filed under: Keanu Reeves

In the world of celebrity biopics, there are good choices and bad choices. Sissy Spacek as Loretta Lynn in Coal Miner's Daughter? Pretty spot on. Angelina Jolie as Jordan? We don't think so. It would probably be a better match to cast an ostrich in the role. As long as the ostrich had Mr. Ed-like lip-moving abilities. And volleyball-sized breast implants. Our own celebrity-impression specialist, FemaleFirst, says of the erstwhile Katie Price:

Jordan wants Angelina Jolie to play her in a film of her life.

The British model and TV star, real name Katie Price, thinks the stunning actress would be the perfect choice to portray her on the big screen.

She also has a specific leading man in mind to play husband Peter Andre.

Jordan said: "I do really want to do a film about my life. I'm thinking Angelina Jolie could be me and Keanu Reeves for Pete."

You know, we think that Jordan's casting decisions are so terrible that we're going to continue on with our idea of populating a Jordan/Peter Andre biopic with members of the animal kingdom. We think a badger could possibly capture the essence of Peter, as long as that badger waxed his chest and studied Derek Zoolander's Blue Steel really, really hard. Does the Academy give out Oscars for casting? Because we think we've pretty much got that award in the bag.

• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)

• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

• The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

• Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

• Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

• Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

Not sure how reliable the source is, but Star magazine is reporting that Winona Ryder has temporarily cast aside her predilection for indie troubadours who smell like scalp and instead gone for someone who makes sense:

Sparks are flying between Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves on the set of the drama The Private Lives of Pippa Lee.

Star has learned that the two iconic stars have been spending lots of time in each other’s trailers.

“They are also always hugging on the set,” says a source. “The chemistry is really electric.”

They’ve gotten so close that during a break in filming in Connecticut, Winona, 36, relaxed with Keanu, 43, at his Manhattan pad.

It's like all the romantic fantasies we had in our heads circa 1987 have finally come to fruition. Now if only Kirk Cameron and Meredith Salenger would discover their love for one another, our matchmaking dreams of yore would be complete. Quick, let's go tell the Popples! more »

• Jenna Jameson, looking Bratz-ier than ever. (F-listed)

• No, my first name ain't baby. It's Janet. Miss Rackson if you're see-through. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Lindsay Lohan goes back to red, lays off the burnt umber fake bake, approaches former Mean Girls-era loveliness. (Allie Is Wired)

• Keanu Reeves and Parker Posey. Two great stoners that stone great together. (Lainey Gossip)

• Perhaps they should head over to the radio station to tear into a box of Scooby Snacks with Ashlee Simpson. (Yeeeah!)

• Mental wounds not healing. Life's a bitter shame. Julia Roberts is going off the rails on a crazy train.(Cityrag)

• Hayden Panettiere's mom is "very proud" that her teenage daughter is moving in with 31-year-old Milo Ventimiglia. Awwww. (FemaleFirst)

• Cruz Beckham, spawn of David and Posh Spice, is a SUPERSTAR. (Bitten and Bound)

• Kevin Federline's gut threatens to Popozao out of his golf shirt. (Hollywood Backwash)

• To Paris Hilton, "foreign-looking man with long gray beard" = the path to spiritual enlightenment. (Hollywood Grind)

• Pink promises that for one day only, her wedding day, she will "be a girl". But after the ceremony is over, the dress and all its frilly, lacy trappings will come off, the foot-long silicone strap-on will come out, and Pink will bend her new husband over their marriage bed and show that little bitch who wears the pants.

• Heidi Klum probes her husband.

• Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!

• 50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.

• Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.

• Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?

• Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!

• The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.

• Natalie Portman: Last of the Mohicans.

• Dear Russell Crowe: PLEASE PUNCH US. WE NEED THE CASH.

• Scar-Jo and Josh Hartnett (Jo-Ho?) move in together! Eh, it's destined to fail. "Scarlett Hartnett" just sounds so douchey.

• Fleck's million-pound pits.

• Annie Hall is porking Ted "Theodore" Logan.

• Ohhhh, when Keef says Mick has a laughably tiny weenis, that's supposed to be a compliment. We see, we see.

• Does a rapper sire twelve billion babies and have two wives? Mos Def!

He may not be able to act his way out of a sinking franchise, but Keanu Reeves sure is a perfect gentleman. He even waits his turn in line for nightclub bathrooms. That’s just one of the many reasons Lindsay Lohan will never land that sweet role opposite Keanu in Johnny Mnemonic 2: Cyborg Infestation. more »