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filed under: George Clooney

November 07, 2007

Girl Fight! Fabio vs. George Clooney!

Have you ever seen two seven-year-old girls fight over whose Bratz doll is the whoriest? "Mine has a shorter skirt!" "Well, mine has more turquoise eye shadow!" "But mine stayed out all night in the Burger King parking lot with my Zac Efron doll. And they were drinking beer!" And then much arm flailing and hair pulling and high-pitched screeching ensues? If so then you can pretty much imagine what a shove fight between George Clooney and Fabio looks like. According to Page Six:

DON'T sit George Clooney next to former romance model Fabio. On Friday, Clooney and gal pal Sarah Larsen were having dinner at L.A. eatery Madeo next to Fabio and a group of women. All was well until one of Fabio's pals started taking pictures of her friends. According to numerous eyewitnesses, Clooney, assuming the woman was taking snaps of him, asked her to stop - prompting Fabio to explain that the shots were of his group, not Clooney, and to tell the superstar, "Stop being a diva." Clooney started arguing back, and he and Fabio then got into a shoving match. "The waiters broke it up before it got out of hand," a witness told In Touch. Clooney then paid his check and left before finishing his meal. According to another In Touch witness, Ron Marotto, "George looked annoyed when Fabio went to his table. George stood up, dropped the F-bomb and then went to push him . . . George was drinking . . . He wasn't drunk, but he certainly wasn't stone sober, either." Fabio's manager told the magazine, "George is lucky he didn't end up in the ER." Clooney's rep declined to comment to Page Six.

We imagine that a fight between Fabio and the Cloon would be pretty well matched, as each would be too frightened of messing up their manicure to go too far. But we also think that Fabio has a secret weapon. Why else would he persist with the flowing romance-novel locks if they didn't possess the ability to transform into dozens of tiny whips that could lash at an offender's face until he was bloody and unrecognizable?

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October 29, 2007

George Clooney's Egg-Throwing Machine

Be very careful if you intend upon trespassing at George Clooney's Italian villa: You may end up covered in raw egg. Which is probably not the sort of sticky, gelatinous material most intruders are hoping to get on their face. Star magazine reports (via Celebitchy):

[George Clooney] recently installed an egg-throwing machine at his mansion on Italy’s ritzy Lake Como. The machine, which the hunky actor helped design, hurls rag eggs at those who cross an infrared sensor in front of his 15-bedroom Villa Oleandra. “He’s thrilled with it,” says a source, “and has told his Italian staff to give him daily updates on what happens to the worst offenders!”

This is a vast improvement on his former security system, which consisted of his groundskeeper Sal eating a pot of baked beans and then stumbling up to any intruders and requesting that they pull his finger. You're moving up in the world, Clooney, moving on up.

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September 24, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: What's Red, White, and Screwed All Over?

• Nicole Richie in a bikini. Now with more boobs and fetus; less jutting latissimus dorsi. (Egotastic!)

• Drummer gets pounded: Meg White sex tape? We say not her, but here's a challenge: if someone can find and send us a picture of Meg wearing the "D" necklace featured in the hump flick, we will believe. (Derek Hail)

• George Clooney suffering from road rash. "Road rash" to become the new "exhaustion". (A Socialite's Life)

• Salma Hayek laid her hot bod down, spread her sexy thighs wide, and . . . pooped out a squalling baby. Mazel tov! (Yeeeah!)

• So now Marcia didn't finger Jan? What a rip! (Dlisted)

• Here are things Lindsay Lohan has destroyed: countless bottles of Grey Goose, cars, her own career, and now, some dude's marriage. (IMDb)

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June 19, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: "Shahara! Shahara."

• Today's "Inseminated or Ugly Dress?" contestant: Katie Holmes. (Celebrity Mound)

• Angelina Jolie is planning on burying the hatchet with dad Jon Voight. Maybe now, he'll finally learn Zahara's name. (FemaleFirst)

• Maria Menounos nearly bares her two-nos. (Taxi Driver)

• Lindy Loho has cancelled her 21rst birthday blowout. Instead, she'll celebrate by chugging Listerine in the Wonderland bathroom. Aw, that was mean. Sorry, Linds. (Celebitchy)

• Beyoncekini! Beyoncekini! (Cityrag)

• Jessica Alba poses sexily for Arena; still talking about how she hates being sexy. (Derek Hail)

• Yes, random stripper, we totally believe that you had a deep and meaningful love affair with George Clooney. (Allie Is Wired)

• Jessica Simpson: back to blonde and Pam Andersonesque proportions. Let us celebrate. (Egotastic!)

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January 26, 2007

Does This Mean a George Clooney Public Face Licking Is in Our Future?

We usually don't go in for cutesy celebrity couple names, but we might make an exception for George Clooney and Pam Anderson simply because we enjoy saying Cloonderson. more »

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October 18, 2006

Tom to Complete His Purchase of Katie at George Clooney's Italian Villa

Sometimes it seems like celebrities are only aware of about fourteen locations on the face of the earth. Hyde is one, of course, then there's that really sketchy house in The Valley that's a pain in the ass to get to but always has the best drugs. Once in a while a celeb like Angelina Jolie or Madonna gets uppity and flees to Africa or Cambodia, but that's just temporary, before they return to the Chateau Marmont. And of course there's George Clooney's Italian villa. Anyone who's everyone (including now Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) has almost gotten married there. But, see, famous people have very little follow-through, so usually they just give up and make some babies instead of actually getting hitched and say, unh, maybe next year. more »

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CNW Junk Drawer: "Yes, I Have Fucked George Clooney"

• Following her guest-starring role as lottery winner Dawn Budge on Nip/Tuck, Rosie O'Donell will be doing a spinoff series. A Dawn Budge spinoff but no Riding the Bus with My Sister spinoff? God, the injustice in this world.

• We can see right through Mischa Barton.

• And after that, she pokes out our eyeballs so that we might never see again.

• Lance and Matt: forever putting the "ghey" in "McConaughey"!

• Ellen Barkin would like you to know that she has fucked George Clooney. Big deal. Join the club.

• Kelly Brook's underwear can be yours. In fact, Kelly Brook's underwear can be anybody's now.

• Suzanne Somers wrote a new book about hormone replacement therapy being the fountain of youth. Before you go clamoring to pick up a copy and a side of progesterone, have a gander at the results. Sweet fancy Moses on a cracker!

• Whitney Houston is legally extricating herself from Bobby Brown. Hopefully she'll get custody of a better weave. Oh yeah! We went there! That's right!

• Heather Mills is alleging that Paul McCartney roughed her up during their marriage. Oh, please. That's like saying you got roofied by Cat Stevens. Paul McCartney? Macca? Seriously? The worst we can picture is him smoking a laced doob and giving a half-hearted slap with some organic radishes or something.

• The wrestlers of the WWE had their way with Kevin Federline the other night. And while the pictures of K-Fed getting body-slammed in the ring are pleasant enough, we can't help but yearn for the quality WWF days of our youth and wish that Junkyard Dog and the Iron Sheik would join forces to tag-team Federline, while Lou Albano shot rubber bands from the sidelines and afterwards, Rowdy Roddy Piper would make a man out of K-Fed during a Backlot Brawl.

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October 11, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Madonna and Child

• Andy Dick chalks up the fact that people call him gay to everyone being jealous of him, and not him having sex with men.

• Kate Beckinsale says she'll never get plastic surgery. Despite the fact that her boobs were named the Ugliest in Hollywood.

• Madonna probably adopted a baby, for real this time, though. Toting around an African baby is the new Birkin bag!

• George Clooney says he'll never run for president because he's boffed too many ladies. Insert Clinton joke here, please.

• Amber Tamblyn's nip is Tumblyn out of her dress.

• Et tu, Rose McGowan?

• Finally, Johnny Depp to make an honest woman out of Vanessa Paradis! Hopefully she'll be able to get on his dental plan now.

• Lindsay Lohan says, "It's up to me and my mom to decide if I am partying too much." Ah, yes, nothing like that tender moment between mother and daughter, when Mom gently strokes Daughter's hair and says, "Beer BEFORE liquor, sweetheart. And coke before ecstasy. And Red Bull before semen."

• Dr. McDreamy gets McCreamed by McCastmate. We promise that's the only time you'll ever have to read the name "McDreamy" on these pages.

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June 09, 2006

Time for Your Annual Brad Smear

If you are a lady and it is time for you to head over to your local vagina doctor for your annual exam, you may just find that your pap smear is suddenly 92.3% more erotic, thanks to photos of oiled-up Hollywood beau-hunks on the doctor's walls. more »

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February 20, 2006

Keira Clooney

We know that Keira Knightley admitted that she's got less going on in the chestal region than Ben Affleck, but that's no reason to call her a man. You're mean, FemaleFirst.

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February 03, 2006

George Clooney's Penis Sure Can Tell a Good Joke

"Hey, guys, remember me? I'm Roseanne. I know I haven't been around lately, but I'm still totally famous. And people still love me even though I'm a total shit-whore bitch. Remember my show? The reruns are on like twelve times a day on one of those channels for women. No? You don't remember? I was fat, then less fat, then even fatter, then a little less fat again. Not ringing any bells? I know George Clooney! He's totally famous. I know him. We're tight." more »

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February 18, 2005

Clooney: Master of Sarcasm

It seems that Russell Crowe is a little desperate for attention lately. He spent all of 2004 away from the big screen, and he's a bit scared that the fickle movie-going public has forgotten him. What's a boy to do? Why, take a few swipes at stars who had hit movies last year, of course. Oh, and throw in a few swear words to make himself look tough. more »

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February 10, 2005

Brad and Jen: Movin' On

We never liked Brad Pitt hanging out with that Clooney boy. George is a little older and more experienced; those Ocean's Twelve boys are a bit of a fast crowd. We always thought he was a bit of a bad influence on Braddy, and now we find out that George introduced him to a swimsuit model? What would Jen think? Ohhhh yeah, Jen's too busy with her own canoodlage. more »

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CNdb: George Clooney Review