filed under: Jonathan "J.R" Rotem

Remember how much hope we had for Britney Spears after she de-Federlined? We thought she'd return to her svelte, snake-dancing ways and everything would be wonderful. Recently we've had similar thoughts about Lindsay Lohan, hoping that she's really ditched the coke and will star in Mean Girls 2: My Boobs Are Fetch and we can have another ninety minutes of the amazing Lo-cans on film. But we're beginning to suspect that Lindsay is on a Britney-like path and things can only get worse. What makes us think this? The fact that Brit's downfall came shortly after working with and porking producer J.R. Rotem, who is currently producing Lindsay's next album. And by the looks of these pics, he may be weaseling his way into her panties as well. And while a(nother) Lindsay beav-flash-athon followed by a public head shaving and SUV umbrella assault would be amusing, we don't think our fragile heart can take a revisitation of such events.

Another guy who's taken the guided tour of Britney Spears's lady chamber has started blabbing about the experience. We think it's advisable that Britney keep a few non-disclosure agreements in her pocket and hand them out to anyone she looks at/touches/fondles in the bushes/etc. It would make life a lot easier. more »

Today, faced with yet another slew of stories about Britney Spears (still with partially flashed body parts!), we decided to look over our recent stories to find a day that did not involve some manner of talking about Britney, her uncovered cooter, her cheap satin bras, or her divorce. And we had to look back to November 6th, the day before Britney filed for divorce. November 6th. We haven't stopped talking about Britney for six entire weeks. So why stop now, right? We must press on, in the name of journalism shorn celebrity snatch, that for which we live. more »

Unsatisfied with her lady flower only feeling the gentle rustling of stiff winds and the kiss of the paparazzi camera, Britney Spears has found herself a new man. And, well . . . hmmm. What can we say? His oily sheen looks a little less permanent than Brandon Davis's greasy glaze? At any rate, let's just hope that he's a little fertile than Federline. Or has at least been schooled in the fine art of condom application. more »