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filed under: Elizabeth Hurley

June 10, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: CBT

on-the-doll-balls-1.jpgBrittany Snow not naked, but well-versed in cock and ball torture in On the Doll! (Fatback)

• In case you were wondering if Pam Anderson's nipples were still inching their way towards her armpits, the answer is a resounding yes! (Taxi Driver)

• Abigail Clancy: dumpy name, glamorous naked boobs in a bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)

• Despite her assertions to the contrary, Jessica Alba is most definitely shopping around pics of her baby. (Cityrag)

• Awwww. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, happy and hugging. Not as exciting as groaning and fingerblasting, but we make do with what we're given. (Yeeeah!)

Sienna Miller enjoys sleeping with . . . . . . . . . . . Heath Ledger's pajamas. (CelebWarship)

Heather Locklear throws some gang signs. Yo yo yo, northeast siiiiiide, Bev Hills, dis ya girl Heathuh! Brentwoooooood! Respect! (The Blemish)

• Paul Newman has lung cancer. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. (Hollywire)

Elizabeth Hurley continues to dress her son like he's Little Lord Fauntleroy. (Allie Is Wired)

• Does Christina Aguilera have her eye on another, nonsimian man? (Hollyscoop)

• Firecrotch-spouter Brandon Davis has gone from Fat Elvis to slightly less fat Elvis. (Faded Youth)

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April 29, 2008

CNW Junk Drawer: She's Still Got (T)it!

elizabeth_hurley_cleavage_wow.jpgElizabeth Hurley's colossal cleavage never seems to age. Baffling! (The Blemish)

Amy Winehouse and her imprisoned husband: they're either going to be "together forever", or she's cheating on him and will be forced to give him three million dollars. Either way, she's screwed. (Female First)

Tom Cruise was once Cher's bagel boy. And by that, we mean he spread his cream on her hole. Wait, no. The other way around. (Hollywood Grind)

• 'Scuse me while I kiss this dong. Move over, Marilyn, it's the Jimi Hendrix sex tape! Does he play a right-handed vagina left-handed? Watch and find out.(I Don't Like You In That Way)

• Disney says that we won't be seeing much of Miley Cyrus in the wake of her "nude" photo "controversy". Unless she's in a full body condom with a scarlet letter on it. (The Hollywood Gossip)

• Hulk Hogan uses suntan oil . . . to lube up daughter Brooke Hogan's crotch? Miley, what have you wrought with your suggestive posing and infectious pop grooves? The whole world's gone crazy! (Drunken Stepfather)

Leah Remini's daughter is an asshole. (Derek Hail)

• When John Travolta notices that his new facial hair configuration looks like two porn star landing strips, he will squeal, "Ew, get it off, get it offffff!" (Yeeeah!)

Keeley Hazell. Dancing. In her undies. (Holy Taco)

• Former Full House fox Lori Loughlin joins the cast of the new improved 90210. It's like 1990 all over again. (Hollywire)
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February 21, 2008

Elizabeth Hurley Thinks Seeing Her Radiant Face Is Payment Enough for 70 Hour Work Weeks

elizabeth hurley wedding party photo.jpg We have often mentioned the inherent unfairness of movie stars (a.k.a. people who make millions of dollars to play dress up) getting tons of stuff for free. Wouldn't it make more sense for the people who make $6.25 an hour to be given Dolce & Gabbana gift bags? They'd probably even settle for fifteen minutes in an Old Navy gifting suite. But instead people like Elizabeth Hurley are given free diamonds and minks and Jimmy Choos just for entering a room. So not fair. And you know what else isn't fair? Elizabeth Hurley paying her maid $2.33 an hour. Did Liz at least pass along a couple of pairs of True Religion jeans she got in the gift bag at the Fool's Gold premiere? Page Six reports:
ELIZABETH Hurley and her husband, Arun Nayar, are multimillionaires many times over, but they're also accused of being skinflints - paying their Indian maid just $200 a week for endless hours of cooking, cleaning and baby-sitting, according to published reports.

Violet D'Souza, 31, accused the "Austin Powers" star and her spouse of forking over as little as $2.33 an hour for as many as 70 hours of work a week in the couple's fashionable Chelsea (London) home, Britain's Mirror and Daily Mail both reported. Adding insult to injury, they allegedly paid her in the Indian currency of rupees.

D'Souza was set to take her case to an employment tribunal today - but the hearing was canceled at the 11th hour late yesterday after the distressed domestic was offered a five-figure settlement, according to the newspapers.

Hurley's lawyer, Jake Bloom, had no comment for Page Six, and her agent, Allison Band, did not return our call.

The London reports say d'Souza worked up to seven days a week, with her chores starting at 7:30 a.m. and sometimes lasting until 3 the next morning, with Hurley and Nayar rewarding her with a weekly 8,000 rupees. The equivalent hourly rate worked out to between $2.72 and $3.10, but was sometimes as low as $2.33 if she worked lengthy hours. In Britain, the legal minimum wage is $10.71.

Hurley, 42, is believed to be worth $25 million from acting and modeling, while Nayar, 43, is an heir to a fabulously rich Indian textiles family in Mumbai. D'Souza is believed to have worked for the family before Nayar brought her to London in 2003. She brought an action of breach of contract after being dismissed by the couple last August.

A spokesman for Kingsway Tribunal Center, where the case was to be heard, said yesterday, "We can confirm that the claim has been withdrawn and the pre-hearing review has been canceled but cannot discuss the reasons."

Hurley, who wed Nayar last March, has a 5-year-old son by billionaire businessman Steve Bing named Damian, whose godparents include Elton John, Hugh Grant, Denis Leary, Victoria and David Beckham and the late Heath Ledger.
Maybe Elizabeth and Arun are heading toward the stereotype of the eccentric old rich couple who refuses to spend money on anything. Sure, they may look glamorous on the outside, what with their multiple weddings atop elephants and whatnot, but inside their home it's all Spam and Wonder Bread eaten from TV trays while they sit on their plastic-covered couch from the discount furniture store.

P.S. Please do yourself a favor and enlarge that picture of Liz and Damian and the other Little Lord Fauntleroys up there and take a gander. It will be time well spent.
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July 02, 2007

Damian Hurley, Future Author of Lizzie Dearest

liz hurley damian pee.jpg While we generally try not to judge celebrity offspring until they're of legal age and independently hunting for attention, we've never much liked Elizabeth Hurley's son, Damian. He looks like a little shit who would bite your kneecaps and pee in your orange juice and laugh at you afterwards. But Liz would probably half-heartedly chide, "Now, sweetie, that wasn't very nice" and then go back to talking about how hot she looked in that Austin Powers movie, so we can't really fault the kid. Plus, Liz usually dresses him up like a bratty English dandy from a Dickens novel, complete with short pants that would befit Auntie Mame's nephew, so naturally kid's gonna have issues. But even more severe issues are to come, as Liz recently made Damian model a frilly pink bikini for her website. News of the World reports (via Celebitchy):
An insider fumed: "It's an outrage Liz made her son do this. He's not old enough to make that sort of decision.

"Imagine the teasing he could suffer at school. Why would any parent do this to their child?"

The bizarre image, showing Damian hiding behind giant sunglasses, featured on Liz's official website.

The source added: "Liz suggested Damian pose in the bikini. Other people were uncomfortable with it but she insisted."
Naturally Liz is waiting until Damian is at least ten, with properly developed cheekbones, before she unleashes her cosmetics line. His current features are just too childlike to suitably showcase different shades of blush.

liz hurley son bikini.jpg
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March 07, 2007

CNW Junk Drawer: "Spread 'em!"

parisorangewhite.jpgCourtney Love says she saw a gigantic pile of white powder at Paris Hilton's birthday party. So? It was just talc for Paris's new orange body/chalk face kabuki look (left).

Elizabeth Hurley got married. So . . . that's great. For her. Good job, or something.

Sienna Miller says, "This year is the Year of the Slut! Spread 'em! That's my motto for 2007." Chinese New Year was just a few weeks ago, try. Now, we can't remember, is the Year of the Slut before or after the Year of the Tiger?

• Drop a little sumthin down some celebrity plumber's baby's daddy, too, LOL!" Yes, yes, O.J., we see you, honey. Yes, we're paying attention. That's very nice, sweetheart.

Nicole Kidman pooped her bikini bottoms! Aw, we're just jerking your bird--it's just sand. Sandy poop!

• And speaking of sand, Shauna Sand seems to have lost her bra, along with the "Lamas".

Eva Mendes, nude yet covered, featuring curious, hairless, cleave-less, poreless Barbie crotch.

Britney is reportedly "struggling" in rehab. Apparently, she didn't know that there wasn't any ecstasy in there, y'all!

Nicole Richie's boyfriend punched a lady in the titty!!!

• The power of voodoo. Who do? Angelina do. Do what? The voodoo.

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December 20, 2006

Making You Hurl(ey)

hurleykids.jpg It's nice when B-listers go all stoolie on us, describing bigger stars's shortcomings. Why not? What do they have to lose--an upcoming CSI: Cleveland guest spot? Today's tidbit comes courtesy of the underrated and charming Samaire Armstrong, describing her experience at Elton John's wedding to David Furnish:
"It was an amazing party. I sat beside Prince Andrew and Fergie . . . Sharon, Jack, Kelly and Ozzy Osbourne were there and so were Sting and Liz Hurley--who didn't wash her hands when she left the toilet!"
Our first reaction was "Hahahahaha. Liz Hurley has tinklefingers." And our second reaction was incredulity that Samaire Armstrong was invited to Elton John's wedding. Perhaps there is a clause in the Gay Constitution stating that any guy-guy wedding must be attended by at least one (1) cast member of a popular teen drama. more »
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July 05, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Not Anorexic

K-Fed is all, "Yo, remember when I did PopoZao? Yo, I was just funnin' y'all. No, surriously. When my REAL shit drops, y'all are gonna go nuts. No, really. PopoZao: just a big ha-ha. I meant to do that. Yo. Yo."

• BREAKING: Hugh Hefner has had sexual intercourse with ladies!!!

• "Elizabeth Hurley See-Through Nipple" does not actually mean that her nipple is transluscent, you realize.

Hilary Swank tells People that her split from husband Chad "brother of Rob" Lowe was not, in fact, due to her being a huge mega multiple Oscar-winning superstar acting Hollywood juggernaut while he had a few guest spots on CSI: Miami and Medium. It was because he's a druggie. Dun dun DUNNNN!

• Your friend Billy Zane orders his colossally-kanockered girlfriend Kelly Brook to wear only enormous, dowdy underpants. Because he is a bad man.

Paris Hilton sets sights on passing down the wonkeye gene.

• Kingston Rossdale and Piloh Shitt had a little play date. Ah, yes. Angelina and Brad are already making quite sure that their facially fortunate offspring consorts with only the prettiest peers. Excellent, excellent.

• Our gossip doula, FemaleFirst, agrees with us that Natalie Portman will indeed be naked for real in her next film.

Keira Knightley says, "I'm not anorexic. But my grandma was. And my great-grandma was. And also, Tracey Gold was."
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May 25, 2006

Elizabeth Hurley Hocks Her Hooters Beachside

Elizabeth Hurley pulls the oldest career-reviving trick in the book--the nip slip. Should that fail to trick a major studio into greenlighting Serving Sara 2, she's left with only one recourse: vehicular blow-jobs. And those just bring back too many painful memories, so we hope Liz is spared. more »
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May 24, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: Cleavage, Cleavage, Cleavage

Nicole Richie and DJ AM have officially broken up. Apparently, he's disgusted by Nicole's extreme weight loss method of not eating, while he lost over a hundred pounds the old fashioned way: by having a team of doctors reduce his stomach to the size of a butterbean, then saw off all his excess skin with scalpels.

• Ryan Seacrest pulls a Heather Chandler.

Naomi Campbell "keeps new man quiet". By beating his larynx clean out of his throat with a Sidekick.

• Beginning our special cleavage (un)coverage from Cannes: Halle Berry's berries!

• Up next: Elizabeth Hurley, trotting out her old girls!

• And finally, Alyssa Milano's Micelli mams! A stupendous showing! Props to all!

Michelle Rodriguez is heading back to jail. Must be a dream come true for her.

Michelle Williams's dad was jailed for tax evasion. Maybe he and Lindsay Lohan's father can break out the jug and harmonica and form a prison band.

• Penn Jillette and wife name newborn son Zolten, because they want him to grow up to tell fortunes.

Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell names her newborn daughter Bluebell Madonna, because she wants her to be a magical pet rabbit that strips.
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February 01, 2006

CNW Junk Drawer: "Dressing Like a 5p Hooker."

Kelly Osbourne thinks Paris Hilton inspires parents to dress their children like hookers. Would she rather the children of the world take fashion cues from her?


• Is Liz Hurley all knocked up again? Does anyone care?

Nicky Hilton calls Mischa Barton a "fat pig". Huh. Maybe she meant "stuck pig"?

• Remember those Lisa Loeb thong shots we showed you yesterday? Of course you do. Well, now you can see those pictures move! It's called "the talkies", which translates to "motile ass".

• Jodie "Stephanie Tanner" Sweetin was a meth head, but she's since Cut! It! Out!

• Oh, speaking of thongs, flash leads to a see-through dress in Alyssa Milanoland.

• Egotastic!'s got the poop scoop on what's really going down betwixt Sienna Miller and Darth Vader. It's considerably less sexy than previously thought.

Tyra Banks rocks the pit stubble. Fierce!!!

• Quote of the year: "If you're going to be raped in a movie, it may as well be Vincent Cassel." Oh, Jennifer Aniston, you are so terribly high-larious.

• Oh yeah, Oscar nominees.

Tom Cruise's next potential film project will be a "contemporary romance". We have a good idea for a romantic film! Boy divorces girl, elders at boy's cult pay new girl to perpetrate like she's dating boy, boy jumps on furniture, cult elders impregnate girl with mythical animal-human hybrid, and . . . aw, never mind. Nobody would buy it.
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November 21, 2005

Elizabeth Hurley: International Mams of Non-Mystery

Elizabeth Hurley sure talks a lot of smack for someone who hasn't done much in the past few years, aside from Bedazzled (snicker!) and Serving Sara (guffaw!). Most recently, she branded Sienna Miller a giant ugmo for getting a haircut. Well guess what? Liz went topless on a balcony and there are totally pictures so, like, we can all totally call her out and rip her to shreds! more »
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July 28, 2005

Hurley Burly Boobies

And speaking of boobs and cleavage and such and such, would you like to see Elizabeth Hurley's? Yes? more »
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April 25, 2005

Liz Hurley Quitting Acting . . . Wait, She's an Actress?

Our hearts are breaking, just as they do every day when we look at that old picture of Brad and Jen next to our desk. Only this may be worse. Elizabeth Hurley is quitting acting! Deary me! What ever will we do? more »
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December 09, 2004

Liz Hurley's Son Finally Meets Deadbeat Dad!

Nicole Kidman can finally rest easy and relax her worried, stiff brow -- her rumored boyfriend, producer Steve Bing, has proven himself to be a warm and loving caregiver to the son he fathered with Liz Hurley . . . after finally meeting the child. Once. more »
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November 09, 2004

Nicole Kidman Dating Liz Hurley's Ex

Nicole Kidman is reportedly dating producer Steve Bing, who is the deadbeat dad of Elizabeth Hurley's son Damien. During his break-up from Elizabeth Hurley, Bing showed incredible refinement and class when he questioned whether he was the father of the baby, saying their relationship was not an "exclusive" one. A DNA test later proved he was. more »
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