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filed under: Jared Leto

May 23, 2008

Jessica Simpson Bungles Romo-ance Via Braff and Leto

If you are anything like us (and we can see by your cool soul patch and silky dragon shirt that you are), you've been wringing your hands and grinding your teeth, trying to figure out what specifically went wrong between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Thank God, then, that we have the National Enquirer to clue us in. It seems that she'd been enjoying a little outer-romance romance will the likes of uberdouches Zach Braff and Jared Leto. Take it away, Enquirer (via Celebitchy):

[Jessica Simpson’s] fling with Zach Braff began after a recent party hosted by Diddy, when the mogul received his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

“They spent that night together and several others,” the source said.

“Then she turned to Jared [Leto] for several more romantic trysts! And this was happening right under Tony Romo’s nose!”

At one point she was juggling all three guys, according to the source.

That's not as sexy as the idea of Jessica Simpson having sex with all three guys at once, but juggling them is pretty impressive. Especially if they were on fire. more »

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January 22, 2008

Two Hiltons and a Wall-humping Eggert: The Less Cinematic Side of Sundance

paris and nicky hilton fondle in limo.jpg

You might think a film festival is somewhere that people go in order to watch movies, but you'd be wrong. God, you're such a fucking moron, aren't you? People go to film festivals to get free shit they could easily afford and party-as-a-verb. At least if your last name is Hilton, anyway. Page Six brings us the haps on Sundance, and Mr. Skin brings us the funbags on film, after the cut. more »

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May 07, 2007

Lindsay Lohan Finally Achieves Goal of Becoming Kate Moss

Shocker! Of! The! Century! Lindsay Lohan does coke. Oh, and she humps lots of boys too. We may never recover from our shattered illusions. When we're ninety and sipping a creamed corn and mashed potato smoothie on the lanai in our nursing home, we will utter our first words in sixty years: "Can't believe . . . Lindsay does coke." Then we will fall off our rattan chair, never to wake, never having recovered from the great shock of May 2007. more »

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March 07, 2007

He Just Wanted into the Circle Pit, Dude

Jared Leto has sustained injuries in a pathetic attempt to be at the forefront of tomorrow's retro revival today: stage diving! Says Page Six:

EYELINER-loving Jared Leto injured not only his face during a 30 Seconds to Mars concert in El Paso, Texas, last Thursday night - our spies said his pride is hurt as well. Reports of the actor/rocker's broken nose and injured foot emerged yesterday, but our sources said it was a stage leap - not a mad rush of fans - that caused his bruises. "He flung himself directly off the stage into the crowd," said our spy, "and nobody in the crowd caught him." The audience member added, "We were given no warning. Jared landed really hard on the ground, and people were accidentally stepping on him." Security helped him back to the stage.

The stage diving may have failed, but that's no reason to completely abandon your grunge revival, Jared. The donning of flannel is too obvious, so we suggest that you take 30 Seconds to Mars in an all new direction: a Mother Love Bone tribute band called Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns. You would be so cutting edge.

And if you like that disgusting child-molester candid of Jared, find more (and their skinny counterparts) at Oh No They Didn't.

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August 28, 2006

My So-Called Style

Jared Leto introduces a new fashion for bubblegum gloom rockers who enjoy gardening:

Behold! Goth Crocs! more »

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November 10, 2005

Suck It, Angela Chase

Lindsay Lohan has nabbed herself her very own Jordan Catalano. And she might marry him just to piss off Paris Hilton. Very mature, Lindsay, very mature. more »

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July 12, 2005

CNW Junk Drawer: Madonna's Aight, Y'all

• Dennis Rodman says his affair with Madonna was "just alright", not "on a level", and "not all that". Then dropped his Most Hype Sayings of 1992 phrasebook in the toilet, sparing us any references to ". . . and a bag of chips", or Arsenio-style barking.

• How did B-lister Jared Leto land himself an Ol$en? By packing some excessive toolage, of course. Big dongs. The ladies do seem to enjoy them.

• Listen, we are slovenly Midwestern crapbags who are ignorant in the sparkly ways of you fancy coastal dwellers, so we don't know who the f this "Fabian Basabe" is. But we do know three things: he's a funny man, a gay man, and a racist man.

• Whooops, Mariah "The Glitterfly" Carey's clothes fell off! There must be pictures. Where are the damn pictures?

• Ryan Seacrest would like FOX to give him a raise. Highlights and tan-in-a-can are expensive

• Tiffani Thiessen gets married! Congrats! Wait, wait, wait. We remember Tiffani-Amber Thiessen from 90210. Who the hell is this "Tiffani Thiessen" person?

• Pssst! Angelina still likes sex! PASS IT ON.

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CNdb: Jared Leto Review