filed under: Jerry Seinfeld

• Bite-sized Heroes star Hayden Panettiere volunteered at World Children's Day, where she proceeded to devour all the babies under age two and pick her teeth with their discarded, semi-gnawed rib bones. (The Blemish)

• Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and--yes--spitting. (Yeeeah!)

• Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)

• Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)

• Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)

• Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)

• Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)

• Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)

• Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)

• Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)

When you're in high school and need weed money really, really badly, you'll take any job you can get. Wearing a hot-dog costume and standing on a busy street frequented by your peers and yelling, "We've got big wieners here! Come and take a bite of our wieners!"? No problem. But Jerry Seinfeld is indisputably stinking rich. He has more cash than Lichtenstein has possessed in its entire history. He has no need to dress up in a bee costume and fly over the French Riviera. But we think we've figured this out. Jerry Seinfeld gets paid, what, $5 million to voice a character in Bee Movie. He then hires a really convincing Jerry Seinfeld impersonator to do the actual work for him, doing the voiceover, dressing up in silly costumes. This costs him, at most, one mil. The remainder, added to Jerry's already vast fortune and benefiting from the miracle of compound interest, will ensure that Jerry's kids (no, not those Jerry's kids) will be able to buy the entire state of California outright in about 2027.