filed under: Kid Rock

Today we read a list of stars' rider demands for the VMAs and wondered: what, exactly, would happen if Kid Rock's yogurts were full fat? What would go down if Christina Aguilera's candles were presented with a lighter instead of a pack of matches? Would these singers be thrown into a tailspin and rendered unable to perform? Would they wither and die like hothouse flowers? Here's In Touch Weekly's list (via Celebitchy) of who needed what at the VMAs:

Christina Aguilera
- 1 large boom box that plays CDs, no alarm clock stereos
- 1 full length mirror
- 1 space heater
- 1 table just for makeup and dressing
- 2 bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne
- 3 L’Occitane vanilla-scented candles with matches
- 1 cozy blanket
- 4 black bath towels
- 1 case of Arrowhead water

Rihanna
- 1 lighted professional makeup mirror
- 2 Trish McEvoy blueberry candles
- 1 large, comfy sofa
- 24 Buffalo wings, hot sauce on the side
- 1 whole roasted chicken, spiced with jerk seasoning and cut into parts

Kid Rock
- 1 toaster
- 1 tube of ChapStick
- 1 pack of white crew socks
- 2 bottles of Grey Goose or Ketel One vodka
- 2 low fat yogurts (raspberry)
- 1 package of baby wipes

Jonas Brothers
- 8 Red Bull Sugarfree beverages, plus 6 regular Red Bulls
- 2 plastic bottles of room-temperature apple juice
- 12 bath-size towels (must be freshly laundered)
- 24 pieces of California sushi rolls
- 1 package of Oreo Double Stuff
- 6 bottles Vitaminwater (yellow, red, orange)
- 3 packages of Listerine Pocket-packs breath strips

They say you can learn a lot about a person by how they dress or how they treat their mother. We think you can learn more about a person by what they have on their rider. For example, we now know that Rihanna is cool and has great taste in food. And that Christina Aguilera needs to set a mood before she performs. And that the Jonas Brothers' rider was most likely manufactured by their publicist in a bid to seem as wholesome as their image (apple juice and Oreos? Come on) , when in reality they probably demanded German scat porn and some speedballs. And that Kid Rock has chapped lips and a dirty anus. And enjoys Eggos. more »

You can accuse Kid Rock of a lot of things--musical irrelevance, chinlessness, shampoo phobia, hilarity--but you can't really call him a sellout. Dude has the #1 album in the country and still manages to get into post-show brawls at the Waffle House, just like your high school boyfriend Travis after you let him finger you at the Tesla concert. IMDb has the story, as well as the headline of the day ("Kid Rock Arrested in Waffle House Fight"):

Kid Rock has been arrested in Atlanta in connection with a fight at a Waffle House, according to U.S. reports. Rock, real name Robert Ritchie, and five members of his entourage were each taken into custody on a misdemeanor charge of simple battery. Police say the 36-year-old rapper/rocker stopped by a restaurant in the early hours of Sunday after his band's Atlanta show that night, and a male customer recognized a female in Rock's entourage. Words were exchanged, and a fight ensued. After cops were called, the singer's tour bus was pulled over, and he and the members of his entourage were arrested. In addition to Rock's arrest, the male customer also has been charged with a felony for allegedly smashing a window of the restaurant.

We cannot claim to know what lurks within the troubled psyche of Kid Rock. Perhaps the evening's earlier rendition of the emotional ballad "Bawitdaba" proved so impassioned that it drove him to violence. It may be that he was angry that Mary Welch Rogers had written the tune "Waffle House Family Part 1" before he had a chance to laud the chain's delicious wares in song. Or maybe the Texas Double Bacon Patty Melt was so delicious that the only possible outcome after eating it was fisticuffs.

In other bitter breakup news, Kid Rock is claiming that Pamela Anderson lied about having a miscarriage while they were married. Which we guess is better than claiming that she's a used up whore, but some things are instinctually understood between couples. People reports:

Kid Rock claims that ex-wife Pamela Anderson lied about having a miscarriage after they had marital spat last year.

Anderson got mad when Rock delayed a visit to her on the set of her movie in Canada so he could attend a Los Angeles Lakers game, the 36-year-old singer tells Rolling Stone magazine.

"I'm like, 'Baby, I got these tickets. I'll see you on the weekend there,' and that leads into her saying, 'You don't care about me, blah blah blah,' " Rock says. "She finally comes up with this: 'I just had a miscarriage' ... and hangs the phone up."

In November 2006, Anderson's then-publicist issued a statement confirming reports she had a miscarriage and asked that "everyone respect her privacy during this difficult time."

But, Rock says, when he got to Vancouver, "She's partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I'm thinking, 'That's a quick recovery from a miscarriage.' "

Rock filed for divorce from Anderson a month later, ending their four-month marriage.

Anderson's new rep didn't immediately respond for comment. But in the Rolling Stone article, the actress says: "I hope his album does well. I hope he's happy in life. We were married for four months. If he has nothing nice to say about me, then please tell him to stop talking about me."

Rock's new album, Rock N Roll Jesus, comes out next week.

And Pam, having learned a thing or two from Rosie O'Donnell and Courtney Love, has taken her voice to the blogosphere with this response:

He's bitter. It's sad to see. I don't want to battle with him. I wish him the best. I'd hate to point out habits I had a hard time with. They are personal to him and that's why we are not together. These are desperate attempts. I've moved on.

C'mon, Pam, tell us about some of Kid's bad habits. Did he leave his dirty wifebeaters on the bedroom floor every night? Did he chant "Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy" when he was climaxing? Did he spit chaw all over your expensive Persian rugs? We bet it was the chaw. more »

• Britto's manager drops her mere hours after her lawyer does. She's getting dropped more often than Sean Preston. Ba-dum-bump. (Yeeeah!)

• Jessica Simpson brings back the Daisy Dukes. Or maybe the Dazzy Duks. Whatever. (Drunken Stepfather)

• This is what Kid Rock bitchslapped Tommy Lee over. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Mary-Louise Parker pulls a Madonna. And we don't mean dry-humping Vanilla Ice. (The Blemish)

• Dave Grohl says that Paris is a "total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut." In similar news, Dave Grohl claims that "bacon tastes real good" and "water is wet". (Celebitchy)

• Christina Aguilera's baby will never go hungry. (Derek Hail)

• Sting probably had sex with these hookers. But the question remains: did he have sex with them for ten hours straight? (IDLYITW)

• Keira Knightley is a big fat sloppy gross lardy gigantic moo cow. (Celeb Warship)

So the VMAs were last night. And in between stifled yawns and many, many glasses of Arbor Mist (it's like juice--but with booze!), we made a few observations. First, Beyoncι's boobs are really jiggly. Sarah Silverman is still not funny just because she's mean (AND she has now made us feel sympathy for Paris Hilton TWICE, and for that she must pay). We are old and completely out of touch and have no idea who this Chris Brown fellow is, but boy can dance (though he can't lip sync worth a damn). Kid Rock and Tommy Lee need to chill the fuck out; we're sure Pammy would still screw them both so there's no need to fight over who gets the privilege. Some people were walking around with little silver statues, but we're not sure why; maybe they were cool new accessories, like Kanye West's sunglasses. Dr. Dre looked like he shopped for his awards-show duds in the closet of either Hans or Franz. Rihanna's dress was really, really tight and her hair was inexplicably awesome. more »

• Halle Berry might be preggo. For no other reason than to stick it to Julia Roberts.

• Justin Timberlake is just not that into Cameron Diaz. Sound the death gong.

• Adrianne Curry dons her new plastic breasts on the red carpet.

• Owen Wilson will break up a lady's marriage, then refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?

• Oh, Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.

• And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled hookup away from Federlohan!

• Console yourselves with more pictures of more Lohan in yet another bikini.

• You might keep calling Rosie fat and lezboish, Donald Trump, but you know what? Your wife is naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?

• Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA Tara Connor to pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now, Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."

• Pam Anderson really classed it up for her Howard Stern appearance.

• Leo DiCraprio has jumped on the bandwagon and adopted an African child. Well, like, she won't be coming back to America to live in his palatial homes or eat food prepared by his personal chef or be educated in the finest schools. She'll stay in her homeland and every once in a while Leo will send her a check or call her on the phone. So basically she's not getting a dad, she's getting a deadbeat dad. Nice.

After emerging from her 3 month connubial haze a soon-to-be single woman, Pam Anderson can't stop smacking herself on the head with the heel of her hand and making good-natured excuses for her ill-fated Kid Rock marriage. Recently, she told Howard Stern:

"It was a big mistake, but I was in St. Tropez, I would have married the fisherman on the corner!"

"It was sunny! There was a beach! I was in a bikini! I was doing Patron shots! Tee hee!" That's a perfectly acceptable excuse, to be sure. If your name is MackEnzee-Dawn and you just flashed the nice man with the camera crew in Ft. Lauderdale with your Gamma sisters. more »

We know you've been wracking your brain for days upon days trying to figure out just what went wrong between Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. Well, we've got the answer: They fucking hate everything about each other, basically. more »

• Hilary Duff has dropped her older emo craprocker lover with MySpace hair.

• She's also dropped the lower 2 inches off those much-maligned veneers. Neiggggh!

• J. Lo can't seem to make a baby. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that her husband is a reanimated corpse. That was mean.

• In this crazy age of full-on spread pink Britney labia in our faces, it's kind of refreshing and titillating to see a lady in a bikini. Good on ya, Kelly Brook.

• Rihanna, on the other hand, is taking a page from the Merry Divorcιe and serving up lippage.

• Britney has mysteriously pulled out of planned joint Billboard Awards hosting duties, leaving Paris to go it solo. That marks the very first time you've ever heard "Britney" and "pulled out" in the same sentence.

• Borat blamed for the Pam Anderson-Kid Rock split. In related news, Borat causes global warming, racial profiling was Borat's idea, and Borat sold all that vodka to Mel Gibson.

• Note to Snoop: YOU HAVE MONEY. HIRE SOMEONE TO CARRY YOUR DRUGS AND GUNS FOR YOU.

Always one to jump on a PETA-approved trend, Pam Anderson has filed for divorce from her husband of less than four months, Kid Rock. We know that the trend-setting abilities of Reese and Ryan and, especially, Britney and KFed are often irresistable to lesser-caliber celebrities, but we thought Pam and Kid's shared love of plastic palookas constrained by teeny bikinis, PBR, and rabbit-like sex in public (we assume) would be enough to last at least a year or two. more »

Although Pam Anderson and her handsome talented intelligent charming dirty-blonde husband Kid Rock have only been married a scant week or so, they work fast. She recently revealed that she might already be roasting up baby w.t. royalty in her sexy, sexy womb. Thank God for that--Baby Federspears 2 will need someone to mate with in thirteen years. more »

And while we're on the topic of boulder-like man-made titties, Pam Anderson is getting married. We're sure the four of them will be very happy together. more »

If you were to ask us to make a list of two celebrities we'd want to see together in a sex tape, "Kid Rock and Scott Stapp" would fall somewhere between "Biz Markie and Carol Channing" and "Harvey Weinstein and a bag of fat sucked out of Star Jones's neck". But alas, nightmares have become reality. Safe for work preview after the jump. more »

Kid Rock was arrested early this morning for allegedly clocking a DJ at a strip club in Nashville, TN. Listen, Kid, we're tired of hearing the Crόe's "Girls, Girls, Girls" too, but you don't see us getting all fisty. more »