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filed under: Jennifer Love Hewitt
August 20, 2008
Jennifer Love Hewitt Says She Should've Been Naked, We Agree
You know what, girls? You should get naked. Because if you don't, some day you're going to find that you really, really love Boston cream pie to the point that your ass will begin to jiggle like your foodstuff of choice and you'll regret the fact that the whole damn world didn't see every single inch of you when you were hot. Just ask Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's kicking herself right now, muttering, "Why wasn't I naked? Why wasn't I naked? I'm such a dummy dummy dum-dum!" She told Health magazine (via People): I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great! I so wish I had listened to my mom and grandma when I was 18 and would complain about some little tiny bump or feeling bloated. I used to scoff and say, 'No, I feel fat today!' Now the joke's on me. I want to tell all young girls to walk around in bikinis all summer, because there will be that one day in your twenties when you'll eat a hamburger and actually see the hamburger on the side of your leg.It's too bad Health didn't have the balls to print the rest of JLoHew's statement: "And you know what else? Since you're already going to be naked all the time, you should have as much sex as possible. With men and women. Strangers, friends, brothers-in-law, whatever. Just do it now while you look good, because once you've got saddle bags, you're not going to want to ever take off your bathrobe." more »
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August 14, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Jennifer Lost Hertits
Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt: You can do side bends or sit-ups. But please don't lose that bust. (Faded Youth) Paris Hilton is getting sued. Again. (I Don't Like You In That Way)
Yesterday Jennifer Aniston broke up with John Mayer. Today she's dating Selma Blair's ex. What does tomorow bring? (Female First)
Mr. Skin takes to the mean streets of Chicago to uncover Hollywood's greatest ass. (MrSkin.com)
Let's play Kim Kardashian Ass Detective! It's funner than Cootie! (Cityrag.com)
Peaches Geldof and some indie rocker dude had a quickie wedding in Las Vegas. On their registry: deep V shirts, pocohontas headbands, and cocaine. (CelebWarship)
Angelina Jolie is Tom Cruise's understudy. (Hollywire)
Audrina Patridge in a bikini. We recently noted that her last name actually ISN'T "Partridge" and our minds were blown. (Fatback)
Hey look. It's Marilyn Manson. Or maybe that's Cher. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)
January 09, 2008
Jennifer Love Hewitt Tits Hits Back at the Media
As a general rule, we try to avoid stories about inconsequential celebrity controversy such as Ellen Degeneres's dog and anything involving cast members of The Hills. So you'll forgive us for glossing over the big hoo-ha about Jennifer Love Hewitt in a bikini and everyone calling her an orca. Because 1. whatever, 2. Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties was a boss flicker. Of the resulting fracas, JLH says:
It made me feel a little embarrassed to be honest. It made me a little sad. It hurt my feelings.So remember that series of hair dye commercials from the late '80s featuring Ivana Trump slurring Czechishly: "Beautiful hair is the BEST revenge"? Well, in Jenny Love's case, beautiful cans are the best revenge. And at the premiere of 27 Dresses she basically served that shit up straight Death Wish style.
December 20, 2007
Alba and Hewitt Make for a Barren Nude Year
Pretty lady/PA semen receptacle Jessica Alba is not letting a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of her main occupation. Which is not acting, it's whining about how she hates being sexy and will never show you so much as an unadorned elbow so STFU. According to SF Gate:
[Alba has] reportedly turned down three offers to show off her baby bump in revealing magazine photoshoots.Yeah, we know. Alba won't be happy until we call her a stupid ugly warty misshapen goblin that smells real bad. And when we do, she'll do a little pirouette and look in the mirror and say, "They hate me! I'm gross! Yaaaaayyyyy!"
The 26-year-old has already ruled out the chance to follow the likes of Demi Moore and Christina Aguilera and bare all for glossy covers.
A friend says, "She had three offers on the first day, but she doesn't intend to take any of them."
And no nudes is also good nudes for Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose Hugetits will not be bandied about in Playboy anytime soon, despite their generous offer. Says SF Gate:
The actress' publicist tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine the "Ghost Whisperer" star was "flattered" by the offer, but turned it down. A friend of the 28-year-old says, "She's pretty conservative, but is very proud of her body."Well, of course JLH wouldn't stoop to such low pap as flaunting her flesh in the pages of Playboy magazine. Like Alba, she is too busy being a serious actress. Plus those residuals from Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties and The Tuxedo are keeping her in forehead polish and cross-your-heart bras just fine. more »
November 28, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: The Rigors of Touring
Jennifer Love Hewitt is the new Kardashian. Bla-DOW! (The Blemish) Flash go the cameras, and out winks the Halle Berry cotton cheek-splitter. (Taxi Driver)
Brendan Fraser got his head replanted for the winter. (Cityrag)
Something something about the Hogans . . . something divorce, lawsuit something something-or-other? Oh, whatever. You'd never see the Iron Sheik in this embarrassing position. (Derek Hail)
Vintage Cindy Crawford--before the Pepsi commercial, before the Gere, back when Aaron Neville face goober was but a freckle on the horizon. (Drunken Stepfather)
Amy Winehouse has cancelled all her tour dates. Her doctor cites "the rigors involved in touring" and "emotional strain" as the reasons. Which sound like legitimate medical excuses, right up there with "the vapors" and "consumption" and "the grippe". (The Hollywood Gossip)
"Greetings and salutations. My eyebrows are on top of my skull." (Dlisted)
Eva Green is a gorgeous gothick angel sent from crazy Joan Collins style heaven and placed upon this earth to teach us all about beauty and love and eyeliner. (Lainey Gossip)
Face it--you're never going to touch Jessica Alba. So instead, set your sights on her slightly more attainable stunt double! (Daily Stab)
August 23, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Duff Muff?
Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a giant football yesterday. (Celebitchy) Anna Faris makes with the cheek-smugglers. (Drunken Stepfather)
Jessica Biel is happy to share her chest chasm with you in FHM. (Egotastic!)
Attractive drip Adrian Grenier throws genital caution to the wind and hangs out with Paris Hilton. (The Blemish)
Christina Aguilera's baby will not go hungry. (Hollywood Tuna)
Sweden makes the call: Bill Murray is one beer over par! (IDLYITW)
Mariah Carey obscures breasts with lace grandma curtain; cirrus clouds. (Cityrag)
Lindy Loho thinks that rehab is serious business. You can tell by her no-nonsense hair bun and utilitarian mom-chic hoodie. (Yeeeah!)
The main peril of being a housecat is accidentally drinking antifreeze. Unless you're Pete Doherty's cat, then the biggest problem is a couple of bumps of coke sprinkled atop your Meow Mix. (A Socialite's Life)
Hilary Duff: womanly folds or crotch seam? (Taxi Driver)
Hayden Panettiere: now old enough for lactose bukkake! (Celeb Warship)
Jennifer Love Hewitt cries when she watches herself act. That's so funny, because we also wail uncontrollably when we have to watch her act. (Daily Stab)
Kurt Russell sports flaccid ding dongage and a solid B-cup. (Allie Is Wired)
February 28, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: A Banjo, Some Clothing, a Gold Record
Just a reminder: Jennifer Love Hewitt still has enormous bewbs. Those pictures of AI's Antonella Barba smoking some dude's dork are fakes. But weep not, for it will still be entertaining to see the shame in her eyes as she belts out some Diane Warren song tonight.
When we see a headline about Paris Hilton getting impounded, we generally take that to mean "in the butt", not her car.
Naomi Watts is 100% with child. You know Nicole Kidman is seething with jealousy.
Cameron Diaz's butt cleave threatens to devour her bikini bottoms in one chomp.
Wolfgang Puck serves up a hearty lamb-and-hepatitis stew to half of Hollywood.
Dannielynn Has Two Daddies.
Britney's problem might be post-partum depression. Solution: make Jayden James pay.
"It was a dark and stormy night. One of my streetwalking employees just sat on Bruce Willis's face." Breathtaking prose from a former Hollywood madam!
Kate Moss continues to show excellent judgment by allowing Pete Doherty to move into her home. He brought with him a banjo, clothing, a gold record, and a big pile of crack.
Lohan's got the DTs. Or she's just scared, whatever.
You'll have to wait just a little bit longer to
Anna Nicole might have died from being loopy! Oh, wait, no. Lupus. Lupus.
November 15, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "I Am In the Process of Putting on Weight, and That Should Be Enough"
Oprah was not invited to Tom and K-Hole's wedding, but she is trying to figure out what to send them as a gift. Duh! A couch.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree: Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure, Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth into rodentlike eunuch Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues: Joan Jett and Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
Bigger news than Santa arriving at the lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree: Victoria's Secret supermodels getting on their boob-shaped spacecraft and arriving on Earth after their long journey from Planet Jiggle.
Madonna wants to buy another baby as soon as possible. Perhaps it will be a Christmas gift for the other one.
Sure, Vida Guerra has a gargantuan tail. But did you know that she has boobs, too?
Nicole Richie has responded to PageSix's insinuation that SOMEONE had reverse gastric bypass in her MySpace blog. The lady doth protest too much.
Is Kirsten Dunst sinking her vampiric meth mouth baby teeth into rodentlike eunuch Orlando Bloom? And will their hypothetical babies be weaselly nutless bloodsuckers?
Paris Hilton's ass looks less flapjacky from the back. But don't they all, really? When it comes right down to it, aren't they all less flapjacky from the back? Deep.
Jenny Love Hewitt might be all chaste and crap, but she will still wear a small strip of fabric nestled lovingly betwixt her buttocks.
Lesbian Week continues: Joan Jett and Carmen Electra love rock n' roll. Joan mighta put another dime in Carmen's juicebox, baby.
No, as a matter of fact, we haven't actually seen Ron Jeremy and Super Mario in the same room together. Luigi, though, sure.
June 21, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: No Bra? Ono!
Heidi Klum impregnated by Seal; expecting another flipper baby.
Posh Spice to become godmother to Ginger Spice's baby daughter, Bluebell Spice. That's nice. When Bluebell needs advice on bulimia, tanning beds, and how to be a good trophy wife, she'll have a wealth of information at her fingertips.
Yet MORE Toni Braxton nipples. You can put those things away now, honey.
Nicole Kidman sends a case of beer to the paparazzi. We assume the reason for this was so that they wouldn't notice that her face has been freshly pulled, drawn up and over the back of her skull, and tacked into place for her upcoming nuptials.
Robert Evans divorcing. Seventh time ain't the charm, apparently.
Tera Patrick pics from FHM magazine. Which must stand for Fricking Humpable Mams.
SNL's Andy Samberg gets Dunsted!
Jen Love Hewitt's hugetits strapped in by nothing but a flimsy . . . Yoko Ono shirt?
Michelle Rodriguez dreams of a relationship with Colin Farrell, but sadly, it can never be. Because he's not a girl.
Posh Spice to become godmother to Ginger Spice's baby daughter, Bluebell Spice. That's nice. When Bluebell needs advice on bulimia, tanning beds, and how to be a good trophy wife, she'll have a wealth of information at her fingertips.
Yet MORE Toni Braxton nipples. You can put those things away now, honey.
Nicole Kidman sends a case of beer to the paparazzi. We assume the reason for this was so that they wouldn't notice that her face has been freshly pulled, drawn up and over the back of her skull, and tacked into place for her upcoming nuptials.
Robert Evans divorcing. Seventh time ain't the charm, apparently.
Tera Patrick pics from FHM magazine. Which must stand for Fricking Humpable Mams.
SNL's Andy Samberg gets Dunsted!
Jen Love Hewitt's hugetits strapped in by nothing but a flimsy . . . Yoko Ono shirt?
Michelle Rodriguez dreams of a relationship with Colin Farrell, but sadly, it can never be. Because he's not a girl.
June 09, 2006
ScarJo's Got the Best of the Breast
So what were the serious journalists over at In Touch doing while People was negotiating their $4.1 million buy of the Brangelina family fun pics? They were rating celebrity racks. Because who cares about Piloh Shitt when there are boobs to ogle? more »
April 12, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: Happy Buhthdayyy, Mistah Hefnahh
Maggie Gyllenhaal's been impregnated by, and is now engaged to, Peter Sarsgaard. Congrats, Gaardhaal.
We told you about Sienna Miller supposedly being snapped doing some career-threateningly embarrassing cavorting at a VF party. Here are the pics. BFD.
Kristanna Loken: if you're Loken for an upskirt shot, you've found one.
Jennifer Love Hewitt says that Fez is a dirty liar and that she absolutely did not take a ride on his baloney pony.
Keri Russell, NAKED in a magazine. However, it's Vanity Fair, so there's no real Felicity felititty.
Women want Kelly Brook's body. They want her body baaad.
Paris Hilton shows off her sultry pipes. And for once, we're not talking about her poon chasm.
That little girl from Pete and Pete is now a plumber.
Mariah Carey's foxy ex-boyfriend upgrades to Cindy Crawford. She's planning on leaving her husband and moving into her new love's refrigerator box in Shantytown, USA.
We told you about Sienna Miller supposedly being snapped doing some career-threateningly embarrassing cavorting at a VF party. Here are the pics. BFD.
Kristanna Loken: if you're Loken for an upskirt shot, you've found one.
Jennifer Love Hewitt says that Fez is a dirty liar and that she absolutely did not take a ride on his baloney pony.
Keri Russell, NAKED in a magazine. However, it's Vanity Fair, so there's no real Felicity felititty.
Women want Kelly Brook's body. They want her body baaad.
Paris Hilton shows off her sultry pipes. And for once, we're not talking about her poon chasm.
That little girl from Pete and Pete is now a plumber.
Mariah Carey's foxy ex-boyfriend upgrades to Cindy Crawford. She's planning on leaving her husband and moving into her new love's refrigerator box in Shantytown, USA.
March 28, 2006
Kiss and Tell with Fez
Our morning began with a veritable Wilmer Valderrama-rama of sexy proportions. Like most men who are insecure, Wilmer feels the need to brag about his sexual conquests and to measure his weiner obsessively, then crow about it like he's the second coming of Tommy Lee. But unlike most men, he spilled the pervy beans on satellite radio.
Full ratings and terse summaries of Fez's past stable of famous schtup puppets after the cut. more »
Full ratings and terse summaries of Fez's past stable of famous schtup puppets after the cut. more »
January 26, 2006
Hewitt to Bust out Party of Two in Playboy?
Jennifer Love Hewitt is planning her next career move to be taken seriously as an actress: posing nude for Playboy. Makes sense: her turn as a distraught lover in an Enrique Igelesias video and John Mayer's assertion that her body was, in fact, a wonderland didn't exactly catapult her into the artistic stratosphere. more »
September 22, 2005
Who Ya Gonna Call? Jennifer Love Hewitt
And speaking of crazy old ladies who talk to dead people, Jennifer Love Hewitt is well on her way to joining Shirley MacLaine in that classification. Just give her a few years to become old and entirely irrelevant (she still has big boobs, so shes still marginally relevant). Because shes already crazy and talking to ghosts. more »
March 11, 2005
Jennifer Loves Hertits
Jennifer Love Hewitt has finally caught up with the rest of us: She's obsessed with her breasts. Maybe this is a sign that if we think about it enough, Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry will become "obsessed" with having sex with each other. more »
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