filed under: Jay-Z

When your worldly assets amount to about $87, a cupboard full of Rice-a-Roni, and some broken IKEA furniture, it's hard to understand the need for a pre-nup, but celebrities aren't like us; the poorer of the pair (read: still richer than you'll ever dream of being) usually gets a pretty sweet salary from the deal. After all, it is business. It was rumored last week that Mariah Carey's hasty marriage didn't include the all-important monetary contracts, but FOX News thinks differently:

Miss Mariah and Mr. Cannon have a very nice prenuptial agreement.

Mariah apparently told a mutual pal of ours: "Anyone who thinks we didn't have a prenup is smoking something!"

This is not the Mariah Carey of old. She is a smart, smart businesswoman. For example: Post-Tommy Mottola, Carey nabbed $50 million from her short-lived deal with Virgin Records. After "Glitter," they just paid her all that to walk away!

She’s had three hit albums since then: "Charmbracelet," "Emancipation of Mimi" and the current "E=MC2." She has her own perfume line, as well. Mariah also has substantial real estate holdings, and let’s not forget the publishing royalties. Her name is on every song. This is not Whitney. She has a small fortune, and she’s not about to lose it, even in love.

You're probably thinking, "Of course they have a pre-nup. She's loaded and he's only a misstep or two away from starring in Safe Auto commercials for the rest of his career. What happens when both parties have mountains and mountains of money, like Jay-Z and Beyonce?" Lucky for you, The National Enquirer can answer that (via Celebitchy):

“The prenup calls for Jay-Z to pay Beyonce $10 million if the marriage ends after two years, and $1 million dollars a year for each further year she remains in the marriage, up to 15 years,” revealed a source familiar with the deal.

“If they do split, he’s promised to pony up $10 million to buy her a home.

“He’s promised to pay her an additional $5 million for each child she bears him - for her ‘loss of income’ during the pregnancy and child-rearing years.”

$5 mil for each baby? That's a pretty sweet deal. We wonder if there's any sort of twin clause in the pre-nup. Maybe twins are like a triple-word score and she'd net $15 mil for the set. Twins are the newest Hollywood trend, and that Hova likes to be on top of the latest fads.

We know that people have babies. The reason life continues is because penises are inserted into vaginas and then big masses of tissue and organs and skin and hair and fingernails called babies come out of said vaginas. This is how the world works. But can celebrities please take a break from the baby making for like three months? We're dying for a new trend, like elephant adoptions. Sure, they're expensive to feed and difficult to house (see Stampy Simpson), but celebrities are rich and need not worry about trivialities. So please let Beyonce be the last knocked-up famous lady to cross our path until fall. According to Hollyscoop:

Looks like the celebrity baby boom that started last year is far from over. Move over Angelina and Ashlee because Beyonce Knowles is going to be adding her name onto the celebrity mommy list.

Hollyscoop has learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting. A source close to the couple revealed, "Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding." The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting.

Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon. The couple is pretty private about their personal lives--they still haven't even confirmed their wedding. But the source confirmed that she is expecting and they rushed the wedding due to Beyonce's strong Christian beliefs.

We love when celebrities have so-called "strong Christian beliefs" that allow them to have tons of premarital sex, but as soon as a baby's a-coming it's matrimony time. Bastard or no, they're still going to Hell, right? They might as well start committing some other sins. We suggest Beyonce start with dishonoring her mother by finally standing up and yelling: "House of Dereon clothes are ass ugly! I'm wearing Prada from now on!" more »

• Beyonce still not talking on the wedding rumors, but is she also gestating Hova Jr.? (Celebitchy)

• Eva Herzigova is definitely pregnant. You can tell because of the giant baby inside her belly. And the naked breasts, gravid with lactocity. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Also pregnant and half naked? Tori Spelling in a bikini. (Derek Hail)

• Sophie Monk: not pregnant, also in a bikini. We've closed that circle of preg nudity. Time to move on now. (F-listed)

• Naked WWE Divas will have you putting a chokehold on . . . the steering wheel in heavy traffic! Hahaha, what did you think we were going to say? "Your penis"? Actually, that would have been good too. (Cityrag)

• Rob Lowe's former employees made whoopie in his bed! (The Blemish)

• Celebs without makeup! LOL! Har de har! Oh, look at Kate Bosworth! Everyone! It's Kate Bosworth without makeup! Let's all point and laugh, because she looks totally, uh, actually she still looks perfect. (Daily Stab)

• Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis to finally tie the knot. Hopefully she can get on his dental plan now. (PopCrunch)

• Move over, crabs in Paris Hilton's pubes! Hilary Duff has a scorpion in her pants! Beat that! (Evil Beet)

• Is Maria Sharapova lobbing it into Camilla Belle? Oh, the intrigue! (Fatback)

• Toni Braxton is in the hospital. Unbreak her busted heart sac. (Allie Is Wired)

• Naomi Campbell got banned. Banned like 2 Live Crew. Banned like slap bracelets in 1994. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

Beyoncé: "Jigga, I'm sick of this little Rihanna stealing all my thunder. I know I haven't had an album out in a while, but that shouldn't stop the entire world from worshiping me every single second of every day. Do they see the booty? Does Rihanna have this booty? I don't think so. All she's got is some trendy ass haircut and a teensy little sliver of nipple. I've got the booty! I have told them all a million times that I am bootylicious, but still they pay more attention to HER. I don't know what to do, Hova. Ooh, I know. Let's get married. Magazines love weddings. And then let's adopt some babies. They love babies too. That'll show her." Or, in the words of People:

Beyoncé Knowles and longtime beau Jay-Z have taken out a marriage license in Scarsdale, N.Y., PEOPLE has learned.

According to a source, the pair obtained a license Tuesday morning. The document is valid for 60 days.

A rep for Beyoncé told PEOPLE, "No comment." Jay-Z's spokesperson could not be reached.

Beyoncé, 26, and Jay-Z, 38, have been dating since 2002, though the couple have stood reluctant to discuss their relationship publicly. Rumors about their romance began circulating after the singer appeared on Jay-Z's song "'03 Bonnie & Clyde," followed by collaborations on Beyoncé's solo hit "Crazy in Love," in 2003.

While the two have remained tight-lipped about the state of their romance, by no means has Beyoncé brushed off talk of marriage. In December 2006, the singer told InStyle, "You can't rush a man into anything – whether it's a relationship, marriage or having children."

Earlier that month the pair were besieged by rumors that they were all set to get hitched in the Caribbean – a rumor that was quickly scotched by their reps.

We're not sure what we're more sick of hearing about, Jay-Z's retirement that's never going to happen or Jay-Z and Beyoncé's wedding that's never going to happen. It's pretty much a toss up. You know what we're not sick of, though? Beyoncé's ass. That thing is still H to the izz-O, T to the izz-T. more »

Jay-Z and his girlfriend, Bed Bath and Beyoncé, are reportedly engaged! Even though they were reportedly engaged before. This time, they mean business! Jay-Z allegedly proposed during a trip to Cannes. The Blemish quotes Beyoncé as saying:

“I want to get married and really want a family - in a perfect world I’d have two boys and a girl. You know someone loves you by the way he treats you and respects you. Me and Jay respect each other.”

And our gossip life coach, Female First, writes:

Sources say Jay-Z promised Beyonce "the biggest diamond she can fit on her finger". [Another] source said: "This will be the hip-hop wedding to end all hip-hop weddings."

Let's not go nuts here. We're fairly certain nothing could top the grandiose display of pimps vs. maids crunktaculous, snapdancing, Henny-swilling that was the Spears-Federline nuptials. more »

• Rip Torn got ripped. And then he drove. And then he got arrested. And became the subject of the foxiest mug shot since Nick Nolte's.

• Sophie Marceau showing nipples is much more interesting than Marcel Marceau . . . miming . . . nipples. Or something.

• Scarlett Johansson is not opposed to doing nudity. What a coincidence! We are also not opposed to Scarlett Johansson doing nudity.

• Jessica Simpson choked on the words to "9 to 5" during the Kennedy Center Honors. Afterwards, Violet, Judy, and Doralee got back at her by replacing her Skinny and Sweet with rat poison.

• Even unapologetic porn stars don't want to be associated with K-Fed's dong.

• Will Beyoncé become Mrs. J-Hova next weekend?

• Pete Doherty, drugs, court, etc. Move to England! The streets are paved with scag and syringes and the people all drink tea laced with ecstasy and even if you get arrested, the powderedly bewigged court dudes just give you a hug and bullet of coke and send you on your way.

• Jennifer Garner's body fucking sucks.

• Once again, PageSix spins the labyrinthine web of confusion that is their truly inpenetrable blind items. Who can it beeee now?

Paris Hilton recently attended Jay-Z's concert in Las Vegas and apparently, she misheard his lyric "no panties and jeans, that's so necessary" as "no panties and jeans, that's unnecessary."



Which is very unlike Paris, but still, even with her crotch safely tucked inside its satiny blue prison, at least she took the "H to the izzo" part straight to heart. more »

During a recent performance (following that Jay-Z offering we just told you about) Paris Hilton puked while on stage. And, no, that's not a euphemism for her vocal abilities. more »

• Brittany Murphy has ended her engagement to best boy/grip Joe Macaluso. Brittany, do you actually think you're going to be able to do better? He's the BEST boy, for Christ's sake!

• "Kevin Federline mauled by rap community." God, if only that headline were literal.

• Janet Jackson says that fiancé Jermaine Dupri sexually takes her to places she's never been before. Oh, like the Ewok Village? Get it? Cuz he's short.

• Proving you can never have too much of a good thing: even more pictures of the expansive side of Lindsay Lohan's enormous, speckled breast.

• And Lindsay's dad is quite the little Jim Davis, taking pen to paper and cartooning the demons pulling his daughter from his fatherly embrace. Impressive, but we would have drawn Lindsay crying "ACK!" and holding a bikini on a hanger to illustrate her body-image issues.

• A devious, scrawny mammal that steals sneakily, and Kevin Federline. One and the same, friends, but which one has more facial hair?

• Britney angrily refused to allow Jessica Simpson to kiss her pregnant belly, which is the first smart thing Britney's done, child-rearing-wise. Perhaps she didn't want to risk having her fetus get poisoned by toxic, cupcake-scented plumping gloss.

• Beyonce and Jay-Z are planning a $3 million wedding. Bet the courtesy gift bag will be fabulous!

• Jessica Simpson is now hawking hairpieces. What is she, a Mandrell?