filed under: Kate Bosworth
April 09, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Pregnant. Pregnant in Bikini. Not Pregnant in Bikini.

Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (
Celebitchy)
Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (
Drunken Stepfather)
Also pregnant and half naked?
Tori Spelling in a bikini. (
Derek Hail)
Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (
F-listed)
Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (
Cityrag)
Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (
The Blemish)
Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at
Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (
Daily Stab)
Johnny Depp and
Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (
PopCrunch)
Move over, crabs in
Paris Hilton's pubes!
Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (
Evil Beet)
Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (
Fatback)
Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (
Allie Is Wired)
Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (
I Don't Like You In That Way)
April 02, 2008
Kate Bosworth Sex Scene, Sponsored by Grey Goose

You might think that getting paid staggering amounts of cheese to simulate sex with an extremely comely Hollywood star would be an event that would require your full attention. You might even wish to record the event for posterity using your own camera phone, a digital tape recorder, and a personal stenographer. Not Jim Sturgess, who got tight on vodka along with costar
Kate Bosworth for their sex scene in the new Vegas flick
21.
People reports:
[Bosworth] cannot recall shooting her love scene with Jim Sturgess for 21, she told PEOPLE at Wednesdays Cinema Society and Calvin Klein Jeans-sponsored screening of the film in Manhattan.
We were both so drunk, the Superman Returns star said. Jim and I became such good friends, we decided to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it.
Sturgess has similarly fuzzy recollections.We were on Grey Goose, I think, said the British actor. It was brilliant for about half and an hour. As we continued to drink
it just became sloppy and messy. I couldnt stand up at one point.
So really, when it comes right down to it, big Tinseltown hotshots are just like you and me! They put their pants on one leg at a time, they go to the toilet, and they chug Nick and Nora Charles-like amounts of alcohol in order to feel suave enough to fumble with the jumblies of the opposite sex. Not only do the booze spins detract from any "whoops, wrong hole!" bunglings, the antiseptic smell nicely detracts from strange genital mustiness. Vodka. Is there anything it can't do? Besides serve as a satisfactory contact lens solution, I mean.
more »
June 06, 2007
Liv Tyler Greets Kate Bosworth with Hearty Face Sucking

After finally enabling comments yesterday, we were pretty shocked at the results. Who knew that angry Claymates read CelebNewsWire? Certainly not us. We were expecting 90% of the comments to read: "More hardcore girl-on-girl action, please," with the other 10% of respondents requesting that we lick their balls. And since we've already reached our RDA for ball licking today, we'll accommodate the other segment of our fictional readers. After the cut,
Liv Tyler sucking
Kate Bosworth's face.
more »
May 04, 2007
Kate Leaks Great Teat Tip

CelebNewsWire has hit upon a theme this week (some may call it a rut; we prefer to think of it as being consistent) and will now officially be changing our name to
KateBosworthNewsWire. We hope this doesn't cause too much confusion, but in the case that it does, calm your tumult with pictures of nip. After the cut.
more »
May 03, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Powderpants

Kate Bosworth takes off her bikini just long enough to slip a bit of nip. (
Egotastic!)
John Voight finds his
daughter "fascinating" and "attractive". And "stunning". If Papa Joe Simpson ever gets out of the daughter managing/ogling game, he might have a worthy replacement. (
GlossLip)
Sienna Miller slips both nip and panty waistband in the same outfit. Now that's multitasking.
Slutty multitasking! (
Drunken Stepfather)
Busta Rhymes got Busta-ed. What a hilarious play on words! (
Yeeeah!)
Vanessa Minnillo shills for Bongo jeans. Bongo's still around? What's next,
Jessica Alba for Palmetto and
Mischa Barton for Camp Beverly Hills? Anyway, cleavage. (
Derek Hail)
Eva Mendes either showing a swath of upskirt panties, or she has a crotch that is a colorless, shadowless void. But which? (
Taxi Driver)
Kate Moss turns up with white powder on her pants. We dunno, Kate is pretty much a pro at blowing rails--it's hard to believe she'd let some go to waste hanging out on her Tsubis. (
The Blemish)
Scary Spice is taking Norbit to court, cuz she's mad at him, haaaay. (
TMZ.com)
Carmen Electra: in Soviet Russia, booty short and yarn bra wear YOU! (
Cityrag)
May 02, 2007
Kate Bosworthy of Bikini, Round Two

Just like the three-year-old who discovers he'll get attention by screaming then won't shut the hell up for three days straight,
Kate Bosworth has found her allure:
the bikini. Perhaps she's preparing for a sequel to
Blue Crush, in which Kate and
Michelle Rodriguez have to overcome almost insurmountable prejudice (pro surfers really hate skinny bitches and closet cases, we hear) but win out in the end to share the title of World's Raddest, Most Awesomest Boob-Having Surfer. Or something. Whatever the case, we're quite enjoying Kate looking like she weighs more than Dakota Fanning. Oh. And the biggest advantage to body fat? Cleavage! After the cut!
more »
April 30, 2007
Kate Gains Weight, Now Bosworthy of Bikini
Kate Bosworth has put on a few much-needed pounds and looks simply smashing in her bikini. Norms like you and like us generally exercise like
Little Hercules, eat nothing, and drink cayenne pepper-spiked lemonade for two weeks before venturing out in a bikini, so it's funny to think of people like Kate Bosworth and
Nicole Richie and their ilk doing the opposite. Perhaps they subscribe to a secret underground fashion magazine called
Hollywood Bobblehead that includes articles like "The Coconut-Oil-and-Hungry-Man Diet: Get Your Best Beach Body NOW!"
more »
September 14, 2006
Kate Bosworth Slips Sternum. Oh, and Nip or Something.
Sigh.
We're kinda feeling like we did the other day when we had to write about
Anna Nicole Smith's son's untimely
death. On one hand, we need to make some funnies, because hoo-has are what we do. On the other hand,

There is obviously something unbelievably wrong with
Kate Bosworth and to pretend otherwise or to make light of what looks to be a pretty serious situation would be irresponsible. Welp, looks like we finally figured out what that funny bump growing on our genitals is. It's a conscience!
more »
September 06, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Ain't No Hollaback Doll
"
Eva Longoria Loves Facials". Yep, that sounds about right.
My
Gwen Stefani doll can beat up your Peaches N' Cream Barbie.
Still no word on whether or not
Lohan is
engaged to Harry "Pink Taco" Morton, but she's sporting an
'80s-style pear-cut diamond that Alexis Carrington herself would find distasteful.
Kelly Clarkson was embarrassed to learn that she owned the
same pink convertible as a porn star. The fact that she actually owns a pink convertible is much more embarrassing, however.
Brittany Murphy exits club, gets propositioned for some tuna taco tangoing, signs autographs,
lets us look down her shirt. Now that's multitasking.
Eva Mendes's bare
ass in
Flaunt magazine. You heard us. That's right. Believe it.
Flaunt magazine! Seriously!
Kate Bosworth and
Orlando Bloom broke up. Again. If a walking Chupa Chups lollipop and a crustachioed eunuch can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?
An idea we wish we'd thought of:
Gossip Blog Wars.
Kate Moss + underwear =
server crash. Way to get your kit off, bird! Pip pip! Tut tut! Tally ho! Cheerio!
September 01, 2006
Abridged CNW Month-End Search Terms: August 2006
We've got to keep up with the Johnsons and the Smiths and the
Egotastics and the
Idontlikeyouinthatways, so we're introducing a new feature. At the end of each month, we'll be your bloggy Rick Dees and will count down the top five search phrases (not including "CelebNewsWire" and its variants) people use to get to this site. There aren't a lot of surprises here, aside from the fact that "
fergie pee" has finally slipped out of the top ten, and that one person (hi, Dad!) found us by searching for "
Jessica Simpson hanging labia".
more »
August 14, 2006
They Poke! They Flash! They're Celebrity Nipples!
In this entry, we use
Natalie Portman and
Kate Bosworth as bait and promise you that if you place your mouse over that little arrow next to the word "more", you will be rewarded with views of Natalie bearing stiff papillae mammae, and Kate flipping nip out over her top. But then you remember that you've been burned before. You've clicked on other websites' links before, links emblazoned with lip-licking ladies promising that if you just press that little right-hand button, you'll see Britney, hardcore, like you've never seen her before. And then, nothing but a pornado of XXX ads and a busted browser. Friend, we would not do that to you. We wouldn't let you down. We are the nip-givers. And like Charlie Brown going after that football held by Lucy, you hold your breath and click again.
more »
August 09, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: A Feast Fit for a Bosworth
Suri No Middle Name Cruise pictures might finally appear soon . . .
in Vanity Fair! Hopefully on the cover, wrapped in swaddling clothes, using
Scarlett Johansson's ass
crack as a manger.
Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of
baby.
Kate Bosworth ate! Ate
cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.
Pam from
The Office becomes Pam from The
Duff-ass.
When
Janet Jackson wants her
water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.
Newly-separated
Dave Navarro is
dating newly-separated
Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his
MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.
Jen and
Vince:
engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!
Robin Williams is in
rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.
Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed
upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.
March 06, 2006
Oscar Wardrobe Malfunction (Un)Wrap-up
All those tight bodices and heaving bosoms and sheer blousery and not a damn nipple in sight? These truly were the Gayest Oscars Ever.
more »
July 29, 2005
Kate and Orlando and Jude and Sienna and Ted and Alice
OK, so in case you aren't able to follow what's going on with this whole foursome of mega wicked pretty Brit celebs, we're going to break it down for you all nice and easy-like.
Because we care.
more »
May 23, 2005
Tom Trades Kates
April 28, 2005
Dine N' Dash With Orlando Bloom
Back in January,
Orlando Bloom treated his former ladyfriend
Kate Bosworth to a $760 meal . . . and still hasn't paid for it. We find this story hard to believe--there is no way Kate Bosworth could rack up such a staggering restaurant bill. She only ingests iceberg lettuce in a water sauce.
more »
April 11, 2005
Love Sabbatical For Bloom and Bosworth
On-again,
off-again flames
Orlando Bloom and
Kate Bosworth are off again. For now. They've decided to take a year off from their relationship so they can give each other "time to grow". I hope Kate means that in the literal sense. Because
she's real scrawny, right? Ha ha ha. "Grow". Get it? . . . Get it? Oh sweet Jesus, we're all so hung over. Someone please just come over here with a gun and put a bullet of mercy in each of our heads.
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March 17, 2005
"Eat Your Peas! Don't You Know There Are Starving Bosworths in Hollywood?"
Yeah, so
Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom are back together again. We would have gotten this information to you sooner, but forgive us if we were unable to muster anything remotely resembling enthusiasm towards an elfin eunuch and a B-list bobblehead joining giblets again. However, after viewing the following picture, we decided that we do care, after all. In fact, we're making it our personal mission to Feed Kate Bosworth. We've assembled a supergroup of some of our finest musicians (Kix! Ugly Kid Joe! And Frank Stallone!) to put out a beautiful song called "The Wind Whispers 'Kate' (Across Her Clavicles)". All proceeds go towards buying Kate a big fat gift certificate to Taco Bell!
more »
February 03, 2005
. . . Aaaaand Orlando Bloom Seeks Solace in Men.
We're not sure why today's gossip is so dang homoerotic, but hey, we're going with it. Bobbleheaded beauty
Kate Bosworth is speaking out about her
split with actor Orlando Bloom, and blaming it on the fact that he likes to spend time with men. Lots of men. All the time.
more »
January 31, 2005
Orlando Bloom Now Single; Brownie Troop Pees Collective Pants
If you happened to walk past a middle school on your way to work this morning you probably saw groups of twelve-year-old girls weeping uncontrollably with joy and wondered what the hell was going on. Everyone's favorite elf Orlando Bloom has dumped the incredible shrinking Kate Bosworth. Let the swooning begin.
more »