CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: hot stories
January 29, 2008
Gyllenteaase: Maggie's Chaste Lesbian Threesome Video
We searched high and low today for a peter pleasing Sexy Lady Story, but the pickins they were slim. Sure, we could loosen our definition of celebrity a bit and post some pictures of some girl you've never heard of in a bikini, but that's just not our style. Instead, feast upon Maggie Gyllenhaal luring three pretty ladies into a big ol' bed with her. Of course, the camera gets a big slice of the bedroom door while Maggie's enjoying a couple of slices of furburger, but it's still sexy, right? Maggie and three girls? Pizza and wine? Cheesy softcore music? Sexy, no? Yeah, be would have liked to see some of Maggie's funbaggies too, as it's been quite a while, but she'll come around. One of these days we'll show up at our local arthouse theater to take in a moving tale of a spunky young coffee-shop worker who rises up against her sexiest employer and overthrows the patriarchy with sheer moxie. And nudity. You can't overthrow the patriarchy without nudity.Video via speechlesswithoutwriters.com.
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January 24, 2008
The Mysteries of Titsburgh
The Mysteries of Pittsburgh screened at Sundance the other day. You might not be familiar with the title of this film, because it's generally known by its Sienna Miller-given moniker, The Mysteries of Shitsburgh. Our eagle-eyed Sundance spy sent the following nudity report:
(0:05) Mena Suvari’s breasts are seen as she rides a guy in a bookstore.With a title like The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, we just kind of assumed that it would be about a young girl's quest to uncover the fries that lurk beneath the slaw on a Primanti Bros. sandwich. As it turns out, it's actually the harrowing tale of Mena and Sienna's quest to uncover their T & A. more »
(0:51) Sienna Miller gives us some quick breast shots while she’s in bed with Peter Sarsgaard.
(1:03) Breasts and buns from Sienna Miller during sex with Jon Foster.
January 04, 2008
Britney Spears Finally Gives in to the Crazy, Takes Kids Hostage
Well, we got our wish. Yesterday we bitched and moaned about how boring Britney Spears had become and pleaded with her to do something interesting again. And quite frankly, we're pretty shocked that she reads CelebNewsWire and wants to please us so much (not as shocked as we are that she can read, period, though). But holding her kids hostage? A police standoff? Getting hauled off to the hospital in restraints and being put on suicide watch? That's a bit much, Brit. We were really only hoping for you to leave the house without your extensions or completely naked. We didn't want you to get the kids involved. Because that makes us sad. The whole thing is pretty sad, actually. Girl has problems and she needs help. And we still think back to pre-Fed Britney and want what's best for her. We hope that this is--finally--rock bottom and things will get better for her. We think that it's time for Brit's fellow celebrities to band together to lend their support. First there could be a "We Are the World" style benefit song in her honor, though we're not quite sure what it would actually benefit, as Brit can surely afford her own Zoloft and life coach. Then Julia Roberts could offer to have Brit move to her ranch in New Mexico for six months, where Jules could teach Brit the finer points of parenting, like how to properly stow a tot in a car seat, prepare nutritious meals out of things that once grew in the ground, cover electrical outlets, lock up knives and booze, and supply Sean P. with a more appropriate peek-a-boo device than the plastic Ralph's bag he loves to put over his head. Then some really, really smart person could invent a device that Brit could point at potential friends and semen suppliers that would tell her which ones were total asshats using her for money/fame/Howard K. Stern-style manipulative urges. We think that last one would be very helpful.And in case you haven't already spent half of your working hours pouring over the minutia of the Brit Brit saga, check out Us Weekly's handy timeline, I Don't Like You in that Way's succinct wrap-up, or TMZ's exhaustive coverage. We're sure that details will be pouring in all day. The latest: Brit's not on drugs or booze. Which means that only her own fragile, completely f'ed up mind is to blame. That's really scary.
December 20, 2007
Alba and Hewitt Make for a Barren Nude Year
Pretty lady/PA semen receptacle Jessica Alba is not letting a little thing like pregnancy get in the way of her main occupation. Which is not acting, it's whining about how she hates being sexy and will never show you so much as an unadorned elbow so STFU. According to SF Gate:
[Alba has] reportedly turned down three offers to show off her baby bump in revealing magazine photoshoots.Yeah, we know. Alba won't be happy until we call her a stupid ugly warty misshapen goblin that smells real bad. And when we do, she'll do a little pirouette and look in the mirror and say, "They hate me! I'm gross! Yaaaaayyyyy!"
The 26-year-old has already ruled out the chance to follow the likes of Demi Moore and Christina Aguilera and bare all for glossy covers.
A friend says, "She had three offers on the first day, but she doesn't intend to take any of them."
And no nudes is also good nudes for Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose Hugetits will not be bandied about in Playboy anytime soon, despite their generous offer. Says SF Gate:
The actress' publicist tells the upcoming issue of In Touch Weekly magazine the "Ghost Whisperer" star was "flattered" by the offer, but turned it down. A friend of the 28-year-old says, "She's pretty conservative, but is very proud of her body."Well, of course JLH wouldn't stoop to such low pap as flaunting her flesh in the pages of Playboy magazine. Like Alba, she is too busy being a serious actress. Plus those residuals from Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties and The Tuxedo are keeping her in forehead polish and cross-your-heart bras just fine. more »
October 30, 2007
Kim Kardashian Shows Her Kar-vadge-ian in Playboy
There are many things in this world that frighten us. We end most days cowering in a corner rocking back and forth and chewing on our hair. Spiders, snakes, peppermint tea, Katie Couric, they all leave us jumpy and terrified. But nothing is more frightening than the powers of Playboy (except maybe the IRS). We're pretty sure Hef's minions include at least twelve eunuchs who troll the internet 24 hours a day searching for misused Playboy content and waiting to hit the speed-dial button for their scary lawyers. So as much as we would like to show you the actual pictures from Kim Kardashian's spread for the mag, we cannot overcome our fear to do so. But luckily our friends at I Don't Like You in that Way are fearless badasses who cower to no man (or Playboy-employed eunuch, as it may be). So pay them a visit and gaze upon the private bits of Kim K. There's even bush. Or what passes as bush in 2007. Which is to say two pubic hairs.UPDATE: Sorry, suckers, you missed them. We told you those eunuchs were coming, but you just didn't listen. Now you'll just have to hide that Playboy between copies of Popular Mechanics and The New Yorker and hope the cute girl working the counter at Barnes & Noble doesn't notice you're buying nudie pics of a fame whore.
September 12, 2007
Mandy Moore Slurps Pole
Mandy Moore puts a song in our hearts and a spring in our step. We imagine that she wakes up each morning and has a precious army of twittering bluebirds that dress her in silky finery before she starts her day with organic whole grains and locally-grown produce. And then she leaves the house, says "pigfucker" a lot, and licks a stripper pole. Huzzah! Our gossip life coach, FemaleFirst, reports:
Mandy Moore has rid herself of her good girl image by grinding against and licking a stripper pole.It's kind of like seeing a Brownie smoke a cigar, or a panda bear giving the shocker. This being the age of the Youtubes, there is, of course, video (at TMZ), so you can watch Mandy gleefully bark the f-word and get poled without having to see P. Hilton's kicky retro shaved Vanilla Ice brow. more »
The brunette singer-and-actress, who is renowned for her squeaky clean image, sexily gyrated round a silver pole during an interview with online celebrity gossip columnist Perez Hilton.
Mandy - who also continuously swore throughout the segment for the journalist's VH1 show got so randy she even ran her tongue along the pole at one point, as Perez jumped and screeched in the background.
August 22, 2007
Sienna Miller Eradicates Evil with Naked Knockers
Here's actress/possible penis cozy to Puffy Doodles, Sienna Miller, topless on the beach in Ibiza. Did you know that the correct pronunciation of Ibiza is "Ee-bee-thuh?" And if you click the thpot that thayth "more", you can thee her boobth. more »
August 21, 2007
J.Lo Introduced To Dungeon Life; Marc Anthony Surprisingly Not Responsible
So you're a rapidly aging and fading pop star/sex symbol whose latest ill-advised hubby collabo has been pretty much panned and whose once-storied and adored rear bumper has been surpassed by younger ladies of varying ethnicities. What's a girl to do? Why, break out the whips and chains and human-sized mousetraps and giant hamster cages. That'll get their attention, J.Lo. more »
August 20, 2007
Screw That Umbrella; Stand Under Rihanna's Boobs
Yesterday we thought that if we had to hear "Umbrella" one more damn time we would have to hunt down Rihanna and punch her straight on in the fivehead. Today she gives us boobies, and a possible hint of nip, so all is forgiven. Boobies are the true cure all. more »
August 08, 2007
Jessica Biel to Turn Powder Blue into Powder Nude
Remember yesterday when we brought you pictures of Jessica Biel in her panties from her upcoming movie Powder Blue? Remember how you were really excited and got a boner and played with it? Well today Jessica gives you an even bigger reason to bust out your trusty old raincoat and take a trip to the cinema. She may look like Jo Polniaczek in the movie, but, hey, she's gonna be naked. Yay! According to Contact Music: JESSICA BIEL is dreading posing nude in her new movie POWDER BLUE, because she is terrified of stripping off in front of the film crew. The actress plays a stripper in the movie alongside Forest Whitaker and Ray Liotta, but is still unsure about baring all. She says, "I haven't decided exactly about the nudity. It's a tough one. I am considering it but it's a very scary thing to do. It definitely feels vulnerable to be naked in front of anybody let alone a film crew. And it's scary because of the internet - you don't know where it's going to end up. It's a moment that could be exploited."Could be exploited? Obviously Jessica is not aware of our other website, jessicabielmonkeysex.com, in which we use the magic of Photoshop to create wonderful images of naked Jessica Biel doing all manner or dirty and nasty things with a monkey. Once we have actual naked Jessica Biel pictures there will be a marvelous whiff of authenticity to our creations. Then surely we'll finally win that Bloggy we've always coveted.
July 24, 2007
Lindsay Lohan: Twice Busted Once High, Baby
Lately we've been very excited about Lindsay Lohan's re-expanding bust. Today, she has even more bust to be jazzed over. And that's another DUI and cocaine possession bust. And as it turns out--and we know, this is weird--that alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet she's been voluntarily wearing? It didn't really monitor anything. It was actually probably an ankle flask, with its reserves filled with refreshing, icy mudslides. more »
July 23, 2007
Lindsay Lohan and the Amazing Non-slip Bikini
Lindsay Lohan has finally mastered the laws of gravity, physics, thermodynamics, and other smart-sounding sciency stuff and has learned how to defy them. How else to explain this weekend's particular choice in swimwear? On a lesser rack, that thing would be sliding toward furville (or furlessville, as it were) every time she reached for her (virgin) mai tai, yet Lindsay is able to keep it suspended as if by magic. Maybe that was her aim in courting Criss Angel last week: the bewitching of tube tops. 
Check out more of Lindsay's magical bikini at Egotastic!
July 19, 2007
Britney Spears Spends Bikini Budget on Red Bull, Swims in Underwear
"Look, y'all, I just want you to know that I heard all those things you said about me back in November when I was having all that fun hanging out at clubs every night. I read them internet thingies. What are they called? Bloogs? Flogs? Blugs? Whatever. I heard you. You said all kinds of mean things about me, and I want you to know that I understand. You were just so mad about the pain that bastard Kevin had put me through, and you were lashing out in destructive ways. I get it. And to show y'all that I don't have any hard feelings, I took some of your advice and bought lots and lots of panties. You want to see them? OK, why not?" more »
June 25, 2007
Demi Moore Says, "Up with Nipples, Down with Fashion"
We don't know if you've been paying close attention, but lately we've been trying to expose you to the cutting edge of fashion, as demonstrated by Demi Moore. With each new ensemble she's proving that a positive attitude, a 'round the clock team of plastic surgeons, dermatologists, and Botox injection specialists, and a whole heaping load of twentysomthing dick can keep you looking young and fresh and relevant. But Demi also knows the true secret of fashion: When you've been putting off laundry day for far too long and you really need to leave the house in your last clean article of clothing, make sure your nipples are visible and no one will give a shit what you're wearing. more »
June 18, 2007
God. Just Put It Away Already, Britney.
Dear Britney Spears,Please do us a favor. Go to your closet and light a match. Make sure every piece of clothing you own is in there, and feel the liberation of watching it all burn. But be careful not to stand too close, as we hear that polyester hair smells particularly gnarly when it burns. Why do we wish for you to set your entire wardrobe ablaze, you ask? The reason is twofold. 1) To take your Wet Seal couture out of circulation for the good of humanity and 2) in the hope that if you walk around completely naked every single day the sight will eventually become commonplace to us and we will never again have to write about the twelve times a week when you "forgot" that your coochie or your titty or your booty wasn't properly covered. We're hoping for desensitization here.
Thank you,
Your friends at CelebNewsWire
(And in case this open letter wasn't as clear of intention as the one written by Candy Spelling, after the cut, nipple!) more »
June 11, 2007
Sharon Stone's Knocker Shocker
We know you probably spent your weekend hiding out in the pool house kitchenette, hoping that your mom's hot friend, the one who spends three hours a day at the gym and the rest of her time trying to steal her daughter's boyfriend, would saunter in all dripping wet after her dip in the pool and strip down to let her body air dry while she examined every inch of the pool house's redecoration. But we're assuming that your hopes for the weekend probably weren't realized, so we'll give you the next best thing in the old-lady-titties category: Sharon Stone topless sunbathing. more »
May 30, 2007
Kristen Bell Wears Bikini, Demonstrates Madonna Truth or Dare Routine
Celebrity bikini season (summer edition) is coming into full swing right about now, yet our usual contenders are trying to kick the coke (again) or trying to look respectable so the butch prison bitches will think they're nice and not beat them into creamed corn. So it's time for a new crop to step up and strip down. Enter Veronica Mars. No. Wait. What's her name again? Kathy? Karen? Katie? Oh yeah, Kristen. Kristen Bell. If she wants us to really remember her, next time she'll forget to properly fasten her top and get caught in a Tara Reid moment. Until then she will remain Veronica Mars. more »
May 29, 2007
Kelly Brook Returns Her Clam to the Ocean
Kelly Brook is obviously having fun frolicking in the surf in her bikini while having her picture taken. Enlivening the festivities is a well-worn copy of George Michael's Faith. If you look really, really closely you might be able to see Kelly singing along: "Why can't you do it? Why can't you set your monkey free?" One thing that George has always excelled at is the power of persuasion. After the cut, freed monkey! more »
April 25, 2007
Oops I Slipped (T)It Again
After the cut, we proudly present the first Britney Spears naked slip pics in a month of Sundays. Certainly you're having flashbacks to yesterday's pictures. You know the ones. The ab ones, the 1999-redux ones. Those ones. Unfortunately, there is no such hotness in these new boob shots. There is, however, a novelty cowboy hat and a Target brand Princess Jasmine Halloween wig involved. Proceed at your own risk! more »
April 24, 2007
B-Ab-y One More Time
It's been nigh on a year since Britney Spears has occupied our top story "sexy lady" spot. Sure, there was the trilogy of Paris-enabled lady chasm flashes, but we were laughing at Britney there, not with her. Today, however, is a different story. Ignore her typical wig and haberdashery and focus, instead, on the fact that she appears to have magically traveled back in time to her heyday. The abs, where did they come from? The dance studio? The gym? A scalpel and vacuum hose? more »
April 20, 2007
Mischa Barton Lippage Slippage
Hey, Mischa Barton, star of screens large and small and shucker of Keds. Just wanted to say thanks for the lip slip (pics after the cut!). Much more interesting than your usual garden variety, whitebread nip slip, yet somehow classier than the full on panty-free cavity flash. However, although the soft womanly fold beckons us from alongside her pantaloons, we immediately flash to this, and we picture that swath of femininity being hammered, over and over, by the pendulum-like swing of the stretched-out bubble gum of Mr. Adler's cannonballs. And we weep for what could have been. more »
April 06, 2007
Kate Beckinsale Dreams of Huge Hooters
Kate Beckinsale wants huge, pendulous, bouncy, slap-you-in-the-face breasts. Oh my God, Kate Beckinsale is secretly a man! Her secret is revealed! Rush & Molloy report: Slim star Kate Beckinsale admits to Glamour magazine she'd love to trade bodies with Queen Latifah for a day because she has "gigantic real breasts." The "Underworld" actress says in the mag's new issue, on stands April 10, "I am so fascinated by breasts because my mother didn't have them, either. If I had them, I'd run up and down flights of stairs!"Right now we are cursing the forces of nature for under-bazooming Ms. Beckinsale. With her average-sized apples she thinks, "My melons are totally boring; no one wants to see such underwhelming udders. I might as well keep my shirt on." But had Kate been blessed with super-sized snoobs perhaps she would be the type to doff her top at every turn. Having a bad hair day? She'd flash her funbags for the paps so no one would notice her limp locks. Accidentally agree to a turd of a script? She'd add a scene where she could practice her favorite pastime, running up and down stairs topless--slow motion to be added in post production--and the film would be a surefire hit. more »
Lindsay Lohan is Allergic to Clothes
So apparently, Lindsay Lohan recently (well, within the past few months) showed up for a magazine photo shoot all zorked out on goofballs, and had an extremely difficult time keeping her business contained inside her clothing. The magazine, Pop, was forced to scrap the entire spread (pun intended) instead of foisting her fiery crotch upon a vagina-weary public again.
more »
April 02, 2007
Jessica Simpson and John Mayer's Sonorous Sex Probably More Harmonious Than Their Impromptu Duets
We at CelebNewsWire have been wanting to get into the mind-blowing business for quite a while now (cause, really, our normal blowing business is making our mouth really tired), so we might as well start with this: Jessica Simpson is having pre-marital sex! Loudly! Under the eyes and ears of God! Consider your mind blown. As for your other parts, you'll have to wait for your normal Thursday-afternoon appointment. more »
March 27, 2007
Thora Birch's Dad--the New Klaus Kinski!
We suppose that there are myriad drawbacks to being the offspring of two porn stars. Discussions of the office would include words like "jizz" and "gangbang", and of course the high-school-hallway taunts of "Hey, Thora, your mom sure is good at sucking dick." But having your dad on set while you're trying to film a simulated sex scene and the director is yelling "Harder! Faster!" has to be one of the worst. more »
March 23, 2007
Moss Serves up Mam on the Beach
Sometimes seeing the exact same thing over and over again can get boring. The fortieth time you drive around and the circle and see Big Ben, it's not so exciting. But when it's Kate Moss's nipple we're talking about it's more like seeing an old friend who doesn't come around often enough. He's always welcome, you'll always have a spot of tea for him, and you never tire of saying, "Cheerio, Kate Moss's nipple. How's the old chap?" more »
March 22, 2007
Carmen Electra and Joan Jett Just Friends Who Like to Kiss and Stuff
Since you've been wondering (and hoping and fantasizing and other disgusting things that we cannot mention on a respectable website), Carmen Electra and Joan Jett are not sharing their fuzzy muffins. Carmen's rep said so: "They are just friends." OK, we believe you Mr. or Ms. Electra publicist or agent or whosit. They just like to watch March 21, 2007
Scarlett, Rose, Nicky, and Janice Put in Qualifying Bids for the Flash-a-Lympics
Did someone declare today official poons 'n' pontoons day and forget to tell us? Because in our morning search for our Sexy Lady Story, we were barraged with upskirts, side boobs, see-throughs, anything that's hot but doesn't constitute actual nudity. It's as if all of Hollywood saw Lindsay Lohan's brave reveal of hose-clad clam and partial yam in one day and said, "Damn bitch, I can top that. Get a load of this!" After the cut, get a gander at the ladies' best efforts. more »
March 20, 2007
