filed under: Kate Hudson
August 04, 2008
Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson: One More Time, with Feeling
Kate Hudson continues to bore us with her humping choices. But at least this time we've been there before, so we can just pretend it's 2001 again and not have to get used to anything new. Plus, in 2001 nobody had formed the brilliant idea to combine celebrity names into one zippy catchphrase yet, so Kate and Chris Robinson have got that going for them. According to
MSNBC:
Just days after Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong went their separate ways, the tabloid grapevine had the actress in the arms of her ex-boyfriend, former hockey pro Eric Lindros.
Now OK magazine reports the Fools Gold star is getting cozy with another ex her ex-husband, Chris Robinson.
Kate and the Black Crowes rocker reportedly were caught in a lip-lock just outside the apartment she shares with their son, Ryder.
They were really affectionate with each other and gave each other a kiss which lasted much longer than a platonic kiss should last 20 seconds, maybe a little longer, an eyewitness revealed. Without going into all the details, the kiss was more than just friends. They seemed like (there was) something more going on and were very affectionate with each other.
How long should a platonic kiss last, eyewitness? Eight seconds? Ten? And were you standing by with a stop watch or a waterproof Timex to see just how much more than friends Kate and Chris were? God, you're nosy, eyewitness. Don't you have some scrapbooking or something to keep you busy?
more »
July 30, 2008
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong No Longer Livingstrong

Today, Tour de France multi-winner
Lance Armstrong is strapping his one nut into some spandex, hopping on his bike, and pedaling his way out of
Kate Hudson's heart. The brief romance of Hudstrong is kaput.
US mag reports:
Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong called it quits this weekend after a three-month romance that went public when they were spotted in Austin, Texas in mid-May, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports.
"There was no drama or ugliness They just decided to end things," a source close to the couple tells Us. "There is no hatred, just sadness."
There was no drama, just ending, and there was no hatred, just sadness, and, coincidentally, there was no Dana, only Zuul. That was weak, but we used up the one ball thing in the intro. Why don't YOU try to make a joke about these two dullards, smart guy.
June 12, 2008
Ryder Robinson: Boob Man

You wouldn't really think that Chris Robinson would pass on hyper-masculine genes to his spawn, but his four-year-old son with
Kate Hudson already has a fondness for funbags. As Kate explained to Conan O'Brien:
I'm working on getting him off being interested in female parts. He thinks it's hilarious when he pulls off my shirt. He's four years old!
We're sure it would get annoying to have your four-year-old repeatedly play find the booby, especially if he continues the de-shirting in public. But luckily Kate is in a bit of a unique situation: If she wants to curb the kid looking up her shirt, all she has to do is sit him in front of the TV and put in
Almost Famous. The kid can get his fix of Mommy's boobs while Kate's playing Scrabulous or baking a quiche or something.
more »
May 29, 2008
The Smell of 2000 Flushes = Hollywood's Aphrodisiac

A wise man named
Michelle Rodriguez once said that a person's sex life is nobody else's business and that's why
there are bathroom doors. Apparently, terminally perky
Kate Hudson and her mono-nutted lover
Lance Armstrong agree, as they fooled around in a stall at Cannes.
Showbiz Spy says:
A witness spoke to Hudson in the bathroom at a Dolce & Gabbana event when Armstrong walked out of one of the cubicles. The source said: I asked her what she was doing. Kate blushed and laughed - and then Lance walked out of a stall topless!
Clearly Kate and Lance have no idea how sexual intercourse works. Generally, when you have but a few moments to get your respective "freaks" on, taking the man's shirt off is not the first order of business.
more »
May 19, 2008
Kate Hudson Learns How To Live Strong

That
Kate Hudson sure is a resilient sort. She's not one to let a little thing like
the end of a relationship ruin her fun. No sir, there are plenty of other men around to occupy Kate's time.
MSNBC reports:
Just days after the news of her split with Owen Wilson hit the headlines, Kate Hudson hit the town with Lance Armstrong. Recent public outings between the pair fueled fresh rumors of a rebound romance for the Fools Gold actress, and some reports suggest the match has been in the works for weeks.
On Friday night, the new duo dined at Austins Eddie Vs restaurant. They came in and had dinner together, it's true, an insider told People.
By Saturday, Kate and Lance were back for more at Hula Hut this time accompanied by friends and the cyclists children, Luke, Isabelle and Grace. They ordered dinner tacos, burgers and fries and that sort of stuff, a spywitness from the restaurant revealed. They looked like they were having fun.
Though the love match seemed to come out of nowhere, the Daily Mail reports its been brewing for some time. Kate and Lance have been dating for a couple of weeks, said a source. She thought it was funny when people were writing recently that she was engaged to Owen because the reality was that they had split again and she was secretly seeing Lance.
As it turns out, Owen unwittingly introduced his ex to her new best beau. (Kate and Lance) have known each other for a while and Lance is one of Owen's good friends, the source told the Daily Mail. When Kate was with Owen, she got to know Lance really well but they hooked up again recently at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend and that's when the romance began. They have both been keeping it very quiet.
It seems like Lance is making a habit out of dating Owens exes. In 2003 the seven-time Tour de France winner started dating (and later proposed to) Sheryl Crow. Sheryl was Owens main squeeze back in 2002.
We're sure that Lance and Kate spied each other from across the room and recognized a kindred spirit, saying to themselves, "Finally, someone who knows the pain of listening to a million stories that begin with, '
So I was playing the bongos naked . . . '" Truly a love story for the ages.
more »
May 16, 2008
'Son and 'Son Split

Hollywood is a cruel mistress. She strings you along, making you believe that the world is full of sunshine and rainbows, giving us tales of unmatched joy on a weekly basis--this happy couple in engaged, these impossibly beautiful people are combining their fortunate genes to create a new, even more beautiful life. But it's all a ruse to lull us into complacency, thinking that the universe doles out happiness like free Chick-Fil-A samples at the mall. And then she strikes: Some famous person's dreams are shattered, hearts are broken, love is forever abandoned--at least until another impossibly pretty person crosses the heartbroken one's path. Such a cruel fate is upon us today, as Hollywood's blondest couple has stopped sharing a bottle of Sun-In. Reports
People:
Despite a flurry of engagement rumors, Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson Hollywood's most notorious on-again, off-again couple have called it quits, less than two months after rekindling their romance in Miami.
The end of their erratic courtship (they began dating in September '06) comes amid erroneous reports that the pair were engaged, fueled by photos of Hudson wearing a Tiffany & Co. ring (it was a prop!) both on-and-off set of her film Bride Wars, which she's filming in Boston.
"It was a pretty bad breakup," says a Wilson pal. "Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him."
Since the split, Hudson, 29, and Wilson, 39, have each been spotted letting loose. On May 9, Hudson and Bride Wars costar Steve Howey, 30, visited Boston's Liberty Hotel bar, Alibi. And on May 11, Wilson dropped by N.Y.C.'s Upstairs with two women.
"He was pretty chummy with the ladies ... he was certainly doing some sweet talking," according to an onlooker. "He looked happy to be there hanging with them." The late-night outing was followed by a visit to Butter the next night, where he chatted up a sexy blonde. Says a Hudson source: "She feels dumb thinking it was so serious."
Now Kate's tow-headed womb will remain fallow and all hope for the birth of the world's blondest baby is lost.
more »
April 30, 2008
People's People Who Are Prettier Than You

Some people live by the gun and die by the gun. Not us. We live by
People and die by
People. We float, directionless, every week until that glossy mag appears in our mailbox and teaches us exactly how Eva Longoria safely gets her bronze glow, to relay a tender tale of how a family schnauzer saved a 92-year-old woman, and that always hilarious "Oh Baby!" picture* of some irrepressible little moppet. So we're happy to report that the annual
People's 100 Most Beautiful list is out. Finally, we have a sanctioned list of acceptable celebrities whose faces we will now masturbate to, which includes
Kate Hudson,
Sarah Silverman, the cast of Gossip Girl,
Christina Applegate,
Isla Fisher,
Julianne Moore, and Rumer Willis. Rumer Willis! Someone famous simply for being the offspring of Ashton Kutcher's wife and the guy who did the Return of Bruno record! Good God, you have brought shame upon the once-respected institution of the Most Beautiful list!
* So that's the
Enquirer. Whatever. But doesn't the uplifting message of toddlers with birthday cake all over their mugs just scream
People? Or at least
Baby Bukkake Monthly.
March 05, 2008
"It Smells Like Daddy's Concert!"

Yesterday we learned that little Ryder Russell Robinson's mommy possesses
an ass that resembles two delectably stuffed throw pillows. Today we learn that his daddy smells a lot like Keith Richards. According to
Page Six:
RYDER Robinson, the 4-year-old son of Kate Hudson and Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson, knows what a grown-up party smells like. While staying at the Raleigh in South Beach, Hudson and Ryder got into an elevator that "smelled like cigarettes and booze from the night before," our spy said. Ryder looked at his mother and said, "It smells like Daddy's concert!" Mother and son are in Miami while Hudson makes a movie and hangs out with ex-boyfriend, Owen Wilson. Also at the hotel (and filming as well) were Renιe Zellweger and Demi Moore.
Since Ryder is only four, we don't expect him to recognize more than an overall odor. But he is heir to the Black Crowes empire, so by at least seven or eight we would expect his palate to have developed enough to distinguish between tobacco and weed and Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. And by no later than ten, Ryder will be able to tell you with one swift whiff which Jamaican municipality produced the pot you're about to smoke.
March 04, 2008
Kate Hudson's Thong: Digging for Fool's Gold
Kate Hudson is known for being the Spawn of
Hawn, for having a predilection for romantic comedies, and for destroying
Owen Wilson's psyche and making him take a Wustof to his wrists. Something she's not known for: secretly having a heinie this perfectly peachy. Like two stress balls squished together, that ass is. It's everything that is good and right and true in the art of bottomry. Where has she been hiding this thing all these years? And, more importantly, why? Seeing this butt festooned with red ruffles and making its grand debut on the beach is kind of like witnessing Cinderella at the ball. Or Rapunzel after leaving the enchanted tower. Or in
Flowers in the Attic, when the Dollanganger children finally escape their brutal imprisonment at the hands of their elders. Only there's probably less incest involved with Kate Hudson's ass.
February 08, 2008
Kate Hudson Gets Her Nuggets Pumped for Fool's Gold

Like cobbler elves in the night, Photoshop gnomes sneak into Hollywood workshops and gleefully enlarge the breasts of starlets on movie posters. The latest victim of surreptitious titty-embiggening? Perky
Kate Hudson, who was surprised by her voluptuous figure on the poster for the upcoming
Fool's Gold. She told
The Sun:
"Those aren't my breasts. They are totally not my boobs. My boobs aren't that big. On the poster they look perfect, they look great."
We've not yet heard from
Matthew McConaughey regarding the status of his breasts on the poster, though they look like a curiously buoyant A, possibly even a small B, minus any semblance of natural sag and with plenty of luscious, artfully shaded cleave. Highly suspicious.
more »
January 30, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: "Stinkin'. S-T-I-N-K-I-N."

Uma Uma Uma mow mow ma ma Uma mow mow. In a bikini. (Though, going by the cast on her arm, these may be old, mow mow) (
Hollywood Tuna)
Britney's still on the loose, and so are her breasts. (
Taxi Driver)
Kate Hudson says that
Matthew McConaughey smells like hot garbage. (
Yeeeah!)
Sean Young's fun-loving, booze-guzzling ass heads to rehab. And the softcore thriller industry grinds to a screeching halt for 90 days. (
IMDb)
J. Lo and Corpsey plan to name their twins after the
costar of Doogie Howser, M.D. and the plus size hostess of various E! programs. (
Daily Stab)
Diora Baird makes with the MySpace-style nudie shots. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Nicole Richie plans on getting back down to fighting weight ASAP. Fighting weight being 83 lbs. (
Celeb Parasite)
In the midst of a family intervention,
Britney buys a new Mercedes. Because she can. Suck it, bitches! (
GlossLip)
Amy Winehouse's mom is a regular ray of sunshine; talks headstones and caskets. (
Holy Taco)
December 18, 2007
Kate Hudson Is Distant Cousin of Pinocchio

We've got three theories on this
Kate Hudson Vogue cover. 1) The photo editor at
Vogue really, really f'ing hates Kate Hudson. Maybe she recently discovered her boyfriend's hidden Kate Hudson shrine. Or maybe she belongs to a cult that believes that long-haired pre-adolescent boys will someday rise up to take over the planet and make lowly
Vogue employees their slaves. (If her portfolio contains similarly disfigured examples of
Celine Dion and
Cindy Crawford [yes, the blonde one
is a boy], this must be the case.) 2) Kate talks about her relationship with
Owen Wilson for the first time since his
suicide attempt in the issue, so
Vogue staffers decided to commemorate the occasion by Photoshopping Owen's nose onto Kate's face. Or 3) Kate was late for the shoot, and, not wanting to miss their deadline, the
Voguers used
The Chicken Lady as a Kate stand-in.
November 12, 2007
That Penny Lane Sure Is a Busy Street

We thought that
Kate Hudson led a pretty busy life, what with raising her flowingly locked child and avoiding guilt over the whole Owen Wilson suicide thing. But maybe Ryder's been spending time with Dad, learning how to roll doobs or something, because Kate's had plenty of hookup time lately.
Just Friday we reported on her
Orlando Bloom face sucking, and now it appears she's also been spelunking
Heath Ledger's oral cavity. Plus, somewhere along the line she risked life and limb and communicable douche disease by hooking up with
Dane Cook. She's one brave girl.
Page Six reports:
FORGET Dax Shephard; Kate Hudson has moved on to an actual movie star. Hudson, having dumped funnyman Shephard, was linked to Dane Cook, but Thursday night she only had eyes for Heath Ledger. Spies at Beatrice Inn said they spent their evening at the trendy watering hole "kissing and making out." A rep for Hudson said, "This is absolutely untrue. They ran into each other and chatted briefly, but that was the extent of it." But our spy insists on the liplock.
Maybe Heath had seen Ryder's pretty, pretty hair and was just trying to convince his mommy to donate it to a needy balding actor.
November 09, 2007
Orlando Bloom Takes a Stroll Down Penny Lane

And now for this week's installment of two random pretty people possibly porking, via
The San Francisco Chronicle:
Hollywood stars Kate Hudson and Orlando Bloom have sparked rumors of a new romance after they were caught kissing at a Halloween party.
The pair got together at a bash Hudson threw at her home in Pacific Palisades, Calif., on October 27, and the actress didn't care who saw them -- including her recent ex, actor Dax Shepherd.
An insider tells OK! magazine, "Kate and Orlando were talking, drinking and laughing. Then they just started going at it. They made out for ages and looked like they were really enjoying themselves. They didn't care who was watching.
"After that first make-out session, they walked around and talked to everyone as a couple. They were inseparable for the rest of the night."
Another onlooker adds, "At one point, Kate and Orlando were kissing in front of Dax. But he didn't seem to care at all."
Hudson's divorce from The Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson was finalized just two days before her kissing marathon with Bloom, on October 25.
Other guests at the party included another rumored hot new Hollywood couple, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon.
Can someone please explain to us how it is that Orlando Bloom keeps on landing super hot blondes? For all intents and purposes, he's a woman. A woman with a terrible mustache. Is the biggest secret in Hollywood that most hot actresses have a passion for
Lord of the Rings? Can they just not control their desires when faced with Legolas in the flesh? If Sean Astin weren't married would he be dating
Scarlett Johansson?
October 16, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Digging for Nuggets

Inspiring photo montage of
Tara Reid in various stages of intoxication: the Sweaty Man-O-War, the Crotch Weeper, the Sunny Days Trailer Park Special, the Buttafuoco. (
Cityrag)
Teri Hatcher is a butt-picker. A picker of butts. (
Taxi Driver)
New
Kim Kardashian sex tape footage coming soon. In your pants. Get it? Get it? Get it? Huh? Do you get it? Did you get that joke? Huh? Get it? NADS! (
The Hollywood Gossip)
Pamela Anderson is not pregnant, after all. Yeah, who cares, we have
J. Lo to worry about now, babe, don't bother us. (
GlossLip)
Hilary Duff is a serious actress. You can tell by her lacy half-leggings and erect nipples. (
The Blemish)
Megan Fox is 3000% more attractive without drag queen makeup. Now, if only she could wash off the David Silver with some Pond's, we'd be set. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Wow,
Scarlett Johansson sure is ugly. Isn't she a dog? Just look at her. Yuck. Man. (
Daily Stab)
Yikes, someone get
Pete Doherty back on the drugs, pronto. (
CelebWarship)
Slice your wrists, get the girl.
Kate Hudson is willing to give
Owen Wilson another shot. In love. What did you think we meant? Oh, in the arm? Hahahaha, that's kind of funny. Here, take the keyboard, friend. (
Yeeeah!)
October 01, 2007
Kate Hudson Forgets to Tell Dax Shepard She Dumped Him
Kate Hudson has found a really easy way to end an unwanted relationship: Stop calling the guy and start dating someone else. No messy fights filled with "what did I do"s and "but I looooove you"s, no lies about "needing space" and "we can still be friends" and "it's not you, it's me." Just nice and clean. Poor Dax Shepard didn't even know he'd been dumped. A source told
OK! magazine:
Dax got a phone call about it from a friend. He's upset that she didn't bother to say anything to him.
Kate has recently been seen canoodling, as the kids say, with 54-year-old billionaire Ron Burkle. We're guessing the ex-couple will have a very awkward exchange in their future. Scene: A New York street. Kate and Ron are standing outside of a furrier or Cartier or wherever it is that rich people hang out, making out like a couple of high schoolers in front of their lockers. Dax walks by, on his way to a bong shop or a drum circle or something, and stops to gape at his girlfriend making out with some other guy.
Dax: Kate, what are you doing making out with this guy? You're my girlfriend.
Kate: Oh yeah, you and I, we broke up. Didn't I tell you? It must have slipped my mind. I've been so busy, what with brushing my son's hair and making out with my new billionaire boyfriend, Ron. He's a billionaire, my boyfriend. That's with a B.
July 17, 2007
Kate Hudson Wastes No Time
Kate Hudson seems to be taking her
breakup with
Owen Wilson quite well. She's taking it by hooking up with something called "Dax Shepard", which our coworker tells us is like a Chinatown alley knockoff version of
Dane Cook. Which is kind of like being the poor man's Dan Cortese or something. What happened, Kate, was Jesse Camp all booked up that night? God, look at us, writing about people named "Dax" and "Dane". Tomorrow we'll be doing stories about how Miley Cyrus spent her summer and Zac Efron's favorite brand of cuticle lotion.
June 22, 2007
Liv Tyler Regrets Not Tonguing Kate Hudson

You know how you cried and cried for days when Robert Altman died, and when your mom tried to comfort you by slipping a copy of
Thieves Like Us into the DVD player you just wailed louder and lamented, "Who's going to appreciate the unique talents of
Shelley Duvall now? Huh? Who?" Well, get ready to cry all over again knowing that
Liv Tyler and
Kate Hudson are ready to revisit their
Dr. T and the Women roles, only this time with 87% more hardcore face sucking, but Altman isn't around to capture their faux lesbo deliciousness. Ah, wasted opportunities.
more »
June 06, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Porking a Model is the Best Revenge

Angelina and
Brad are thinking about adding a Czech orphan to their multi-hued brood. NO. F U. MORE
SHILOH. (
Derek Hail)
Brooke Hogan performs in frayed denim chaps. We haven't seen such creative scissors-meet-fabric self-styling since Billy's Squier's "Rock Me Tonite" video! (
Drunken Stepfather)
Nicole Richie pregnant. Yeah,
rite. (
Female First)
Jennifer Aniston gets back at Brad for shacking up with Hollywood's most beautiful woman with the only possible revenge: dating a model. (
Hollyscoop)
Criss Angel dedicates a magic trick to new girlfriend
Cameron Diaz. Uhhh, we think that sort of romance only works with musicians dedicating songs. Then again, who knows, maybe there are dentists out there saying, "This root canal goes out to my boo, Debbie. I love you, babygirl." (
Celebitchy)
Christina Aguilera and her husband. They sure do like costumes. (
Hollywood Tuna)
Elle MacPherson: She's still got it! And by "it" we mean "nipples". (
Taxi Driver)
Dawn Wiener's sweater puppies in
Hostel 2. (
Don't Link This)
The Hoff got hassled by ex-wife and cops. (
Yeeeah!)
Katie Holmes threatens to bake up a fresh batch of Cruise juice into more spawn. (
Glosslip)
The
Butterscotch Stallion to freely roam the plains again, whinnying and rearing and tossing his golden mane. (
Lainey Gossip)
March 29, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: She Wants to Be The Girl with the Least Cake

Courtney Love, in a
bikini, weighing less than her 12-year-old daughter. That's what
making out with Bruce Willis will do to a body. It
happened to Lohan, now it's happening again.
Uma Thurman's one-piece
strains against the weight of her Nordic kahooblies.
Owen Wilson and
Kate Hudson's illicit extramarital blonde people love is
not going so hot.
Kate's mom
Goldie Hawn distracts us from her daughter's love life by
erecting her nipples as if they were geriatric antennae 'neath her top.
Rose McGowan barred her
Grindhouse costars from
wearing red to its premiere so that she would be the only scarlet lady. And then she gazed into her mystical mirror to ask who was the fairest, and beat her adopted children with wire hangers.
I'mmmmm a Puffy Doodle Daddy, Puffy
do it all the daaaaaayyyyy!
Catherine Zeta-Jones slowly
realizing that her husband is eighty.
Jael from
America's Next Top Model has slurred her way into our hearts and
out of her clothes (NSFW)!
Paris Hilton swings
open the doors to her Valtrex-tinged mantrap and waves
Desperate Housewives bit player Josh Henderson past the velvet rope.
Cruznett!
Gyllenspoon!
March 05, 2007
Kate Hudson Owen Wilson Go Public with Going Pubic

Remember how
Kate Hudson was in that one movie with
Owen Wilson and then she
left her hairy hippy hubby and said it wasn't because she was getting
Wilsonplowed and Owen also said no way but everybody knew that they totally were doing it and then she
cut her kid's hair finally? Well guess the hell what? They are totally doing it and totally admitting it! The doubly towheaded pair have been enjoying a romantic vacation in Australia, where they've been photographed kissing and holding hands. A source told
People magazine:
"They're in a relationship. They're in a happy place."
Of course they're in a happy place. It's called Australia, duh. How could anyone possibly be sad when they're surrounded by cuddly koala bears, tasty vegemite, and
Jacko pimping batteries with his battle cry: "Oi!" We know these things because we've seen
Crocodile Dundee. I
and II, baby.
more »
January 04, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Federlohan

Halle Berry might be
preggo. For no other reason than to stick it to Julia Roberts.
Justin Timberlake is just not that into
Cameron Diaz. Sound the
death gong.
Adrianne Curry dons her
new plastic breasts on the red carpet.
Owen Wilson will break up a
lady's marriage, then
refuse to commit to her. Don't you know he's loco?
Oh,
Kid Rock. You may be an "American Badass" but you cannot
beat up Tommy Lee OR a family of four.
And to think we were one chlamydia-riddled
hookup away from Federlohan!
Console yourselves with more pictures of more
Lohan in yet another
bikini.
You might keep calling
Rosie fat and lezboish,
Donald Trump, but you know what? Your
wife is
naked. That's right. We said it. Naked. How you gonna get out of this one, Trump? Huh? Huh?
Though Donald might allow soiled Miss USA
Tara Connor to
pose for Playboy. Somewhere, right now,
Vanessa Williams is saying, "aw HELL no."