CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.
The Hollywood poop.
filed under: Heidi Klum
August 06, 2008
Project Topless
"Oh, you think you can take off your bikini top in a glamorous locale with photographers snapping away? You think you can get away with that, Cindy Crawford? Well, guess what, trick. It's judgment day. Ka-BOOM! Want a big plate of spδtzle? Off comes MY bikini top. You like that, Crawford? I'll show you what supermodel shirt-suckers are all about! You're OUT! YOU'RE OUTTTT!"There's a naked lady named Heidi Klum after the cut. Take heed. more »
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April 29, 2008
Iman Knows More About Fashion, Spiders from Mars Than Heidi Klum
We always thought that a model fight would consist of third-grade-level name calling and limply flicking their wrists in each other's general direction. Because they're dumb and weak from malnourishment, right? But we forgot that models usually have inflated levels of spunk and self-importance, meaning that underhanded digs and hair pulling are usually more likely. And if we're really lucky, we'll get one model dissing another's knowledge of fashion. That's like telling Paris Hilton she doesn't know how to suck a dick. According to Starpulse: David Bowie's supermodel wife Iman has hit out at TV colleague Heidi Klum, claiming she is far more qualified to host reality show Project Runway.Iman is so right. Heidi Klum doesn't even know the difference between charmeuse and crκpe de Chine. God, what an idiot. She probably won't even be able to strike back with "My interracial marriage to a creepy-yet-lovable musician is better than yours!" more »
Klum fronts the U.S. version of the show while Iman introduces the Canadian contest. The 52-year-old Somali-born model insists her resume is far more impressive and makes her a far more appropriate representative of the fashion industry.
She says, "Definitely Heidi and I come from two different places. I'm not belittling Heidi Klum, but I have been in fashion much more than she has. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been one of the best runway girls.
"I know clothes, and I know about working hand in hand with designers, I mean, I've worked with Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, John Galliano. Yves St Laurent - he created a whole collection for me. Tom Ford, Valentino. Versace. Jean Paul Gaultier. Thierry Mugler... I could go on and on."
March 25, 2008
Heidi Klum Wears Paint; Little Else
There are certain philosophical questions that dwell in nearly every human's mind. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? What killed the dinosaurs? If a tree falls in the woods etc.? If Heidi Klum is not wearing a shirt but has a thin wash of paint sprinkled over her boobs, does that mean she's naked? Adopt the pose of Rodin's The Thinker and ponder this after the cut. Ponder it while touching yourself where you urinate.more »
February 20, 2008
CNW Junk Drawer: Boozin' and Coozin'
More oddly smooth Britney mons pubis. We're starting to think that maybe those are flesh-toned undies. Foiled! (Faded Youth) But she still can't see her chitlins. (The Hollywood Gossip)
The bottle came between Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst. The bottle, and her baby vampire fangs. (Yeeeah!)
Denise Richards says that exploiting her children in a reality show is fine, because they said yes when she asked them if they wanted to be on TV. They're two and three. If you asked them if they wanted to have live jellyfish sewn to their faces, they'd say "Yaaaay!" (I'm Not Obsessed)
J. Lo has checked in to the hospital! She will now proceed to birth a child from each of her buns. (PopCrunch)
Hilary's Duff, in a bikini. (Egotastic)
The Heidi Klum-Seal family, in a traveling version of Cats. (Derek Hail)
Megan Fox Jacks it. (Fatback)
Alba pulls a Lindsay and recreates old junk in photos. Only without the boobs, natch. (The Blemish)
OMG, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden actually left the house! They're such horrible parents! Alert DCFS! (Celeb Warship)
November 26, 2007
Heidi Klum Has Great Knockers
You know, just this morning we were thinking, "How are Heidi Klum's boobs? We haven't looked at them in a while, and we just can't remember if she has great knockers or not." Lucky for us Heidi never stops thinking about her boobs and wants everyone to know that her jugs are juicy. Juicy and jiggly and full of ammo. And really, what better way to entice people to watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show than by having bra-clad Heidi Klum play with her palookas? We can't think of one, unless it involves ditching the bra, which would be a bit counter-productive for an underwear store.November 15, 2007
Heidi Klum: Nippleless Wonder
Here's a very important question for all you knocker aficionados out there: When was the last time we saw Heidi Klum's nipples? Sure, they've popped up in a couple of Sports Illustrated-related venues, but that was quite a while ago. Do we actually have proof that Heidi's nipples weren't sacrificed in a freak modeling accident involving a rabid squirrel or a blowtorch or something? Is it possible that one of the baby Seals bit them clean off? Because Heidi's photo shoot for Max magazine is the second time in 2007 that we've seen her sort of naked but looking kind of like an extra from A.I. Perhaps after farting out a few tykes Heidi didn't want to go through the trouble of dieting and exercising and just had a somewhat lifelike suit of plastic body armor built in her pre-spawning image and she stuffs her post-baby body into the thing whenever she needs to be seen in public. Decide for yourself after the cut. more »
October 26, 2007
CNW Junk Drawer: Biel 'Brella Bashes Like Britney
Now that it's raining more than ever/know that Biel still hates the paparazzi/You can get beat by her umba-rella/You get beat by her umba-rella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay. (Egotastic!) Britney Spears pretends she has narcolepsy, which is not an oozing venereal disease, like one might automatically assume. (Yeeeah!)
Katie "Jordan" Price gives a hot blow job!!! She'll really straighten you out! (Drunken Stepfather)
Work that butt chin, Jessica Simpson. (IDLYITW)
Now we know what Heidi Klum sees in Seal. (Pssst! It's his enormous penis!!!!) (Derek Hail)
Happy Halloween! Please stick your candle into Christina Ricci's pumpkins. She was Wednesday Addams, after all, so this is plenty relevant. (Cityrag)
Find out what happens when Dinas stop being orange and start gittin' REAL. (Fatback and Collards)
And speaking of questionable Lohans (are there any other kind?), Michael is dressed like it's twink night at the Wet Piston, wtf. (Celeb Warship)
Rwanda postponed its visit from Paris Hilton, presumably because it needed to reinforce its herpes levees. (Celebitchy)
Scarlett Johansson knows that nothing says "we're casually dating, I'm kind of into you" than forcing your boyfriend to don your body parts around his neck like a gilded noose. (The Blemish)
August 23, 2007
Heidi Klum, Heinie Bum
Like Beyonce and her armpits, Lohan and her peace sign, and Christina Aguilera's kiss-blowing, Heidi Klum appears to have created her own ubiquitous signature pose. Though the "topless with hair over Photoshopped nipples" is a little more difficult to pull off than the Kardashian "looking over shoulder with jutting heinie" on the red carpet. However, we have faith that if anyone can make it happen, Heidi can. She's German, and they are an industrious people.After the cut, said Photoshoppery, plus ass! Full-on, balls-out naked ass! more »
August 16, 2007
The Jordache Look: Nipple-Free
Jordache jeans seem to have a hard time catapulting themselves beyond their rainbows-and-Lisa-Frank-stickers 1983 image. Their previous ad campaign of Brittany Murphy as a classic horse girl didn't help much, so the fatcats over at Jordache have wisely decided to ditch the bestiality and go straight for naked boobality. Hence the new ad with Heidi Klum. People quotes Heidi as saying:
"There were 20, 30 people on set to take the pictures," she said of the photo shoots with Brett Ratner, normally an action movie director moonlighting as a fashion photographer. "He had a lot of assistants. So I don't have to do that much. They all make me look good."What doesn't look good? Mean Mr. Photoshop completely erasing Heidi's nipples, making her look like Fashion Jeans Barbie. If there are no nipples, are boobs actually boobs? This is like the titty version of Kyle XY.
more »
May 23, 2007
Heidi Klum's Breasts: Hear Them Now and Believe Them Later
Naming body parts is a practice generally reserved for post-fraternity types and Sex and the City obsessives, guffawing and high-fiving over "Corporal Frank n' Beans", or tittering behind a manicured hand about "the girls". So it comes as a bit of a surprise that Heidi Klum is a practitioner. She recently shared the following tale about her boobs:
"They've been an ongoing joke for, like, 12 years. It started because I was from Germany, and people always make fun of ze Germans, yah? So when I began modeling, I used to say, 'These are German breasts, one is called Hans and one is called Franz.' ""Pump you up" jokes aside, Heidi might want to consider updating her boob names. Unless she's sticking with a theme and calls her butt "Stuart Smalley" and her genitals "The Church Lady". more »
December 14, 2006
Wonderland! Wonderland! It's Johan Klum Seal!
This morning we saw the first pictures of Heidi Klum and Seal's new son, Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo Samuel. It was sort of like looking at one of those Knifestlyes of the Rich and Famous spreads in Star Touch or In Weekly or whichever, where you try to figure out just what's different between the two pictures, the snaps in this case being Johan and Heidi Seal's first son, Henry. We were going to make a joke about nicknaming Johan "White Henry", but then we had a vision of ourself encased in fire and chanting "Yes Satan" and we thought better of it. more »
November 27, 2006
Heidi Klum Not as Good at Making Music as She Is at Making Babies
Friday morning as you were climbing over the little old lady with the club foot to get to the half-price cashmere rack, you heard the strains of Wham!'s "Last Christmas" and knew that you were in for a torturous month of George Michael haunting your dreams. But just be thankful that the Christmas stylings of Heidi Klum have yet to make it to the overhead sound system at Macy's.
(And, yes, we realize that we are making fun of a woman who just days ago gave birth to her third child, but we're ok with that.) more »
(And, yes, we realize that we are making fun of a woman who just days ago gave birth to her third child, but we're ok with that.) more »
November 01, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: "Like Women Everywhere"
Is Australian actress Abbie Cornish the real reason behind the Reese/Ryan breakup? That would mark the second time Ryan's fallen for a blonde with an incredibly silly last name. At least he's consistent.
Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, herhandler best friend ever threw a burlap sack over her head, threw her in the back of a Brinks security van, drove her to a secluded location 4 miles beneath the earth's crust, and subjected her to 72 straight hours of deprogramming and delousing.
Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
Sumner Redstone says that he dropped Tom Cruise's contract because his wife, Paula, "like women everywhere, had come to hate him." Ouch, and hahahahaha.
Cindy Margolis is in Playboy. And her bod makes us hum Bob Seger's "Like a Rock".
The drummer for McFly (who?) has been bragging to anyone who'll listen that he has felt the gently licking flames of Lohan's firecrotch. Yeeeeah, that's like bragging that you ate food once, or that you sometimes blink.
Step aside, Brangelina! Take a hike, Bennifer! Let's all give a warm welcome to . . . Tophvanka Grump!
If there's anything U.S. Marines hate, it's being in the presence of a large-breasted, blonde, ultra-famous porn star.
Katie Holmes recently ran into Brooke Shields and stopped to chat. Afterwards, her
Heidi Klum: finally, a celebrity who ain't afraid to get a little scary for the sake of Halloween. Nicely done.
Patrick Dempsey's ex-wife, whom he married when he was 21 and she was the 48-year-old stepmother of his best friend, is alleging that he beat her during the filming of Can't Buy Me Love. Hey, these actors are tempestuous, artistic types and often have trouble bringing their work home with them at the end of the day. Can you really blame Dempsey for feeling violent when he spent day in and day out in character as a brutal, sexist killer with a hair-trigger temper. Wait, what? Can't Buy Me Love was about a mild-mannered nerd on a riding lawnmower? Oh.
August 10, 2006
Heidi Klum Bids Her Clothes Auf Wiedersehen for Esquire
July 31, 2006
Heidi Klum = Heinie No Klothes
We love Heidi Klum. Not like that writer for Gilmore Girls loves Heidi Klum, but more in a we-wish-we-could-share-our-popsicle-with-her kind of way. (And, yes, we do realize that the last sentence sounded extremely dirty, but we swear we meant an actual popsicle.) But you know what we love more than Heidi Klum? A partially naked Heidi Klum. Like this:
Can't you just hear her saying, As you know, in Heidi Klum you're either in or you're out. more »
Can't you just hear her saying, As you know, in Heidi Klum you're either in or you're out. more »
June 21, 2006
CNW Junk Drawer: No Bra? Ono!
Heidi Klum impregnated by Seal; expecting another flipper baby.
Posh Spice to become godmother to Ginger Spice's baby daughter, Bluebell Spice. That's nice. When Bluebell needs advice on bulimia, tanning beds, and how to be a good trophy wife, she'll have a wealth of information at her fingertips.
Yet MORE Toni Braxton nipples. You can put those things away now, honey.
Nicole Kidman sends a case of beer to the paparazzi. We assume the reason for this was so that they wouldn't notice that her face has been freshly pulled, drawn up and over the back of her skull, and tacked into place for her upcoming nuptials.
Robert Evans divorcing. Seventh time ain't the charm, apparently.
Tera Patrick pics from FHM magazine. Which must stand for Fricking Humpable Mams.
SNL's Andy Samberg gets Dunsted!
Jen Love Hewitt's hugetits strapped in by nothing but a flimsy . . . Yoko Ono shirt?
Michelle Rodriguez dreams of a relationship with Colin Farrell, but sadly, it can never be. Because he's not a girl.
Posh Spice to become godmother to Ginger Spice's baby daughter, Bluebell Spice. That's nice. When Bluebell needs advice on bulimia, tanning beds, and how to be a good trophy wife, she'll have a wealth of information at her fingertips.
Yet MORE Toni Braxton nipples. You can put those things away now, honey.
Nicole Kidman sends a case of beer to the paparazzi. We assume the reason for this was so that they wouldn't notice that her face has been freshly pulled, drawn up and over the back of her skull, and tacked into place for her upcoming nuptials.
Robert Evans divorcing. Seventh time ain't the charm, apparently.
Tera Patrick pics from FHM magazine. Which must stand for Fricking Humpable Mams.
SNL's Andy Samberg gets Dunsted!
Jen Love Hewitt's hugetits strapped in by nothing but a flimsy . . . Yoko Ono shirt?
Michelle Rodriguez dreams of a relationship with Colin Farrell, but sadly, it can never be. Because he's not a girl.
December 21, 2005
CNW Junk Drawer: Scars on Titties and Whiskers on Kittens
Pink promises that for one day only, her wedding day, she will "be a girl". But after the ceremony is over, the dress and all its frilly, lacy trappings will come off, the foot-long silicone strap-on will come out, and Pink will bend her new husband over their marriage bed and show that little bitch who wears the pants.
Heidi Klum probes her husband.
Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!
50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.
Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.
Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?
Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!
The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.
Heidi Klum probes her husband.
Which one's cuter?: Mischa Barton with a kitty! Awww! Awwww! Awwwwwwwwww!
50 Cent will let his little boy mock murder people and watch porno, but cussing's where he draws the line.
Lindsay Lo-ho and Keanu Reeves might be heading for a shack-up. One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two have.
Nip slip? Bah. Lip slip? Soooo two days ago. Rhona Mitra goes next level with an implant scar slip. Jealous, bitches?
Sorry, boys! Elton John is officially off the market!
The terrorists will never win when we have freedom on our side! Freedom, and Alyssa Milano's breast.
November 10, 2005
CNW Junk Drawer: "Baby, I'm Scaring Myself!"
Pink says she wants to have lezzie sex with Kelly Osbourne. Well, that makes one of us.
Jessica Alba pokes our eyes out. With her tits.
Renιe Zellweger's behatted bygone ball and chain Kenny Chesney assures us that he's "pretty firm" in his sexuality. Just pretty firm, though.
Stamos Nachos learns an important lesson: when driving Paris Hilton's Bentley under the influence while chased by paparazzi and while bystanders are filming the whole melee, do not obscure your drunken double vision with your jacket or you will crash into a truck, leaving your girlfriend no other recourse than to blow kisses at the cops. Oh, please, like we all haven't been there.
Mischa Barton's publicist once urged her to play hide-the-hot-dog with Leonardo diCaprio to further her career. Mischa expressed digust, not because he looks like a weepy-eyed Pekingese or the fact that he was on Growing Pains and totally has gross Ben Seaver germs, but because he's "like, thirty, or something".
Jessica Simpson tried to pull an Angelina and went on a humanitarian mission to Africa, only to fake sick. Because she's an asshole.
Models! Fluffy wings! Horny elves! Tyra Banks's farewell to modeling! Asses curiously devoid of cellulite! Light-up tit-tays! Candy canes! Inexplicable puffballs! High-res pics! Heidi Klum having a better body 8 hours after giving birth than we had at age 16! It's the Victoria's Secret fashion show! Wheeee!
Jessica Alba pokes our eyes out. With her tits.
Renιe Zellweger's behatted bygone ball and chain Kenny Chesney assures us that he's "pretty firm" in his sexuality. Just pretty firm, though.
Stamos Nachos learns an important lesson: when driving Paris Hilton's Bentley under the influence while chased by paparazzi and while bystanders are filming the whole melee, do not obscure your drunken double vision with your jacket or you will crash into a truck, leaving your girlfriend no other recourse than to blow kisses at the cops. Oh, please, like we all haven't been there.
Mischa Barton's publicist once urged her to play hide-the-hot-dog with Leonardo diCaprio to further her career. Mischa expressed digust, not because he looks like a weepy-eyed Pekingese or the fact that he was on Growing Pains and totally has gross Ben Seaver germs, but because he's "like, thirty, or something".
Jessica Simpson tried to pull an Angelina and went on a humanitarian mission to Africa, only to fake sick. Because she's an asshole.
Models! Fluffy wings! Horny elves! Tyra Banks's farewell to modeling! Asses curiously devoid of cellulite! Light-up tit-tays! Candy canes! Inexplicable puffballs! High-res pics! Heidi Klum having a better body 8 hours after giving birth than we had at age 16! It's the Victoria's Secret fashion show! Wheeee!
November 03, 2005
Halloween Costumes of the Rich and Trampy
We're the kind of people who leave our Christmas lights and animatronic waving Santa out until April. The type who likes to have Turkey leftovers until Dec. 17th. And the type of people who thumb our nose at The Man and plant trees allll fuckin' year, man, not just Arbor Day. So we'd like you to join us in extending the Halloween season. Take our hand, and together we'll enjoy watching young Hollywood turn Halloween into HO-lloweener. more »
October 19, 2005
CNW Junk Drawer: Days of Wine Coke and Roses
According to PerezHilton.com, Rose McGowan was arrested last night at the T-Mobile party in Hollywood. He won't say why, but there are little Photoshopped white granules gently marching up her nose in the picture. Does she have really bad allergies? Was she doing some particularly dusty drywall work? Seriously, can someone help us decipher this cryptic clue?
Britney reportedly has post-partum depression after turding out baby Sean Federspears. Blah blah Tom Cruise blah blah blah blah.
J. Lo-Anthony to show a little spare tire for the upcoming Pirelli calendar, alongside disco dust martyr Kate Moss.
Possibly old, possibly not even Paris Hilton, but there's an ass, a boat, another naked girl, and no Tom Sizemore in sight.
And for David Copperfield's next trick, he'll impregnate a woman onstage without touching her. Blah blah Tom Cruise blah blah blah Katie Holmes blah.
Angelina and Brad are betrothed?
First picture of the offspring of Seal and Heidi Klum is available, and little Henry sure is . . . he's really . . . he's quite . . . he's, uh, got a nice head of hair.
Bono says he always wears sunglasses because "My eyes are very sensitive to light. Also, I'm a humungously pretentious douchelord."
Britney reportedly has post-partum depression after turding out baby Sean Federspears. Blah blah Tom Cruise blah blah blah blah.
J. Lo-Anthony to show a little spare tire for the upcoming Pirelli calendar, alongside disco dust martyr Kate Moss.
Possibly old, possibly not even Paris Hilton, but there's an ass, a boat, another naked girl, and no Tom Sizemore in sight.
And for David Copperfield's next trick, he'll impregnate a woman onstage without touching her. Blah blah Tom Cruise blah blah blah Katie Holmes blah.
Angelina and Brad are betrothed?
First picture of the offspring of Seal and Heidi Klum is available, and little Henry sure is . . . he's really . . . he's quite . . . he's, uh, got a nice head of hair.
Bono says he always wears sunglasses because "My eyes are very sensitive to light. Also, I'm a humungously pretentious douchelord."
September 13, 2005
A Veritable Explosion of Infants
Yesterday, Michael Brown resigned from his trophy position heading up FEMA, and all the little babies incubating in the wombs of showbiz ladies caught wind and decided it was finally safe to enter the world. Photo spreads in People with the headline "Oh Baby!" TK. more »
August 09, 2005
CNW Junk Drawer: A False Paris Walks Among Us
Christina Aguilera reaches out one manicured hand and gleefully sounds the death gong on Britney's career.
Choo-choo! All aboard the Breakup Train 2k5! Keira Knightley and her arm candy split, and Sadie Frost cut her pet boy loose after she was awarded $10.5 million clams in her Jude Law divorce settlement. See ya, sucker!
Mike Tyson: philosopher. Poet. Testicle-stomper.
Now, don't you go gettin' yerself a swoll head, Paris. Having an imposter is a nice start, but you haven't truly arrived until you have your very own stalker.
Walking in Memphis. Shot in Denver.
Heidi Klum: pregnant, praying, licking? Whatta country!
Eminem busts out his most hard-hitting lyrics yet!
Choo-choo! All aboard the Breakup Train 2k5! Keira Knightley and her arm candy split, and Sadie Frost cut her pet boy loose after she was awarded $10.5 million clams in her Jude Law divorce settlement. See ya, sucker!
Mike Tyson: philosopher. Poet. Testicle-stomper.
Now, don't you go gettin' yerself a swoll head, Paris. Having an imposter is a nice start, but you haven't truly arrived until you have your very own stalker.
Walking in Memphis. Shot in Denver.
Heidi Klum: pregnant, praying, licking? Whatta country!
Eminem busts out his most hard-hitting lyrics yet!