filed under: Jenna Fischer

Jenna Fischer: delightful funny lady, star of The Office, sex object to Fark-posting, World of Warcraft-obsessed dorks the planet over. She seems very sweet and all, with her girl-next-door face and her soft voice and her bad Pam hair, but cross her, and you might get a stream of angry urine right in the eye! Jenna recently gave an interview to Playboy in which she related the following tale of meeting a sleazoid playwright/screenwriter named Shem Bitterman at a party:

"I had been living in Los Angeles for about a year and was a member of a theatre company. One night, after a play, I went to a party and ran into the playwright.

"He said, 'What's your story?' I said, 'I'm from St. Louis. I just got here. I want to be an actress.'

"He said, 'I'm writing a film, and I think you'd be great for it. But I have a question for you - would you ever do a raunchy sex scene in a movie? Like really raunchy, with nudity?' "I kind of laughed and said, 'Well, I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't be proud to show my parents.' And he said, 'Well, you're not a real actress, then.' I was stunned.

"He said, 'A real actress would say yes. A real actress would piss herself onstage if that's what it took. Sylvester Stallone did porn . . . Shelley Winters pissed herself onstage. Every play, every movie I write has nudity in it. You know why? Because that's how I know if I'm working with real actors. You're not a real actress. You should just go home. You don't have what it takes.'

"I went home and cried and cried and cried. What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."

We were wondering what kind of harrowing stories of raunchy sexual onstage peeing this Shem Bitterman was responsible for, so we checked out his résumé on IMDb and found out that he not only penned the touching, award-winning script for Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, but his current outing, a comedy called Play Dead, is full of real actors. Real actors who would get raunchy and naked onscreen. Real actors who would happily and graciously befoul themselves for their art. Real actors named Jake Busey and Fred Durst. Truly, it takes a man who penned the songs "Nookie" and "Stink Finger" to successfully bring your dramatic vision to the big screen. more »

Slick down that cowlick, iron your best Stargate shirt, and step away from the World of Warcraft: Jenna Fischer--Pam from The Office--is single! She and her husband of six years, writer/director James Gunn, have split. In a statement, they say:

"We have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes family and friends. The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other's lives, spirits and careers is real - we have been each other's cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future."

This is really gonna be burning up Slashdot, seeing how Fischer is the #1 crush of dorks everywhere. Maybe she'll have a lesbian affair with Kari Byron from Mythbusters and Fark.com will crash from all the masturbatory posts. more »

• Suri No Middle Name Cruise pictures might finally appear soon . . . in Vanity Fair! Hopefully on the cover, wrapped in swaddling clothes, using Scarlett Johansson's ass crack as a manger.

• Bryce Dallas Howard is baking up a big batch of baby.

• Kate Bosworth ate! Ate cigarettes, water, and lettuce. Baby steps, people.

• Pam from The Office becomes Pam from The Duff-ass.

• When Janet Jackson wants her water cold, she wants her water cold, dammit. Also, yes, she did feel that pea placed under her 12 mattresses last night.

• Newly-separated Dave Navarro is dating newly-separated Jenna Jameson. And she's now #1 on his MySpace Top 8, so you know it's love.

• Jen and Vince: engaged! Whhheeeeeeee! Yayyyyy! Whoooo! Who gives a crap! All riiiiight!

• Robin Williams is in rehab. Body hair rehab, we hope.

• Sienna Miller dons dirty pink cowboy boots, a wedding dress, a red Cleopatra wig, and an exposed upskirt cotton panty look. Indeed, she is truly the fashion icon of our time.