filed under: Katie Price

Welcome to Crazy British Ladies Walking Around Looking Charming Friday! They may have been on separate continents, but Katie "Jordan" Price and Amy "WTF is that" Winehouse both demonstrated that certain intangible grace that only English women possess. First, Jordan was spotted, much like a yeti or a shooting star with fake tits, on the streets of LA. She recently downsized her silicone tetherballs, and it appears that the doctors make good use of the old implants by storing them inside her lips. Way to go green, Jordan! Sporting old tits in your lips is even more socially conscious than solar panels. Can solar panels suck your dong? We think not!



It's been a rough couple of weeks with little to no Amy Winehouse news. We've made do by dying a mop black, rubbing it in an ashtray, and talking to it, but it's not the same. But she emerges from the mist! And her slappin' hand is in fine working order! Reports The Sun:

AMY WINEHOUSE slapped another member of the public last night. The troubled singer was out and about in Camden when a passer-by grabbed her, seemingly concerned for her health.

But Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: "Let fucking go of me, dickhead!"

As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a "fucking bitch".

We hate to say it, but the lady kind of asked for it. You don't pet a copperhead and not expect to get bitten. And you don't touch Amy Winehouse and not expect to get slapped, called a dickhead, or catch chiggers. more »

Here's Jordan/Katie Price/Frankentits/whatever at a book signing. Not only is she debuting her new tome, but she's debuting the new breast implants she got for her husband as a Christmas gift. And what sexy lady story would be complete without a solid nip slip or two? If you dare, click "next" where you will be transported into a world of surgical science, where medical oddities become mammographic reality. Where she who buys the largest blobs of engineered gelatinous glop in her chest cavity wins, aesthetics be damned. Where day is night, where white is black. more »

• Pam Anderson and hubby to have reality show. Also, Pam Anderson and hubby to engage in possible oral sex next to pooping dog. (Dlisted)

• Hayden Panettiere is gearing up to give a BJ to Richard Gere or something. (HollywoodTuna)

• Madonna is sporting a nice pair of shiners. (Cityrag)

• Furthermore, she's allegedly fattening herself up on a diet of "porridge". Porridge is a real thing, existing outside The Three Bears? Is she also eating curds and whey, and a pie with Little Jack Horner's thumb in it? (PopCrunch)

• Crack open an ice cold can of Paris Hilton champagne. All the bubbliness of the real thing and none of the clap! (Yeeeah!)

• It's hard out here for a pimp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. (CelebWarship)

• Tara Reid stuffs her plasticine yambags into a bikini for your viewing pleasure and/or reverse peristalsis. (Drunken Stepfather)

• James Blunt hits Swiss ski resort, sings "you're beautiful! You're beautiful! You're beautiful, so let me bust open your hymen, it's true!" to chalet girls. (Celebitchy)

• Vanessa Hudgens not amused by Zac Efron's oxygen facials and mani-pedi time. (Allie Is Wired)

• Wow, what's Jordan doing with Jay Manuel? (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

• Now that it's raining more than ever/know that Biel still hates the paparazzi/You can get beat by her umba-rella/You get beat by her umba-rella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay. (Egotastic!)

• Britney Spears pretends she has narcolepsy, which is not an oozing venereal disease, like one might automatically assume. (Yeeeah!)

• Katie "Jordan" Price gives a hot blow job!!! She'll really straighten you out! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Work that butt chin, Jessica Simpson. (IDLYITW)

• Now we know what Heidi Klum sees in Seal. (Pssst! It's his enormous penis!!!!) (Derek Hail)

• Happy Halloween! Please stick your candle into Christina Ricci's pumpkins. She was Wednesday Addams, after all, so this is plenty relevant. (Cityrag)

• Find out what happens when Dinas stop being orange and start gittin' REAL. (Fatback and Collards)

• And speaking of questionable Lohans (are there any other kind?), Michael is dressed like it's twink night at the Wet Piston, wtf. (Celeb Warship)

• Rwanda postponed its visit from Paris Hilton, presumably because it needed to reinforce its herpes levees. (Celebitchy)

• Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says "we're casually dating, I'm kind of into you" than forcing your boyfriend to don your body parts around his neck like a gilded noose. (The Blemish)

The sun rises on the dawn of Christmas morn. The light crackles through the snow-laden branches, the pattering hooves of reindeer disappear from neighboring rooftops, and all the good little boys and girls of the land race downstairs to see what delights await them underneath tinsel-strewn trees. A trike for little Madison! And look, it's a football for young Jayden! Look, a puppy for Ava--what a good girl she must have been this year! And wee Peter Andre, what did Santa leave for him? Why, overfilled bags of polymerized silicone that have been inserted into his wife's chest and then sewn up, leaving weeping, painful sutures! Huzzah! According to Reveal Blog, Katie Price, aka Jordan, has booked a fourth titty job as a present to her husband, and she explains:

My breasts have gone saggy after three children, so I want them perked up and made smaller. They’ll still be big, but not as big and I’m going to go for the fake, American-style boob-job. I really love that.

Well, that should be a nice contrast to the subtle, natural, English-style boob job she's got going on right now. more »