filed under: Jamie Lynn Spears

• Megan Fox straps her camel toe into some stretch pants for a shopping excursion. (Faded Youth)

• And speaking of Megan Fox, her former(?) fiance Brian Austin Green denies the breakup rumors, says the couple are "solid". Solid as a rock? So nothing's changed it? And what you're saying is that the feeling's still hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hot? (PopCrunch)

• The first look at Jamie Lynn Spears's little baby, Maddie Briann. Maddie's next OK! cover: in thirteen years, when she marries cousin Sean Preston in a romantic toothless ceremony in Louisiana. (Dlisted)

• David Lee Roth choked on some nuts. (TMZ)

• Dane Cook is a shitty neighbor, literally. (Celebitchy)

• Robert Rodriguez traded his wife in for Rose McGowan, and is now trading Rose McGowan for Kat Dennings. Next up: he trades Kat Dennings for Abigail Breslin. (Defamer)

• Jennifer Lopez in a bikini. Post-twins, her abs are still flatter than yours, and her ass is still bigger than the sun. (Flisted)

• Lilo and SamRo ride the pink caterpillar at Disneyland. Ohhhh yeaaaaah. (Holy Taco)

• See Jaime Pressly in a bikini and you'll be nothin' but a horn dog. Eh? Yes? No? Bah. (IDLYITW)

• New Paris Hilton TV show in the works. And no, sadly, it's not a Fear Factor type show involving a rocket sending her to the surface of the moon to see how long she can hold her breath. (Hollywire)

Another Spears littl'un has arrived y'all! Well, maybe. All the buzz this morning was that Jamie Lynn was set to give birth through her tummy hole today, but we're pretty sure people are just making this shit up now. Especially since the supposed confirmation came from The National Enquirer. Sure, they may have been right about Patrick Swayze, but if all of the sudden we live in a world where The Enquirer can be trusted for actual facts, we may as well find out for ourselves what Wino finds so intriguing about crack, because the world will never be the same. And as for the name, nobody knows an f'ing thing, really. First we heard that JL and her offroadin' paramour were going to combine their names to come up with something super cool and classy and unique. Like Cailynn. But since that isn't quite country enough, JL may also be considering Emma Jean (according to her "friend", whom we're betting goes by the name Lynne). But People claims the future OK! cover model is being called Maddie Briann. Seriously, we don't really care right now. These names are all boring, and we don't yet believe any of them (remember Preston Michael Spears and Sutton Pierce Federline?). And since we think that these names all materialized in the brainpans of disgruntled gossip writers, we'll jump on that train too. We just happened to have spent our vacation in Kentwood last week, and as we were searching the aisles at Wal-Mart for Little Hugs, we ran into Jamie Lynn and she threw out some possibilities for us. At the top of the list were Jessie Us (for our Lord and Savior) and Pumkin Pie ('cause it's tasty). She also lamented that she wasn't having a boy because she was really hoping to name him Wally Mark in honor of her favorite place.

• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)

• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

• The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

• Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

• Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

• Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

Jamie Lynn Spears has a dearth of responsible role models. Her millionaire sister lost custody of her kids to a jobless wigger, and her mom is the classic stage mother, which probably directly contributed to the former. So we suggest that Jamie Lynn take the advice of Solange Knowles. Seriously. There is probably not one other person on the planet who knows exactly what it's like to be the overlooked kid sister of a singing superstar and get knocked up in your teens. So listen up, little chickadee, cause Solange is laying it on ya, via Us Weekly:

Solange Knowles knows the challenge of being a famous teen mother.

Knowles, now 21, welcomed son Daniel in 2004 at the age of 18 (she split with husband, former college football player Daniel Smith, after the baby was born).

"I'm sure a lot of people perceived that I was gonna be a young, irresponsible mom," Knowles told Usmagazine.com during a recent visit.

But Knowles pointed out, "I think that there are some moms who are 35 who are just as irresponsible."

What advice does she have for the 17-year-old mom-to-be Jamie Lynn Spears?

"You just have to make the best decisions for you," Knowles said. "You have to decide what's best for you.

"Who are we to say what's right and wrong for a person?"

To focus on raising her son, Knowles said she "moved to the country for a year" without any nannies or babysitters.

"My parents lived on a whole opposite part of the world," she said. "My son has been my focus ever since the day he was born."

"He's been the light of my life," she added, "the inspiration behind everything."

Good parenting, not letting grammy tell the kid what to do, focusing on the child, yada yada yada. But Us Weekly is refusing to report Solange's most sage piece of advice to young'un Spears: "Whatever you do, don't bleach your baby. They'll never let you live it down."

Remember when Britney Spears let SPF drive her car, and she said it was alright because she was country? Well, younger siblings always try harder, so Jamie Lynn seems to be on a mission to prove that she's so much more country than her city-slickin' Hollywood sissy. Of course there's the knocked-up-at-sixteen thing, but that's not necessarily country; we see sixteen-year-olds on the train every morning feeding Cheetos to their three kids. But riding around in an ATV packing heat to chase off intruders is pretty damn country. TMZ reports:

Jamie Lynn Spears is packin' baby, but her man is packin' too, and he's pointing his piece at a photog!

Casey Aldridge was pissed at a pap who allegedly shot this video on private property -- Jamie says it was private, the pap says it wasn't. Anywho, watch closely as Casey takes the gun from his lap and kinda points it in the direction of the pap, telling him to get the hell on a public road. Yessir!

And there's video! Video that proves that you never really have a feel for a public figure (we refuse to use the word "celebrity" when we're talking about the dude who sperminated Brit's little sis) until you hear them speak. It's just like the first time we heard Paris Hilton speak, only with fewer giggles and more "Git!"s. We almost expect to hear a banjo in the background.

Celebrity sibling Jamie Lynn Spears turned seventeen years old on Friday. And she celebrated the way most seventeen-year-old girls in rural America do: by grabbing her babydaddy and enjoying an Alpine Swiss burger at Ruby Tuesday's and then hauling her pregnant ass to Wal-Mart! This hard-hitting public interest report just in from People:

Jamie Lynn Spears celebrated her 17th birthday with fiancι Casey Aldridge having dinner at Ruby Tuesday and shopping at Wal-Mart, a source says.

"They both seemed really happy, both in really good moods," the source tells PEOPLE of the couple's outing near Aldridge's home in Liberty, Miss. "Jamie Lynn had a big smile on her face."

Spears, who is pregnant with Aldridge's child, took in a quiet dinner with Aldridge, 18, at the restaurant. "It was just the two of them," says the source. "They were like a little adult couple, very low-key."

They then went to Wal-Mart, where Spears looked at sleeping bags.

"Because," Jamie Lynn explained, "I been taking parenting lessons from my big sister Britney. She says that when the youngins get to squallin', just put 'em in a bag and they go to sleep for a real long time."

• Pam Anderson's marriage to Rick Salomon has been annulled. In the eyes of the law, that means it never happened. Let us never speak of this again. (Hollywire)

• MrSkin.com scores the first ever interview with Christian Landers, the dude behind the high-larious StuffWhitePeopleLike.com! (Mr. Skin)

• Madonna claims that her marriage is ripe with "erotica". Excellent way to work your song title in there, Madge. Was your wedding La Isla Bonita? (Female Foist)

• Kate Moss sans the clammy, crackulous influence of Pete Doherty = foxy. (Cityrag)

• Awwww. Carmen Electra has found herself another funny little eyeliner-wearing alternarocker to love. (Daily Stab)

• Sophie Monk's religious last name belies the deep cleave of her camel toe. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Renee Zellweger attended a screening of Leatherheads donning a leathered face. Sorry, Renee. You seem like a nice lady, you just make it so easy. (Allie Is Wired)

• Sorry, boys! Looks like that hot slice of preggo jailbait Jamie Lynn Spears is off the market! (The Blemish)

• I'm a Pepper, you're a Pepper, he's a Pepper, Axl Rose is a Pepper. (Seriously? OMG! WTF?)

Please allow these links to tide you over until January 2, when we will be hangover-free and ready to devote ourselves to bringing you nipple slips and Tinseltown fetuses once again.

• Mischa Barton got arrested for DUI and drug possession. Way to be Scrooges, cops. (TMZ)

• Fergie is engaged! To a man, even! Flossy, flossy. (A Socialite's Life)

• Jessica Alba is also engaged. Awwww, now her baby won't be a bastard. Cute! (Derek Hail)

• Robin Wright and Sean Penn are not engaged, however. In fact, they are getting a divorce. Perhaps she finally got a glimpse of him in the cold hard light of day. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Et tu, Brendan Fraser and wife? Oh, Encino Man, why can't you and your onion field hair plugs make love last? (Celebitchy)

• The sirer of Jamie Lynn Spears's unborn doohicky might not be Casey Aldridge. It might, instead, be Kevin Federline. Juuuuuust kidding, it's some old dude. (Yeeeah!)

• Gaze upon these photos of Nicollette Sheridan in a bikini and be revived. And then note sadly that Michael Bolton is the master of that body, and shrivel, groaning in pain. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Sharon Stone trots out those nips for a trip around the block. (Celeb Warship)

• Lindsay Lohan might as well face it, she's addicted to dong. (Egotastic!)

• Leelee Sobieski. TeeTee Boobichesti. (The Blemish)

If you are a female and your last name is Spears, it's pretty safe to say that you are more fecund than a cornfield in Iowa. Barely sixteen years old, Nickelodeon star/Britney sis Jamie Lynn Spears has confirmed that she is pregnant. And she's made up her mind, she's keepin' her baby, so Papa don't preach. The father is named Casey Aldridge--he's 19 and she met him at church. Nothing like the smell of incense and the thrum of a congregation singing "Be Thou My Vision" to really make those teenage hormones burble and churn. Jamie Lynn and her mother gave an exclusive interview to OK! mag in which they tell the tale of innocence lost and semen ejaculated. Yahoo! quotes:

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," [Jamie Lynn] said. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she told the magazine. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

After she found out from a doctor that she was pregnant, she said, "I took two weeks to myself where I didn't tell anybody. Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone's opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me," she said.

Spears broke the news to her mother, Lynne, just before Thanksgiving, the magazine reported.

"She was very upset because it wasn't what she expected at all," Spears said. "A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive."

Lynne Spears, already grandmother to Britney's young sons, told the magazine: "I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

And therein lies the essence of the Spears girls and their fertility issues. It appears that when Lynne sat them down for "the talk", she told them that babies come from missing curfews. "Babies, when the clock strikes 11:30, you best be home in your waterbed, otherwise the Purple Pie Man will come and put a Cabbage Patch Kid in your tummy!" And then she bared her teeth and fashioned her hands into makeshift claws to really drive the point home. Little did Lynne know just how much Britney and Jamie Lynn really wanted Cabbage Patch Kids, though. And now look. Just look. A fine mess you've gotten us into, Lynne Spears.

Sometimes we feel like the prose version of a warren of paparazzi, because all we write is "Britney Britney? Britney Britney! Britney Britney Britney. Britney! Britney! Britney Britney." But unlike paparazzi, we dare not sport questionable goatees nor bleach-front legged jeans. And speaking of the paparazzi and Britney, she and her sister Jamie Lynn were caught reuniting over Starbucks while a lady yelled "You are making this neighborhood unsafe!" at them. Jamie Lynn then responded, "Then move the fuck out of the neighborhood" to jolly "huzzah"s from the paps.

We're not sure who's got bigger nards: the young Disney star willing to say the F-word in post-Hudgens-nudes Hollywood, or the lady likening the sisters Spears to crack dealers and Latin Kings. So let's stop thinking about it and look at Britney's upskirt cooter again, after the cut. more »