filed under: Justin Long

What happened to the CelebNewsWire of yore? The one full of Lindsay Lohan inviting 3 Italian men into her clam and Kate Moss transporting class A drugs over borders in Faberge eggs and Fred Durst begging ladies to touch his balls and his ass? We're tired of talking about babies and baby bumps and baby names! When did Hollywood go middle aged? We scoured and scoured and scoured the internet today to find some tidbit, some tiny little nugget, involving a salacious hookup or depraved sexual proclivity. And all we were able to come up with was Kirsten Dunst screwing the Mac Guy. Take it away, New York Daily News:

Now it's Justin Long's turn on the Kirsten Dunst train. The "Mac guy" was snogging Dunst, who's been with Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Hartnett, Andy Samberg and Orlando Bloom, in L.A. at Sunset Junction. The duo "were making out hard-core while waiting in line for margaritas," says our spy. "They were holding hands and were all over each other."

Remember when Dunst was allegedly hooking up with another of Drew Barrymore's exes, Strokes Guy? And now Mac Guy. Kiki does enjoy the Barrymore sloppy seconds. Especially sloppy seconds consisting of men known primarily by their main employer plus the word "guy". Next up, Kirsten will date Irish Bar Guy and Hole Guy and That One Guy Who Pushed Donna Martin Down the Stairs Guy. more »

Freshly rehabbed maneater Kirsten Dunst is on the prowl and ready to sink her teeth into the first young actor she meets. Her beautiful, corn kernel teeth. Page Six reports that Speed Racer Emile Hirsch narrowly avoided a head-on genital collision with Dunst:

Watch out, Emile Hirsch - Kirsten Dunst has her eye on you. Our spy saw the rehabbed starlet smoking cigarettes outside the Bowery Hotel and told us, "Kirsten was there just to see Emile." After she finished her cig, the source said, Kirsten followed the press-shy actor to club Bowery Electric next door. "She was all alone," our snitch said. "She was going to the bar just to see him." But just two days later, OK! magazine reports, Dunst was "all over Justin Long trying to kiss him."

Oh was she now? Take it away, OK!:

“Justin was holding Kirsten’s hand while walking around downtown NYC in the SoHo area,” an eyewitness tells OK!. “They looked like they had stayed out all night and Justin had bloodshot eyes, but Kirsten was all over him and kept leaning in to kiss him.”

What is the magic of this Justin Long dude? First he bangs Drew Barrymore and now he's fighting off Kirsten Dunst with a stick. Is it because he's a Mac and he's, like, totally LAID BACK and CHILL and hep and casual Friday, his Joe Cool attitude and Feist/Ting Tings soundtrack an irresistible tool for pulling high-caliber poon? Which makes you wonder what kind of actresses are pawing at the crotch of the PC guy. Patricia Heaton and Mary Hart? Maybe Heidi Montag. more »

In the IT department of love, Drew Barrymore is a busted-ass copy of Vista today, for her beau of eight months, Justin "I'm a Mac" Long, has ceased plugging his USB into her port. Star Magazine reports:

Drew Barrymore has called it quits with her boyfriend Justin Long, Star has exclusively confirmed. A rep for the Charlie's Angels actress says tells Star, "I can confirm the split but have no other comment."

What could have possibly soured in a relationship between a dude best known for a computer commercial and an international movie star who has been in 4000 relationships in the past decade? Perhaps he misrepresented himself, and took to groaning, "dude, you're gettin' a Dell!" before coitus. more »

• Pam Anderson as you've never seen her before: half naked and covered in frothy white liquid. No, wait, you've seen her like that plenty of times. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Gwen Stefani is all "I call a foul! Hand-checking!" and then blows her whistle. (Yeeeah!)

• Maggie Gyllenhaal is part Stevie Nicks, part Vampira, part Norma Desmond in the new ads for Agent Provocateur. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Nicole Kidman cops to miscarriage and secret engagement. She should also cop to having red pubes. Admit it! Tell us the truth! (Allie Is Wired)

• Jude Law was arrested for assaulting a photographer. Oh, come on. Jude Law? He probably just gave the man a feeble, limp-wristed slap and then adjusted his foppish ascot. (The Blemish)

• Matt Dillon keeps unibrow; shaves down nose. (Cityrag)

• What's that up Paris Hilton's skirt? Is it a prize? Do we win a prize? Is it bigger than a breadbox? (Drunken Stepfather)

• And Maria Sharapova is like, "Upskirt? I'll show YOU upskirt. Fools." (Taxi Driver)

• Spiderman takes a bride. (Celebitchy)

• Jerry Lewis talks about a bundle of sticks. That's what he's talking about, right? (GlossLip)

• Hate your ears? Then check out these new Britney Spears "songs"! (Derek Hail)

• Drew Barrymore makes out with the Macintosh Man. Man, that's like Cameron Diaz necking with a Geico caveman. Or Penelope Cruz hitting the sheets with the "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell" guy. (Yes, we realize that Justin Long has done other crap besides these commercials, so cool out, man) (ONTD)