filed under: John Stamos

• Demikini. Bidemi? Moorekini. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Amy Winehouse plans to heal from her husband's arrest by backpacking through India. Yeah, there is absolutely nothing funny about that sentence. Nothing mockable there, no siree. (Socialite's Life)

• Tom Cruise sure can cut a rug, boy! Look at 'im jitterbug! He's doin' the Lindy Hop! Go, Tom! (Cityrag)

• Ladies and gentleman, the greatest film ever made: Major Movie Star, with Jessica Simpson. It's like Glitter meets Private Benjamin meets a gigantic BM. (Derek Hail)

• A lady beat up John Stamos on an airplane. Which was well-deserved; he had a hand in "Kokomo". (IMDb/WENN)

• Paris rubbing her person on a pole. Such is her wont. (Egotastic!)

• Lindsay Lohan is back to hanging out with her former element. The bad element. The lesbian element. No, wait, that's the good element. (Yeeeah!)

• Hey, look, it's a bunch of Victoria's Secret chippies dressed up like the Pink Ladies. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Brad and Angelina buy a man-made island in the shape of Ethiopia. Man-made? How gauche, that's like the cubic zirconia of islands. That said, we'll take one in the shape of a middle finger flipping off France. Yeah, buddy! USA! USA! USA! (CelebWarship)

• Scarlett Johansson dons septum piercing, (fake?) tattoo; dresses like Hot Lips Houlihan. (CityRag)

• Hunkosaurus Rex John Stamos blames his recent slurry interview on Ambien. Right now, David Hasselhoff and Paula Abdul are cursing themselves for not thinking of that one first. (Glitterati Gossip)

• Crack-addicted, clammy, rotten-toothed, smack-shooting, overgrown fetus cheats on beautiful multimillionaire supermodel icon. What? (Yeeeah!)

• Thanks to Fergie, product-plugging in songs is about to get even more prevalent. We can't wait for Jay-Z to namecheck Palmettos and for the new Avril Lavigne album, "Heartache and Kraft Singles, Which Are Made with 100% Real Milk". (Allie Is Wired)

• Michelle Rodriguez does public chin-ups, though she probably also does pubic chin-ups. With girls. (Derek Hail)

• The reason we haven't seen totally naked, total-body, high-def pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo full-on boning in a hot tub? M-O-N-E-Y. That, and the fact that no one really cares about 'em much. (Celebitchy)

• More Megan Fox. Now, 22% more see-through. (Popoholic)

• Eva Longoria has a serious problem involving an ass crack, hungry for spandex. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

And today's winner of the Danny Devito Memorial "Limoncello" Award goes to John Stamos! Congratulations, John! We haven't seen such fine, well-oiled morning host manhandling and slurring since Ben Affleck in 2004. But what's more depressing--the fact that he seems honestly earnest about his idea to open a bar catering specifically to Australian "sheilas", or the fact that he still deems "Kokomo" the apex of his career without a trace of sarcasm?

When Wilmer Valderrama went on Howard Stern and rated all the famous trim he'd had the pleasure of Fezzing over the years, everybody rolled their eyes. Just another sad little tiny-crotched rooster fluffing up his feathers and waggling his sad little comb. After all, playing a lisping foreign dude on a dead-horse FOX show, doing a guest spot on Grounded for Life, and providing voice talent for Clifford's Really Big Movie is hardly the stuff of legend. But when that handsome John Stamos followed suit, we had to give the ol' thumbs up and appreciate the new trend of celebrity boff bragging for what it is: the closest any of us will ever come to sleeping with the likes of Rebecca Romijn. more »