CelebNewsWire - The skinny. The scoop. The Hollywood poop. Wherever there is a nipple slip, we'll be there. If there's a party, you'll find us doing shots with Lindsay Lohan and upskirt flashing alongside Britney Spears. Wherever Paris Hilton is breaking the law, you'll see us. If there's a celebrity sex tape, we will find it. Nude stars, drunk stars, scandals, hookups, breakups? Let CelebNewsWire be your guide. Hold our hands. Come inside.

filed under: Gisele Bundchen

June 18, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: An Emmy's Just Like a Razzie, Right?

• Lindsay Lohan has pulled a Heigl and withdrawn her name from the Emmy race. To which the Emmy panel said, "OK. Sounds good. Who's Lindsay Lohan?" (Celebitchy)

• Mickey Rourke takes his new face out to ogle some gay stripper's grape-smugglers. (Yeeeah!)

• Keanu Reeves is seeing China Chow. You're also seeing China Chow. Seeing her topless, that is. In related news, China Chow is not kibble for Chinese people that comes in a 15 lb bag. Who knew? (Taxi Driver)

• Jennifer Lopez and Unfrozen Caveman Husband take their spawn out for some fresh air. (Faded Youth)

• Forget danceoffs; Mel B is getting her revenge on Eddie Murphy with an album called Beverly Hills Cock. That sounds nice. (Daily Stab)

• The many toups of Jeremy Piven. (Cityrag)

• Nicole Richie gets her Mrs. Roper on. (Seriously OMG WTF?!)

• Gisele Bundchen speaks highly of beau Tom Brady; says he "doesn't have a bad bone in his body." That's right, because his bad bone is in YOUR body. Swish! (CelebWarship)

• Boil some water and get some clean sheets--Britney's on her way to Lousiana to be there for Jamie-Lynn's birthin'! Wait a minute, we're talking about Spearses. Boil some Diet Mountain Dew and get some dirty sheets! (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Puffy Dangle Doobie Diddle waxes his nutbag. It is imperative that we know this. (The Blemish)

• Kate Moss dons a tasteful, maternal see-through dress to take her daughter for a stroll. (Flisted)

• Anne Hathaway is all, "there once was a man from Nantucket." (WENN)

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April 24, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: A Whole Bundch of Side Boob

• Gisele gifts us with the side of her supermodel superbooble. (Drunken Stepfather)

• All hail the Poshycat Doll. (Daily Stab)

• Kids, heed the sad tale of Naomi Campbell's hairline: weave abuse leads to baldness. (Yeeeah!)

• Rihanna has a crotch that emits mystical hot pink beams! (Cityrag)

• More Mischa Barton titty buttons from Closing the Ring. Now with video! (Egotastic!)

• Julia Roberts stinks. (FemaleFirst)

• Julianne Moore shows Moore of herself. Namely, nipples. (Fatback)

• Billie Piper flashed a peck of freckled poppers. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Amy Winehouse spends a night being dainty and demure. (CelebWarship)

• Miley Cyrus in a typical MySpace picture pose. I.e., with exposed underwear. (Pop Crunch)

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April 16, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Oh, Behave

• Gisele Bundchen may be costarring in the new Austin Powers movie. Terrific. What's next, Adriana Lima in Mighty Ducks V? (Daily Stab)

• Eva Longoria and her husband want to invite Posh and Becks over for a foursome. A foursome consisting of slow and sensual games of Cootie! and Mousetrap. (Female Foist)

• Debbie Gibson got a restraining order against her stalker, who sounds like a real Electric Douche. Haw haw haw! (Celebitchy)

• "Deer dairy. today i went down and used the terlet at the Cogo's on wilshur bulevard. i plum fergoted my pantys inside! then i pixed up a ~~parperp~~ ~~pupozee~~ parparotzy man and kissed on him. rainbows r pritty!!!!!111" Britney Spears has video diaries and they may be released, woo hoo! (Hollywire)

• John Mayer's body is a wonderland. A wonderland of cliche tattoos like koi fish and waves and blooming flowers. (Cityrag)

• Elisha Cuthbert puts down cigarette long enough to grab her own tit in Maxim. (F-listed)

• Evan Rachel Wood's transformation into boyfriend Marilyn Manson is complete. Excellent. Release the bats! (CelebWarship)

• Bret Michaels says that "My hair is combined of my hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer." And all this time we thought it was Britney's castoff weaveage sewn onto a bandanna. (ONTD)

• Pictures of Pete Doherty in jail. Hair product fashioned out of leftover butter pats. (Dlisted)

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April 04, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: Eatin' Kids, Beatin' Pigs

• Bite-sized Heroes star Hayden Panettiere volunteered at World Children's Day, where she proceeded to devour all the babies under age two and pick her teeth with their discarded, semi-gnawed rib bones. (The Blemish)

• Even when you take away her hand-held communication devices and remove her from the vicinity of assistants, Naomi Campbell will come out swinging and hissing and--yes--spitting. (Yeeeah!)

• Brandon Davis, alias "Greasy Bear", aka "Fat Elvis", is no longer anti-Firecrotch. He's decided he hates black people and gays way more. (TMZ)

• Angelina Jolie at a nubile sixteen! Before the blood, the Brad, the Billy Bob, the babies there was . . . really unflattering 1990s bathing suits with curious sheer cut-outs? (Egotastic)

• Mena Suvari's crapper is delectable in a thong. Do we mean "butt" or "toilet"? Click here to find out the shocking answer! (Drunken Stepfather)

• Anne Hathaway's boyfriend was arrested for bouncing a $250,000 check. Aw, that could happen to anyone. Oh, wait, we though that said "$2.50 check". (Celeb Warship)

• Who wears assless shorts? Gisele Bundchen wears assless shorts. (I Don't Like You In That Way)

• I got fingered by Megan Fox (and it felt like a kiss). (Hollywood Tuna)

• Lucky Kristen Bell gets to pose on the cover of Cosmopolitan next to the blurb "When Your Boobs Act Weird". (Daily Stab)

• Jerry Seinfeld flipped his car. He's OK though, so we can all have a hearty guffaw or whatever. (Holy Taco)

• Cameron Diaz is looking very Amazonian in GQ. (Bitten and Bound)

• Tom Cruise takes Suri to the playground. Not to play, though. To have a series discussion about SPs and OC Clears. (A Socialite's Life)

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March 12, 2008

Gisele Bunchen and Tom Brady Sex Tape: Full-Bodied with Bold Tannins

Models and athletes are paid for what they do with their bodies and not so much for their Marilyn Vos Savant brand of brains, so it comes as no surprise that they like to film said rippling, lithe bodies entangled in sexual ecstasy without thinking about the consequences of such a film being released to the public. The latest victims of sex tape folly: homewrecking supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her dimple-chinned quarterback lover, Tom Brady. According to Page Six, the pair were busted joining groins in the wine cellar of a New York restaurant:

Philippe on East 60th Street has allegedly videotaped celebrity customers as they frolicked in what they thought was a private room. The restaurant's private wine cellar is outfitted with hidden security cameras. And employees at the Chinese eatery have screened the videos after the stars leave, says an insider. "They've watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people," said our source. "Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what's going on." A rep for Philippe confirmed there are cameras in the private rooms, especially where expensive wine is stored, "for security purposes," but claimed that "all tapes are deleted. It is completely and utterly false that anyone has access to view the videos at Philippe, which are maintained off-site at our corporate headquarters," said flack Ronn Torossian. "The privacy of our clientele is our foremost concern. . . . Any statement saying to the contrary is utterly and completely false." Bundchen's rep had no comment and Brady's rep did not return an e-mail.

With all the riches and diamond tiaras and bars of gold that celebrities have, it's nice to know that when it comes down to it, they still prefer to hook up in dank, musty, cold, dark holes, just like the rest of us mortals. And by "mortals" we mean "voles and groundhogs". Nothing like the scent of rotting cork and the sensuous touch of cobwebs on your bare ass to really get that genital batter flowing. more »

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October 23, 2007

When a Thong Isn't a Thong

Here is morbidly obese sow Gisele "Tank" Bundchen in a bikini, again. You know, it's rather remarkable that this little chippie can perform a series of tasks--wedgie-harvesting, water-in-ear-head-smacking, fry-gobbling, comical-towel-on-head-as-makeshift-hat-wearing--that would make any other human being look about as appealing as a bediapered Mickey Rourke on a Pogo Ball, and yet, she still looks eminently screwable. Alluring, really. Rapturously so. She could twirl her finger around in her belly button and then sniff it while letting a little string of vomit dangle from her lower lip, and we'd still be like, "Look at that delicate beauty, bewitching us with her beguiling mannerisms."

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October 22, 2007

Gisele Bundchen Is a Cow

God, Gisele, lay off the donuts. You're disgusting. Really, you're like one bacon double cheeseburger away from Martha Dumptruck territory. Ick. Nice side boob, though.

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July 18, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: Benatard

• Hilary Duff knows that love is a battlefield and hell is for children; dons Benatar pants to prove it. (Hollywood Tuna)

• Bridget Moynahan is such a bitch, getting pregnant when she did so the baby's due date coincided with her then-boyfriend's future Brazilian supermodel girlfriend's birthday. How dare she? How dare she? (The Blemish)

• Kelly Clarkson snacks upon weed cookies. (Cityrag)

• Scary Spice is set to marry her new boyfriend, who has a "much bigger cock" than Eddie Murphy. Yeah, but IS he a much bigger cock than Eddie Murphy? Ho ho, we thought not. Wait, what? (Bossip)

• Being pregnant totally grossed out Jaime Pressly. Awesome, because her naming her son "Dezi" totally grossed us out. And now we're even. (Celebitchy)

• Dave Chappelle was hospitalized for "exhaustion". Because sitting on comically giant piles of money and not making any new shows really takes it out of a guy. (Bricks and Stones)

• Jon Lovitz wiped up a bar with Andy Dick's stupid face. We Lovitz! (Derek Hail)

• Winona Ryder blames shoplifting on drugs. Which would also explain her sexual coupling with Dave Pirner. (Celeb Warship)

• Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. That's right. Kimberly Stewart's butt cheeks. (Daily Stab)

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May 01, 2007

Gisele Bundchen Secretly Leaving Victoria's Secret

Gisele Bundchen is officially packing up her bespangled brassiere, unstrapping the thong from 'twixt her cheeks, and parting ways with Victoria's Secret, or as your elderly Southern aunt says, "The Victoria Secrets". The NY Post reports:

The Brazilian mannequin is giving up her wings as lead angel for the lingerie giant because it wouldn't up her $5 million-a-year salary. Her sister, Patricia Bundchen, confirmed to Brazilian Web site Glamurana that contract talks had broken off. "Her demands were outrageous. She got a new lawyer who was unrealistic," said a source. "Victoria's Secret doesn't care. They have five new hotter, younger girls debuting next year. And they won't have to deal with any craziness." Reps for Bundchen didn't return e-mails. A rep for Victoria's Secret declined comment.

You hear that, Gisele? Not only does VS not give a crap about losing their cash cow, they have a stable of five--count 'em! FIVE!--girls waiting in the wings--Victoria's Secret angel wings, that is! LOL!--who are so remarkably young, hot, and uncrazy that they will reduce every heterosexual male in their path to sniveling puddles of semen. They're like the Greek muses mixed with Helen of Troy mixed with Nefertiti mixed with Charlie's Angels. Mixed with the Pussycat Dolls. Mixed with the Swedish beach volleyball team. And the Appolonia 6. more »

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March 09, 2007

Tom Brady Might Have Jizz-eled Inside Bundchen

And speaking of infinks simmering in the wombs of international sex bombs, here's one from the "probably bullcrap but we'll report it anyway" files. According to Boston.com:

A Brazilian website reported yesterday that Tom Brady’s girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant. Bundchen would be no more than two months [along], but may already have told select friends and family.

MAY be pregnant. MAY have told friends and family. Way to avoid controversy, Boston. Let's just assume this is simply a rumor, but honestly, does it need to be a rumor? What's the point? Tom Brady is already a revered professional athlete who gets paid more than surgeons who restore sight to blind orphans, his Abercrombiesque mug melts women to the ground, and he's already put a baby inside physically enchanting Bridget Moynahan. Do we really, really need to believe that his sperm is made of rubies and the finest fatty tuna with the ability to penetrate the wombs of the world's choicest females? We think it's most likely just wishful thinking on the part of US Weekly and People who, in dire need of a cute catchphrase now that "baby bump" has fallen out of favor, are deliriously picturing the clever "THE BRADY BUNDCHEN!" headlines. more »

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February 28, 2007

Kimbo Stewart FHM's Most Eligible Bachelorette. Must Look up Definition of "Eligible Bachelorette"

When you imagine which young, single, hot girl you would most like to share your dangly bits with, names like Jessica (either Alba or Biel will do) or Scarlett might come to mind. But in the FHM offices they want nothing more than to drive their collective Downtown Train into Kimbo Stewart. Hey, Joe Francis did declare her a better fuck than Tara Reid. That's something, right? more »

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January 18, 2007

Hot Legs, Charlize is Wearin' Me Out

A flame-painted PT Cruiser pulls up to the curb. The door opens. Out pops four pump-shod women, one of whom has just been given the trampy makeover of her life by the other three. They wreak havoc on the denizens of a diner as three men--two bearded and one just named "Beard"--apparate, chuckling and throwing gold-plated keychains around. The made over woman is Charlize Theron. She's got legs. And she knows how to use them. more »

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October 26, 2006

Gisele and Her Nipple Serve You Steakhouse Selects

By now, we've become rather accustomed to celebrities' terrible Halloween costumes. You'd think that with all that extra cheddar they could afford to hire a few random seamstresses to whip up something jawdropping and fantastical, like a pegacorn-vs-unicorn battle costume, or the Sears Tower or some such thing. But no, they usually just do a slightly more expensive version of the sexy kitty cat or sexy nurse or sexy maid. Model Gisele Bundchen, however, has our heart with a new spin on the tried and true "sexy" costume:

Sexy T.G.I. Friday's waitstaff. more »

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December 06, 2005

Gisele Bundchen Won't Show Her Bum-chen

Do you feel an otherworldly affinity with Leonardo DiCaprio? Did you spend the first few months of 2005 obsessively washing your hands and peeing into bottles? Do you really, really want to complete your loser-to-Leo transformation by seeing Gisele Bundchen's ass? Well, too bad sucker, she's not showing it. more »

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Mr. Skin's Nudity Review: Gisele Bundchen
CNdb: Gisele Bundchen Review