filed under: Kirsten Dunst
August 26, 2008
The Dunst Takes Another Mate

What happened to the CelebNewsWire of yore? The one full of
Lindsay Lohan inviting 3 Italian men into her clam and
Kate Moss transporting class A drugs over borders in Faberge eggs and Fred Durst begging ladies to touch his balls and his ass? We're tired of talking about babies and baby bumps and baby names! When did Hollywood go middle aged? We scoured and scoured and scoured the internet today to find some tidbit, some tiny little nugget, involving a salacious hookup or depraved sexual proclivity. And all we were able to come up with was
Kirsten Dunst screwing the
Mac Guy. Take it away,
New York Daily News:
Now it's Justin Long's turn on the Kirsten Dunst train. The "Mac guy" was snogging Dunst, who's been with Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Hartnett, Andy Samberg and Orlando Bloom, in L.A. at Sunset Junction. The duo "were making out hard-core while waiting in line for margaritas," says our spy. "They were holding hands and were all over each other."
Remember when Dunst was allegedly hooking up with another of
Drew Barrymore's exes,
Strokes Guy? And now Mac Guy. Kiki does enjoy the Barrymore sloppy seconds. Especially sloppy seconds consisting of men known primarily by their main employer plus the word "guy". Next up, Kirsten will date Irish Bar Guy and
Hole Guy and
That One Guy Who Pushed Donna Martin Down the Stairs Guy.
more »
July 17, 2008
Kirsten Dunst Desires Duo of Dudes

Freshly rehabbed maneater
Kirsten Dunst is on the prowl and ready to sink her teeth into the first young actor she meets. Her beautiful, corn kernel teeth.
Page Six reports that Speed Racer Emile Hirsch narrowly avoided a head-on genital collision with Dunst:
Watch out, Emile Hirsch - Kirsten Dunst has her eye on you. Our spy saw the rehabbed starlet smoking cigarettes outside the Bowery Hotel and told us, "Kirsten was there just to see Emile." After she finished her cig, the source said, Kirsten followed the press-shy actor to club Bowery Electric next door. "She was all alone," our snitch said. "She was going to the bar just to see him." But just two days later, OK! magazine reports, Dunst was "all over Justin Long trying to kiss him."
Oh was she now? Take it away,
OK!:
Justin was holding Kirstens hand while walking around downtown NYC in the SoHo area, an eyewitness tells OK!. They looked like they had stayed out all night and Justin had bloodshot eyes, but Kirsten was all over him and kept leaning in to kiss him.
What is the magic of this Justin Long dude? First he bangs Drew Barrymore and now he's fighting off Kirsten Dunst with a stick. Is it because he's a Mac and he's, like, totally LAID BACK and CHILL and hep and casual Friday, his Joe Cool attitude and Feist/Ting Tings soundtrack an irresistible tool for pulling high-caliber poon? Which makes you wonder what kind of actresses are pawing at the crotch of the PC guy. Patricia Heaton and Mary Hart? Maybe Heidi Montag.
more »
May 28, 2008
Cirque Lodge: The New Hotspot for Celebs Who Aren't Addicted to Anything!

Hollywood Trend Alert! Just going to rehab is so 2007. The new thing is to check yourself into Cirque Lodge with little to no explanation, then leave quietly and go about your life, and a couple of months later casually tell a reporter, "Oh, I'm not an addict. No, no, no. I was
researching a role/I was just really, really sad." And it sure is a good thing that
Kirsten Dunst has jumped on
Eva Mendes's bandwagon (
again), because it easily explains away all those times Kiki is spied sipping on the hooch. Booze cures depression! It's like medicine!
E! reports:
I didnt go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse, Dunst tells me exclusively during a lunch break on All Good Things. I went there for depression.
The 26-year-old Hollywood veteran makes a point of explaining that while she consulted doctors along with family and friends about treatment, it was ultimately her decision to make.
It was a good six months before I decided to go away, Dunst says. I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn't know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge.
You know, that kind of makes sense. If we were depressed, we think that seeing a roomful of
Lindsay Lohan's contemporaries would snap us right out of it and have us feeling pretty damn good about ourself.
Oh, and in case you were wondering:
I am not, she says with a laugh, dating Ryan Gosling!
That's right, Keek. Fucking isn't dating. Touchι! We gossips should learn how to better choose our words.
more »
February 20, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Boozin' and Coozin'

More oddly smooth
Britney mons pubis. We're starting to think that maybe those are flesh-toned undies. Foiled! (
Faded Youth)
But she still can't see her chitlins. (
The Hollywood Gossip)
The bottle came between Jake Gyllenhaal and
Kirsten Dunst. The bottle, and her baby vampire fangs. (
Yeeeah!)
Denise Richards says that exploiting her children in a reality show is fine, because they said yes when she asked them if they wanted to be on TV. They're
two and
three. If you asked them if they wanted to have live jellyfish sewn to their faces, they'd say "Yaaaay!" (
I'm Not Obsessed)
J. Lo has checked in to the hospital! She will now proceed to birth a child from each of her buns. (
PopCrunch)
Hilary's Duff, in a bikini. (
Egotastic)
The
Heidi Klum-Seal family, in a traveling version of
Cats. (
Derek Hail)
Megan Fox Jacks it. (
Fatback)
Alba pulls a Lindsay and recreates old junk in photos. Only without the boobs, natch. (
The Blemish)
OMG,
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden actually left the house! They're such horrible parents! Alert DCFS! (
Celeb Warship)
February 07, 2008
Kirsten Dunst Fills Eva Mendes-Shaped Void at Cirque Lodge

Today on an all-new episode of
Celebrity Rehab Swap,
Kirsten Dunst and
Eva Mendes will switch places, with Kirsten taking up Eva's abandoned bed at Cirque Lodge, trying to rid her system of intoxicating substances while challenging her fellow 'habbers to
farting contests, and Eva trying to make it on the outside, avoiding tequila shots while crying about Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon and constantly readjusting her bra-free tits. It's sure to be a hit!
Life & Style dishes on Eva:
Eva Mendes is out of rehab and back in Los Angeles, Life and Style can confirm.
The 33-year-old actress left Utah's Cirque Lodge rehab clinic on Feb 6 and boarded a flight to Los Angeles shortly after 9pm (pst) after spending a number of weeks in rehab.
At the time her spokesman said: "Eva has been working hard for the past year and made a positive decision to take some much needed time off to attend to some personal issues that, while not critical, she felt deserved some outside professional support."
And that empty bed may just be full o' Kirsten keister, says
FemaleFirst:
Kirsten Dunst is in rehab.
The 'Spider-Man' actress - whose partying lifestyle has lead to her being nicknamed 'Kirsten Drunkst' by gossip bloggers - has reportedly checked into Utah's Cirque Lodge facility to receive help for an unknown problem.
A source inside the facility told America's Star magazine: "She desperately needed help. She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears.
"She not in a good place right now, but thankfully, she's getting the help she needs."
Kirsten's self-committal comes after she behaved erratically at Utah's Sundance Film Festival.
A source said: "Kirsten is on the verge of a breakdown. She came late, left early and acted erratic at all the Sundance events."
Kirsten's spokesperson denied she acted strangely at the festival saying: "Kirsten is fine."
The 25-year-old actress is a keen supporter of the campaign to get marijuana legalised in the US.
She said: "I drink moderately, I've tried drugs. I do like weed. I have a different outlook on marijuana than America does.
"I've never been a major smoker, but I think America's view on weed is ridiculous. I mean - are you kidding me? If everyone smoked weed, the world would be a better place."
Yeah, we're pretty sure Amy Winehouse has said the same thing about crack, but we're not about to listen to her advice.
August 01, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Nasty Old Rag"

Nasty old rag
Kate Moss might have to pay off ex Pete Doherty to shut him up. Ah, the perils of cracky love. (
Celeb Warship)
Paris just a hair(less) away from her 'tang-flashing halcyon days. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Nomi Malone, in a bikini, poolside. Hopefully, after these pictures were taken, she doffed those espadrilles, hopped in the pool with that guy, and recreated the
Showgirls floppin'-like-beached-salmon scene. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Paris Hilton has not been cut out of the Hilton will, as we recently reported. Bah, life is so ugly and unfair. (
IDontLikeYouInThatWay)
Courtney Love gets bedazzled. (
Celebrity Puke)
Michael Lohan is such a great dad. He doesn't even know the name of
Lindsay's new movie. (
In Touch)
Kirsten Dunst is too drunk for America, but too noisy for England. (
A Socialite's Life)
Hayden Panettiere picks n' licks. (
Derek Hail)
July 17, 2007
Kirsten Dunst Shows off Her Sunken Tits, Dr.

"What's that you said, CelebNewsWire? Cause It sounded something like 'Garbble warbble gabba tutta nicht,' which doesn't make much sense, cause I don't speak German. You know I was too busy making Sofia Coppola believe she has talent to go to school. But what I think you said is 'Watch out, Kirsten, your boobs look like they might slip out of that cafe curtain you're wearing as a shirt and slap you in the knees. You should have worn pants.' In which case, thanks for the advice, guys, but I like my tits like this. Later on in the evening after this girl next to me here bumps into me and accidentally pours the remains of her gimlet in my ear, I can pull my teat up to my ear, tweak up my nipple, and use it as a Q-tip."
Kirsten "Dr. Sunken Tits" Dunst totes around her floppers at
Yeeeah!
And catch a little Kiki see-through action at MrSkin.com.
April 30, 2007
Kiki Talks Titis

Hey guys, did you notice that
Kirsten Dunst is a woman? And what does that mean? Why, boobs, of course! She's got 'em! And since she's got
a movie coming out in a few days (a charming little low-budget indie we hope will find an audience who will appreciate it), she's gonna talk about them. Take it away, Kiki:
I had to wear a padded bra on this movie, but I get it. Its okay. Its part of the thing.
I didnt feel like it was sexist or anything. I embraced my Mary Jane boobs!
Great. Now this weekend when we're trying to feel tough by watching Tobey Maguire and Topher Grace make body-to-body contact while wearing stretchy, groin-hugging fabric all we'll be able to think about is Kirsten Dunst, standing just out of the shot in her red wig and padded bra, feeling herself up. Way to ruin a moment, Kirsten.
more »
April 11, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: If Everyone Smoked Weed

Kirsten Dunst is all, "Like, if the whole world smoked weed, man . . . there would be no wars and crime and stuff. You knowwww?" Oh
man. Totally, dude. Seeeriously. (
Yeeeah!)
Selma Blair's boyfriend is rumored to be shopping for rings in preparation for popping the question. Which is better than swabbing your anal ring in preparation for pooping. OR IS IT???? (
IMDb)
Rachel McAdams and that
Notebook guy are also going to get hitched. Mazel tov. (
D Listed)
Halle Berry bare-ys her berries (kinda) in
Esquire. (
Egotastic!)
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: reunited? And it feels so . . . eeeuuughhhh. (
Cityrag)
Jordan gets her fetus pierced! (
Faded Youth)
FHM goes heaving on the smoothing tool in Photoshop, makes
Kim Stewart look slightly less embarrassing. Young Turks be free tonight
indeed! Wait, what does that mean. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Howard Stern (not K.) luxuriates in the warm, comforting, leathery glow of Don Imus's verbal gaffe. (
Radar)
Brad and
Angelina allegedly purchase $140 million yacht made of marble and gold, because they are Liberace. (
PopSugar)
Par-ass Hilton. (
Taxi Driver)
Snoop Dogg is facing up to four years in prison. Comeback album entitled
From the Dogghouse to the Big House . . . and Back Again dropping in 2011. (
Celebitchy)
Jessica Alba busts out her pantaloons to assuage our Dane Cook-assaulted eyes. (
IDontLikeYouInThatWay)
March 20, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: "Why Don't You Fuck Your Whole Movie?"

Lily Tomlin thinks David O. Russell is a "motherfucker". David O. Russell thinks Lily Tomlin is a "cunt" and a "bitch". They Hate Huckabees! Two awesomely NSFW clips
here. If you only watch one video of a comedienne and an overrated director trading cruel barbs and throwing set dressing around this year, make it this one.
YO,
Samantuh! Ay oh, oh ay, you're showin' some
cleave!
Vince Vaughn: now 87% more bloated and stinky and
crazy!
Shanna and Travis.
Reuinted and it feels so good. Together again, naturally. Baby, just one more try. And so forth and so on.
Tara Reid eschews bra, trots out those
Frankenteats yet again.
Leonardo DiCaprio held
peace talks with Israel's Vice Premier. Because if anyone can stop the fighting with Palestine, it's the homeless kid from
Growing Pains.
Paris and
Jenna Jameson compare Fraggle weaves; vaginal chancres.
We once
made fun of
Rose McGowan's strange new face. As it turns out, she almost
lost her eye in an accident. Yarrr!
The secret diaries of
Anna Nicole are
up for auction. "Deer diery. today i waked up and i eated some pasghetti. then i layd down on my can a pee bed and take a nap. then it was time for diner then i had sex with some gies. xoxox"
Heigl kinda sounds like
heinie.
Salma Hayek sports the
Ugly Betty/
Love Story hybrid
maternity look.
The
Dunst just
Razorlights up a room, doesn't she?
March 06, 2007
Kirsten Dunst's Floppers Get an Adjustment

"Hey,
Kiki, I don't think your boobs are saggy enough today. They look like maybe they picked up some extra perk, and you just don't look
yourself like that. Here, let me try to push them down a little for you. That's better. Now it looks as if your nipples point directly toward your toes. It's so good to have you back, Kiki."
more »
January 25, 2007
Kirsten Dunst Gets Around

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR FRIENDS AT CELEBNEWSWIRE.COM.
Are you available, male, between the ages of 21-30, and located in the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area? Do you possess disheveled, rakish looks topped off by a tousled mop of dark chocolately curls? Then please, by all means, put on a hat and do not venture out of doors or walk near open windows! TMZ.com reports:
Spider-Man star Kirsten Dunst is weaving a tangled web of possible hookups all around Hollywood, and she's ensnared a couple of prominent exes -- which could lead to some very interesting bitchfights. Her latest conquest, says Us Weekly, is Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, who just broke up with Drew Barrymore. They're "just friends" but it seems, according to a source, that Kirsten's looking for love. Then there's "The OC's" Adam Brody, who recently split from Rachel Bilson Kirsten and Adam were spotted together at celeb-boite Hyde. And of course, just a few days ago, it was Dunst and Aquaman himself, "Entourage's" Adrian Grenier, who hasn't broken up with anyone recently. Why all the cavorting with various moderately-famous men? "Kirsten has been lonely," says an Us source.
Well, guess she definitely has a type. Also: "Kirsten has been lonely." Never before has a statement about a celebrity's emotional state sounded so chillingly ominous.
Orlando Bloom and Andy Samberg have both failed to don a cap, burkha, or sheitel, and fell prey to the oily wiles of the Dunst. In the coming weeks, we expect Hollywood detectives to discover
Dustin Diamond dead and discarded in the bushes, his neck bearing the distinct mark of two misshapen eyeteeth.
more »
January 18, 2007
And Now They're Porking

Have you been boning the same boring person for eight years because you know that if you dumped said boring person there would just be another boring person--who would probably be less attractive or fatter or more annoying--to take their place? You should totally become a celebrity! Then you could change partners every six months and each one would be prettier and more successful than the last. Now you'll just have to work on getting talent and looks and charm. That should be easy.
more »
January 05, 2007
Tom Takes Away Katie's Right to Party

Poor
Katie Holmes. All she ever gets to do is take intensive twelve-hour auditing sessions fueled by nothing but the
Victoria Beckham diet, watch OT Level VIII nannies read
Dianetics to her child, and once in a while leave the Cruise compound for an afternoon of photo ops, lattes, and shoe shopping. She never gets to go to Hyde with all the other starlets. When is Katie ever gonna get the chance to bear her beav in public? Huh,
Tommy, when? Do you want her to be some sort of prudey Hollywood freak, is that what you want?
more »
December 21, 2006
Crappy Holidays from Kirsten Dunst

Look to your left and you will see
Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst is holding a box. The box has the letters "CDSA" on the side. According to the private eyes at
ONTD, "The Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis (CDSA) 2.0 is an advanced noninvasive diagnostic tool that can help practitioners improve prevention and target treatment strategies for gastrointestinal disorders." We love the fact that
Kirsten Dunst is so excited to have procured a turd dissection kit that she felt the need to pull it out of the bag and wave it around like it was a blue ribbon at the county fair.
more »
November 22, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "I Know How to Learn Anything I Want to Learn."
Kirsten Dunst's teatlets meet a lace-paneled dress, peekaboo
nippage ensues. The pictures are old, but so are you, geezer.
John Mayer and
Jessica Simpson are
together again, naturally. Even though they say they weren't together in the
first place. But they are now. Probably. Eh.
Well, we had the dubious honor of viewing the
Screech sex tape yesterday. What can we say about it? He refers to himself in the third person, as "the D Man", he is more interested in the various edibles the ladies have around their hotel room than their vaginas, and the first 15 minutes consist of Dustin and his lady in a bubble bath, discussing the finer points of
24. Fleshbot has their own
review. And screencaps.
Agent Scully had a
baby! And despite her insistence that the child was sired by boyfriend Clyde Klotz, her ex-husband Julian Ozanne is demanding a paternity test. So we can find out it's half-alien. And then Mulder will watch porn and there will be sexual tension, etc.
Australian
Holly Valance's
nipple boomerangs out of her swimsuit. Crikey!
Keira Knightley is
engaged to her actor arm candy Rupert Friend. Can you imagine calling up your parents and saying, "Mom, Dad, I am going to be Mrs. Rupert Friend"? And then your parents would howl with laughter and say, "Sure, and I'm about to marry Nigel Sparkleshowers! Ahahahaha! His best man will be Cecil Rhys-Babybunnybottom! Hahahahaha!"
Penelope Cruz half naked for
Pirelli. Why are you still reading this?
Janet Jackson has made whoopee
on a plane. In her seat. Surrounded by passengers. And peanuts. And crying babies. And manhandled issues of Flight magazine. And the heady stench of impeding fiery death. Anyone else have a boner right now?
Will Smith says that he and
Jada are
homeschooling their children, because history and dates aren't important, and anything of consequence you need to know, like for example how to fly a space shuttle, can be found in books. So if you see a couple of confused children wandering around Hollywood, scratching their asses and crying because they don't know how to find bus fare or talk to non-Cruises, but do know how to commandeer a submarine, they would be the Smith progeny.
November 21, 2006
More Crazy/Than Beautiful
We recently
insinutated that
Kirsten Dunst and
Orlando Bloom might be doing the cucumber rhumba, and now, all signs are pointing to yes as they've gone rather public with their affection as of late. Ordunsto is as curious a coupled specimen as they come. He is fully waxed, razored, peculiarly devoid of visible pores, longhaired, and enjoys the feel of tailored trousers against his eunuch pubis mound. She is slouchy, grubby, usually coated in a thin sheen of oil with a hearty dose of filth under her nails, braless, and smells vaguely of Tanqueray. We're not exactly sure how their lovemaking works, though we'd assume it involves lots of prop jeweled rapiers and, possibly, vampiric bloodsucking.
more »
November 15, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "I Am In the Process of Putting on Weight, and That Should Be Enough"
Oprah was
not invited to
Tom and
K-Hole's wedding, but she is trying to figure out what to send them as a gift. Duh! A couch.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree:
Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to
buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure,
Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has
boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has
responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her
MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is
Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth
into rodentlike eunuch
Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky
from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a
small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues:
Joan Jett and
Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the
same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
November 07, 2006
Kirsten Dunst Proves Her Scholaritude
Kirsten Dunst wishes you would stop asking her about her snaggle tooth. After all, it is rather rude. She's never asked you why one of your balls is so much hairier than the other. See, she's a lady.
more »
October 03, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Drop Knowledge, Not Bombs
George Michael says,
"I don't have a drug problem!" Aside from being arrested after falling asleep in his car at an intersection. For the
second time. In eight months.
Avril Lavigne apologizes for
hawking loogs on the Pavarotti, stating that she'd never spit on her fans. No, she'll just flip them off and cuss them out.
Well,
Jordan's obviously got her cell phone on