filed under: Holly Madison

Despite her previous protestations to the contrary, Holly Madison confirmed her relationship with magician/secret eldest Jonas brother Criss Angel, when she appeared as his date for the opening of his new Vegas show on Saturday. The former Girl Next Door and the current king of the ankh jewelry section of the dragon and wizard store at the mall kissed in front of cameras, thus bringing their love into the open. It's hard to believe anyone outside of Rock of Love also-rans would date Mr. Angel, but then we realized that after years of coaxing boners out of an octogenarian, any dude who doesn't require a triple dose of Cialis and a dick splint to get an erection is a welcome sight.

• Get a black snake bone. Look at Christina Ricci in a bikini. (The Blemish)

• Keira Knightley was attacked by a wandering expletive-spewer and lived to tell the tale. (Yeeeah!)

• Being the concubine of Marilyn Manson, Evan Rachel Wood is used to standing next to undead ghouls, so she looks right at home beside Mickey Rourke. (CelebWarship)

• Hilary Swank will gain 30 pounds for a movie role. Which is cool because we also plan on gaining 30 pounds, basically because Totino's Pizza Rolls are on sale at Safeway. Solidarity! (Daily Stab)

• Ay oh! Oh ay! Whaddaya doin', Samanter? It's Alyssa Milano naked! (Mr. Skin)

• Another male has willingly placed his wango inside of Star Jones. (Holy Taco)

• Daniel Radcliffe admits when he was a teen, his magic wand found its way into a cougar's Hairy Pooter. (Derek Hail)

• Holly Madison take a carefree swing, and tosses out some beav. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Lacey Chabert gives us a party of two. (Fatback)

• Katie Holmes has the knees of a three dollar hooker. Or that girl Tammy who was voted "friendliest" in tenth grade. (Cityrag)