a phone booth or perhaps a Panera Bread bathroom because there aren't many phone booths around in the mobile age, and changes into a bikini. Then she emerges with a mighty flourish and a "TA-DAAAAA!" and maybe does a little softshoe, and the bad guys are all, "Gee, I guess we've all learned a lesson here today," and they shuffle off to volunteer to work with autistic children or three-legged dogs.

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Celebrity bikini season (summer edition) is coming into full swing right about now, yet our usual contenders are trying to kick the coke (again) or trying to look respectable so the butch prison bitches will think they're nice and not beat them into creamed corn. So it's time for a new crop to step up and strip down. Enter Veronica Mars. No. Wait. What's her name again? Kathy? Karen? Katie? Oh yeah, Kristen. Kristen Bell. If she wants us to really remember her, next time she'll forget to properly fasten her top and get caught in a Tara Reid moment. Until then she will remain Veronica Mars. more »